Anyone else wish they could get an answer already if they are gonna be single forever

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dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
May 4, 2009
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or not...

Seriously, another one of my friends has a girlfriend. I still don't even have a friend that's a girl in real life yet. I might be close, but I might have already screwed that on up too. I don't know, right now it just seems like I never get married, or at this rate even have real friends that are girls...
 
This is getting old dude. What happened to the girl who likes you in church?

I never had an actual GF either, just a former childhood friend who lied to me for 2 years and pretended to like me. At least nobody is lying to you for 2 years, if they don't or do like you, they let you know. The truth is best in all cases.

I repeat this again man, at 20yrs old there is NO way you will know if you are meant to be single forever. People get married at 30+ now a days and its normal. Relax, and think about something else already. LOL.
 
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You are right about one thing. Learn to develop friendships only with girls. This will give you needed skills and confidence. do not be needy. (people can smell it and they will run - anyone who does not run; you should run from them)
 
exactly what i was going to say greatkraw, desperation is ugly!!!!! i dont mean to sound mean but it's true, don't be so desperate dude!
 
You all need some biblical training/instruction in this area. The whole dating concept is nowhere in the Bible, and is a sensual and worldly product of our culture. You need to seek the word of God, and you need to trust in God. That's not what you are doing. You're upset because you haven't found a girlfriend - when it's not even biblical to have a girlfriend! You're upset that you aren't married, well why is it that Jesus harped on this issue clearly, telling His disciples not to fret over such things because the Father provides for sparrows, how much more are we worth than sparrows?

I highly advise you to submit to the faithful and biblical preaching of the word, and to submit to your elders, and bring this up with them. Please, visit Pastor Paul Washer's website, and listen to his sermon on this topic:

http://www.heartcrymissionary.com/resources/sermons/Paul_Washer/

Once you're there, listen to the sermon on "Dating," and then invest your time into listening to the sermons on "Courtship" parts 1 and 2. May the Lord open your eyes and soften your heart to heed the instruction of biblical counsel.
 
If God has given you the gift of celibacy, He will tell you.

I do not have it. I am still waiting.
 
dothackzero said:
yeah, that doesn't calm my fear that much.
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No girlfriends at 21? so say at least 50 years left, yeah I'd say your time is about to run out!

You need to get some perspective man, fast.

What is it that you fear about being alone?, is it that you want a sexual desire to be satisfied or are you craving companionship, because being single does not negate the latter, and the former will not fill any void in your heart and soul.

You seem to speak fequently on your lack of personal relationships, what exactly are you expecting them to bring into your life that is currently missing?

You need to learn to appreciate the good in your sitiuation and be grateful for it, there are positives to every state of being, being alone or being with someone each carry lessons that will improve you and make you a better person, and therefore more appealing in general, but you have to embrace before you can learn.

You will not gain any of this benefit while you are constantly seeing your situation as an obstacle, perhaps you need to stop thinking so much about your own fulfilment and consider maybe there is a different path for you right now, you're 21 which mean you are barely of the world, you could still be single when your 40 years old, will you still be asking these questions then, if you are chances are you will have let life pass you by obsessing about what you want but do not have.
 
DHZ--

I'm trying to think of the best way to word this, because you seem like a nice, well-intentioned guy, but maybe one of the reasons God hasn't brought you a girlfriend yet is because...

I'm saying this from a girl's perspective, ok?

I think it's great that you're working on a career and personal issues to prepare yourself for the right person--that's fantastic--don't ever lose that.

But if I met someone who felt the same way as you seem to feel... I would RUN (and I'm not a very good runner) because a guy who feels that way would be looking to ME as this ultimate source of happiness, contentment, answer to prayer, major part of his life, etc... and it would be completely intimidating and suffocating. He would want to be with me every minute I had to spare (I've been through this before, so I speak from experience) and would become angry, upset, depressed, and in some cases, hostile if I didn't want to be with him 24/7 or wasn't constantly calling or texting him, and I would absolutely hate that!!

God might be holding off because maybe if He sent you someone right now, she might back away (and maybe choose someone who wasn't as dead-set on getting a girlfriend N-O-W), and that might hurt you even more deeply than continuing to wait.

Believe me, I KNOW it isn't easy and I don't have any instant, absolute answers, but I can tell you from a girl's perspective... I think you're a diamond in the rough that might just need a little more polishing. But, I suppose that can be said of all of us...

