Are relationship breakups a blessing from God?

[Encouragement]

Hi its been ages since I posted anything on here but one train of thought keeps going on in the back of my head from time to time.
I have had my fair share of relationships not working out over the years and many of them have been just Gods gracious intervention.I know the bible says what God has joined together let no man separate yet if a relationship doesn't work out is this Gods mercy sparing us from a potential bad relationship long term and marriage if we married them?..Or has it actually been our own fault too loose them or some other source that caused the breakup?
In my own personal experience it had been Gods intervention.I do spend time with God and discernment always seem to be much stronger when I meet someone I really like..Just because I really like/love someone doesn't mean we are actually right for each other long term and painful/traumatic as it can be at times God has spared me and I am sure the other persons from an unhappy relationship and potential marriage.
I guess most relationships have that wonderful beginning then things can begin to change as time goes either within ourselves or the other person and for various reasons things dont work out.
Some may say they has a lucky escape in hindsight,others are still unsure,some think they may be back together again (which does happen too).
Yet sometimes it can be hard to be 100% sure because the enemie can ruin things too and so can other people's interference too.Many of us may have liked or loved someone and things didn't work out yet can have that little feeling that maybe a blessing got away or that one will be back with them one day (assuming this other person is still not yet married).
Be interesting to hear your thoughts on this.

 

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

Im glad of all my past break ups

 

[Gideon300]

Hi its been ages since I posted anything on here but one train of thought keeps going on in the back of my head from time to time.
I have had my fair share of relationships not working out over the years and many of them have been just Gods gracious intervention.I know the bible says what God has joined together let no man separate yet if a relationship doesn't work out is this Gods mercy sparing us from a potential bad relationship long term and marriage if we married them?..Or has it actually been our own fault too loose them or some other source that caused the breakup?
In my own personal experience it had been Gods intervention.I do spend time with God and discernment always seem to be much stronger when I meet someone I really like..Just because I really like/love someone doesn't mean we are actually right for each other long term and painful/traumatic as it can be at times God has spared me and I am sure the other persons from an unhappy relationship and potential marriage.
I guess most relationships have that wonderful beginning then things can begin to change as time goes either within ourselves or the other person and for various reasons things dont work out.
Some may say they has a lucky escape in hindsight,others are still unsure,some think they may be back together again (which does happen too).
Yet sometimes it can be hard to be 100% sure because the enemie can ruin things too and so can other people's interference too.Many of us may have liked or loved someone and things didn't work out yet can have that little feeling that maybe a blessing got away or that one will be back with them one day (assuming this other person is still not yet married).
Be interesting to hear your thoughts on this.

For sure a breakup is better than a bad marriage that ends in divorce. God works all things together for good etc but I can testify that the time between the "thing" and the "good" can be terrible. Far better to avoid the pain in the first place.

I highly recommend Mark Gungor for everyone contemplating dating and marriage. He has a number of seminars on youtube. He's by far the best and most entertaining teacher on these vital issues.

 

[Lynx]

 

[cinder]

Hi its been ages since I posted anything on here but one train of thought keeps going on in the back of my head from time to time.
I have had my fair share of relationships not working out over the years and many of them have been just Gods gracious intervention.I know the bible says what God has joined together let no man separate yet if a relationship doesn't work out is this Gods mercy sparing us from a potential bad relationship long term and marriage if we married them?..Or has it actually been our own fault too loose them or some other source that caused the breakup?
In my own personal experience it had been Gods intervention.I do spend time with God and discernment always seem to be much stronger when I meet someone I really like..Just because I really like/love someone doesn't mean we are actually right for each other long term and painful/traumatic as it can be at times God has spared me and I am sure the other persons from an unhappy relationship and potential marriage.
I guess most relationships have that wonderful beginning then things can begin to change as time goes either within ourselves or the other person and for various reasons things dont work out.
Some may say they has a lucky escape in hindsight,others are still unsure,some think they may be back together again (which does happen too).
Yet sometimes it can be hard to be 100% sure because the enemie can ruin things too and so can other people's interference too.Many of us may have liked or loved someone and things didn't work out yet can have that little feeling that maybe a blessing got away or that one will be back with them one day (assuming this other person is still not yet married).
Be interesting to hear your thoughts on this.

My thoughts are that while I'm in favor of an autopsy of a failed relationship so you can learn from it and not keep repeating the same relationship mistakes, after the autopsy is completed there's little to be gained from going back down the what if what if trail. I have yet to find a really good solid method for determining whether it's God or the enemy when things don't go the way I want them to (or if it can be some kind of weird both and situation in some cases).

