Difficult Christians

[al5]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

 

[Gideon300]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

A friend and mentor told me once that he was not here to be liked. He spoke the truth in love, and sometimes it was hard to take. God's word tell us how to deal with divisive people. By that I mean people who won't just agree to disagree.

"Reject a divisive man after a first and second admonition," Titus 3:10

"Now I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who create divisions and obstacles that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Turn away from them." Romans 16:17

"one who stirs up discord among brothers." This is one of 7 things listed that God hates. Proverbs 6:16-19

I have been involved in two Baptist churches that were destroyed by divisive people. It's not pretty and it is a terrible witness to the world. One of the problems is that many Christians are too nice. Many churches have an open door policy, which is not Biblical. Sometimes it is necessary to tell someone to take a walk and come back when they ready to be in unity.

We had one young believer come into the Bible School we had for a couple of years. He got upset with me because he was against one of the writers we suggested he read. The book was about forgiving one another...... Because he was aggressive, I would not allow him to join the school.

He did come back and he did apologise for his attitude. He told me recently that I had led him to get his Christian life back on track.
I take no credit. I had no idea at the time as to how he would respond. I trust the Lord Jesus to give me words of life and wisdom. I am not responsible for how people react, only to say what God would have me say and to do what God would have me do. And that is entirely by the grace of God.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

I understand that it's stressful to be going through this conflict. That's nothing compared to what you'll find in your church once you find a position. This might be a time of patience building for that assembly. Personally, I study on how to deal with the problems in ways that won't simply alienate my influence on such. There are those who are however to be marked and avoided when they sow division contrary to sound doctrine.

 

[Aaron56]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

I find that people who are the most boisterous about their beliefs lack confidence, tend to be double-minded, and are unsteady in their personal lives. They need remedial work, child's instruction, in the disciplines of self-control and patience. I can love them but I cannot build with them. I certainly avoid any debate with them: they are typically not interested in hearing anything but their own voice.

 

[jacko]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

Most Christians believes their "interpretation" of Christianity is the truth. Maybe start before filtering out there beliefs, I like to see if they exhibit any fruits of the spirit such as love, patience, kindness, etc. Show me how "real" you are before how "right" you are.

 

[dkontner]

Most Christians believes their "interpretation" of Christianity is the truth. Maybe start before filtering out there beliefs, I like to see if they exhibit any fruits of the spirit such as love, patience, kindness, etc. Show me how "real" you are before how "right" you are.

And we should pray for patience

 

[jacko]

Look at where the volume of posts are in this forum. That will tell you something about the state of Christianity.

 

[JayWalker]

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

If they are smart they'll deal with them by the leading of the Holy Spirit based on what God has already said in His Word

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

 

[Karlon]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

diplomatically, gently & lovingly. by course, great patience too. as soon as i hear someone say something off color, terribly wrong or just plain ignorant, i walk away.

 

[frederickdoc]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

When ? a paster is truely Anointed By the Holy Spirit ".I see this myself" .People are to afraid to ask a wrong Question s.hope The light shines on that

 

[ResidentAlien]

I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines.

This might be a good place to start. You say they're secondary but it sounds like they think they're essential. You first need to work if these doctrines are essential or secondary. Ask them why they think they're essential, and to make a case for their position. Maybe they actually are essential, who knows. If you're still convinced they're secondary, just politely tell them you're not interested in talking about it anymore. If they don't respect this, show them scriptures about not quarreling; you don't have to look very hard.

 

[Mem]

I had an epiphany that these described, and those like them, might as well be considered dogs, or bone pickers. One of the meanings of the idiom ' a bone to pick' is something to argue about, and its origin dates back to the 1500s from the idea of dogs and how they chewed meat off bones and oftentimes fight over who gets to gnaw on a bone for a snack.

I have two dogs who were sitting attentively while I was conversing with my granddaughter. I imagine, much like a Far Side comic panel, they heard, "blah, blah, blah, blah, duck, blah..." because the littlest biggest bully jumped up into my lap to 'get in my face' when he heard "duck" and the other stood to come close behind.

And so, I gave them each their 'bone' so that Jo and I could continue our 'no bones about it' conversation in peace.

 

[JohnDB]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

This "hard core" secondary issues.....
I'm going to assume they fall outside of the two greatest commandments of loving God and our neighbor.

And yes, there are people who get all wound up on particular things.
As a passionate person myself I am prone to get wound up on topics. (Putting it mildly)

However the old axiom holds true. (No one cares what you know if they dont know that you care)

Meaning, your relationship with people is of a much higher priority than which direction they faced the water when baptized. (It was an obscure thing decades ago)

Some of these "doctrines" are relatively harmless and unimportant....like Baptists with their demands for full immersion baptisms.
Some are much more divisive and restrictive like King James Version Only or Seventh Day only....essentially creating laws, restrictions or requirements (handwashing) that really have a thin basis in scripture and do absolutely nothing to strengthen relationships with God or man.
And those relationships are the very object of the exercise now arent they?

Our lives are to be unmarked by anything other than our relationship with God. It's supposed to be our defining characteristic.
And for the most part that's true.
So long as we do not step anywhere near gnosticism.....we are in safe territory...kinda. (not gonna discuss those with identity changing careers....that's another whole discussion)

But our relationships do tend to define us....
Politicians tend to seek out publicity pictures with clergy....so they can be viewed as honest. And clergy do likewise to seem relevant.
Who is using who more? Ramifications for doing so?

I'll leave those as questions for you to figure out....
Because when you do....you will answer the question of your association with these guys with divisive doctrines.

