Are you afraid to date? If so, why?

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Certainty can only remove fear. When you know your walking on the right path provided by your father, you'll understand their can be no mistakes, and it all turns into a lesson of patience and endurance, for the prize of understanding.
 
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
His best friend Jay goes to the church my dads the pastor of, i had met him before like once or twice... aaanyways i just so happened to be stratigically positioned right next to him in the church service ;)
Then WAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM i worked my magic and there you go :D
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That's great. I have to live vicariously thru others as I havn't been on a date in over 3yrs. Not because I'm afraid or anything. I just don't meet men who meet my specifications.
 
thimsrebma said:
That's great. I have to live vicariously thru others as I havn't been on a date in over 3yrs. Not because I'm afraid or anything. I just don't meet men who meet my specifications.
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Thank you amber!

Believe me i know what your talking about, its frustrating because you meet a guy and its like they will have one or two of the things your looking for then nothing else! or maybe they'll have all of them, but then not the most important one....
 
I don't mind falling in love but, to date is to be interviewed and to be measured. I don't like the feeling of being judged, even if its in my best interest to sit through it.

I prefer being adventurous and finding people who want to do that with me, then eventually falling in love with them. Dating feels synthetic and unnatural.
 
Shannahxoxo said:
Me myself, I'm afraid to date just because I'm afraid of getting hurt or left. Recently i've been finding myself being left by those who love me. & I don't want to continue to go through that with others. Its hard enough to watch my own family leave, I don't think I can handle it if I get close to someone i'm dating. Love hurts, I've found myself falling for a guy, and then its over. I recently had a break up, out of a 4 month relationship, it wasn't that long. but it still hurt. I'm staring to realize that God is all I need, I need to focus on him because he'll never just get up and leave me! He is the perfect love and the best love I can get! Praise be to God!
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I think your comment on needing God is perfect, putting God first is the best thing for any of us. You have so many years ahead of you, relationships are not vital at this time of your life(just my thoughts). God bless, good to see you here.
 
Yes. I was never the one to just date in high school and turned guys down. I was hurt once when I was 20 by the only guy I dated and we talked of being together for a long time. A year later, someone who I turned down 3 years earlier and we went our separate ways came back into my life and asked me out again 6 months later, but he is not a Christian so we both made the decision to simply remain as friends. I am afraid dating will only hurt me again. Out of stubbornness, fear, and priorities I avoid guys who ask me out like the plague! I will continue to focus on and use the gifts God has given me, and maybe one day I will not have fear.
 
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
His best friend Jay goes to the church my dads the pastor of, i had met him before like once or twice... aaanyways i just so happened to be stratigically positioned right next to him in the church service ;)
Then WAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM i worked my magic and there you go :D
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Very cool :)
 
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
His name is David
He is 5'11
Blonde hair blue eyes
Is an Electronics Tech in the navy
He is 30 years old
He's from North Carolina
He is a charasmatic baptist
He loves long walks on the beach and reading romance novels.... ;) (NOT)

is there anything else you wanna know
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I hate to tell u this Nod, but he sounds totally WRONG for you. But who am I to judge? :)
 
I am. It seems when i date i spend so much time trying to be someone i think they want me to be that i end up confused as to who i really i. I don't want to date anyone till i am secure in my walk with god and who he has created me to be. Is this possible? I dano ill let you know when i find out
 
soulpurpose said:
I am. It seems when i date i spend so much time trying to be someone i think they want me to be that i end up confused as to who i really i. I don't want to date anyone till i am secure in my walk with god and who he has created me to be. Is this possible? I dano ill let you know when i find out
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I think thats actually a really good reason, and I know what u mean too.
 
Well they say when ya marry someone, ya marry the family too. Same goes with dating. If you date someone, eventually they are going to meet a few members of your family. Then they start judging not only your personal character but also your familys character. My family isn't exactly what I would call... functional (more along the lines of borderline "have their own wing in a local mental institution" kind of thing). So, I haven't dated in many years because once they get a glimpse of how awful my family is, they turn and run for the hills. Plus, being single with a child of your own does put a damper on things as well especially since you had that child out of wedlock. They tend to judge you based on your past experiences and it really annoys me because, what's done is done and what's past is exactly that.... IN THE PAST. One can't turn back time and redo all the mistakes they have made in their lives. So a man has to understand that if they get me, they get my daughter as well and they can't CAN'T treat me any differently because of what I have done in the past. They have to be like Jesus and accept it and accept that I have changed and become a new person in Christ. If a man can't understand that, then he's not worth it.
 
hahahaha I like that "have our own wing in the mental ward" lolllll

Im in that boat too sister, well be okay... thank God for our loving children...
 
