Anyone else?

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zaoman32

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I've been divorced for several months now, separated for over a year. I don't have full custody of my kids, so I don't get to see them all the time, but I do love them. Unlike a lot of guys in today's society I actually want to be there for them and be a good father. A lot of times I just feel like a straight up failure though. I worry that I just don't do enough for them, I'm worried about what they'll think of me when they grow up, or if they'll learn anything I try to teach them. I don't have a clue what's right and wrong about bringing them up, and I'm just really lost I guess. I don't know how full time single parents do it.

Does anyone else feel this way? Worrying about how their kids will turn out, and if they're doing everything ok?
 
zaoman32 said:
I've been divorced for several months now, separated for over a year. I don't have full custody of my kids, so I don't get to see them all the time, but I do love them. Unlike a lot of guys in today's society I actually want to be there for them and be a good father. A lot of times I just feel like a straight up failure though. I worry that I just don't do enough for them, I'm worried about what they'll think of me when they grow up, or if they'll learn anything I try to teach them. I don't have a clue what's right and wrong about bringing them up, and I'm just really lost I guess. I don't know how full time single parents do it.

Does anyone else feel this way? Worrying about how their kids will turn out, and if they're doing everything ok?
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Welcome to parenting :) I think it's perfectly normal to doubt oneself, to doubt ones abilities, we want to do the best we can and raising children is a big responsibility. I think the fact you are questioning is good :) I think finding some mentoring is a good idea? Through the church perhaps? A family who would be willing to 'be-friend' you and your children? It's not easy to be a part time parent, both you and your x- wife will have to work hard to limit any negative effects on your children. Stay close to God, listen, pray and seek support not necessarily from other single parents only...gain support and encouragement from Godly parents who will encourage you. Your church will be a good place to plant your little family, there will be activities, Sunday school etc for the children. The most important thing is to keep them on track. It's when they hit teen - age it can get trickier...so the ground work needs to be done consistently now. Create a home where God is always discussed and referred too. I often have mums say to me their teens won't go to church....mine never thought to question that it was an option!! :) and I never gave them a choice. I knew I had to keep them surrounded by the Word, by Godly people who would be a positive influence on their walk. God Bless you, God hears the desires of your heart, <><
 
You didn't mention the kids' ages. I'm separated myself, our son lives with me, our daughter with her dad. Is your ex also a Christian? Either way, keep God in their lives when with you, let them see you pray, say grace before meals, read your Bible. Do NOT talk bad about your ex, no matter what. I know this is hard if your ex isn't Don't try to plan big, extravagant things every time the kids are with you. They'll come to expect it and be upset when you can't. Just spend time with them; at your place you can watch movies, play board games, take walks, go to the park. You do need to be up on all their homework, school events. Go to the library. Cook fun foods together. Talk to your kids about everything.
 
I am not going to lie to you and say... hey it's all good!... cuz it isn't. Divorce is devastating our society and single parenting was NEVER supposed to become the NORM. I wish i could say that two people who divorce can co-parent effectively but that just isn't true... because obviously thee are too many differences if the parties can't even negotiate being married. That said I am not suggesting that all single parenting scenarios can be catagorized as one issue... they go case by case.
I seem to recall you are the believer in your case... and I do wish that you would have your children full time... but I am not your lawyer or the case Judge. I do beleive God can change the issue... but that requires you to seek him prayerfully and be obey his leading... it is your personal relationship with Him in that respect.
Felling guilty might be an indication He desires a move on your part. Guilit is not the same as condemnation and "feeling" like a failure would fall in that catagory and is most likely either your own self or the enemy trying to oppress you.
In the meantime while yo are working this out for yourself... continue to be a Godly father and a living testimony to your children. Peace.
 
Any decent parent worries about these things, I think. If you love them and are spending time with them, praying for them and setting the best example for them that you can, they will be fine.

And what I tell myself when I'm sure I'm messing up my children...

Kids are resilient.


 
Does anyone else feel this way? Worrying about how their kids will turn out, and if they're doing everything ok?
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at least 5 times a day. then I pray and trust God will help me through it and keep them safe and sound despite my idiotic mistakes.
 
Nancyer said:
You didn't mention the kids' ages. I'm separated myself, our son lives with me, our daughter with her dad. Is your ex also a Christian? Either way, keep God in their lives when with you, let them see you pray, say grace before meals, read your Bible. Do NOT talk bad about your ex, no matter what. I know this is hard if your ex isn't Don't try to plan big, extravagant things every time the kids are with you. They'll come to expect it and be upset when you can't. Just spend time with them; at your place you can watch movies, play board games, take walks, go to the park. You do need to be up on all their homework, school events. Go to the library. Cook fun foods together. Talk to your kids about everything.
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The kids are 5, 4, and 2. Thank God they're not teenagers yet, haha. Yeah I know I should be reading the bible with them, but it's just difficult to see how much they're getting, and understanding. The oldest one has very mild autism, but it's enough that he's just slightly slower learning things, plus I think he inherited some of my ADD tendencies, so it's definitely hard to see how much he gets. I guess that's part of what worries me, is not getting enough of the bible into them, I just don't have a clue how to talk with them about it, especially at their ages.

MissCris said:
Any decent parent worries about these things, I think. If you love them and are spending time with them, praying for them and setting the best example for them that you can, they will be fine.

And what I tell myself when I'm sure I'm messing up my children...

Kids are resilient.