 

[victoriangent1961]

I agree that many times God will cause a breakup before the commitment is finalized on the wedding day. After a number of failed relationships and failed marriages, I have had to change my standards of who I will be in a relationship with. I will no longer commit to a long distance relationship but must be local. I begin a friendship first, to get to know them as a person and then decide based on God's leading and guiding plus, I observe if her faith in Christ is genuine with fruit and growth or based only on a distant experience in the past. I need a relationship where the talk equals the walk and their is growth in faith in Christ.

 

[Lynx]

For some reason the song "Bless the Broken Road" keeps playing through my mind...

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

 

[seoulsearch]

Hi its been ages since I posted anything on here but one train of thought keeps going on in the back of my head from time to time.
I have had my fair share of relationships not working out over the years and many of them have been just Gods gracious intervention.I know the bible says what God has joined together let no man separate yet if a relationship doesn't work out is this Gods mercy sparing us from a potential bad relationship long term and marriage if we married them?..Or has it actually been our own fault too loose them or some other source that caused the breakup?
In my own personal experience it had been Gods intervention.I do spend time with God and discernment always seem to be much stronger when I meet someone I really like..Just because I really like/love someone doesn't mean we are actually right for each other long term and painful/traumatic as it can be at times God has spared me and I am sure the other persons from an unhappy relationship and potential marriage.
I guess most relationships have that wonderful beginning then things can begin to change as time goes either within ourselves or the other person and for various reasons things dont work out.
Some may say they has a lucky escape in hindsight,others are still unsure,some think they may be back together again (which does happen too).
Yet sometimes it can be hard to be 100% sure because the enemie can ruin things too and so can other people's interference too.Many of us may have liked or loved someone and things didn't work out yet can have that little feeling that maybe a blessing got away or that one will be back with them one day (assuming this other person is still not yet married).
Be interesting to hear your thoughts on this.

Hi Encouragement,

Glad to see you back with another thought-provoking thread.

I do struggle a bit with the thought of God influencing breakups. On one hand, I think that He does, but on the other hand, I'm not sure to what extent. I mean, if God nudges people to break up, He would only do this during relationships or dating, right? God would not nudge people to divorce, since He hates divorce?

I wrestle with this sometimes.

I heard a Christian speaker talk once about how he was in a steady relationship with one girl, and that "God" told him to break up with this girl and ask another out (who later became his wife.) I'm willing to believe it was God, but was it really? I don't know.

Now in another instance, I knew someone who, at their wedding, both spouses thanked God for "bringing them together." They fully believed that God had introduced them, made them for each other, and orchestrated their marriage.

One of them had long-term porn and alcohol issues, and violence that later (within the marriage) led to adultery, stealing, and physical threats with weapons, but both had thought these initial problems would be would be healed within a holy union. But eventually, their marriage dissolved.

Did God call them to be together? I don't know. Was He trying to tell either or both of them that they should or shouldn't get married, because He knew what issues were involved? I don't know. Was it His will that they wind up divorced? Absolutely not. But for the safety of the person who was being threatened, they absolutely had to be away from each other. So I have no idea what God was trying to say to them throughout this process.

I've had a few instances in which I've been talking to someone and had a feeling we weren't meant to become anything. Sometimes it was on my heart to pray that God would send him "a beautiful distraction," and he would meet another girl -- and sometimes get married. I'm trying to think of times that's happened over the years and I can remember at least 3 (but in one case, the marriage didn't last.)

I used to joke that if a guy wanted to get married, all he had to do was start talking to me -- and God would send along another woman to be his wife!

I definitely believe that some breakups save us a lifetime of hurt and wrong decisions.

But as for being able to clearly tell where God is leading us in matters of the heart -- I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Great thread and good to see you back!

 

[Runningman]

I feel you. I often wonder "what if" fondly remembering the beautiful time I had with people in past relationships. A part of me still longs to experience it with them again, but the other part of me clings to the reasons why the relationship dissolved in the first place.

I think the the common theme in every relationship is that we cannot control what other people do so a fair amount of compromise is necessary by both people. No one is perfect, ever. I think the best anyone can do is try to eliminate their toxic personality traits, as much as possible, in preparation for marriage. I don't see a problem settling with a lady who needs work. we all need work. What is important is that we all remain teachable.

 

[Encouragement]

For sure a breakup is better than a bad marriage that ends in divorce. God works all things together for good etc but I can testify that the time between the "thing" and the "good" can be terrible. Far better to avoid the pain in the first place.

I highly recommend Mark Gungor for everyone contemplating dating and marriage. He has a number of seminars on youtube. He's by far the best and most entertaining teacher on these vital issues.

