Are we doing marriage wrong??

[zeroturbulence]

...He has no regrets, he claims he's a lot happier now, and that he never really loved me, and we should never have been married. It's not easy to hear those things, and they cut right to the core. It does make a lot of sense now though, it explains his behaviour, and why I never felt him to be a 'Godly' man/leader in our marriage, but that's another story.

That's all for now I think

Don't take that too personally Katie because that's exactly how many men feel after separating from their wives.Then after they get used to their single life they realize how much they really did love their wife and how much they miss being married to her.

 

[mystdancer50]

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In a nutshell, it has everything to do with putting YOUR PARTNER first.

I disagree. A successful marriage or single life has everything to do with putting God first. In marriage, it's God first, spouse second, children and family third and so on. The great thing about God being first is He never makes anyone feel like they're second. The love and such in a marriage is only richer if God is given first place in both husband and wife.

 

[CC_Bride]

Thanks guys, some very thought-provoking responses there.

Melody: I don't think I've been necessarily 'blaming' myself. I fully acknowledge that in any partnership, it takes BOTH parties to make things work, so I believe of course, there are things I should have done differently, and I take my share of the blame.

However, it has taken me a very long time to come to the full realisation of just how ignorant I was of my husbands attitude and behaviour. I spent a lot of time defending him, rather than seeing the 'real him' that everyone else could see.

As much as this hurts right now, my biggest struggle is coming to terms with the fact this has really happened. When I made my vows, I took them seriously- I made them for life. I never in a million years expected things to turn out as they did, I didn't sign up for this.

Now, that I'm removed from the situation, I can see what everyone else has been telling me about him, and how I've put up with a lot of stuff, and tried to make it work. I'm not placing full blame on him, and nothing I can say will make what's happened right, or justifable... but the reality is there were some HUGE issues, which I'm only now coming fully to terms with. Whilst in the marriage, I guess I didn't really want to believe they were a problem.

As far as prayers, please just pray for clarity. I have no idea how to pick up the pieces and move on from here. It's something you can really only do 'one day at a time'. I need guidance and wisdom to make the right choices. I need to hear God's voice and I need a clear headspace to be able to make wise choices. I need healing. He has no regrets, he claims he's a lot happier now, and that he never really loved me, and we should never have been married. It's not easy to hear those things, and they cut right to the core. It does make a lot of sense now though, it explains his behaviour, and why I never felt him to be a 'Godly' man/leader in our marriage, but that's another story.

That's all for now I think

Wish I could give you a big giant hug!!
You may feel shamed for having frequent big crying spells during this period, but you know what, go for it. Its devastating what you are going through and you have every right to grieve and I apologise if I sounded too harsh in my previous post and you also have the right to feel hurt by the response your husband gave you and have a good cry over that as well.
Make sure you've got supportive non judgemental people around you to love and serve you duing this time.
I will also ask God that he show and tell you over and over again how hes so happy knowing you're his precious daughter and that he will always unconditionally love you and never forsake you.

I just had some verses pop into my head and thought it was from the Holy Spirit for me to give to you:

Song of Solomon 2:10 - Jesus is your still your first husband
Hosea 2:14-17, 19-20 - Let yourself be wooed by Him again

 

[nanabean]

There's a big hint right there. I've spent most of my adult years as a non-christian and have picked up on a lot of the things that make a relationship work and what does not and none of it has anything to do with "putting God first". Instead it has everything to do with getting along (communication, compromise, self-sacrifice, tolerance, making the other person feel loved, etc...).

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In a nutshell, it has everything to do with putting YOUR PARTNER first.

I agree and disagree........I do feel we need to put God first in our marriages. However, I also feel since God would want us to be all that we can and should be to/with our partners, we ARE putting God first if we get along with our spouse by communicating with them, being ready and willing to compromise, self sacrifice, be tolerant, and make each other feel loved, cared for and etc.....

Irassup....Katie?? May I call you Katie??........I feel for you. I too, have read many of your posts through the years; I too, have felt an unsettledness in how things were working for you. I have prayed before, I will continue to pray now. Love in friendship to you.

 

[Sevndust]

yes you are all doing marriage wrong...dont ask me for the answers bc i dont have them...but wrong you all are

 

[GreenNnice]

I agree and disagree........I do feel we need to put God first in our marriages. However, I also feel since God would want us to be all that we can and should be to/with our partners, we ARE putting God first if we get along with our spouse by communicating with them, being ready and willing to compromise, self sacrifice, be tolerant, and make each other feel loved, cared for and etc.....

Irassup....Katie?? May I call you Katie??........I feel for you. I too, have read many of your posts through the years; I too, have felt an unsettledness in how things were working for you. I have prayed before, I will continue to pray now. Love in friendship to you.

Bananabeans and, yes, putting God first will beautifully coalesce and blend the human naturedness that zere states, I restate, and, banananana states yet again.

I am humble with this topic, I hope and pray, I have never been married and rarely been in relationships, and, never serious. So I dequalify myself to give ANY life experience , or, I would for dear young lady, katydid, who I am certain has so much goodness from God to offer bit like zere said , her husband will understand after away from you in seperation.

I know God works miracles though, I've seen Him answer prayers so QUICKLY in my life. He is the same for me as you, Katie. He is same for ALL of us.

I know scripture states we MUST put God first and just try to do our best to please Him, serve Him, pray to Him, and, above all WE MUST put Him first in our life . If we don't put God first, He is a jealous God .
I know He wants us to have a personal relationship with Him above all else, all the time, our undivided attention in what we do, and, dilute, as humans we fail to keep Him first and at the forefront. But, that is where forgiveness, over and over and over, forever ,we ask, He forgives , ejteteth in .

And, God GIVES us our marriage partner, so, putting Him first should be easy to do, because...

without Him, there is NO him

God bless you, katie, may you get into a room where it is quiet, where no sound is heard, except God's still small voice speaking to.you.

I habe no doubt, milady, that God speaks to us great and mighty things, when we ate at a point in our life that we feel lowly and weak. I know God is in the miracle business and he will take care of you completely through this.

yes you are all doing marriage wrong...dont ask me for the answers bc i dont have them...but wrong you all are

----)(----

What are you meaning by this, 7dust?

Life experiences or??

Blessings, Christ bro