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Thank you for this. I pray for them, and I know for fact that my prayers for them won't go unanswered, and I make certain when I do have them I have no other plans. Sometimes I feel like it's just not enough and I should be doing more. I guess I'm just wondering if it's a normal parenting thing to doubt yourself and your actions.
 
BarlyGurl said:
"Is your ex also a christian"... WHAT!!!!! :(
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She is, albeit very liberal. She feels she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants and still be forgiven, which is not necessarily false, just not really the best attitude to have. She doesn't give much thought to her actions, and we definitely butt heads teaching the kids things. I definitely don't talk about her with the kids around.
 
I would be concerned if you didn't doubt yourself; being a parent is scary and unsettling under the best of circumstances, I can't imagine trying to do it alone.

As for reading the Bible with them, do they have a children's Bible? That's what we read to our son before bed, and I figure we'll just gradually work into teaching him simple verses along the way, as he starts to understand more. Maybe that would work for you?
 
MissCris said:
I would be concerned if you didn't doubt yourself; being a parent is scary and unsettling under the best of circumstances, I can't imagine trying to do it alone.

As for reading the Bible with them, do they have a children's Bible? That's what we read to our son before bed, and I figure we'll just gradually work into teaching him simple verses along the way, as he starts to understand more. Maybe that would work for you?
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I have a beginners bible for them, I just have to find it.
 
BarlyGurl said:
I wish i could say that two people who divorce can co-parent effectively but that just isn't true... because obviously thee are too many differences if the parties can't even negotiate being married.
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Actually, it is possible for divorced parents to cooperate. Sometimes people get along better when they aren't intimate or living together. Trust me, many divorced parents out there are putting aside their differences for their children's sake. Maybe this isn't the case for OP, but you're wrong to assume divorced parents can't possibly get along.

@OP, you mentioned that you don't talk about your ex when your kids are around. I'm very glad to hear that.

It's difficult on children when both parents have different teaching methods. At one moment they're told one thing, at another they're told something entirely different. I am not a parent, so take this next suggestion with a huge pinch of salt, but I believe it's important that you teach your children how to become independent thinkers so they can come to their own conclusions in life. When mom and dad teach them two entirely different things, it's up to the children to make the right decision. Don't tell them which decision they need to make, but teach them how to think critically so they can decide on their own.
 
[SUB]e[/SUB]I do doubt myself sometimes. I am a
softie although I've gotten better at the discipline. Part. I worry about the teen years. My daughter is a stubborn cookie like me and I've had to hold my ground with her. Everyday is a learning. Experience.
 
It seems that you are doing the best you can considering the circumstances. I've been there....I AM there. Don't beat yourself up when you make mistakes (notice the "when" and not the "if?"). Take care of yourself, too. pm me if you want to vent.

Steve
 
Outsider said:
Actually, it is possible for divorced parents to cooperate. Sometimes people get along better when they aren't intimate or living together. Trust me, many divorced parents out there are putting aside their differences for their children's sake. Maybe this isn't the case for OP, but you're wrong to assume divorced parents can't possibly get along.

I'm not assuming and you are entitled to your opinion...
This is a forum for people who CLAIM to be Christians..and that means they SHOULD agree with what the bible says.. I do.
Every bible I've read is pretty clear that the fundamental social unit of mankind is marriage, That God hates divorce and that there are two examples of a divorce scenario... the unbeliever leaves or adultery. WHithout turning this thread into a gynormous marriage and divorce thread... two people who claim to be Christian do not disobey and deny the whole counsel of God in this matter embrace the ways of the world and part company for personal convenience... sorry... nope... absolutely NOT. Christians are no longer our own but bond servants of Christ. Two "christians" divorcing to co-parent does not stand in the light of scripture... but if you wanna try and prove it does... start another thread... I will participate.
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5, 4 and 2 the best way to teach them about the Bible is through music. at least my kids love singing and dancing and you can find some really great songs that tell the Bible stories and have great Christian messages in the verses. :)
 
BarlyGurl said:
I'm not assuming and you are entitled to your opinion...
This is a forum for people who CLAIM to be Christians..and that means they SHOULD agree with what the bible says.. I do.
Every bible I've read is pretty clear that the fundamental social unit of mankind is marriage, That God hates divorce and that there are two examples of a divorce scenario... the unbeliever leaves or adultery. WHithout turning this thread into a gynormous marriage and divorce thread... two people who claim to be Christian do not disobey and deny the whole counsel of God in this matter embrace the ways of the world and part company for personal convenience... sorry... nope... absolutely NOT. Christians are no longer our own but bond servants of Christ. Two "christians" divorcing to co-parent does not stand in the light of scripture... but if you wanna try and prove it does... start another thread... I will participate.
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Since the OP doesn't seem to be getting along with his ex, it would be pointless to debate this any further. I just want you to know that it's not an opinion, it's a fact, that some divorced parents do learn how to get along with each other for their children's sake. When I create a thread as a response to you, and boy will I, it will be about much more important things.
 
error said:
Do you know Superbook>? I used to watch it when I was a kid. You can show it to them. And after that-discuss it with your kids.
Good luck!

Superbook S01E01 - How It All Began - YouTube
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Ha! I used to love that show too! I do watch Veggie Tales with them and bring it up when I'm trying to teach them something. I also have a Veggie Tales sunday morning Songs album we listen to and sing along with on the way to church and stuff.
 
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