Yes it most definitely is.I kinda chuckled at you saying that the time between the "thing" and the "good"..😏..thanks for the reference to Mark Gungor worth taking a look.
I guess none of want a relationship to be traumatic and damaging yet having said that all relationships do have their own fair share of difficulties though some are just extremely detrimental to the very fibre of the relationship where the only solution is to walk away.
Appreciate your comments..👍🏻👍🏻

 

[Encouragement]

My thoughts are that while I'm in favor of an autopsy of a failed relationship so you can learn from it and not keep repeating the same relationship mistakes, after the autopsy is completed there's little to be gained from going back down the what if what if trail. I have yet to find a really good solid method for determining whether it's God or the enemy when things don't go the way I want them to (or if it can be some kind of weird both and situation in some cases).

Hi thanks for commenting.Yes I agree that we can learn about things for sure from past relationships and over time most of us know what sort of behaviours we just wouldn't tolerate whereas years before me might.
The what if mind set will just drive a person crazy and sometimes it could be triggered by being unable to let go or just feeling shocked or bewildered that the relationship even ended in the 1st place.
Over the years I have experienced situations where by God in his mercy doesn't allow me a real sense if peace about things regardless of how it may appear..thus causing me to spend time in prayer and seeking him.
Sometimes we all a few unanswered questions in this area.. but I guess that's where we just have to trust God even though we may not fully understand the why or the how.
Thanks for contributing cinder..👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻😊

 

[RodB651]

Are relationship breakups a blessing from God?

whether they are from God or not, yes they usually are a blessing.

 

[Encouragement]

I agree that many times God will cause a breakup before the commitment is finalized on the wedding day. After a number of failed relationships and failed marriages, I have had to change my standards of who I will be in a relationship with. I will no longer commit to a long distance relationship but must be local. I begin a friendship first, to get to know them as a person and then decide based on God's leading and guiding plus, I observe if her faith in Christ is genuine with fruit and growth or based only on a distant experience in the past. I need a relationship where the talk equals the walk and their is growth in faith in Christ.

Hi thanks for you comments.Yes its always good to know what you are actually looking for and having a holistic view of someone is always a good thing.Just someone being nice at times isn't enough for some of us as their spiritual life is also a key part.God knows what individual would be best for us and via versa and it's real nice we can try on his guidance.

 

[Encouragement]

Hi Encouragement,

Glad to see you back with another thought-provoking thread.

I do struggle a bit with the thought of God influencing breakups. On one hand, I think that He does, but on the other hand, I'm not sure to what extent. I mean, if God nudges people to break up, He would only do this during relationships or dating, right? God would not nudge people to divorce, since He hates divorce?

I wrestle with this sometimes.

I heard a Christian speaker talk once about how he was in a steady relationship with one girl, and that "God" told him to break up with this girl and ask another out (who later became his wife.) I'm willing to believe it was God, but was it really? I don't know.

Now in another instance, I knew someone who, at their wedding, both spouses thanked God for "bringing them together." They fully believed that God had introduced them, made them for each other, and orchestrated their marriage.

One of them had long-term porn and alcohol issues, and violence that later (within the marriage) led to adultery, stealing, and physical threats with weapons, but both had thought these initial problems would be would be healed within a holy union. But eventually, their marriage dissolved.

Did God call them to be together? I don't know. Was He trying to tell either or both of them that they should or shouldn't get married, because He knew what issues were involved? I don't know. Was it His will that they wind up divorced? Absolutely not. But for the safety of the person who was being threatened, they absolutely had to be away from each other. So I have no idea what God was trying to say to them throughout this process.

I've had a few instances in which I've been talking to someone and had a feeling we weren't meant to become anything. Sometimes it was on my heart to pray that God would send him "a beautiful distraction," and he would meet another girl -- and sometimes get married. I'm trying to think of times that's happened over the years and I can remember at least 3 (but in one case, the marriage didn't last.)

I used to joke that if a guy wanted to get married, all he had to do was start talking to me -- and God would send along another woman to be his wife!

I definitely believe that some breakups save us a lifetime of hurt and wrong decisions.

But as for being able to clearly tell where God is leading us in matters of the heart -- I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Great thread and good to see you back!

