Feeling in despair
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I have felt like that more than once in my life. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support, and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.
I am sorry you feel this way 
...at some point in my life I've been to the same situation ..hang in there my friend... nothing's too far away for God to find us and reach us....
Can I share with you these verses...? Thank you
Matthew 11
28 “Come to me,all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
God bless you ❤
...at some point in my life I've been to the same situation ..hang in there my friend... nothing's too far away for God to find us and reach us....Can I share with you these verses...? Thank you
Matthew 11
28 “Come to me,all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
God bless you ❤
It doesn't matter what you believe you have done ect...no one is beyond the grace of God..the forgiveness of God...the compassion of God..there is ALWAYS a way back...always a 2nd,3rd,4th,5th,6th...ect ect...chance of a fresh/new start.
You may not be able to change the past but you can most definitely alter the future.
I guess we have all done things in the past that we regret or perceive it as terrible ect...its just a case of degree.
The fact that you stated you were lost indicates you are reaching out..and we are here to reach back to you
What can we minister to you..advise you..support you with?
I had a lot of issues growing up with my mental health when I was a child. I had to put things in certain ways otherwise thoughts came into my head that something bad would happen to my family and it would be all my fault. I was detached at school and used to think what I had done to deserve the illness I had and I just couldn't seem to fit in.
I grew up a rebel of a teenager disrespecting my parents, drinking, taking drugs when clubbing, I also had 2 abortions when I was younger which I truly regret now.
I met a man in my mid 20's, he was nice at first, we got married then the abuse started. I wasn't easy to live with to be honest but he wasn't a very nice person. He was abusive. We had children and I was a great mother at first but the atmosphere in the house with my husband was awful. He didn't help that much with the children at all. There were domestic incidents with him. I found out one day when I was pregnant with my third child that the police had been looking for my ex husband for 10 years as he was accused of sexually abusing children. He convinced me that he didn't do it and I stuck by the monster for a while I just felt so low and controlled, he kept saying he would get the kids taken off me. How could I have done this how could I have stuck by him??? I did eventually leave him before his court case and luckily he was convicted. I was left with scars so emotionally deep from everything that I started drinking more and more and neglected the emotional needs of my children. I was drunk every night selfishly trying to block the pain out I was horrible and have scarred my amazing children in the process. They don't deserve a mother like me.
I then went on to meet an amazing man who took me, my problems and my children on. I was still drinking though, I couldn't face the person I was so I drowned myself in drink. I even drank when I was pregnant with my fourth child. I'm so so selfish. I got so drunk on occasion that I used to go out and cheated on my amazing partner. I had that much drink I didnt know what I was doing and the guilt after was immense, still is. I am so so evil for hurting my family like this. I remember when my lovely nanna was dying and myself and my mum and sister stayed with her with hardly any sleep for 7 days. I had evil thoughts about my nan on her deathbed with my thoughts calling her names. They were unwanted thoughts but I cannot forgive myself for this either. I get these unwanted thoughts a lot. I have got better over the years and started going to church. I promised God loads of times I wouldn't drink and kept on doing it just not as much even though I know it hurt my family. I've put alcohol and myself before God and my family and it's caused so much damage. I know God has given me loads of chances but ive let him down. I had a vision a few years ago telling me I would get ill like this ans I was going to hell
My doctors think I have motor neurone disease so I'm terminal and deteriorating fast. I feel like I deserve this death, I'm not worth it. Ive not lived in Gods ways and I cannot seem to accept Jesus' forgiveness no matter how hard I try, I just feel so worthless and defeated. I have stopped drinking now but I should have done this for God and my family way before. I should have done the right thing ages ago and now it's too late.
Now my family are going to suffer even more as they will grieve for me. I want to be a good person and I want Jesus' forgiveness. I'm just a horrible horrible person. I feel so bad after everything I've done. Please forgive me Lord
I grew up a rebel of a teenager disrespecting my parents, drinking, taking drugs when clubbing, I also had 2 abortions when I was younger which I truly regret now.
