Can't Take a Hint

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hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
May 10, 2014
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Have you ever been approached by someone either face-to-face or even here on CC in chat who were flirting with you and showing interest, but you had absolutely no desire to interact with them? Perhaps you tried to politely turn them down, but the person still persisted on trying to gain your attention. How do you proceed in that situation? Do you try to ignore the person, continue your polite refusals, or do you become more direct?

Did any of these experiences worsen because of your actions?
 
On here yes, in chat, even told the guy I was married, he was still interested. I put him on ignore, obviously if he wouldn't even stop bothering a married woman he shouldn't be on CC.
 
Yeah...I've tried to change the subject , but that approach got me no where. I'm gonna try harder to be more direct and honest from now on.
 
When you open a window to pm me it says I only respond to interesting messages. Hi how are you doesn't cut it. And if people were trying to flirt with me I'd probably be clueless, or else I'd start playing clueless and hope they go away. I have rather strong opinions that random strangers shouldn't be flirting with me anyway.
 
I have learnt one thing here, as long as I used to "interact" on "single forum" I was giving (or receiving) an ambiguos idea that I was (1) engaged (2) or single again (3) or interested in seeking a relationship on CC or (4) temporalily being engaged while getting the BBD... Etcetera!

It be nice if we men were "discouraged" trickly interacting with married or engaged ones by using a visible sign (like a wedding ring) near avatars; because I HAVE "SEEN" many do not pay attention (or don´t show respect for another man) at reading what is said on ladies profiles: Marital Status: married (it should also say "busy in an emotional relationship with another")

I consider a must paying a visit on profiles to know age and marital status.

I remember I liked one who never said her age (I liked her a lot) but know it´s clear, for me, I´m too old (and far) from that one I liked. :o

Those situations the OP has mentioned came by a misunderstanding or both, a personal seeking several men (or women) might have shown on "single" forum.

What if they were secretely engaged, not willing to give that warn on CC (and she <or he> was not sure -or happy- to let it be known while being ambiguos on this virtuality)?

I´d rather stay out of single forum, btw (too old to be here) (it´s like teen forum) :)
 
I am direct and honest so I would be direct and honest with them but do it without being mean. If they still didn't stop, I would put them on the ignore list.

Personally I can't stand hints. I usually miss them or it takes awhile for me to "get" them. I would much rather a person be direct in their thoughts and feelings toward me.
 
Hints are being in their "ignore list(s)" (sure they don´t have it in their actual life).

Hints are not being accepted by the way a person is, just by their expectations (or supposed to be as Christians or aged).

Well!

I said I would not be back here (: P) but I´m sure those hints are ignored by those ignore lists, which are sound and quite polite to no hurt feelings, regrets, etc.
 
The problem with hinting too much is that the nicer people who are just being friendly probably don't think people will see a problem with them PMing. And the jerks are too big of jerks to even care.

I will sometimes tolerate people i'm not crazy about if they seem nice. But if someone is obviously obnoxious i will just end it.

But really, from what i hear from the women on this site, there are a lot lot lot of arrogant, self absorbed men that can't take even the most obvious of hints. Or refuse to accept no even. I believe when men (or women) push too hard, even in light of refusal to chat or share information it should be reported.
 
I typically laugh it off if it happens in chat, or feign complete ignorance. :p If it becomes more direct I will let them know that I'm not looking for a relationship. If it becomes aggressive I will stop responding to the person at all.

I don't like to assume that it's flirting until it reaches a certain point. I mean, we do a lot of joking around in Singles Chat, and we're all good friends with the exception of newer people who kind of wander in and haven't gotten to know us yet. I don't consider joking around to be the same as flirting. (I hope not, otherwise I'm probably a terrible flirt, haha.)

I have a message in my PM box that asks that I not be contacted via private message (thanks for being considerate) or something to that effect. Most people I don't know well respect that. Those I do know well already know my situation and aren't trying to hook up anyway, so it works out well.
 
I usually try not to assume they are flirting with me, but if it gets to that point where I feel they are, and I have no interest, I'll just ask them bluntly if they are and then tell them I have no interest. If they continue bugging me I will go into detail why we don't "click" and point out the reason I do not like them is the same reason as them being a bad listener xD. Then ignore list after that if it continues.

I try to avoid this route if possible... But sometimes it is unavoidable...
 
face to face is easier, because i can read reactions and energy and act more confidently (and decisively) based upon that, however, i still worry about guys' feelings. and i read their nervous energy and that sort of touches me--but not enough to go out with them. : )

depending upon the time, place, person (whether he's a stranger or acquaintance) i will go with one of my "standby" responses. it took me a (quite) a while to learn that if you're not decisive enough, you can often inspire greater persistence. guys that are quieter, more introverted are sometimes easier for me to deal with, but historically they're the ones who surprise me the most when they return with some level of persistence.

the biggest issue that is that my playfulness and outgoing nature will be often misconstrued as flirting or something more. that happens in person, and that happens maybe more online. as a result, i tend to put up my own boundaries that i think will only create more (unwanted) attention.

generally, if a guy is really sweet, and being respectful, i match that. if he is getting more pushy, i try to be kind, but at a certain point, i just put them on ignore. and then there are times when it's just ridiculous and i lose my patience and call them on the fact that they're flatly being a jerk. but that's pretty rare.

sometimes i really wish i didn't worry so much about everyone's feelings. that has gotten me into trouble in the past, but i don't really know how to shut that off--just work on managing it.
 
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Gypsy, I tend to be a people pleaser as well and worry about everyone's feelings... :/
 
Raine said:
Gypsy, I tend to be a people pleaser as well and worry about everyone's feelings... :/
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yeah, it's a double-edged sword, isn't it? like you, i'm very tenderhearted, and i consider it a strength and positive thing, however, on the flip-side, it can definitely be manipulated and exploited. especially by people who aren't OVERTLY jerks, but can be manipulative or pushy while still appearing to observe the rules of civility.

that can be a real achille's heel "situation" for me.
Ugly said:
And the jerks are too big of jerks to even care.
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yes, so many yesses!
 
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I care about others feelings but when someone knows what they're doing is making you uncomfortable then don't ever to say, beat feet, you just made it to my ignore list.
 
When women flirt with me relentlessly (which happens unendingly - is that even a word?) I will mail them an autographed photo of my side-face profile. That usually keeps them happy for a while.

Unfortunately after a couple of months they request that I send them an autographed photo of the other side of my face, and I have to do it all over again.

It's not easy being a stalker-magnet!!!
 
Descyple said:
When women flirt with me relentlessly (which happens unendingly - is that even a word?) I will mail them an autographed photo of my side-face profile. That usually keeps them happy for a while.

Unfortunately after a couple of months they request that I send them an autographed photo of the other side of my face, and I have to do it all over again.

It's not easy being a stalker-magnet!!!
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I feel so sorry for you.
 
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