K
Do you want to know....
- Thread starter Crimson_Lark
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I voted "Yes, it will clear the air". If he likes me and I like him back, well then:
And if he likes me and I don't like him back, then I can be honest and we can still hopefully clear the air and keep things as minimally awkward as possible. (Then again, I've never had anyone really tell me they like me, so maybe it's harder to keep things not awkward than I know/think...)
And if he likes me and I don't like him back, then I can be honest and we can still hopefully clear the air and keep things as minimally awkward as possible. (Then again, I've never had anyone really tell me they like me, so maybe it's harder to keep things not awkward than I know/think...)
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Wow, Crimson, I wonder what inspired this topic haha. I'm gonna wait a bit longer before I answer
The crazy thing Ira is you are the third person this past week, from CC, who brought up the topic before I posted it.
You never know. I had a crush on a guy in a wheel chair once. But he never pursued me and I was too shy at the time to pursue him.
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Donkeyfish07
Guest
I already know unless your putting your entire heart and soul into hiding it from me, if I'm not pursuing it I have a reason not to pursue it. I pay very close attention to everything. I can even tell when someone likes me but feels like it's a horrible idea, when they feel like it would be a great idea but they don't really like me, when they don't like me at all but just try to be polite, when they like me a lot and try to be rude, and all those little variations of the OP. lol. I don't care if it's verbalized or not.
Hey Donkey, I want to put your ''relationship'' sense to the test. Does it work in the chat room?
K
kei
Guest
i'd rather upfront, and not sugar coat, that's respectable, now would i do it myself, hmm i cant' say i have always done that rightly
I'm still very intrigued by the answers people are giving here.
Aren't there other contributing factors? I mean is it 'right' for the girl to initiate? How do guys really feel about that? Would that make him feel like he's not capable of leading?
What if she knows he's been rejected so many times in the past and maybe that could be holding him back now, if she told him how she felt would that make things easier or worse? Like does it make him feel like less of a man?
What if she is sitting there waiting for him to ask her (because she wants him to initiate) and as a result she never expresses her feelings? Would it really make things awkward if she did tell him and he didn't feel the same way?
Isn't there an element of trusting in God involved too? I dunno, I mean by 'telling' the person aren't we kinda taking control of the situation ourselves where perhaps we should be relying on God to work it out for us (we're doing a big series on trusting God at the moment, so this just got me thinking about that).
I have so many questions. I'm so confused. Guys are so confusing.
Aren't there other contributing factors? I mean is it 'right' for the girl to initiate? How do guys really feel about that? Would that make him feel like he's not capable of leading?
What if she knows he's been rejected so many times in the past and maybe that could be holding him back now, if she told him how she felt would that make things easier or worse? Like does it make him feel like less of a man?
What if she is sitting there waiting for him to ask her (because she wants him to initiate) and as a result she never expresses her feelings? Would it really make things awkward if she did tell him and he didn't feel the same way?
Isn't there an element of trusting in God involved too? I dunno, I mean by 'telling' the person aren't we kinda taking control of the situation ourselves where perhaps we should be relying on God to work it out for us (we're doing a big series on trusting God at the moment, so this just got me thinking about that).
I have so many questions. I'm so confused. Guys are so confusing.
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FireWire
Guest
Aren't there other contributing factors? I mean is it 'right' for the girl to initiate? How do guys really feel about that? Would that make him feel like he's not capable of leading?
The only contributing factor is acceptance or rejection. I see nothing wrong with who initiates as there is no serious relationship at that point so it doesn't matter who does what. It's more initiative that that point. However you could argue that initiative is a part of leadership. It's really about clear and honest communication. One aspect of a great relationship. Leadership starts when he/she says yes.
What if she knows he's been rejected so many times in the past and maybe that could be holding him back now, if she told him how she felt would that make things easier or worse? Like does it make him feel like less of a man?
What if he thought that if she did it would be really sweet?
Isn't there an element of trusting in God involved too? I dunno, I mean by 'telling' the person aren't we kinda taking control of the situation ourselves where perhaps we should be relying on God to work it out for us (we're doing a big series on trusting God at the moment, so this just got me thinking about that).
Yes but that has to be balanced against free will which is what God intended in the first place but has been sadly corrupted. We're not puppets where God is pulling the strings all the time.
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Donkeyfish07
Guest
No, I have to know someone in person for that. It's not a super power, lol.....eye contact, body language, how you talk, what we talk about, is there any casual touching, etc.... That's how I discern it, I pay very close attention to every detail. I'm pretty confident that someone could fool me really easy if they wanted to make me think one way or the other over the Internet though (Not that it would matter either way, I'm not an online dating type of person). I don't see how it's possible to do it reliably when you are not face to face with someone.
D
Donkeyfish07
Guest
It's all a matter of opinion on that bold part I think. Some people like it, some people don't, some people will say it's not right, others will say nothing wrong with it. I don't think your going to find a yes or no answer to those questions. Also, as a guy...an emotion that is "feeling not capable of leading" probably isn't relevant here at all, like it's just not even a possibility. If he's really shy, maybe he will feel intimidated and uncertain about how to respond. That's possible, but again...it depends on the person. There's no answer that applies to everyone.
I will tell you the biggest emotional problem men have though most won't admit it. Deep down they "feel like they aren't good enough". That is a common problem young men (even a lot of grown men) have, and that's where a lot of this passive behavior/lack of initiative comes from. It's also why guys try to be nonchalant and act uninterested when they really are.There is nothing you can do to help a guy with this problem as a woman though. It's a self-respect/esteem issue he has to work out on his own. Lots of times a girl will think a guy just doesn't like her, but it's really this problem I'm talking about. He doesn't feel like he's good enough.
If a girl wants to initiate she should go for it. Its not going to hurt my manliness if they just had HAD to tell me they were interested. I mean seriously any arguments about men needing to initiate seem extremely archaic and sexist to me.
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juzmargie
Guest
YES. I would always wants to know. Either I have a feeling back to him or not, that is not an issue. I still value his honesty & will always appreciate that.
Well, I took the risk. Didn't turn out the way I wanted but we're still friends. Actually, it stimulated good conversation about relationships/honesty etc. I'm glad I did though, it definitely cleared the air and there's no more ambiguity. He even mentioned the thought had crossed his mind about if we would work out etc but he doesn't actually have feelings for me. So, at least now we can go on with things and hopefully both meet the right person.
K
kenthomas27
Guest
Well, I think we just need to put you in a bigger lake so your brilliance is more noticeable! Brilliance is gained when you risk looking like a fool and I believe you just outwitted fate, iraasuup! God speed...