I met a man in my mid 20's, he was nice at first, we got married then the abuse started. I wasn't easy to live with to be honest but he wasn't a very nice person. He was abusive. We had children and I was a great mother at first but the atmosphere in the house with my husband was awful. He didn't help that much with the children at all. There were domestic incidents with him. I found out one day when I was pregnant with my third child that the police had been looking for my ex husband for 10 years as he was accused of sexually abusing children. He convinced me that he didn't do it and I stuck by the monster for a while I just felt so low and controlled, he kept saying he would get the kids taken off me. How could I have done this how could I have stuck by him??? I did eventually leave him before his court case and luckily he was convicted. I was left with scars so emotionally deep from everything that I started drinking more and more and neglected the emotional needs of my children. I was drunk every night selfishly trying to block the pain out I was horrible and have scarred my amazing children in the process. They don't deserve a mother like me.
I then went on to meet an amazing man who took me, my problems and my children on. I was still drinking though, I couldn't face the person I was so I drowned myself in drink. I even drank when I was pregnant with my fourth child. I'm so so selfish. I got so drunk on occasion that I used to go out and cheated on my amazing partner. I had that much drink I didnt know what I was doing and the guilt after was immense, still is. I am so so evil for hurting my family like this. I remember when my lovely nanna was dying and myself and my mum and sister stayed with her with hardly any sleep for 7 days. I had evil thoughts about my nan on her deathbed with my thoughts calling her names. They were unwanted thoughts but I cannot forgive myself for this either. I get these unwanted thoughts a lot. I have got better over the years and started going to church. I promised God loads of times I wouldn't drink and kept on doing it just not as much even though I know it hurt my family. I've put alcohol and myself before God and my family and it's caused so much damage. I know God has given me loads of chances but ive let him down. I had a vision a few years ago telling me I would get ill like this ans I was going to hell
My doctors think I have motor neurone disease so I'm terminal and deteriorating fast. I feel like I deserve this death, I'm not worth it. Ive not lived in Gods ways and I cannot seem to accept Jesus' forgiveness no matter how hard I try, I just feel so worthless and defeated. I have stopped drinking now but I should have done this for God and my family way before. I should have done the right thing ages ago and now it's too late.
Now my family are going to suffer even more as they will grieve for me. I want to be a good person and I want Jesus' forgiveness. I'm just a horrible horrible person. I feel so bad after everything I've done. Please forgive me Lord
F
Fields_of_Gold
Guest
Those are the kinds of people that Jesus LOVES... the ones that are lost and broken... He did not particularly
care for the ones who thought themselves supremely HOLY.
"Know this, a friend may be closer than you realize,
of love and support. We all experience challenges in life.
We learn we can overcome, and having God in our life, we do the best we know how,
and hopefully you too shall learn of this."
F
Fields_of_Gold
Guest
This broke my heart to read ... hear and FEEL your agony.... You and I have similar types of stories... except I never met a good partner... just went looking for love in all the wrong places.... My childhood was a big ball of traumatic events... and so when I finally became a Christian 20 years ago.... It did not do me much good because I did NOT believe God could possibly like me... let alone love me... and then.... I had to deal with the legalistic folks who believed it was possible to lose your salvation.I had a lot of issues growing up with my mental health when I was a child. I had to put things in certain ways otherwise thoughts came into my head that something bad would happen to my family and it would be all my fault. I was detached at school and used to think what I had done to deserve the illness I had and I just couldn't seem to fit in.
I grew up a rebel of a teenager disrespecting my parents, drinking, taking drugs when clubbing, I also had 2 abortions when I was younger which I truly regret now.
I met a man in my mid 20's, he was nice at first, we got married then the abuse started. I wasn't easy to live with to be honest but he wasn't a very nice person. He was abusive. We had children and I was a great mother at first but the atmosphere in the house with my husband was awful. He didn't help that much with the children at all. There were domestic incidents with him. I found out one day when I was pregnant with my third child that the police had been looking for my ex husband for 10 years as he was accused of sexually abusing children. He convinced me that he didn't do it and I stuck by the monster for a while I just felt so low and controlled, he kept saying he would get the kids taken off me. How could I have done this how could I have stuck by him??? I did eventually leave him before his court case and luckily he was convicted. I was left with scars so emotionally deep from everything that I started drinking more and more and neglected the emotional needs of my children. I was drunk every night selfishly trying to block the pain out I was horrible and have scarred my amazing children in the process. They don't deserve a mother like me.
