Feel like I have lost God and I need someone to help me make correct decision.

[madieme]

I have been praying to God for some guidance. And I feel like I keep coming up empty handed and left with more sleepless nights.


I need direction. I was married for 15 years. I divorced. Met a man 3 hours away who had a thriving business and got engaged. He asked me to move in quickly — quit my career and start over in his town.


he welcomed my 9 year old son (now 12) but my ex husband immediately fought to keep my son where he was and he won.


So for the past 3 years we have been commuting. I kept a place in my son’s town after about a year of staying in hotels etc. My fiancé handled all the money and wouldn’t allow me to have a place there.


We broke up over this and then reconciled. I am back to it — living with him - (i have a great business now) and paying rent on a place that sits vacant unless we are there with my son.


My fiancé is angry. HE lost his cushy job and he isn’t doing well financially with his new business. He has suggested I give up the nice place we have for my son and just get a one bedroom and teach him “humility”.


He calls my ex an asshole and is very angry that he won’t allow my son to go with me full time.
He also has suggested I start giving him all the money I can to help his business thrive.


I don’t want to help his business thrive in a town 3 hours away from my son. I offered to support him as he moves to my son’s town etc. He said no. At times he says yes. But now it’s a big no.


He has a ton of debt. He blames me for a lot of it. He says he can’t just leave his business and close his office and start over? Well he also says he may go bankrupt this year — so what in the world am I to think?


We have lost God. I know I have — and I”m not sure he ever has had God. He says he has - but it’s hard to see.


We are both fallen away Catholics. I have gone to church with him and he just sits on his phone and makes jokes for most of it.


I want to know how to proceed. This isn’t easy. This is my life too. I pay for our food — our eating out — our travel etc. I have a lot of income but essentially nothing in the bank.


I have thought of leaving him — but he has even told me he expects me to and it will be proof that I’m only around when he has money — and not in it for the long haul.


I told him I want to get married and be normal and he tells me he wants me to “behave normally” and “act happy”


It is very heard to act happy when he is complaining and miserable so often — he says I only act happy when I think I”m about to lose him and then it goes away.

 

[PennEd]

I have been praying to God for some guidance. And I feel like I keep coming up empty handed and left with more sleepless nights.


I need direction. I was married for 15 years. I divorced. Met a man 3 hours away who had a thriving business and got engaged. He asked me to move in quickly — quit my career and start over in his town.


he welcomed my 9 year old son (now 12) but my ex husband immediately fought to keep my son where he was and he won.


So for the past 3 years we have been commuting. I kept a place in my son’s town after about a year of staying in hotels etc. My fiancé handled all the money and wouldn’t allow me to have a place there.


We broke up over this and then reconciled. I am back to it — living with him - (i have a great business now) and paying rent on a place that sits vacant unless we are there with my son.


My fiancé is angry. HE lost his cushy job and he isn’t doing well financially with his new business. He has suggested I give up the nice place we have for my son and just get a one bedroom and teach him “humility”.


He calls my ex an asshole and is very angry that he won’t allow my son to go with me full time.
He also has suggested I start giving him all the money I can to help his business thrive.


I don’t want to help his business thrive in a town 3 hours away from my son. I offered to support him as he moves to my son’s town etc. He said no. At times he says yes. But now it’s a big no.


He has a ton of debt. He blames me for a lot of it. He says he can’t just leave his business and close his office and start over? Well he also says he may go bankrupt this year — so what in the world am I to think?


We have lost God. I know I have — and I”m not sure he ever has had God. He says he has - but it’s hard to see.


We are both fallen away Catholics. I have gone to church with him and he just sits on his phone and makes jokes for most of it.


I want to know how to proceed. This isn’t easy. This is my life too. I pay for our food — our eating out — our travel etc. I have a lot of income but essentially nothing in the bank.


I have thought of leaving him — but he has even told me he expects me to and it will be proof that I’m only around when he has money — and not in it for the long haul.


I told him I want to get married and be normal and he tells me he wants me to “behave normally” and “act happy”


It is very heard to act happy when he is complaining and miserable so often — he says I only act happy when I think I”m about to lose him and then it goes away.

First let me address the immediate physical situation.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for reaching out to us. Hopefully you can get some good advice and love here.

I usually don't give advice in specific terms when it comes to relationships, but in your case I think you have a small window to escape an angry, controlling man that will likely only become worse as time and marriage happen. I know you don't want to be alone, but please don't sacrifice peace and grace for strife and company.

Now about the vastly more important spiritual position.

