Safety comes first so sometimes physical separation is necessary, either apart in another seat or a buddy room. If a child is upset, acknowledge their feelings, like "You seem/sound angry," listen to them, and then try to problem-solve. Reason with them when possible. Knowing reasons behind the rules will make them more meaningful and it's especially helpful if they help create the rules before you start off than if they all come top down. Use specific feedback (not just a general "good job") but "I like that you have your hands in your lap and are facing forward. That shows me you are ready." Praise the positive like "I noticed you threw away a wrapper someone else dropped. Thank you, that was so helpful!"
My favorite technique is to use two positive choices. That way you show clear expectations but they have some control. Like "You can sit by X or Y" and if they say something else just re-emphasize "that's not a choice right now. Wait for them to choose and if they don't, make the choice for them. Next time they will probably make the choice themselves. Hopefully. It can be challenging, but I think all we can do is to keep learning and doing our best.
Good thread Lanolin. Also, I think pointing out potential bias is good in order to overcome it as for many it's not intentional. You are a caring librarian in a challenging environment and are expressing concern for the wellbeing of the children. Nobody wants to make things worse for children that especially need our love and positive attention. You wanted to know what you could do to be more effective when the conversion seemed to focus on something that seemed either irrelevant to your original post or minor. However, we can correct one another with gentleness. It's nice to add new information, considerations, or experiences. They are more aware and sensitive to those issues just like we individually become more aware of issues based on our own experiences. This provides good motivation too, such as an ex-con being aware of the challenges after prison and deciding to volunteer in a prison ministry. Cancer survivors may later help fundraise. People involved with organizations like Easter Seals or Autism Speaks often have friends or family members with autism or other disabilities.
We all bring different things to the table and talking to parents can give teachers and librarians new insights. There were good points made and yes, single fathers should not be forgotten. A biological mother is also not always a mom. Some do abandon their children, though even that doesn't mean they were uncaring or unloving. They could be homeless, a teen, an addict, etc. Here's a link to a video about how an abandoned boy was adopted by a loving family. He had emotional challenges to overcome, but wow the new family is amazing and he has made a lot of progress.
