Does the Bible ever say to beat kids?
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No, the Bible doesn't say to beat kids. The spare the rod, spoil the child is talking about a shepherd rod. Although you could probably make the argument that they beat their kids back in Jesus's time.
We spanked my 1st son (definitely didn't beat). He's the type of kid that it didn't work and so you either need to move up physically (which we weren't going to do) or change the approach.
Beating makes kids sneaky and manipulative. If you want to understand spankings look at the Dougars. You have these well behaved kids from the outside.... meanwhile the oldest is m the girls in the house. It's not a coincidence Josh's name was on a website for affairs. My dad was also beat and has had multiple affairs. That's a typical response for kids that "fix" a behavior but not the underlining skills.
Now I was "spanked" which was 1 slap 2 times in my childhood. The idea behind spankings is shut down the emotion now. And I've paid dearly for this idea. But I'm not sneaky... bc I wanted to please anyway as a child. I just didn't handle my emotions correct certain times...obviously. Like all kids.
Before you go all in on timeout and binge watch supernanny....look at prisons and schools. If time out worked we would have no or little discipline problems there. Obviously that's not the case and time out is a completely useless consequence. At best your child sits there and thinks this is so unfair while they daydream and think of something else unrelated. At best they think about how they are going to get even... which is what they do in prisons.
Good inside is the parenting approach that ever made sense and worked on both my boys, but especially my extremely rebellious one.
1. Positive self talk- create a "good identity " for your child (even if they're quite difficult) and give them the words for what is going on. Confidence is actually self trust. If you tell your child "oh that's nothing. You're fine." You're actually teaching them they can't trust themselves and they are less confident and likely to break down more. Most modern parenting stops here.... that's why it doesn't work.
2. Boundaries- a boundary is something that YOU control and requires the other person to do nothing. "It's so hard to get rid of screens when we need to. I understand that's so frustrating. But I've already asked you to turn it off and since you didn't listen I am going to take the remote control and keep it for the night." It's not over the top and it's sticking by your words. It's not calling them disrespectful or you always do this type of talk.
Not all kids are the same. There are 4 tendencies people have. The upholder, questioner, obliger, and rebel. It's hard to tell with kids bc they don't have their own autonomy yet, but if you have a rebel you definitely know. Lol
I can't "reason" with my oldest. I know a lot of people have discussions with their kids for their parenting strategy. If I say up. He says down. My youngest yes...discussions work. Every kid is different so you have to look for what works for their personality.
My oldest does well with strict boundaries. He has a chore chart and when he's done he can have screens for a certain time. He completes it bc its not me "telling" him what to do. It's the chart. 😆 it makes no sense but it works. He can take all the time he wants... but he'll be waiting for what he wants too. I go over the rules all the time with him... which are written down on the fridge. He gets reward tickets every day be behaves. Some are funny "extra long hug". He'll also listen carefully for earning money... shocker. Lol
My younger has the same type of system... bc my older has it. He doesn't need it. My younger does well with positive self talk and boundaries too. He will listen with discussions.
I will say I hated being a parent before I implemented this strategy with positive self talk and boundaries. I couldn't get my oldest to listen and felt like a horrible mother. It was like a 360 difference. I also realized I had boundary issues in other areas bc of how I grew up. I would even say most women today, especially christian women have boundary issues. It leads to nagging or being emotionally distant or burn out.
We spanked my 1st son (definitely didn't beat). He's the type of kid that it didn't work and so you either need to move up physically (which we weren't going to do) or change the approach.
Beating makes kids sneaky and manipulative. If you want to understand spankings look at the Dougars. You have these well behaved kids from the outside.... meanwhile the oldest is m the girls in the house. It's not a coincidence Josh's name was on a website for affairs. My dad was also beat and has had multiple affairs. That's a typical response for kids that "fix" a behavior but not the underlining skills.
Now I was "spanked" which was 1 slap 2 times in my childhood. The idea behind spankings is shut down the emotion now. And I've paid dearly for this idea. But I'm not sneaky... bc I wanted to please anyway as a child. I just didn't handle my emotions correct certain times...obviously. Like all kids.
Before you go all in on timeout and binge watch supernanny....look at prisons and schools. If time out worked we would have no or little discipline problems there. Obviously that's not the case and time out is a completely useless consequence. At best your child sits there and thinks this is so unfair while they daydream and think of something else unrelated. At best they think about how they are going to get even... which is what they do in prisons.
Good inside is the parenting approach that ever made sense and worked on both my boys, but especially my extremely rebellious one.
1. Positive self talk- create a "good identity " for your child (even if they're quite difficult) and give them the words for what is going on. Confidence is actually self trust. If you tell your child "oh that's nothing. You're fine." You're actually teaching them they can't trust themselves and they are less confident and likely to break down more. Most modern parenting stops here.... that's why it doesn't work.
2. Boundaries- a boundary is something that YOU control and requires the other person to do nothing. "It's so hard to get rid of screens when we need to. I understand that's so frustrating. But I've already asked you to turn it off and since you didn't listen I am going to take the remote control and keep it for the night." It's not over the top and it's sticking by your words. It's not calling them disrespectful or you always do this type of talk.
