Friendliness or Flirting?

[Descyple]

Yeah, if I didn't know any better, I'd delete you from my iPhone.

BananaPie, I don't own a cell phone, so I don't understand the significance of your statement, but I'll still give you a "like" because I'm flirty that way!!!

 

[BananaPie]

...As for myself I'm polite and friendly (sometimes a bit reserved at first) in my interactions, and tend to just view people in that light

I'm glad you mentioned being "polite and friendly... a bit reserved".

Being polite and keeping reservations in approaching others is proper behavior in attempting to know who we ought to focus on.

May the reader consider that while our hearts are being guarded from shallow people, do we really want to generate a record of flirting, flings and effervescent dating episodes? Would it not be a better testimony to know you've been polite and friendly, a bit reserved waiting patiently to meet that saint to marry?

A person who is constantly on the dating carousel is not really looking to settle down with a person anchored on commitment: the behavior marriage requires.

 

[BananaPie]

...the rest all looked like he was just enjoying singing. Maybe I don't have a good flirt-o-meter.

Your flirt-O-meter, as well as Monica's, works just as fine as mine. I don't think he is flirting either.

Hence, an example of how a wink or facial expressions needs to have roguish intent, or picaresque romance intent to qualify as a flirt. Otherwise, it's nothing but a wink nobody is going to follow through.

BananaPie, I don't own a cell phone, so I don't understand the significance of your statement, but I'll still give you a "like" because I'm flirty that way!!!

LOL. Welcome to BananaPie's dry martini, I mean, dry humor.

 

[Jilly81]

Grace, I'm kind of like you; I'm friendly and engaging to everyone offline (unless they're so rude that I can't be friendly and stay safe, which is rare, of course). That's mostly accepted in my area of the country, though I try to go above and beyond. Anyway, I think I have a different definition of flirting than most of the people in this forum. *bings* Yep, I sure do ! To me, flirting can be just a certain smile, etc, that isn't meant in an alluring way, but rather to show interest. Anyway .

Now, to go respond to my own thread, where I appear to have left out a few key details, thus making myself look too forward and possibly even less than ladylike .

 

[keep_on_smiling]

This is a great topic and something I've thought a lot about. It actually aggravates me a lot when guys mistake my friendliness as flirting. I like to be free to enjoy myself, smile, be honest, joke, whatever I'm feeling in the moment. I feel like I have to down play how I'm feeling, as to not give guys the impression that I'm flirting. Flirting is a step beyond simple friendliness, yet I guess that just isn't obvious to some.

 

[Fenner]

Another thread has me questioning how other people view "flirting". I tend to be friendly and joke around with people sometimes, and it doesn't matter what gender or age they are so I've ever even thought to consider that flirting. Men, women, elderly, children... I just like to smile and interact with people I come across when I am in a playful or happy mood. Now I'm wondering if that is seen as inappropriate by some people, if the recipient happens to be the opposite sex. Why flirting? Why not just genuinely enjoying one another's company for a short time?

Is this a regional thing? Perhaps people in the south are simply more open and outgoing than in some other areas? It's very common to make small talk, laugh and smile with total strangers you see while running errands in Small Town Texas.

I'm sort of the same way, I have to get to know someone, but I do like to joke around and I'm easy going with either sex. I don't say anything inappropriate, as I'm sure you don't either.

My Sister is very friendly, smiles all the time, very extroverted person. My Mom and Grandma always said she was flirty. I know she's not intentionally being flirty. I know sometimes people can get the wrong idea if you're nice to them, but I try to just act in kind. You're nice to me, I'm nice to you. I've never seen my Sister take it to far.

 

[Oncefallen]

The sad thing is that some guys are so messed up emotionally that they will mistake the slightest positive attention as "interest" and be instantly head over heels "in love".

I've witnessed stalkeresque mannerisms out of men like this after just a couple of interactions with a woman.

 

[Fenner]

I'm afraid unless it was really direct or obvious I probably wouldn't realise someone was flirting at all. I'm really kinda clueless usually so I'd just put it down to them just being friendly (which it usually is so it's a safe assumption ) . As for myself I'm polite and friendly (sometimes a bit reserved at first) in my interactions, and tend to just view people in that light

You should change your CC name from Descylpe to Flirt Flirtison.

 

[Descyple]

You should change your CC name from Descylpe to Flirt Flirtison.

Fenner, you quoted someone else but directed your comments towards me.

Are you drunk again???

 

[Fenner]

You should change your CC name from Descylpe to Flirt Flirtison.

I'm sorry night raven, I meant to direct my comment to Descyple.

 

[Fenner]

Fenner, you quoted someone else but directed your comments towards me.

Are you drunk again???

