Don't know what to do with you.

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BlueAngel

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How does/did it make you feel when your parents tell you they "don't know what to do with you." ?
My mom just said that to me, and I don't know how to explain how I feel when she does that. All I know is that it hurts, but I don't know how to explain HOW it hurts, or in what way.
 
Oh, thats a really mean thing for a parent to say to a child. I'm sorry she said that to you, BlueAngel. My parents used to say that to me too and they really meant it. They also said I was good for nothing and stupid and that I don't think before I do something. I know it really hurts and they don't have a clue how much it can hurt. The truth is that pretty much all parents say these things sometimes even thought they still love their children. They just don't know how much it can hurt. I wish I had more to tell you, except that you'll always be precious in God's eyes and Jesus sees and hears everything and understands how you feel. He knows what its like to be hurt by those he loves. Pray to him and he will comfort you. He promises to come to us and not to leave us comfortless. God bless you. I'll pray for you too.

"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."
(John 14:18 KJV)
 
I once had a few times like that. But every time I was told something like that I would go in my room and pray to God and forgive my mom for saying something that I don't like. If something like that happens, forgive and seek God's company. When we don't measure up to what the world expects us to be, we are beautiful and are treasures in the eyes of God, and that all that matters! God bless
 
Honestly, it is hard to answer that without some kind of context. I too have had my mother say that too me. But that may have been when I was a little kid I was a terrible monster. I think I tried to break my mom emotionally until I was about 6. Then she finally beat it out of me.

So, it is hard to answer. Did she have a good reason for saying it? Maybe she really doesn't know how to handle your behavior. Or was your mother just being mean? It is hard to reflect without knowing the whole story.

But regardless, I do hope the relationship with your parents holds up.
 
Seriously, what did you do???

By the way, my mum has said that to me a couple of times.. But it never made me upset coz i know she didn't mean it.. And my dad has called me useless and good for nothing (and he meant it..l).. One day after his rant, i got so upset and started crying and later when he asked me if i wanted to leave him and go to live with my mum.. I gave him a capital *YES* i didn't want to live with him anymore.. That was the only way i could get back at him..lol..

So yes, it does hurt
 
For those who are wondering what I did:
I HAD a past of BPD, numerous times, I would hurt people I cared about, but with Gods help and love, and with the help and love of family and really good friends (the ones I had left), I overcame it, when I was thirteen. Mom told me several times back then, that she didn't know what to do with me.
When I was fifteen, I was just like any other girl at that age, I wanted the attention of boys. But I was rebellious in doing so.
Several months ago, I broke up with my second boyfriend, after lying and hurting for him for ten months, I finally realized that he wasn't who I needed him to be. But it was after the damage was already done. My parents and my friends couldn't trust me.
So, I've been trying so very hard to change that. But I did one thing wrong yesterday, I made mom mad at me, and she told me that she didn't know what to do with me. This is the first time in a long time she's said that to me. And it made me feel like I wasn't trying hard enough for her, like I wasn't good enough.
My dad has noticed that I'm trying, and he also knows that I'm going to be making mistakes as I learn. I just don't know why mom can't get it. And why she has to hurt me like that, just because she's mad at me. This is the second time in a week that she's gotten mad and said something hurtful to me.
 
I'm sorry that you had to hear that, especially from a parent. But you have to remember that it sounds like your mum is probably hurting as well. She probably doesn't understand the effect that statement has on you. I would talk with her about it and let her know you are working hard on trying to change. Whether she responds or not, it's not important , you will have told her how you feel and that's the important part. It might make things easier to take if you look at things from her shoes, she probably truly wants to help you, but doesn't know how. And when a parent says things like that, maybe it's out of helplessness or simply an honest reaction. She just doesn't know what to do. Try not to take it personally.

I like what zero has said, God will always be there for you. You need to remember that God loves you more than anyone else does or ever will. He is there for you and if you keep seeking Him He will help you become the person you want to be. He will also be there for you when you are hurting and can help you heal.

Keep seeking him, pray about your hurt and seek/give forgiveness :) Those are very powerful in any relationship. God bless!
 
Hi BlueAngel. I've been through something like that. I used to do things that made my parents mad and then I would try really hard to stop doing them but then I'd slip a little bit and they'd treat me like I never even tried to stop and then they don't believe me when I tell them that I had been trying. I know it hurts so much. But you know what, God knows how hard you've been trying and He will never forget it and He also knows how much it hurts you when your parents say hurtful things. Sometimes you just can't help but be sad and hurt, but at least we know that we have God on our side and that He wants to comfort us whenever we feel pain and sadness. God bless.
 
My dad has noticed that I'm trying, and he also knows that I'm going to be making mistakes as I learn. I just don't know why mom can't get it. And why she has to hurt me like that, just because she's mad at me. This is the second time in a week that she's gotten mad and said something hurtful to me.
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Dear BlueAngel,

God bless you for getting your life together and trying to change. We have all made mistakes and continue to make them. All we can do is ask God to renew His Holy Spirit within us every day, so that our mistakes become less frequent over time.

The thing is, forgiveness runs contrary to our sinful human nature. It is harder for some people to forgive and let go of past hurts than it is for others. Your mother probably falls into that category. Try to understand that she is probably not trying to be spiteful and mean; she is just being human. Your best approach, in my opinion, would be to forgive her the hurtful words and try to understand where she is coming from. This will not lessen the pain by any means, but it will make it last a much shorter time.

The Apostle, Paul instructed us to "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13) I believe that you will find that the more you learn to forgive your mother her outbursts, the less you will be hurt by them when they happen. And the most important thing is, don't let them change your perspective on you. Always remember that God loves you where you are and how you are. Other people may be suspicious of your new behavior, but "...the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. ..." (1 Chronicles 28:9)

We are all on a journey. Our ultimate destination is to stand in God's presence and experience, firsthand, the joy of His mercy and grace. The Lord Jesus made it all possible for us. Our goal should be to be more like Him every day. And no one exemplified gentleness, forgiveness and love more than our Lord and Savior.

Stay strong. Your journey is just beginning.
 
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