Dear Phil-uk
I am sorry to read of your marriage problems and how you think that you are being punished by God. All I will say is that God does NOT punish his children. He disciplines us just like you would discipline your child. We don’t punish our children.
Rev 3:19 “I correct and discipline everyone I love”.
I know that you are suffering, I’ve been there myself and at the time I didn’t have God’s spirit with me. However, since then I have learnt that through suffering we learn that God is enough for our lives and our future. We must love God regardless, whether he allows blessing or suffering to come to us. Testing is difficult, but the result is often a deeper relationship with God and those who endure the testing of their faith will experience Gods great rewards in the end.
Just remember that those who love God are NOT exempt from trouble. Although we may not be able to understand fully the pain we experience, it can lead to knowing God more and more.
I agree with Maxwel when he says that by receiving Jesus we become different people on the inside. I’m sure you feel and act different too. Your wife, being an unbeliever, might be seeing a change in you but not knowing what the change is. Therefore, this would make her defensive which is why she came out with those insults and comments to you.
You just have to have faith and trust in the Lord. He is always with us, through thick and thin. Put your trust in the Lord. If you begin to feel worthless or even begin to hate yourself remember that God’s Spirit is ready and willing to work within you. Just ask and God’s spirit will be there!
Nahum 1:7 “The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him.”
1 Peter 5:7 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you” – Recognise that God does care and let others in God’s family help you."
Isaiah 59:11 “The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.”
I will pray for God to be with you in this troubled time of your life and ask that he comfort you and that he will bring others into your life who will encourage you and be there for you. I will also pray for your wife and pray that she will see the glory of the Lord and receive Jesus. I pray that your wife will see how much better it is to live in the light rather than in the darkness.
God Bless - Lesley