Who me never, hiccup!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Another thread has me questioning how other people view "flirting". I tend to be friendly and joke around with people sometimes, and it doesn't matter what gender or age they are so I've ever even thought to consider that flirting. Men, women, elderly, children... I just like to smile and interact with people I come across when I am in a playful or happy mood. Now I'm wondering if that is seen as inappropriate by some people, if the recipient happens to be the opposite sex. Why flirting? Why not just genuinely enjoying one another's company for a short time?

Is this a regional thing? Perhaps people in the south are simply more open and outgoing than in some other areas? It's very common to make small talk, laugh and smile with total strangers you see while running errands in Small Town Texas.

You need serious help, Grace! You need to contact your local chapter of Flirter's Anonymous of America, otherwise known as the FAA.

FAA: Home

 

[cyphercat]

I'm not going to respond to this thread. On the one hand I'd be guilty of crushing someone's spirit. On the other I'd be giving away one of the secrets of male thinking that would give this woman an advantage in playing the game.
Oh wait, I just did. Or did I?

And by the way flirting gratifies the ego because successful flirting is an indication of being appealing to a member of the opposite sex that you want to sleep with.

I think you've built a wall that protects you from facing the reality of what guys think of you, and protects you primarily from pursuing anyone who is a non-believer. I think one of the side effects of this is that you have caused your ability to clue in on who wants to be with you to suffer. The end result of that is that you will not restrain yourself from being so nice that it is taken as a cue that you are interested in a guy. You're precisely the kind of girl that a guy will get hung up on and never tell how he really feels.
You're a total sweetheart, something that God would vigorously protect from the wrong guy.
So maybe your wall is meant to be there, and your hands are clean of ever having caused anyone any heartache indirectly.

Pop quiz: Why did I post that?

 

[cyphercat]

This is a great topic and something I've thought a lot about. It actually aggravates me a lot when guys mistake my friendliness as flirting. I like to be free to enjoy myself, smile, be honest, joke, whatever I'm feeling in the moment. I feel like I have to down play how I'm feeling, as to not give guys the impression that I'm flirting. Flirting is a step beyond simple friendliness, yet I guess that just isn't obvious to some.

Gratifying your image of yourself is something that you can afford to downplay if it means that you won't indirectly break some poor guys heart.
Think about it. You would be denying yourself the satisfaction of "being" this girl who likes to "smile, be honest, joke" for the sake of saving some guys from heartache.
So for the sake of other people you're giving up your ego.
That can only be a good thing.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

You need serious help, Grace! You need to contact your local chapter of Flirter's Anonymous of America, otherwise known as the FAA.

FAA: Home

Are you telling me that I'm in denial?

 

[NightRevan]

Gratifying your image of yourself is something that you can afford to downplay if it means that you won't indirectly break some poor guys heart.
Think about it. You would be denying yourself the satisfaction of "being" this girl who likes to "smile, be honest, joke" for the sake of saving some guys from heartache.
So for the sake of other people you're giving up your ego.
That can only be a good thing.

I kinda disagree, while I don't think someone should be actively and deliberately flirting knowing it was leading someone, I don't like advice that essentially tells someone they should pretend to be someone else (I'm not talking sinful habits here, I'm talking the essential person themselves). Jesus died for that person, love is about loving a person not a pretend act, and the idea that church is a place where we have to pretend and hide who we are, that we can't be honest with each other and support each other is disturbing in some ways. I think to many times we don't have the kind of honest fellowship we need, and instead pretend, to be what we think others think we should be, to be accepted, but as Christians we accept each other and encourage each other.

And it becomes difficult to determine what friendly action will someone else take as flirting, some men (I assume it's true for women to, but this is a woman feeling she has to repress who she is with others) can take anything as a sign of being flirtatious sometimes sadly. You can't live your life in fear that something you do that is just being honest, welcoming and friendly could somehow be construed as flirtatious such a smile or having a conversation with them, the men have a responsibility to be in control and not make assumptions about other people. I mean, you can go crazy if you had to analysis every thing you might do or say, just in case someone takes it the wrong way, because unfortunately that can happen anyway. And the idea that someone can't express the kind of person God made them to be, ie an outgoing, friendly extrovert for instance, particularly that we can't be who we are in the church, the family of God is just wrong to me (again this isn't about deliberate sinful behaviour or people using this as an excuse, rather it's the idea they have to pretend to be someone who they are not all together). To me this isn't putting aside her ego, it's having to put aside the person she is, the one God loves, in case someone takes something innocent the wrong way (which could happen anyway in some cases, people can be weird).

