Christmas without estranged child. Encouragement please.😢
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Christmas is your encouragement. For the first time in some time you may celebrate Christmas as it was meant to be celebrated.
Christmas is not about family as special as that is. It's not about music or gifts or decorations. It's about a loving God who made a way for sinful people to have peace with Himself.
This should also encourage you concerning your loved one. All is not lost. Christmas is an awesome reminder that God has come in the flesh to restore relationships. Ask Him to restore this one too.
I'll leave you with a few lines from a poem:
Christmas is not about buying and selling,
But about where souls will be eternally dwelling.
Did you not know on that first Christmas morn,
The one on which the Christ child was born,
The only gift that was given that day,
Was given by God and rested on hay.
Praying God will encourage you in His ministry of reconciliation.
Christmas is NOT about what you get put of it...although I do get a LOT out of it....it's about the stuff you give away...as what Christ gave for us.
Basically it is what you make of it.
My wife and I work towards Christmas all year long. From planning on the exact types of cookies and candies to make to the gingerbread house blanks we design to the toys we purchase and other gifts we buy...to the meals we plan and prepare. Each step is long thought out with complicated logistics.
It takes time to secure adequate packaging for cookies and candies and design labels and tags. Nevermind the actual ingredients for the food items we create. (I write the recipes and design the cookies and truffles)
As we generously give to all that we have relationships with perfect gifts for them...it's awesome to see the looks on their faces of surprise and wonder and sometimes incredulity....they can't believe that someone cared to notice them in truth.
Christmas day itself is the letdown...it's over. The building to the day itself is the fun stuff...the getting ready for Christmas rocks. It's what holds the best stuff and the fondest memories.
So your son wishes to be estranged...you have a life outside of him...go live it.
Basically it is what you make of it.
My wife and I work towards Christmas all year long. From planning on the exact types of cookies and candies to make to the gingerbread house blanks we design to the toys we purchase and other gifts we buy...to the meals we plan and prepare. Each step is long thought out with complicated logistics.
It takes time to secure adequate packaging for cookies and candies and design labels and tags. Nevermind the actual ingredients for the food items we create. (I write the recipes and design the cookies and truffles)
As we generously give to all that we have relationships with perfect gifts for them...it's awesome to see the looks on their faces of surprise and wonder and sometimes incredulity....they can't believe that someone cared to notice them in truth.
Christmas day itself is the letdown...it's over. The building to the day itself is the fun stuff...the getting ready for Christmas rocks. It's what holds the best stuff and the fondest memories.
So your son wishes to be estranged...you have a life outside of him...go live it.
Ooooops....
Well I had a 50/50 of getting it right considering I didn't read carefully.
So the responses are "you can stop celebrating Christmas wrong now" and "oh well, get over it"?
Some cold hearted people here.
Some cold hearted people here.
Even if you think I did a poor job trying to encourage, judging my heart to be cold is you being guilty of the very thing you criticize.
I'm always open to constructive criticism. Please show me how to do better.
A lot of people celebrate Christmas without their children, especially if they live far away or they have other plans like visiting in-laws etc. It does create a hole but you can still have a nice Christmas. I would contact the child to wish Merry Christmas and to remind her that your doors are always open.
It has been brought to my attention that my previous response might serve only to heighten your discouragement and this was never my intention. If this has been the case I am truly sorry and ask your forgiveness.
I was listening to a sermon about the responsibilities of a shepherd earlier today. One of the responsibilities was for the shepherd to use his crook to return wandering little ones to the care of their mothers. May the great Shepherd of the sheep put forth His crook and restore your wandering one to you.
May the Lord give you peace and joy as you celebrate His incarnation.
Both of my kids are estranged, for nearly ten years. I pray God’s blessings on them and also for reconciliation, but that’s not in my hands. I put them in God’s hands and get on with life. Choosing to respect their decisions goes a long way toward my own peace of mind.
By the way, if you haven’t read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, you may find it helpful.
When our children were growing up, we celebrated Christmas as a family unit. Now that our children are grown, they do the same with their families. While our parents were alive, we would visit them the week after Christmas, if we were close enough to make the trip.
