Can a Christian marry someone they are not physically attracted to if they are spiritually compatible?

[Suze]

I think it's a good idea for people to seek whoever it is that they find attractive. Not because I put a lot of importance on attraction, but because it affects the person they are with. Speaking from personal experience, when the person you are with isn't attracted to you, your self esteem takes a hit.
When I was growing up, I knew that I was gifted in the brains department and not in the looks department (which is actually a blessing). I was not allowed to forget this as an adult. Even so, I suppose I had hoped that at least the person I was in a relationship with would at least find me somewhat attractive. I know I don't meet society's standards, but I'm not a Whangdoodle! lol

Anyway, when the person you are with doesn't find you attractive, it's hard on the self esteem. I'd advise not being with someone that doesn't find you attractive. They might be a great person and you get along well, but that lack of attraction is going to wear on you.

Also, if someone doesn't find the other person attractive, they shouldn't tell them they aren't attractive. They should just tell them they aren't their type and move on. A guy friend told me, "Just because he doesn't find you attractive, doesn't mean you aren't attractive."
Everyone has their own preference. I tend to not find guys attractive that society deems as attractive (the tall types and what not - I'm quite short, so almost everyone is too tall to me lol). To each their own. I'd rather he have a strong relationship with the Lord and as far as physical aspects go I'd prefer he have a beard than be tall

I've seen your avatar , u r beautiful , awesome hair and eyes and mouth and nose and skin and u look about four stones lighter than me , that's over 50 pounds in American money .

 

[CarriePie]

I've seen your avatar , u r beautiful , awesome hair and eyes and mouth and nose and skin and u look about four stones lighter than me , that's over 50 pounds in American money .

Thanks, smashing lady!
I usually just tell myself that the pic was probably just caught at a good angle or something lol. More than that though, I'm thankful to have a functioning body and working senses and my mental faculties and health, and a bit of a sense of humor.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'd rather he have a strong relationship with the Lord and as far as physical aspects go I'd prefer he have a beard than be tall

Carrie's perfect match!

 

[passion84god]

For 3, Ruth situation. Note that Ruth was poor, boaz was rich.
Today society even in professing Christian circle, if rich old man want to marry poor young girl, it is very easy. This is a fact.

So older well off Christian men shouldn't complain as long as they willing to rescue Ruth. Plenty Ruth out there.

There's more to the Boaz and Ruth story than has been discussed. For example, there is the whole "kinsman redeemer" thing to consider as well. Be that as it may, my only intended point was that age doesn't matter to God. Also, as I have addressed in previous posts, outward appearances and careers don't really matter to him either, but they are biggies in today's society.

With such thoughts in mind, I contemplated starting a thread called "Missed Connections," but I decided against it. I was going to ask if anybody, in hindsight, might have missed a divine connection by prioritizing things that don't really matter in God's sight. If nothing else, I hope that my participation here has given some people some things to consider. If not, then I am truly sorry for wasting everyone's time.​

 

[Churchgoer]

There's more to the Boaz and Ruth story than has been discussed. For example, there is the whole "kinsman redeemer" thing to consider as well. Be that as it may, my only intended point was that age doesn't matter to God. Also, as I have addressed in previous posts, outward appearances and careers don't really matter to him either, but they are biggies in today's society.

With such thoughts in mind, I contemplated starting a thread called "Missed Connections," but I decided against it. I was going to ask if anybody, in hindsight, might have missed a divine connection by prioritizing things that don't really matter in God's sight. If nothing else, I hope that my participation here has given some people some things to consider. If not, then I am truly sorry for wasting everyone's time.​

You are not wasting time, you brought out very good discussions.

Let's just talk about practical.

Outward appearance, let's say the person is over weight, smoking, much older, health in decline. Another person don't want to date such kind. Scripture does tell us to weight in what we have before building a house, responsible, good steward....

Career, if man can't make ends meet, then woman probably don't want to date him. God call man to be leaders, again good steward, hard working.

 

[passion84god]

Outward appearance, let's say the person is over weight, smoking, much older, health in decline. Another person don't want to date such kind.