Hi seoulsearch thanks for dropping by and for posting ur comments.God is lord as we all know and just like in other areas of our lives he is naturally both aware and is interested in our romantic lives too.Many questions go unanswered in this area ranging from a breakup being the direct result of a person ignoring all the blantantly obvious red flags for one reason or another hence it was just never gonna work out anyway...to meeting someone and everything seems great and fine and even with prayers being made things somehow don't workout long term.
I think of Gods plan for the children of Israel to enter the promised land but due to their sinful ways they perished in the wilderness and it was their offspring that entered it instead is a good example that just because something is Gods will at times our own sin full traits mixed with prayerlessness/spiritual indifference can mess things up.
I do believe that sometimes God will somehow in his majestic wisdom let us see what the person is really like without the person even being aware their bad traits are even showing..and from this as time goes on you will just feel God kind of leading the relationship through the interaction,things that happen between you both to come to an end.I have experienced this more than once.
Having said that each of us has our own unique experience so there isn't a 100% definite ruling system that can be universally applied to everyone.
There has to be free choice exercised as well as people being 100% honest about their issues such as harmful sinful traits they haven't got Victory in their lives such as sexual sins,alcohol addictions and things in their lives that could potentially be damaging to any relationship they might have. I has 2 friends who married but the husband has unresolved sexual sins in his life and this lead to child sexual abuse (including teenagers)as well as child porn and numerous affairs..this destroyed the marriage.His wife has no idea he has sexual sins in his life before she met him..
The couple you mentioned somehow assumed the issues would be somehow be resolved from being married..it doesn't always works that way.Often the issues become worst and because they are now one its impact is much more far reaching.
Yes God hates divorce..yet I know 2 women who God helped them divorce there husbands.One of them she found out her Christian husband was actually married to another woman(he married a woman for money to help her get citizenship in this country..it was just a business arrangement)..He hold her 7 Years earlier he was married in a casual manner but would never give details.God helped her find out...the marriage was annulled.
I like the few instances you gave and every one has a different kind of experience.Just like you we are at times trying to work things out because yes sin can ruin or marr a great God ordained relationship that's why marital/relationship counselling,prayer ect are all available.
My goodness just realised how long this message was..so much more to say in response to your post.✍🏻
I guess yes once we put our trust in God to lead us in a relationship and ask him to reveal,clarify real truths to us as well as asking others to pray with/for it....using common sense,being spiritually sensitive and yet not being all paranoid and judgemental you can trust God with it..then you can trust God with whatever happens.Sometimes the enemie is seeking to cause problems and you may both have to see things through with Gods help...Sometimes ita actually other people who are causing issues....Other times God is allowing things to happen as an act of mercy that will cause things to end..

"I like lions...yet just because I like them doesn't mean they ain't gonna kill me and eat me if I go near them!"..Its the same for relationships

Apologies for any bad spelling in advance..lol

 

[Kireina]

Hmmm....A break up a blessing from God? Yes,definitely Our Father Knows our needs...He knows what's best for us for His children... but relationships break for many reasons and sometimes it is no- one's fault it just simply didn't work out or the person is not the right one yet....


We just need to trust in the Lord He knows What we need so spending our time pinning over the one who got away is very unnecessary well that's what I told myself but sometimes we can't help it... 😊

 

[arpon]

Hi Encouragement, Glad you are OK.

Yes God does not want a break up that I totally agree with. But a breakup is Gods blessing or not it depends on many thing. such as- Your break up might be blessing for you but not for her. If it is Blessing(physical/mental/spiritual) for both of you than I will say it is Godly break up. Though I am not married yet I can say many things about this Topic, but I do not have the right to speak, cause I am single still, So What do I know for real? Take care my friend. God bless.

 

[BrotherMike]

Blessing? Maybe, it also could be a lesson He wants you or them to learn. Sometimes He even uses you for them.

 

[Awazoona]

Yes definitely. A breakup before the wedding is a signal from God, reminding you to look at your previous relationship and find out the problems both in you and he/she. And the experience of breakups makes you a better-prepared individual, waiting for another better love to come. But if you feel a calling in your marriage, consider that if God is blessing you for a divorce. No, he's not. It's a reminder of solving problems.

 

[JStates]

That verse about "what God has joined" specifically applies to marriage. God joins a husband and wife together and they become one flesh. You don't separate that without doing extreme damage to the pieces that are left over.

So "what God has joined" does not apply to a dating relationship, until the couple marries. So don't look at a breakup of a dating relationship as splitting up something that God has joined. If it progresses to marriage - either in or out of the will of God - at that point they are joined and should not be separated.

The woman I loved ended up marrying a man who - by his own admission - felt like God DID NOT want him to pursue her. But he didn't like that, so he got about a dozen second opinions from pastors and Christian teachers including the pastor of our home church. They all told him to go for it... so he married her. With her parents' grudging consent. I don't believe they were meant to marry, because I felt like she was the one God wanted me to pursue. But it doesn't matter. They are joined in holy matrimony before God now. What God has joined, let no man put asunder. I wish them both long and happy lives with lots of happy healthy kids. I don't particularly want to see them before eternity though.

I would say that breakups are a blessing if the relationship is not with someone that is intended to be one's spouse. If you're in a relationship without that end destination, it could be a distraction or an obstacle. However, I think God can use good relationships to shape people for His purposes even when they don't work out. Like polishing a stone in a rock tumbler. Might need a few polishing sessions to get the rough edges off before the stone is ready for its true purpose. And no, don't read sex into that example, naughty peeps. Sex should be for marriage only. That's another way to seriously damage yourself: joining physically with someone who is not your spouse.

 

[Oblio]

"That's another way to seriously damage yourself: joining physically with someone who is not your spouse."
You got that right!