I then went on to meet an amazing man who took me, my problems and my children on. I was still drinking though, I couldn't face the person I was so I drowned myself in drink. I even drank when I was pregnant with my fourth child. I'm so so selfish. I got so drunk on occasion that I used to go out and cheated on my amazing partner. I had that much drink I didnt know what I was doing and the guilt after was immense, still is. I am so so evil for hurting my family like this. I remember when my lovely nanna was dying and myself and my mum and sister stayed with her with hardly any sleep for 7 days. I had evil thoughts about my nan on her deathbed with my thoughts calling her names. They were unwanted thoughts but I cannot forgive myself for this either. I get these unwanted thoughts a lot. I have got better over the years and started going to church. I promised God loads of times I wouldn't drink and kept on doing it just not as much even though I know it hurt my family. I've put alcohol and myself before God and my family and it's caused so much damage. I know God has given me loads of chances but ive let him down. I had a vision a few years ago telling me I would get ill like this ans I was going to hell
My doctors think I have motor neurone disease so I'm terminal and deteriorating fast. I feel like I deserve this death, I'm not worth it. Ive not lived in Gods ways and I cannot seem to accept Jesus' forgiveness no matter how hard I try, I just feel so worthless and defeated. I have stopped drinking now but I should have done this for God and my family way before. I should have done the right thing ages ago and now it's too late.
Now my family are going to suffer even more as they will grieve for me. I want to be a good person and I want Jesus' forgiveness. I'm just a horrible horrible person. I feel so bad after everything I've done. Please forgive me Lord
I am now 58 years old... I don't drink at all anymore... not for many years... but the scars of my behaviour in my early and mid twenties... stayed with me for years.... It's not till just recently.... that I have become CONVINCED that JESUS loves me.... A LOT even...
I am so sorry that you have suffered so deeply in your life... .I have also... I have suffered with severe Chronic depression for over 40 years of my life... non stop sadness which eventually graduated to deep despair...
I am writing this to tell you.... that GOD is in the business of ACCEPTING and LOVING the broken ones.... It is those ones who KNOW that they are not worthy. NONE of us can possibly EVER be GOOD ENOUGH.... so right off the bat... it's useless to compare HOW BAD you have been with someone else...
Ask Jesus to SHOW you.... that HE loves you so that you can FEEL it... He's also in the business of doing that for those who need it most...
God Bless you.... and my heart weeps with yours for the sorrow and despair you are feeling.
Hi thanks for sharing things about what's happened in your life.I do appreciate you doing this.You have gone through many hardships in life and one of your coping strategies was drinking which numbs the emotional pain and terrible distress you were having to deal with.I had a lot of issues growing up with my mental health when I was a child. I had to put things in certain ways otherwise thoughts came into my head that something bad would happen to my family and it would be all my fault. I was detached at school and used to think what I had done to deserve the illness I had and I just couldn't seem to fit in.
I grew up a rebel of a teenager disrespecting my parents, drinking, taking drugs when clubbing, I also had 2 abortions when I was younger which I truly regret now.
I met a man in my mid 20's, he was nice at first, we got married then the abuse started. I wasn't easy to live with to be honest but he wasn't a very nice person. He was abusive. We had children and I was a great mother at first but the atmosphere in the house with my husband was awful. He didn't help that much with the children at all. There were domestic incidents with him. I found out one day when I was pregnant with my third child that the police had been looking for my ex husband for 10 years as he was accused of sexually abusing children. He convinced me that he didn't do it and I stuck by the monster for a while I just felt so low and controlled, he kept saying he would get the kids taken off me. How could I have done this how could I have stuck by him??? I did eventually leave him before his court case and luckily he was convicted. I was left with scars so emotionally deep from everything that I started drinking more and more and neglected the emotional needs of my children. I was drunk every night selfishly trying to block the pain out I was horrible and have scarred my amazing children in the process. They don't deserve a mother like me.