One of our sons hasn't been home in five years. He has his own life and work, and although we would like to see him, we respect that. If we were able to travel, we would go see him.
One of our sons hasn't been home in five years. He has his own life and work, and although we would like to see him, we respect that. If we were able to travel, we would go see him.
Thanks for the encouragement. I k ow the family dynamics changed for now but God will restore our family and we just have to live life as it is for now.. I will enjoy Christmas but part of me will always be broken until I see my daughter again.
Thanks. This really brought me comfort and I think also this is because I just had a good opened hearted prayer/talk with God.. God spoke through you I felt that..
My grown daughter lives within several miles of me, but will not speak. She throws out any mail I send, hangs up if I call, and gives no reason. I sent a social worker who said she was charming, and praised the times we spent together after she became an adult.It is nine years since she would speak.
It is difficult to live with, but the Lord does not want us to live in a "poor me" state, as I was doing. I went on a five day total fast to learn from the Lord how to cope. I'm retired, so I devoted all my time to scripture and prayer. Fasting from material things and living only with the spiritual as fasting is. it is powerful.
God changed me during that fast. I could let my daughter go to grow in her own way, trusting her to the Lord and accepting all she decides as right for her, accepting her exactly as she does and is. God gave me oils for painting, the picture with this post is one of them. God gave me joy that never leaves me to replace my "poor me" I was living.
It is difficult to live with, but the Lord does not want us to live in a "poor me" state, as I was doing. I went on a five day total fast to learn from the Lord how to cope. I'm retired, so I devoted all my time to scripture and prayer. Fasting from material things and living only with the spiritual as fasting is. it is powerful.
God changed me during that fast. I could let my daughter go to grow in her own way, trusting her to the Lord and accepting all she decides as right for her, accepting her exactly as she does and is. God gave me oils for painting, the picture with this post is one of them. God gave me joy that never leaves me to replace my "poor me" I was living.
We cannot contact her because we do not know where our daughter is living. We know nothing. The police said she is of age to leave, so no help out there.
Thank you. A fast sounds wonderful. I joined a group called hurting mom's it helps knowing I am not alone and we cry and pray together.. beautiful picture
In times of hardship, be thankful to God for all that you have. God does not give us more than we can take; through your faith is Him, you will be rewarded.
I think with mothers and daughters esp it can be hard but youve got to look at it this way she may have something important God wants her to do and she can only really learn it away from her mother.
Daughters have to leave and they do it all the time, traditonally, daughters were sold or given away in marriage, Mothers never actually had the right to keep hold of them forever. Got to fly the nest sometime!!
I know this dynamic is painful but this is the whole thing with mothers and daughters, on one hand they want to be close and on the other they push you away. But mothers and daughters are not married to each other, so its not a bondage in that sense. (although for some of us, it seems like it!)
It sounds like you do, however have a loving husband who has actually promised to stick by you until you or he dies. At least I believe so, if I am wrong and you a widow or solo mother I apologise. The thing that you dont know where she is, like shes gone missing, just means you have to release her to God.
I had a friend who went missing and yes it was her mother who hurt the most. But I do know the friend was saved, even though her body was actually never found not because of her mother but because God was looking out for her...through neighbours and strangers and angels unawares. Jesus goes after that one sheep that goes astray, He truly does. Nobody can snatch them out of his hand.
Daughters have to leave and they do it all the time, traditonally, daughters were sold or given away in marriage, Mothers never actually had the right to keep hold of them forever. Got to fly the nest sometime!!
I know this dynamic is painful but this is the whole thing with mothers and daughters, on one hand they want to be close and on the other they push you away. But mothers and daughters are not married to each other, so its not a bondage in that sense. (although for some of us, it seems like it!)
It sounds like you do, however have a loving husband who has actually promised to stick by you until you or he dies. At least I believe so, if I am wrong and you a widow or solo mother I apologise. The thing that you dont know where she is, like shes gone missing, just means you have to release her to God.
I had a friend who went missing and yes it was her mother who hurt the most. But I do know the friend was saved, even though her body was actually never found not because of her mother but because God was looking out for her...through neighbours and strangers and angels unawares. Jesus goes after that one sheep that goes astray, He truly does. Nobody can snatch them out of his hand.