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How many church goers does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None – Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None – Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: -- What's a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None – Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None – Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: -- What's a light bulb?
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Miri
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kaylagrl
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kaylagrl
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"If you really want that light bulb to glow, you have to speak it out. You have the print on the packaging, but it's not enough. Visualize the bulb glowing. Never say 'the light bulb doesn't work ', because if you do that, the bulb will never work for you. Declare victory over the light bulb. You have the power and authority to turn it on with your thoughts and words........"
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Miri
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kaylagrl
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You might be Southern Baptist if…
You believe you are supposed to take a covered dish to heaven when you die.
You clapped in church last Sunday and felt guilty about it all week.
You think someone who says "amen" while the Pastor is preaching might be a charismatic.
You believe you are supposed to take a covered dish to heaven when you die.
You clapped in church last Sunday and felt guilty about it all week.
You think someone who says "amen" while the Pastor is preaching might be a charismatic.
Hmm... I know a lot of denominational jokes, but I don't tell most of them because they seem to put the denomination down. There is one I know though:
An Anglican and a Presbyterian church in one town happened to be next door neighbors. Their respective pastors were good friends, but as good friends from different sides will do they also had a good natured rivalry going.
One year the Presbyterian church needed some work done on the subflooring of the fellowship hall. The Anglican pastor called up his friend and commented, "I hear there is something wrong with the Presbyterian church's foundation."
Six months later a thunderstorm came through and a bolt of lightning hit the Anglican church right on the steeple. The Presbyterian pastor wasted no timing calling up his friend to remark, "Where our enemies are from below, yours seem to be from above."
An Anglican and a Presbyterian church in one town happened to be next door neighbors. Their respective pastors were good friends, but as good friends from different sides will do they also had a good natured rivalry going.
One year the Presbyterian church needed some work done on the subflooring of the fellowship hall. The Anglican pastor called up his friend and commented, "I hear there is something wrong with the Presbyterian church's foundation."
Six months later a thunderstorm came through and a bolt of lightning hit the Anglican church right on the steeple. The Presbyterian pastor wasted no timing calling up his friend to remark, "Where our enemies are from below, yours seem to be from above."
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kaylagrl
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kaylagrl
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kaylagrl
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This reminds me....Saw this on FB and thought it was cute.
Anyone have others to share.Be kind!
One day a traveler went to the local barber shop to get a haircut and a shave. The barber was out at the time, but his wife Grace was there and she was learning the trade as a side job, so she gave him a shave-and-a-haircut (though inflation has long since driven the price above two bits.)
The next day the traveler noticed he didn't need a shave. Two, three, four days later he still had no stubble.
Three weeks afterward he passed through that town again, still looking as though he had just shaved. He stopped by the barber shop to see if the barber knew anything about this.
The barber said, "Oh that's because you were shaved by Grace. Once shaved, always shaved."
(Editor's note: I wish I could get in on this. Razor blades are expensive these days!)