I then went on to meet an amazing man who took me, my problems and my children on. I was still drinking though, I couldn't face the person I was so I drowned myself in drink. I even drank when I was pregnant with my fourth child. I'm so so selfish. I got so drunk on occasion that I used to go out and cheated on my amazing partner. I had that much drink I didnt know what I was doing and the guilt after was immense, still is. I am so so evil for hurting my family like this. I remember when my lovely nanna was dying and myself and my mum and sister stayed with her with hardly any sleep for 7 days. I had evil thoughts about my nan on her deathbed with my thoughts calling her names. They were unwanted thoughts but I cannot forgive myself for this either. I get these unwanted thoughts a lot. I have got better over the years and started going to church. I promised God loads of times I wouldn't drink and kept on doing it just not as much even though I know it hurt my family. I've put alcohol and myself before God and my family and it's caused so much damage. I know God has given me loads of chances but ive let him down. I had a vision a few years ago telling me I would get ill like this ans I was going to hell
My doctors think I have motor neurone disease so I'm terminal and deteriorating fast. I feel like I deserve this death, I'm not worth it. Ive not lived in Gods ways and I cannot seem to accept Jesus' forgiveness no matter how hard I try, I just feel so worthless and defeated. I have stopped drinking now but I should have done this for God and my family way before. I should have done the right thing ages ago and now it's too late.
Now my family are going to suffer even more as they will grieve for me. I want to be a good person and I want Jesus' forgiveness. I'm just a horrible horrible person. I feel so bad after everything I've done. Please forgive me Lord
Many times our lives take us on directions we don't really want to take and regret is one of the most hardest things to live with as well as self forgiveness.
I think it's great that you have stopped drinking which is an achievement in itself...and is your most recent partner still with you now?
Sorry to hear about your health situation and I understand that you are feeling beaten by life and a failure.Many things happened in you life that you were not in control of and in life we sometimes make wrong choices ect..none of us are perfect and I get the picture that you and you children still have relationships right?
Life has been hard for you and I give Goc thanks that you reached out on here because God still loves you so much.
One thing you will have to do is be able to forgive yourself. Many times we feel we deserve punishment rather than forgiveness and it can be a real struggle to to change this mindset.Yet Jesus died for you just so that you CAN be forgiven..You are STILL precious to God and ask God to help you find the courage to forgive yourself so that in doing so you WILL be able to accept his forgiveness.
Despite the pain and traumatic things you have all gone through there is STILL hope of restoration and healing for the family in jesus name.
Are your children Christian's too my dear?
Thank you for this. I know I need to forgive myself. My children still live with me and my lovely partner. We go to church. I just wish I'd have done it all differently. I just feel in despair. I struggle to forgive myself and that's why I am struggling to accept his forgiveness. I know Jesus died on the cross I feel guilty for struggling to accept his forgiveness. I worry about what the future holds, not just for myself but more importantly my family. I just hurt so so much. Can't help feeling I deserve all of this
God has given me so many blessings and I've thrown them back in his face with my behaviour
I'm starting to feel emotionally detached . I don't want this
Hi Lost,I dare say that at one time or another,whether one has received Jesus or not,we all have felt this way at one time or another. I sure did! ( Luke 15:11-32) Please do read this. verses 27-32!!!!! The feeling of being lost,is not knowing the truth that we have already been found!
From serving 2 Tours in Vietnam,I know this feeling very well before Jesus found me. I will relate a true story for you to consider. In 1970 we had 3 men lost in the jungle near the Perfume River,after some 21 days,our Black opts found them,all dead sitting by a tree,upon the return to our commander,they stated this to him,and he said " SAD!!! They all died of shame" A solider never gives up!! They had two feet,and could have searched and moved until some help could arrive to help them,instead they all sat by a tree to die?