I think you may be misunderstanding what I have been trying to say, and if so, then that is probably my fault. In the scenario that you just described, I am only saying that such a union should be considered if God wills it. How can we know God's will? Well, this may be overly simplistic, but we should be praying for him to order our steps daily in a general sense, so how much more when it comes to marriage specifically. There is no way for you or anybody to accurately answer this question, but in your estimation, what percentage of people do you think truly seek God in prayer when it comes to a potential spouse? Personally, I believe, and I could be terribly wrong, that the percentage is very low. Instead, I believe that most people have their own checklist of what they want, and if anything, they will petition God to fulfill that checklist, even if it is against his own will.​

Scripture does tell us to weight in what we have before building a house, responsible, good steward....

There's definitely wisdom in that, and I might get lynched for saying this, but I have personally met quite a large number of people who fail in the "good steward" category, and many of them are women, but probably not in the way that you mean it. In other words, whereas a true good steward recognizes that everything belongs to the Lord and they are just stewards of it who will one day give an account for their stewardship, a lot of people recklessly spend money on unnecessary things out of pride or a desire "to keep up with the Jones'." Fancy house. Expensive cars. You get the picture.​

Career, if man can't make ends meet, then woman probably don't want to date him. God call man to be leaders, again good steward, hard working.

David was the king of Israel, and his former career was that of a shepherd. Paul was probably the greatest apostle ever, and he was a tent maker. Peter, James, John, and others? Fishermen. I know, and not from just reading the Bible, but also from personal experience, when my focus is on God and doing his will, God always provides for me financially. When I am just living for myself? That's a whole other ballgame.

Anyway, I truly am sorry for repeating myself here, and that will stop now.​

 

[Suze]

Thanks, smashing lady!
I usually just tell myself that the pic was probably just caught at a good angle or something lol. More than that though, I'm thankful to have a functioning body and working senses and my mental faculties and health, and a bit of a sense of humor.

Oh a sense of humour is vital in this life !

 

[Churchgoer]

I think you may be misunderstanding what I have been trying to say, and if so, then that is probably my fault. In the scenario that you just described, I am only saying that such a union should be considered if God wills it. How can we know God's will? Well, this may be overly simplistic, but we should be praying for him to order our steps daily in a general sense, so how much more when it comes to marriage specifically. There is no way for you or anybody to accurately answer this question, but in your estimation, what percentage of people do you think truly seek God in prayer when it comes to a potential spouse? Personally, I believe, and I could be terribly wrong, that the percentage is very low. Instead, I believe that most people have their own checklist of what they want, and if anything, they will petition God to fulfill that checklist, even if it is against his own will.

There's definitely wisdom in that, and I might get lynched for saying this, but I have personally met quite a large number of people who fail in the "good steward" category, and many of them are women, but probably not in the way that you mean it. In other words, whereas a true good steward recognizes that everything belongs to the Lord and they are just stewards of it who will one day give an account for their stewardship, a lot of people recklessly spend money on unnecessary things out of pride or a desire "to keep up with the Jones'." Fancy house. Expensive cars. You get the picture.

David was the king of Israel, and his former career was that of a shepherd. Paul was probably the greatest apostle ever, and he was a tent maker. Peter, James, John, and others? Fishermen. I know, and not from just reading the Bible, but also from personal experience, when my focus is on God and doing his will, God always provides for me financially. When I am just living for myself? That's a whole other ballgame.

Anyway, I truly am sorry for repeating myself here, and that will stop now.​

Agree with you said seeking God's will.
Indeed, we are not just following a set of rules, philosophy, cause...

But a real living God. Who speaks to us everyday through scripture, as well as other methods, if we listen carefully.

 

[EmethAlethia]

Can a Christian marry someone they are not physically attracted to if they are spiritually compatible?