I was born and raised catholic. I am well aware of their error in doctrine. I am not saying all catholics are lost, only that the doctrine is completely anti-Biblical. Have you put your trust solely in Jesus for your Salvation?
I would counsel you to find a Church that preaches directly from Scripture. One that accepts you, flaws, sins and all, that will love you and guide you in the Word.

Dear Father, give light to this young woman's soul. Let her find rest and peace in Your Son. Give her joy in the knowledge of You, and protect her, and her son. In Jesus Name I pray

 

[Angela53510]

It sounds like both your ex-husband and your fiancé are abusive and controlling men. They make everything “all about me.” On the other hand, a husband, should you marry your fiancé, has the right to be with his wife. Your son is important, but you should not be putting him first, before your husband.

That leaves you in a terrible dilemma. Either care for your son, or care for this new man, who is not doing well on so many levels. In fact, when you are not married, your son should be your priority. An engagement can be broken, it is not the same level of commitment as an engagement. I would think seriously before I married this man, or any man. You seem attracted to narcissists, maybe you need to go to some courses on the dynamics of spousal abuse, and learn all the dimensions of spousal abuse, and what constitutes a good marriage.

But, PennEd has this so right! Your relationship with Jesus is the most important thing. And that is NOT about the church you go to. Salvation comes through faith in Jesus, not in the rites and rituals of the church. I would suggest getting a modern translation of the Bible, and read the New Testament daily. You might want to start in John, and then read the other gospels. Learn who Jesus is, and what he came to do. Pray for God to show you through the Bible the truth of salvation by grace, through faith.

Jesus is real, and he can help you! I pray you will listen to God’s plans for you and your son, before you make any major decisions with regards to marrying this new man.

 

[tourist]

I would be very hesitant to marry this man as he seems controlling and manipulative. He also as a huge debt problem that would become your problem.

Your ex-husband has every right for fighting for his son.

I agree with Angela, at this moment you are not married so your son should remain your top priority. I would give that moving out a lot of considering. I am praying for God to provide you with clarity of thought on how to proceed with putting the broken pieces of your life back together. Of course, this will only be by the grace of God and for you to allow Him to guide you.

I recommend daily prayer, bible reading, contemplation and apply what you learn to your life. Another thing, you can't rely on another for your happiness. Any joy or happiness that you find inside of yourself was put there by God.

Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.

 

[Depleted]

I have been praying to God for some guidance. And I feel like I keep coming up empty handed and left with more sleepless nights.


I need direction. I was married for 15 years. I divorced. Met a man 3 hours away who had a thriving business and got engaged. He asked me to move in quickly — quit my career and start over in his town.


he welcomed my 9 year old son (now 12) but my ex husband immediately fought to keep my son where he was and he won.


So for the past 3 years we have been commuting. I kept a place in my son’s town after about a year of staying in hotels etc. My fiancé handled all the money and wouldn’t allow me to have a place there.


We broke up over this and then reconciled. I am back to it — living with him - (i have a great business now) and paying rent on a place that sits vacant unless we are there with my son.


My fiancé is angry. HE lost his cushy job and he isn’t doing well financially with his new business. He has suggested I give up the nice place we have for my son and just get a one bedroom and teach him “humility”.


He calls my ex an asshole and is very angry that he won’t allow my son to go with me full time.
He also has suggested I start giving him all the money I can to help his business thrive.


I don’t want to help his business thrive in a town 3 hours away from my son. I offered to support him as he moves to my son’s town etc. He said no. At times he says yes. But now it’s a big no.


He has a ton of debt. He blames me for a lot of it. He says he can’t just leave his business and close his office and start over? Well he also says he may go bankrupt this year — so what in the world am I to think?


We have lost God. I know I have — and I”m not sure he ever has had God. He says he has - but it’s hard to see.


We are both fallen away Catholics. I have gone to church with him and he just sits on his phone and makes jokes for most of it.


I want to know how to proceed. This isn’t easy. This is my life too. I pay for our food — our eating out — our travel etc. I have a lot of income but essentially nothing in the bank.


I have thought of leaving him — but he has even told me he expects me to and it will be proof that I’m only around when he has money — and not in it for the long haul.


I told him I want to get married and be normal and he tells me he wants me to “behave normally” and “act happy”


It is very heard to act happy when he is complaining and miserable so often — he says I only act happy when I think I”m about to lose him and then it goes away.

The good news is you haven't lost God. You can't lose what you never had. And everything in this story points to you never followed God in the first place. (Really? You have no idea that shacking up with a guy is something God tells us not to do? Truly a sign you never followed the Lord in the first place.)

The better news is you can seek the Lord now. Let him know what I wreck you are, and then ask for his mercy and help. Ask to be born again by him.