Do not just sit by a tree my friend!!! Jesus loves you and is more then willing to help you,but you must do your part as well.( Matt 7:7) You have done the first part,you asked,now you must seek,please find a good church,for we all need support. The Lord will help you,in spite of your feeling. The Lord has already forgiven you,why is it,that you do not believe??
There are 3 people in the Bible who wrote most of it,and all 3 of them had one sin in common,they all murdered someone!!! Paul, Moses,and David. Jesus forgave them!! But you are different??? Ah NO!!! Its a new day today,your blackboard is clean as Jesus wiped away all your sin,we just take his Word on that! ( Rom 6:17-23!!)
Get used to staying in God's Word,this has greatly helped me overcome my feeling!! My prayer and blessing rest upon you,as they do on every believer!! Instead of feeling sorry for yourself,do as I have done and no matter what remain thankful!! For this is directly in God's own will!! ( 1 Thess 5:18) Don't feel shame,rather feel glad Jesus loves you in spite of you,even as he does me!!
The love you felt you lost for now you have this day become found!!! YEA!! Jesus must come first,our love can not rest upon any man,or woman,I had to find this out the hard way as well. Human love can change, Jesus love cannot!! He will help you find your mate if that is your desire,but first,you must get your life in order as well as you mindset. To become found is great,to stay found through Jesus and his Word is even better!! Courage never despair!! Blessing to you!
From serving 2 Tours in Vietnam,I know this feeling very well before Jesus found me. I will relate a true story for you to consider. In 1970 we had 3 men lost in the jungle near the Perfume River,after some 21 days,our Black opts found them,all dead sitting by a tree,upon the return to our commander,they stated this to him,and he said " SAD!!! They all died of shame" A solider never gives up!! They had two feet,and could have searched and moved until some help could arrive to help them,instead they all sat by a tree to die?
Do not just sit by a tree my friend!!! Jesus loves you and is more then willing to help you,but you must do your part as well.( Matt 7:7) You have done the first part,you asked,now you must seek,please find a good church,for we all need support. The Lord will help you,in spite of your feeling. The Lord has already forgiven you,why is it,that you do not believe??
There are 3 people in the Bible who wrote most of it,and all 3 of them had one sin in common,they all murdered someone!!! Paul, Moses,and David. Jesus forgave them!! But you are different??? Ah NO!!! Its a new day today,your blackboard is clean as Jesus wiped away all your sin,we just take his Word on that! ( Rom 6:17-23!!)
Get used to staying in God's Word,this has greatly helped me overcome my feeling!! My prayer and blessing rest upon you,as they do on every believer!! Instead of feeling sorry for yourself,do as I have done and no matter what remain thankful!! For this is directly in God's own will!! ( 1 Thess 5:18) Don't feel shame,rather feel glad Jesus loves you in spite of you,even as he does me!!
The love you felt you lost for now you have this day become found!!! YEA!! Jesus must come first,our love can not rest upon any man,or woman,I had to find this out the hard way as well. Human love can change, Jesus love cannot!! He will help you find your mate if that is your desire,but first,you must get your life in order as well as you mindset. To become found is great,to stay found through Jesus and his Word is even better!! Courage never despair!! Blessing to you!
Yes feelings of guilt and remorse can seem justified within ones own mind and knowing things that are facts doesn't change how one feels.Thank you for this. I know I need to forgive myself. My children still live with me and my lovely partner. We go to church. I just wish I'd have done it all differently. I just feel in despair. I struggle to forgive myself and that's why I am struggling to accept his forgiveness. I know Jesus died on the cross I feel guilty for struggling to accept his forgiveness. I worry about what the future holds, not just for myself but more importantly my family. I just hurt so so much. Can't help feeling I deserve all of this
Look what feelings of regret did to judas...it can almost drown a person.
Have you been able to share how you have been feeling with your partner or church pastor?