Because I'm capable of reading what isn't printed....and maybe you will come back to read my answer.

 

[legion]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

Two things.

1. Churches have primary and secondary issues. By default everyone who joins a church should agree with the primary doctrines of that church. The secondary issues, are good for mature debate outside of the churches operations amounts the members generally but as mentioned, can be agreed to disagree, and still have meaninfull fellowship.

A person holding fast to a secondary doctrine that isn't in alignment with the general church is most likely in the wrong church.

2. Out of curiosity what are the secondary doctrine they are holding too.

Side notes:

I was a member of a great church that had grown from 20 people to over 1000 in about 6 years. The pastor was awesome, the teachings were great, they had hone groups, and every month or two a gathering where we had a dinner and testimony time outside... men's and women's retreats... it was really great.

This was originally a baptist church, but had left the SBC and became a "non denominational bible" church. That when the growth really exploded... even built a new church with donations to seat 1200 and have 2 services on Sunday.

Then a small segment began to push a more charismatic view and really started a big problem... the church ultimately split after a year or so of this... (fortunately the core church survive, but it damaged a lot of relations.)

In the end, people have a right to worship where they want, however they must submit to the church's core beliefs, and agree to disagree on secondary issues. Or they are a problem.

I am a person who believes that one can throw away the gift of salvation and this conflicted with the aforementioned church. My solution was simple, do not teach others you can throw the gift away. I would mention that some people believe otherwise, but would promote OSAS in the context of the church for purposes of unity.

Hope that helps

 

[Shepherd]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

Once had a pastor who liked to teach on the "angels cohabiting with women" thing he claimed was revealed in Genesis 6. He would dare anyone to disagree with him on it, so. to my knowledge no one openly did. But during these sessions he would say something like "I know some of y'all just won't have that" (meaning disagree). I still to this day don't know why it was so important to him but, anyway. he taught alot of other wonky stuff too, but nothing major. You, I, and all other Christians are "difficult" at times. It's part of our fallen nature or "old man".

 

[Dino246]

Look at where the volume of posts are in this forum. That will tell you something about the state of Christianity.

Actually, it doesn’t. All it tells you is a few details about the people who post here. Most Christians I know don’t post here. Most people on here talk about things that concern them, and neither the topics, attitudes, or opinions are broadly representative.

 

[Drich]

Hello. I wonder how the pastor's deal with challenging personalities? I'm an MDiv student graduating sometime before the years end. I have 2 people that I know who are very hard core when it comes to a couple of secondary doctrines. They keep pushing them like they have some sort of agenda for me to accept what they say. I enjoy conversation and exploring ideas, but I find that I get annoyed and don't want to talk to these people. I don't even talk about my thoughts because they make me feel uncomfortable with their strong positions.

I wonder how pastors deal with this?

AL

introduce the concept of secondary doctrine, and impress upon them that not all need to agree on every point outside of salvation. Because The same grace and mercy that is extended to us when we sin and repent is also extended to us when we are doing our best to love God with all of our ability to do so and to love our neighbors as ourselves, and just get things wrong.

 

[Avery]

Know there are always going to be people out there who like to push their opinions on others. When I was in Bible college there was a group of students who.gathered after chapel every day to discuss that days particular speaker and what was incorrect about their message, doctrine, etc. I called them “hallway debaters”. They wanted to argue every point and push their opinions without showing the courtesy of listening to others in a conversation. Through the years I have learned to discern the difference between those who truly want to discuss ideas and those who just want to argue for the sake of hearing themselves talk, and I promptly excuse myself from the conversation because I consider it a display of pride and therefore a waste of my time. I ask God to reveal the truth according to His Word (to all of us) and move on. Who knows when the time truth will be revealed and a productive conversation can take place? He does. Until then? Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling and trust God that they will eventually do the same.

Don’t let people get you caught up in trying to figure out, “exactly how many angels CAN dance on the head of a pin?” That’s sort of what they’re doing when they debate just to hear themselves talk. Sounds a bit cynical? Yes, I know. .

May the Lord be with you in your future ministry and may you always be a vessel of honor for Him,
Avery

 

[JohnDB]

Know there are always going to be people out there who like to push their opinions on others. When I was in Bible college there was a group of students who.gathered after chapel every day to discuss that days particular speaker and what was incorrect about their message, doctrine, etc. I called them “hallway debaters”. They wanted to argue every point and push their opinions without showing the courtesy of listening to others in a conversation. Through the years I have learned to discern the difference between those who truly want to discuss ideas and those who just want to argue for the sake of hearing themselves talk, and I promptly excuse myself from the conversation because I consider it a display of pride and therefore a waste of my time. I ask God to reveal the truth according to His Word (to all of us) and move on. Who knows when the time truth will be revealed and a productive conversation can take place? He does. Until then? Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling and trust God that they will eventually do the same.

Don’t let people get you caught up in trying to figure out, “exactly how many angels CAN dance on the head of a pin?” That’s sort of what they’re doing when they debate just to hear themselves talk. Sounds a bit cynical? Yes, I know. .

May the Lord be with you in your future ministry and may you always be a vessel of honor for Him,
Avery

Just as an FYI....
I understand what YOU mean by the statement question of "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?"
However....it does have a real theological argument that backs it up...two distinct sides with scriptures to back up both sides.

And basically it discusses precisely what or whom in real world terms is an "angel".

Is an angel a spiritual semi-autonomous being?
Or
Can anything/anyone be a "ministering spirit"?