You're definitely not alone in thinking the way you do but none of us can tell you anything definite.
 
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Dude, I actually went to the trouble to message you with a couple of ways of resolving these issues - including being able to find contentment in being single. Are you really seeking to do something about this, or just to continue making whiny posts for the forseeable future?

dothackzero said:
yeah, that doesn't calm my fear that much.
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SoughtAndFound said:
Dude, I actually went to the trouble to message you with a couple of ways of resolving these issues - including being able to find contentment in being single. Are you really seeking to do something about this, or just to continue making whiny posts for the forseeable future?
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yeah, I'm actually trying to help myself. Right now, I'm trying to make friends with that girl in the 1st post. I'm also thinking about going to group therpy for my social anxiety.
 
Matthew said:
What is it that you fear about being alone?, is it that you want a sexual desire to be satisfied or are you craving companionship, because being single does not negate the latter, and the former will not fill any void in your heart and soul.
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I think it has a lot to do with being alone. Probably sexual desire too, though that's after I'm married. I'm also craving companionship, since I'm alone most of the time.

So yeah, all 3.
 
Matthew said:
No girlfriends at 21? so say at least 50 years left, yeah I'd say your time is about to run out!

You need to get some perspective man, fast.

What is it that you fear about being alone?, is it that you want a sexual desire to be satisfied or are you craving companionship, because being single does not negate the latter, and the former will not fill any void in your heart and soul.

You seem to speak fequently on your lack of personal relationships, what exactly are you expecting them to bring into your life that is currently missing?

You need to learn to appreciate the good in your sitiuation and be grateful for it, there are positives to every state of being, being alone or being with someone each carry lessons that will improve you and make you a better person, and therefore more appealing in general, but you have to embrace before you can learn.

You will not gain any of this benefit while you are constantly seeing your situation as an obstacle, perhaps you need to stop thinking so much about your own fulfilment and consider maybe there is a different path for you right now, you're 21 which mean you are barely of the world, you could still be single when your 40 years old, will you still be asking these questions then, if you are chances are you will have let life pass you by obsessing about what you want but do not have.
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Well said man. :)
 
Matthew said:
No girlfriends at 21? so say at least 50 years left, yeah I'd say your time is about to run out!

You need to get some perspective man, fast.

What is it that you fear about being alone?, is it that you want a sexual desire to be satisfied or are you craving companionship, because being single does not negate the latter, and the former will not fill any void in your heart and soul.

You seem to speak fequently on your lack of personal relationships, what exactly are you expecting them to bring into your life that is currently missing?

You need to learn to appreciate the good in your sitiuation and be grateful for it, there are positives to every state of being, being alone or being with someone each carry lessons that will improve you and make you a better person, and therefore more appealing in general, but you have to embrace before you can learn.

You will not gain any of this benefit while you are constantly seeing your situation as an obstacle, perhaps you need to stop thinking so much about your own fulfilment and consider maybe there is a different path for you right now, you're 21 which mean you are barely of the world, you could still be single when your 40 years old, will you still be asking these questions then, if you are chances are you will have let life pass you by obsessing about what you want but do not have.
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All of this and

seoulsearch said:
DHZ--

I'm trying to think of the best way to word this, because you seem like a nice, well-intentioned guy, but maybe one of the reasons God hasn't brought you a girlfriend yet is because...

I'm saying this from a girl's perspective, ok?

I think it's great that you're working on a career and personal issues to prepare yourself for the right person--that's fantastic--don't ever lose that.

But if I met someone who felt the same way as you seem to feel... I would RUN (and I'm not a very good runner) because a guy who feels that way would be looking to ME as this ultimate source of happiness, contentment, answer to prayer, major part of his life, etc... and it would be completely intimidating and suffocating. He would want to be with me every minute I had to spare (I've been through this before, so I speak from experience) and would become angry, upset, depressed, and in some cases, hostile if I didn't want to be with him 24/7 or wasn't constantly calling or texting him, and I would absolutely hate that!!

God might be holding off because maybe if He sent you someone right now, she might back away (and maybe choose someone who wasn't as dead-set on getting a girlfriend N-O-W), and that might hurt you even more deeply than continuing to wait.