 

[cyphercat]

I kinda disagree, while I don't think someone should be actively and deliberately flirting knowing it was leading someone, I don't like advice that essentially tells someone they should pretend to be someone else (I'm not talking sinful habits here, I'm talking the essential person themselves). Jesus died for that person, love is about loving a person not a pretend act, and the idea that church is a place where we have to pretend and hide who we are, that we can't be honest with each other and support each other is disturbing in some ways. I think to many times we don't have the kind of honest fellowship we need, and instead pretend, to be what we think others think we should be, to be accepted, but as Christians we accept each other and encourage each other.

And it becomes difficult to determine what friendly action will someone else take as flirting, some men (I assume it's true for women to, but this is a woman feeling she has to repress who she is with others) can take anything as a sign of being flirtatious sometimes sadly. You can't live your life in fear that something you do that is just being honest, welcoming and friendly could somehow be construed as flirtatious such a smile or having a conversation with them, the men have a responsibility to be in control and not make assumptions about other people. I mean, you can go crazy if you had to analysis every thing you might do or say, just in case someone takes it the wrong way, because unfortunately that can happen anyway. And the idea that someone can't express the kind of person God made them to be, ie an outgoing, friendly extrovert for instance, particularly that we can't be who we are in the church, the family of God is just wrong to me (again this isn't about deliberate sinful behaviour or people using this as an excuse, rather it's the idea they have to pretend to be someone who they are not all together). To me this isn't putting aside her ego, it's having to put aside the person she is, the one God loves, in case someone takes something innocent the wrong way (which could happen anyway in some cases, people can be weird).

That person that she is, that unique girl, is nakedness that only her husband should behold.

 

[cyphercat]

I walk around displaying who I am because I am in a state of acting on the possibility that my mate could be watching me, so I naturally display aspects of myself that she might find attractive.
But when I find her, and she finds me, I will cease to be a personality and will devote my uniqueness to pleasing her.
The man who is married cares about the things of this world, and how to please his wife.

 

[abbiejean]

Iessentially tells someone they should pretend to be someone else (I'm not talking sinful habits here, I'm talking the essential person themselves). Jesus died for that person, love is about loving a person not a pretend act, and the idea that church is a place where we have to pretend and hide who we are, that we can't be honest with each other and support each other is disturbing in some ways. I think to many times we don't have the kind of honest fellowship we need, and instead pretend, to be what we think others think we should be, to be accepted, but as Christians we accept each other and encourage each other.

And I ask, I wonder why that is? The Lord Jesus Christ was transparent, open, real. As Christians we should be too. Good and bad. Up and down. In and out. Afterall, IMHO, in my heart, I want to be accepted for who I AM, not a pretend person. Pretending takes work. I don't need the stress and don't want to spend the energy. That way, when someone does accept me, I know they like who I am and not someone who has a false front with a package or sack full of with masks.

Really like your post, NightRevan.

 

[keep_on_smiling]

Gratifying your image of yourself is something that you can afford to downplay if it means that you won't indirectly break some poor guys heart.
Think about it. You would be denying yourself the satisfaction of "being" this girl who likes to "smile, be honest, joke" for the sake of saving some guys from heartache.
So for the sake of other people you're giving up your ego.
That can only be a good thing.

I kinda disagree, while I don't think someone should be actively and deliberately flirting knowing it was leading someone, I don't like advice that essentially tells someone they should pretend to be someone else (I'm not talking sinful habits here, I'm talking the essential person themselves). Jesus died for that person, love is about loving a person not a pretend act, and the idea that church is a place where we have to pretend and hide who we are, that we can't be honest with each other and support each other is disturbing in some ways. I think to many times we don't have the kind of honest fellowship we need, and instead pretend, to be what we think others think we should be, to be accepted, but as Christians we accept each other and encourage each other.

And it becomes difficult to determine what friendly action will someone else take as flirting, some men (I assume it's true for women to, but this is a woman feeling she has to repress who she is with others) can take anything as a sign of being flirtatious sometimes sadly. You can't live your life in fear that something you do that is just being honest, welcoming and friendly could somehow be construed as flirtatious such a smile or having a conversation with them, the men have a responsibility to be in control and not make assumptions about other people. I mean, you can go crazy if you had to analysis every thing you might do or say, just in case someone takes it the wrong way, because unfortunately that can happen anyway. And the idea that someone can't express the kind of person God made them to be, ie an outgoing, friendly extrovert for instance, particularly that we can't be who we are in the church, the family of God is just wrong to me (again this isn't about deliberate sinful behaviour or people using this as an excuse, rather it's the idea they have to pretend to be someone who they are not all together). To me this isn't putting aside her ego, it's having to put aside the person she is, the one God loves, in case someone takes something innocent the wrong way (which could happen anyway in some cases, people can be weird).

I agree with Night Raven. After all, it would be a lie to pretend to be any different than I am. I also don't see how being yourself has anything to do with your ego.

If someone gets hurt in the meantime because of who I am (not flirting), I'd only pray that the Lord help them heal the deeper issues they must have.