Afraid to date? Happens to all of us. As the days go by I feel increasingly dated.
 
FireWire said:
I'm not afraid to date. I can't be bothered and gave up on it.

There's a drought of quality women in this country and they won't settle for Mr Average. A lot of them are quite full of themselves and have a long list of boxes that no man could ever hope to completely tick. I wouldn't rate my chances to be very high even if I did want to date.
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Totally relate to this sentiment, but opposite sex.

Sometimes, it seems like guys my age are looking for (in the following order):

  • Athletic, thin or (at most) healthy, no overweight girls need apply,
  • Not too tall, but not too short,
  • Smart enough to follow a recipe, but not smarter than her man,
  • Social graces of a lady, culinary skills of a chef, hands of a masseuse


Sorry, I'm pretty outspoken and well-read. I try not to be rude, but I'm not genteel, however hard I try. One of my personal mottos is "It's nice to be nice," and another is, "What would Jesus say about what I'm doing?" But I don't always live up to my goals. I'm healthy, but even if I lose the extra weight, I'll never be thin (trust me, it isn't worth it). And athletics? Forgeddaboutit. I'd rather curl up with a good book than spend my Saturday rock-wall-climbing or playing Tennis till the sun went down or kicking around a soccer ball.

I worry that, if I ever do find a guy who's looking for a gal like me, he'll not be the one God wants me with and I'll have to throw him back into the ocean with all the other fish.

I'm not scared of dating. I think, at this point, I'm just slightly jaded.
 
HollyW said:
Well they say when ya marry someone, ya marry the family too. Same goes with dating. If you date someone, eventually they are going to meet a few members of your family. Then they start judging not only your personal character but also your familys character. My family isn't exactly what I would call... functional (more along the lines of borderline "have their own wing in a local mental institution" kind of thing). So, I haven't dated in many years because once they get a glimpse of how awful my family is, they turn and run for the hills. Plus, being single with a child of your own does put a damper on things as well especially since you had that child out of wedlock. They tend to judge you based on your past experiences and it really annoys me because, what's done is done and what's past is exactly that.... IN THE PAST. One can't turn back time and redo all the mistakes they have made in their lives. So a man has to understand that if they get me, they get my daughter as well and they can't CAN'T treat me any differently because of what I have done in the past. They have to be like Jesus and accept it and accept that I have changed and become a new person in Christ. If a man can't understand that, then he's not worth it.
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I want you to know something.

I have a friend named Brian. He is one of the best, most Christian, most loving men I have ever known. He's the kind of guy you talk to and think, "Oh, so THAT'S how Christianity is supposed to be done!!!" A few years ago, he married a woman who had a child out of wedlock before she came to the Lord. God brought them both together and sent them out to a city that is pretty Godless. He is a perfect witness for that place.

He and his wife are happily married. The guy God would have for you wouldn't care if you have a child. He'd just care that you're his perfect match.
 
Afraid to date... No. I have concerns. I just want all of my relationships to be pleasing to God, I want to be in relationships where I grow spiritually. It's not because I'm a holy roller but because I know there is no satisfaction in counterfeit relationships. You might say I've learned a lot of lessons the hard way.
 
Yup. I'm terrified. I came up with a list of 13 things that are giving me the jitters:
1) physical safety factor/creep factor
2) rejection factor
3) difficulty knowing his expectations--will I have to put my foot down after he's already trying something uncool...?
4) difficulty knowing how to reject him kindly if we're just not quite right
5) Fear of falling for someone God doesn't have in mind for me.
6) Fear of God saying "NO" altogether and not knowing if God is telling me that right now. fear that I'm forcing the issue)
7) Fear that he won't love my child.
8) Fear that I'll fall for someone, only to find out that they weren't honest, or that they are incapable of loving me back or that they won't have a couple of major character qualities that I consider mandatory.
9) Fear that they will want sex before I'm ready or that I will "shoot myself in the foot"
10) Fear that I will try to change them (which of course will be impossible)
11) Fear that I will make the same mistakes over again and fail (again)
12) Fear that I'll be too independent
13) Fear that I won't have the patience to include someone again (I'm becoming more set in my ways...)

Okay, there's my laundry list--go ahead and tear it apart....
 
1. Embarrassment
2. Mistakes in their eyes or even mine
3. Too much pressure
4. Being involved with a bad man (physical or verbal abuser, drug/substance abuse addict, lack of any kind of smarts)
 
So I would love it if someone would throw in some comments here about how to get over this hurdle--any suggestions? Maybe I'll create a new thread on that topic. :p
 
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