I feel that you most definitely shouldn't be dealing that such feelings of trauma and anxiety alone and need prayer and church counseling.Emotional healing is most definitely needed here for you and you need Godly reassurance that despite all that happening God is STILL on your side.Also remember that the enemie also uses our past against us too and seeks to keep us locked in emotional chains of worthlessness and often torments us with lying thoughts about of self worth and definitely about the future.
In regards to the wellbeing of the family that would be Gods ultimate responsibility which again you need an assurance that their future lifes will be blessed by the lord.
Yes definitely seek support from the church you attended and see if they have any resources for prayer ministry ect to offer you spiritual support. It will make such a difference..not just a one off prayer but ongoing support for a while.
Also you stated that in the past you used to do things a certain way out of the fear of something happening.."this sounds like one of the traits of ODC"..how is your mental health in thays regard too considering his anxious you are feeling about the welfare of your family?
Sorry to ask questions..just genuinely care and it helps to give a little more clarity
welcome to cc @Lost. May our lord bless you and keep you
I had a lot of issues growing up with my mental health when I was a child. I had to put things in certain ways otherwise thoughts came into my head that something bad would happen to my family and it would be all my fault. I was detached at school and used to think what I had done to deserve the illness I had and I just couldn't seem to fit in.
I grew up a rebel of a teenager disrespecting my parents, drinking, taking drugs when clubbing, I also had 2 abortions when I was younger which I truly regret now.
I met a man in my mid 20's, he was nice at first, we got married then the abuse started. I wasn't easy to live with to be honest but he wasn't a very nice person. He was abusive. We had children and I was a great mother at first but the atmosphere in the house with my husband was awful. He didn't help that much with the children at all. There were domestic incidents with him. I found out one day when I was pregnant with my third child that the police had been looking for my ex husband for 10 years as he was accused of sexually abusing children. He convinced me that he didn't do it and I stuck by the monster for a while I just felt so low and controlled, he kept saying he would get the kids taken off me. How could I have done this how could I have stuck by him??? I did eventually leave him before his court case and luckily he was convicted. I was left with scars so emotionally deep from everything that I started drinking more and more and neglected the emotional needs of my children. I was drunk every night selfishly trying to block the pain out I was horrible and have scarred my amazing children in the process. They don't deserve a mother like me.
I then went on to meet an amazing man who took me, my problems and my children on. I was still drinking though, I couldn't face the person I was so I drowned myself in drink. I even drank when I was pregnant with my fourth child. I'm so so selfish. I got so drunk on occasion that I used to go out and cheated on my amazing partner. I had that much drink I didnt know what I was doing and the guilt after was immense, still is. I am so so evil for hurting my family like this. I remember when my lovely nanna was dying and myself and my mum and sister stayed with her with hardly any sleep for 7 days. I had evil thoughts about my nan on her deathbed with my thoughts calling her names. They were unwanted thoughts but I cannot forgive myself for this either. I get these unwanted thoughts a lot. I have got better over the years and started going to church. I promised God loads of times I wouldn't drink and kept on doing it just not as much even though I know it hurt my family. I've put alcohol and myself before God and my family and it's caused so much damage. I know God has given me loads of chances but ive let him down. I had a vision a few years ago telling me I would get ill like this ans I was going to hell
My doctors think I have motor neurone disease so I'm terminal and deteriorating fast. I feel like I deserve this death, I'm not worth it. Ive not lived in Gods ways and I cannot seem to accept Jesus' forgiveness no matter how hard I try, I just feel so worthless and defeated. I have stopped drinking now but I should have done this for God and my family way before. I should have done the right thing ages ago and now it's too late.
Now my family are going to suffer even more as they will grieve for me. I want to be a good person and I want Jesus' forgiveness. I'm just a horrible horrible person. I feel so bad after everything I've done. Please forgive me Lord
You should not be so shocked to find out how awful you are, Jesus knew all about it,
don't kid yourself, we are just the same. Rotten to the core ... God loves us DESPITE how bad we are, He sent Jesus to die for us BECAUSE we are so bad.
There is forgiveness and healing for YOU at the cross. Jesus will take away everything evil about you at the cross ... give it all to Him.