Dear friend,
In today's world, it is very easy to get the impression that God just doesn't care any more. No matter that Scripture tells us that this could not be further from the truth; when we are hurting, we can't seem to understand that He still has a plan for us.
I have been where you are. I have also lain in a hospital bed, close to death, with my life hanging in the balance. I can honestly tell you that it wasn't until I looked back on those times in my life that I realized that God had been with me then, too; that He sustained me during those times without my ever knowing it.
My advice to you would be, if you can, try to focus your attention outward rather than on your own problems. I do not know your day-to-day circumstances but I would suggest that you look for some place to volunteer your time, where you can possibly help persons who face even worse problems than you. Not only will this help to take your mind off your own troubles, it may help you see that you are not as bad off as you could be.
Finally, I can tell you with personal confidence, "Don't give up on God." You can count on His promise in Joshua 1, verse 5, "...I will never leave you nor forsake you." We all know that God never lies.
God bless you in your search.