Believe me, I KNOW it isn't easy and I don't have any instant, absolute answers, but I can tell you from a girl's perspective... I think you're a diamond in the rough that might just need a little more polishing. But, I suppose that can be said of all of us...

You're definitely not alone in thinking the way you do but none of us can tell you anything definite.
Click to expand...


all of this, seriously is what you need to listen to right now Brian.
 
dothackzero said:
I think it has a lot to do with being alone. Probably sexual desire too, though that's after I'm married. I'm also craving companionship, since I'm alone most of the time.

So yeah, all 3.
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I can relate man, my situation is similar but I don't feel so bad about it now because with time passing I learned that it isn't a bad thing, or rather I learned to see some positives in it, and maybe this is just a test for you, the hardship you have to deal with in your walk.

All I will say is don't sacrifice today wondering what what's coming your way tommorow, because you may not have a tommorow, and dealing with that regret will destroy you when you are older.
 
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How many of you Agree that watching a bad movie is a SIN?

Is watching movies is a SIN? Does it misleads our Spiritual life???
 
Dude I'm going to get real with you, if you spent half the time you spend on making all the posts you do, I think you would probably be married already. Honestly no one on here is going to give you an answer that you can't find in the Bible or don't already know. If you really want to know if you are going to be single forever, I suggest moving to a deserted island and anytime someone comes for you to scare them away. At least then you will have an answer. And that answer is yes. Other than that, leave it up to God, stop fretting over it and just go out and chill with the ladies man!
 
I'm 21 and never had a boyfriend. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I struggled with this until recently. There just wasn't anyone I ever really liked enough to date. I wasn't picky I just didn't have a peaceful feeling.I tried to date people and looked hard to find someone but everyone I met, it just didn't feel right. I just knew I'd be single forever. But then I realized that I never felt right about anything because it's not what God wanted, it's want I wanted. I wanted to force myself into finding a boyfriend and not let God take care of it. Then I met someone and it just felt perfect. But I'm not sure he feels the same way and I'm too shy to say anything. I'm rambling I know but I guess the point I'm trying to make is, I'm leaving it up to God. My plans are not God plans. And if he wants me to be single for the rest of my life than I need to accept that and quit feeling sorry for myself because if It's God will then the future can't be bad.
I don't know if that made any sense, it sounded good in my head but then re-reading it was confusing. :)
 
Hi Brian,

Everything that God does, is a matter of timing. We present our requests to God, and we then have the patience to allow him to do what we’ve asked. If it isn’t God’s will for you to marry, he will give you grace to be single for the rest of your life. If you still desire a mate, God is certainly able to provide an encounter at the right time. ‘AliKat’, posted some very good and insightful, information, and ‘seoulsearch’s’ comment about working through issues is, in my opinion, sound advice.

I want you to know that I don’t perceive any of your posts as whiny. You’ve mentioned several times about a social anxiety disorder, and a few other areas you’re still working on. Getting rid of as much baggage as you can, before you marry, will be valuable to your future spouse.
I know that, depending on the level of your social anxiety, you may tend to be overly concerned about what people think of you, and responses to posts most certainly reveal that, and hurtful posts can be intensified in their affect, because of that anxiety. But I want you to know that no one here knows you the way that God knows you, and no one here can love you or make you feel as safe, or as positive concerning your future, as God can, so in addition to asking the members of CC, continue to express these things to God.

Everyone experiences a little social anxiety from time to time, but being afraid of making mistakes, fearfully anticipating and avoiding social gatherings, in addition to having distorted thoughts about the way people feel about you, can be tormenting. As much as it is possible, focus on ‘you’ for now. Build as many healthy relationships as you feel comfortable building. The more you interact with others, the less the unfounded suspicions about the people and the world around you, will negatively impact on your life. Communication is key. I encourage you to begin building relationships, not on the premise of finding a ‘girlfriend’, but simply making friends. If one of those friendships develops into something more, let it run its course, but I do strongly encourage you not to limit your friendships to the members of this site. You need real contact, with real people, with whom you have real experiences, and unlimited support.

Finding an area where you can serve in your church, can provide a little purpose, and can also increase the potential for building healthy relationships. Social anxiety is rooted in fear, and while it is difficult in today’s world to build trusting relationships, do your best with God’s help.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 …There is a time for everything, and a season for every purpose under Heaven…
 
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i don't want to wish to be single forever... i am still hoping i will get married someday...
 
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