Best news? When you do that, you will seek him and want to follow him. And when you do that, it will be abundantly clear where you've gone wrong in all of this. (You keep thinking, "the guy likes my son so he'll take care of us." And you think "fiancé" means shacking up together. And you think being a Catholic means you're a Christian. Really the flaws right there.)

 

[Pontiac]

There is a very short and easy answer to your question ... LEAVE HIM NOW !

1CORINTHIANS 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

 

[lovingladyo4]

I'm sorry you are feeling in such a rut of discouragement. I don't imagine this is the direction you ever expected things to go. And here you are at yet another crossroads - again looking for a security that will take you into your future, with your son, and hoping to find some level of certainty that things will work out.

In my own life, during these kinds of moments of indecision, I've often taken an inventory of what is in my heart; where my priorities are, and what how I need to live in order to show they really are my priorities. They change occasionally, as the seasons of my life change, but even so, priorities are all based on two things -

1. God's expectations of me, as outlined in the Bible
2. along with what I have committed to do for Him, as outlined in the Bible.

These two areas of my life will greatly determine the direction I go in, who it will impact, what will please God the most, and how I will grow.

I can never tell you how to proceed, except to say that God's word will guide you. He has specific principles outlined in the Bible that are there for a reason. They provide a foundation of security and protection when we follow them. Have you considered spending time with a pastor from a Bible believing church? A church that teaches the Bible, and seeks to know His will for our lives? A pastor will uncover the teachings from Jesus that address your situation; where your priorities need to be and how you can make a fresh clean start by committing your life to Jesus. He will give you a new heart, and new eyes to see things from His vantage point.

Even if your fiance doesn't want to go, do it for yourself. Seek ways to strengthen your own walk with the Lord. This might be that perfect opportunity to re-think your future and where you want to see yourself one year from now - five years from now - and for all eternity.

I think the fact that you are seeing so many "red flags" is an indication of what is to come, except that the conflicts may get multiplied instead of diminished unless they are addressed right now. I strongly urge to to seek Christian counseling from a pastor who is knowledgeable and has Biblical wisdom to offer to you. Pray and ask God to help you. He wants a personal relationship with you more than you want any earthly relationship. He is your Father and longs to have you close to Him. I will be praying for you also. Blessings to you.

 

[Lucy68]

So sorry you're hurting and confused. Many life situations go down paths that once we start looking around, we ask 'how did I get here?' You are not alone in this dilemma.

One thing that stands out to me in your message is that this man sounds very manipulative. Especially by telling you that you've stayed with him in the past only because he was making money. He's trying to use guilt to make you do what he wants you to.

I am not being judgmental when I say that God's intention for the marriage relationship is for our own protection. I did not follow His commands in this respect either and now I understand the consequences because I am living them out. My relationship with Jesus is much closer now because I've taken my mistakes to the cross and He's helping me to use my lessons as 'growing tools'. That's why for a mature Christian, every situation can be a win-win....If we respond correctly. I have definitely not always responded correctly! That's also when I've learned the hardest lesson. This seems to be God's pattern ....the teaching and then the test. I think I'm doing better but it's been a hard uphill climb .

A good husband would not make you feel guilty about your relationship with your son. Even if it inconveniences him.

If this were me, I would first take a break from the relationship and seek God's guidance (bible study and prayer). Maybe you need some time and space to think. Hopefully, he won't respond in a hostile manner. If anger is his usual reaction to things he doesn't like then I would say that anger is also a manipulative technique.

Maybe you two could go to a Christian counselor? Suggest it and see what he says. At least that will tell him you are willing to work on the relationship if he will also seek a biblical solution to the problems. If he absolutely refuses, that would tell me that the relationship is not going to go in a godly direction.

The abundance or the absence of money should not be the deciding factor in any relationship. The big question is 'does our relationship glorify God and is it based on salvation through a bigger relationship with Jesus?'. Even if a relationship does not start out in a godly manner, that doesn't mean that it can't be turned around. Try to turn it around first. Then you may be the initiator of true belief in your boyfriend as you yourself become a mature believer. Paul talks about the believing spouse sanctifying unbelieving spouse. That doesn't mean you have to get married. But living as man and wife without being married is called a sin in the Bible. Blatant sin in our lives can be a hinderance to the work of the Holy Spirit. Lack of obedience can cause lots of problems.

Find a bible believing church to attend. Fellow christians can be a huge support! It is a must for any believer. Not that going to church makes you a Christian; but not having other Christians to interact with will make you a prime target for Satan's darts. One of his favorite tactics is to get us alone and isolated.

Praying for you...wisdom, guidance, and gentleness as you go through this trial. May the Holy Spirit guide you to being a powerful witness of God's goodness and overflowing love.

