Yes, i've battled depression for 24 years. It is part of my personality type and Not something i can willfully control. And you have a lot of the same problems i've always struggled with. Once you begin to understand this and accept it it can make it a bit easier to let yourself feel you are as deserving as anyone else. Because what you're feeling and going through is not your fault, but is something out of your control.
Not that it means you no longer take responsibility, but you can more clearly understand where your responsibility begins and ends. It will help you define and understand your limitations. This is what has happened for me, the more i understood what i why i was feeling how i was, and realizing these feelings are not my fault, and learning that others go through the exact same problems for the same reasons, it made me feel better. Less hard on myself.
And yes, some days are harder than others. Today i may feel ok, not too down on myself, and tomorrow i may hate myself. But how you deal with it, using knowledge, makes the overall struggle easier.
So, i also think you should speak to a professional. And while i am not a professional i am quite experienced on the matter, so if you want to talk about it or ask questions, feel free to send me a message. I'll offer whatever advice i can or just listen. Ok, i usually offer advice, wanted or not haha.