Always the friend?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Elle_daisy
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
E

Elle_daisy

Guest
I'm new to CC but thought I would share some thoughts on my relationship struggles. I've had only two long term boyfriends in my 32 years but I have dated here and there many times but it never works out. I had a relationship three years ago that I thought was the "one" but turned out be my biggest relationship failure yet. I will confess I dated an unbeliever but I think I was so ready just to find someone that I settled and that blew up in my face. I always feel like I'm being stuck in the proverbial friend zone. Even he dumped me and once again, bam! Friend zone! I feel like i could be the president of the friend zone club at this point!

I find myself crying out to God, "why God? Why isn't it my turn yet?" I don't think I'm unattractive. I've been told I'm attractive or I have a pretty face, yadda yadda, etc so clearly I'm not a leper or a troll lol However, when I start dating someone and start to really let my guard down and start to let myself like them...Bam! Friend zone! I once had a teacher in high school that I babysat for tell me to never let myself get stuck always being the friend. She was divorced and bitter now that I reflect back on the conversation but those words still haunt me. I know it's the devil using those thoughts to create doubt and fear that no one wants me and drive my self esteem down more and more. But sometimes, I really do feel stuck in the good ole friend zone! I really don't know what I'm doing wrong or how to act around men I guess. I sometimes just want someone to tell me what to do so I won't be so clueless. I don't think I'm giving off the wrong signals but that is from my perspective. Always two sides to a story!

How do I not end up always being the friend? I want to finally be someone's somebody. I want to be the woman a man wants to spend his life with and yes, be his best friend but also so much more. I'm sure it's God trying to keep me from being with a man who isn't the absolute best for me but I'm starting to think I've been forgotten about.

How do I get out of the friend zone? I'm ready to blow this popsicle stand and find out with the marriage club is like.
 
I don't believe that you are dong anything wrong around men. It seems that the guys in these relationships had a fear of commitment. It should not take months or years to decide if you love this person enough to marry and spend the rest of your life with. If you have not already done so, pray for God to search and find the man of your heart's desire. Time for you to blow that popsicle stand and go for the gold. This is going to happen, sooner rather than later.
 
Write a few posts instead of a blog entry to give the members a chance to see the real you. Not too many people read the blogs but most read browse the forums and read the posts in the threads. Start with the forum where new members introduce themselves.
 
My thought on it is no one is promised a spouse. What you view as 'your turn' is a concept that you have created, not God. God put us on this earth, first and foremost, for fellowship with Him, second to be His ambassadors and witnesses.
If you recall the words of Paul he Discouraged marriage except for those that had issues with controlling their sex drives. If he is seeking to discourage marriage then that is another indicator that marriage is not a promise to anyone. It is an option. And as is the case with all options, none of them are a promise, just a chance you will get what you want.

And that may seem harsh, but speaking as an almost 41 year old who has never been married, engaged once and thought i would be engaged again right now, i know how bad it feels. And these are the things i have learned in my years. I've heard of people getting married or even being in long term, successful relationships, some of which baffles me that they could have such luck, while i continue remaining unmarried.
But that's life. At least you won't have a divorce to contend with. Which no one ever expects, but look how often it happens regardless.
Personally i've started to become disillusioned about the whole idea of marriage and developing a deep seated mistrust of dating again, as, like you, i often end up the one left behind. But once you come to the realization that God hasn't promised this to you and it may never happen, it hurts at first, but it helps in the long run.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back