 

[Alertandawake]

My fiancé is angry. HE lost his cushy job and he isn’t doing well financially with his new business. He has suggested I give up the nice place we have for my son and just get a one bedroom and teach him “humility”.


He calls my ex an asshole and is very angry that he won’t allow my son to go with me full time.
He also has suggested I start giving him all the money I can to help his business thrive.


I don’t want to help his business thrive in a town 3 hours away from my son. I offered to support him as he moves to my son’s town etc. He said no. At times he says yes. But now it’s a big no.


He has a ton of debt. He blames me for a lot of it. He says he can’t just leave his business and close his office and start over? Well he also says he may go bankrupt this year — so what in the world am I to think?

Question, why is he blaming you for a lot of his debt? If this guy does all the financial decisions of his business, and if you are not in anyway have anything to do with the financial management of his business then poor financial decisions that results in debt are his, not yours. If you have in no way contributed to bad financial decision making, and this guy has made all the bad financial decisions, and you are being blamed for it, all I can say is leave him.

You need to be financially careful. Now in this day and age, many businesses fail, that is a fact. Whether it is due to poor decision making, or just too much competition, businesses do fail.

You need to be careful financially. Have a look in Proverbs 11.15, Proverbs 17.18, Proverbs 22.26-27. Lots of good information there for financial matters.

I have thought of leaving him — but he has even told me he expects me to and it will be proof that I’m only around when he has money — and not in it for the long haul.

You see this statement above is kind of a contradiction. The way I have interpreted everything is that this guy is asking you for whatever money you have (which gives the impression this guy has no finances), but at the same time is saying you are around when he has money??

You really need to think through this, this is all I can say. Don't make his financial debts your debts.

 

[Snflwrgrl]

I’m sorry you are not sleeping well and after praying still feel like you’re coming up empty handed. :’( What I do know is that God loves you very much and He wants to provide the direction you are seeking. Have you considered speaking with a Christian counselor or your pastor? I have done both and they have provided good sound advice when I have desperately needed it. Maybe they can help you too. Are you spending time in God’s word each day? That’s when he has spoken to me the most. <3 When I wanted to draw closer to God I realized how little time I was actually spending with him each day. I needed to set time aside to listen to what he had to say. Charles Stanley recommends reading only 9 verses in the morning and 9 verses in the evening o get started and simply thanking God for giving you the desires of your heart and asking him to speak to you through his word. Sometimes it’s hard to get back into the habit of spending time with God but this literally takes 2 minutes and the payoff is eternal. If you don’t have a desire for quiet time with the Lord, ask him to give you that desire and He will.

I have been praying to God for some guidance. And I feel like I keep coming up empty handed and left with more sleepless nights.


I need direction. I was married for 15 years. I divorced. Met a man 3 hours away who had a thriving business and got engaged. He asked me to move in quickly — quit my career and start over in his town.


he welcomed my 9 year old son (now 12) but my ex husband immediately fought to keep my son where he was and he won.


So for the past 3 years we have been commuting. I kept a place in my son’s town after about a year of staying in hotels etc. My fiancé handled all the money and wouldn’t allow me to have a place there.


We broke up over this and then reconciled. I am back to it — living with him - (i have a great business now) and paying rent on a place that sits vacant unless we are there with my son.


My fiancé is angry. HE lost his cushy job and he isn’t doing well financially with his new business. He has suggested I give up the nice place we have for my son and just get a one bedroom and teach him “humility”.


He calls my ex an asshole and is very angry that he won’t allow my son to go with me full time.
He also has suggested I start giving him all the money I can to help his business thrive.


I don’t want to help his business thrive in a town 3 hours away from my son. I offered to support him as he moves to my son’s town etc. He said no. At times he says yes. But now it’s a big no.


He has a ton of debt. He blames me for a lot of it. He says he can’t just leave his business and close his office and start over? Well he also says he may go bankrupt this year — so what in the world am I to think?


We have lost God. I know I have — and I”m not sure he ever has had God. He says he has - but it’s hard to see.


We are both fallen away Catholics. I have gone to church with him and he just sits on his phone and makes jokes for most of it.


I want to know how to proceed. This isn’t easy. This is my life too. I pay for our food — our eating out — our travel etc. I have a lot of income but essentially nothing in the bank.


I have thought of leaving him — but he has even told me he expects me to and it will be proof that I’m only around when he has money — and not in it for the long haul.


I told him I want to get married and be normal and he tells me he wants me to “behave normally” and “act happy”


It is very heard to act happy when he is complaining and miserable so often — he says I only act happy when I think I”m about to lose him and then it goes away.