Paul says, it is better to remain single as long as you can control your lusts... 1Co. 7:7, 20-24, 27, 28, 32-35, 36 but it is NOT commanded. 1Co. 7:1-2, 25-26 And, if they do, they must have sex anytime either one of them desires. Even if you want to take time to pray, unless your partner agrees, you get busy. 1Co. 7:3-5 But singleness is better, "If" you have control over your lusts. Self-control is the big issue. 1Co. 7:1-2, 5, 9

 

[celras]

Paul says, it is better to remain single as long as you can control your lusts... 1Co. 7:7, 20-24, 27, 28, 32-35, 36 but it is NOT commanded. 1Co. 7:1-2, 25-26 And, if they do, they must have sex anytime either one of them desires. Even if you want to take time to pray, unless your partner agrees, you get busy. 1Co. 7:3-5 But singleness is better, "If" you have control over your lusts. Self-control is the big issue. 1Co. 7:1-2, 5, 9

I'm not sure I'd go quite that far. Paul certainly speaks highly of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7, but he also presents it as a gift that not everyone has (v. 7). His point doesn't seem to be that a person should remain single as long as they can control their sexual desires.

Also, I think we should be careful not to reduce the whole chapter to the issue of lust or sexual self-control. Paul discusses devotion to the Lord, the practical difficulties of married life, individual callings, and the circumstances the Corinthians were facing at that time.

Finally, I don't think any Christian has perfect control over their desires. We all struggle with temptation in different ways. The question isn't whether we ever experience sexual desire, but whether we seek to submit our desires to Christ and live in obedience to Him, whether we are single or married.

 

[CarriePie]

Just imagine if Adam said to Eve, "You're great and all, but I'd just rather be single." (or if she said that to him).

Also, I think we should be careful not to reduce the whole chapter to the issue of lust or sexual self-control. Paul discusses devotion to the Lord, the practical difficulties of married life, individual callings, and the circumstances the Corinthians were facing at that time.

Wise ^
There's a whole lot more going on with marriage and getting married, in the proper sense, than lust/desire for sex.

 

[Edith]

Can a Christian marry someone they are not physically attracted to if they are spiritually compatible?

I have a question for girls.
can girls fine men attractive?
sincerely I think a man could be good-looking, well dressed but finding a man attractive how does that happen?

 

[Churchgoer]

I have a question for girls.
can girls fine men attractive?
sincerely I think a man could be good-looking, well dressed but finding a man attractive how does that happen?

??? Attractive means you love to be around him, charming, you enjoy going out together and showing to your social circle.

 

[CarriePie]

I have a question for girls.
can girls fine men attractive?
sincerely I think a man could be good-looking, well dressed but finding a man attractive how does that happen?

For me personally, I find respect, keeping his word, and affection to be attractive (all these mutual, of course). Bonus points if he has a beard (not mutual on that one lol).

 

[Churchgoer]

For me personally, I find respect, keeping his word, and affection to be attractive (all these mutual, of course). Bonus points if he has a beard (not mutual on that one lol).

Generous, open book, not hiding things, fluent in English, fit, active ...
I find attractive.

 

[G00WZ]

It could work if you're ancient, sickly and impotent.

 

[Churchgoer]

Confession?

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

Can a Christian marry someone they are not physically attracted to if they are spiritually compatible?

I suppose they could, but why not just stay good friends?

 

[DenDog]

1 Peter 3:3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—
4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Of course I speak as a man.

Proverbs 31:10-31
10 Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
...

I look at a woman like a rose. The outward appearance is like the flower and when she opens up and prepares herself, her beauty shines.
The inward appearance is like the stem. A stem with thorns is like an evil woman. Should you take her, the thorns (evil) of her inward character will pierce your hand and cause you pain and misery till you release her and take her up no more. A stem without thorns is like a Godly woman. Should you take her, she will be the wife in Proverbs 31.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth.

Yet for the ladies, I feel compelled to add this for them:

1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

 

[Churchgoer]

My understanding of attraction:

Healthy to some degree,
Pleasant confident in person,
Good communication.

Not merely look, but look is part of it. A very pretty person if very shady and low self esteem, can lose a lot of attraction.
But an every day Jane, Bob can be very attractive with confidence, welcoming smiles, generous conversation....