Not all kids are the same. There are 4 tendencies people have. The upholder, questioner, obliger, and rebel. It's hard to tell with kids bc they don't have their own autonomy yet, but if you have a rebel you definitely know. Lol
I can't "reason" with my oldest. I know a lot of people have discussions with their kids for their parenting strategy. If I say up. He says down. My youngest yes...discussions work. Every kid is different so you have to look for what works for their personality.
My oldest does well with strict boundaries. He has a chore chart and when he's done he can have screens for a certain time. He completes it bc its not me "telling" him what to do. It's the chart. 😆 it makes no sense but it works. He can take all the time he wants... but he'll be waiting for what he wants too. I go over the rules all the time with him... which are written down on the fridge. He gets reward tickets every day be behaves. Some are funny "extra long hug". He'll also listen carefully for earning money... shocker. Lol
My younger has the same type of system... bc my older has it. He doesn't need it. My younger does well with positive self talk and boundaries too. He will listen with discussions.
I will say I hated being a parent before I implemented this strategy with positive self talk and boundaries. I couldn't get my oldest to listen and felt like a horrible mother. It was like a 360 difference. I also realized I had boundary issues in other areas bc of how I grew up. I would even say most women today, especially christian women have boundary issues. It leads to nagging or being emotionally distant or burn out.
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Are you sure about that?
Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge.
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Proverbs 23:12-14
Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge.
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Proverbs 23:12-14
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You know what she was asking. We all know when it goes too far. Yes we all needed spanking. It’s funny how posters just through out verses with no idea about hearing God.
- Is. 30:21 says, “Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” Whenever you turn to the right hand Or whenever you turn to the left.”
- John 10:27 “My sheep hear My voice…”
- Is. 30:21 says, “Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” Whenever you turn to the right hand Or whenever you turn to the left.”
- John 10:27 “My sheep hear My voice…”
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I as a child was physically beaten by parents. Why? because I deserved it. I was stubborn, rebellious and it was the 60's-70's. when I became a father I tried to raise my children different, with rules and guidelines but avoidance of physical punishment.
Now into my sixth decade of life, I see my children although responsible, caring for their wives and children, but lacking in Biblical principles and faith. I have failed them in that regard.
looking back the punishment I received as a child has taught me two principles, there is punishment and consequences for disobedience. Experience is a harsh teacher but when that is how you learn, it is hard to forget the lessons.
Now into my sixth decade of life, I see my children although responsible, caring for their wives and children, but lacking in Biblical principles and faith. I have failed them in that regard.
looking back the punishment I received as a child has taught me two principles, there is punishment and consequences for disobedience. Experience is a harsh teacher but when that is how you learn, it is hard to forget the lessons.
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oh gosh! I hadn't seen that one before.One day my kids were just like......
um, well, it was CRAZY around here! (they are tweens and teens )
So, I pulled her up on the youtube on the tv (we don't use that very much, so it certainly got their attention), turned the volume all the way up (hey, wanted to make sure it was heard) and played a couple asain mom discipline videos.
It got some laughs, and bought us a few moments of calm
until one child noticed a slipper laying around
and another ran into the laundry room for a hanger
oh what joy -
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*sigh* don't you just LOVE those gals?
you know, I had to smile/laugh at this.
I was talking with a friend the other day who happens to be a social worker (she's nearing her 60's, and has something/ knows things those 20 somethings don't: it's called REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE).
She was telling me a very similar story.
you know, I had to smile/laugh at this.
I was talking with a friend the other day who happens to be a social worker (she's nearing her 60's, and has something/ knows things those 20 somethings don't: it's called REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE).
She was telling me a very similar story.
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oh gosh! I hadn't seen that one before.One day my kids were just like......
um, well, it was CRAZY around here! (they are tweens and teens )
So, I pulled her up on the youtube on the tv (we don't use that very much, so it certainly got their attention), turned the volume all the way up (hey, wanted to make sure it was heard) and played a couple asain mom discipline videos.
It got some laughs, and bought us a few moments of calm
until one child noticed a slipper laying around
and another ran into the laundry room for a hanger
oh what joy
😄 That's so funny!
Your right. She was an intern from a benefit Mom applied for after her divorce to an adulterer who abandoned his child.
The intern social worker was going from a manual. I was just a teenager myself, but even then rolling my eyes at her suggestions.
It probably sounds hypocritical since I don't have children of my own. I do have life experiences though. I've taught most of my life and asked a lot of questions from parents who had exceptional outcomes with large families. None of us are perfect though. Oftentimes it's been a challenge.
It's a joy to see some of those students from time to time.
The intern social worker was going from a manual. I was just a teenager myself, but even then rolling my eyes at her suggestions.
It probably sounds hypocritical since I don't have children of my own. I do have life experiences though. I've taught most of my life and asked a lot of questions from parents who had exceptional outcomes with large families. None of us are perfect though. Oftentimes it's been a challenge.
It's a joy to see some of those students from time to time.
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Thank you JaumeJ .
I have been very blessed to have had an excellent father. He was Mom's first husband. He certainly taught me a lot of wisdom and loved me more than I knew.
In addition, I had a very good Sunday school teacher as a teenager. I was very glad to see him at my Mom's funeral. He invested a lot of time, work and love in our family. He taught me how to lead others to Christ, instilled values of life and virtue. I appreciate my caring, good teachers and parents. Hopefully we have all passed that forward as our parents and teachers have to us my friend.
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