Frustrated follower

[Nelly_P]

God bless you all. I need advice/encouragement and unfortunately I can not get it from my husband because he has strayed away from following Christ. I am really active on my church. I have taking up theology classes Mon and Wed. We have services on Sun, Tues, Thurs but obviously I can't make it to all of them because of my theology classes. Last but not the least I have 3 children, 8 year old twins and a 6 year old. Plus I work full time. My life consist of working, home, household duties , nurturing, church, wife etc. And my goodness I feel so frustrated. And I do not have a "suitable helper" like in Genesis 2:18. I pretty much do it all. My husband just gets home sit on the couch and that's pretty much all for him and he also goes to the gym the times where I'm actually home. He doesn't take me on any dates, romance me. He can see me on my feet all day and won't do anything to help me. My church always has a full schedule and again I can not get to it all but feel the pressure. At this point I'm feeling like I'm doing things just to please men. I feel like a robot. I feel so far away from God. I feel as though no one understands my struggles. Not even my husband. I say in my head many times "what's the difference in being married and single, cause I do it all". I get pressure from everywhere and feel like I'm about to explode. I have NO release whatsoever and the only thing that keeps me together is my faith and children. As much as I try to keep it in I know they see my frustration. And they don't deserve that. They deserve a happy mommy because they truly are amazing kids. My greatest blessing. And I always make sure to take them with me to Sunday school, church services etc so they can have that strong faith that I grew up with. Oh and I'm also a Sunday School teacher, I'm in charge of the kids at my church and I'm the secretary at church. I just want to hide under a rock somewhere.

What should I do?

 

[Tommy379]

God bless you all. I need advice/encouragement and unfortunately I can not get it from my husband because he has strayed away from following Christ. I am really active on my church. I have taking up theology classes Mon and Wed. We have services on Sun, Tues, Thurs but obviously I can't make it to all of them because of my theology classes. Last but not the least I have 3 children, 8 year old twins and a 6 year old. Plus I work full time. My life consist of working, home, household duties , nurturing, church, wife etc. And my goodness I feel so frustrated. And I do not have a "suitable helper" like in Genesis 2:18. I pretty much do it all. My husband just gets home sit on the couch and that's pretty much all for him and he also goes to the gym the times where I'm actually home. He doesn't take me on any dates, romance me. He can see me on my feet all day and won't do anything to help me. My church always has a full schedule and again I can not get to it all but feel the pressure. At this point I'm feeling like I'm doing things just to please men. I feel like a robot. I feel so far away from God. I feel as though no one understands my struggles. Not even my husband. I say in my head many times "what's the difference in being married and single, cause I do it all". I get pressure from everywhere and feel like I'm about to explode. I have NO release whatsoever and the only thing that keeps me together is my faith and children. As much as I try to keep it in I know they see my frustration. And they don't deserve that. They deserve a happy mommy because they truly are amazing kids. My greatest blessing. And I always make sure to take them with me to Sunday school, church services etc so they can have that strong faith that I grew up with. Oh and I'm also a Sunday School teacher, I'm in charge of the kids at my church and I'm the secretary at church. I just want to hide under a rock somewhere.

What should I do?

I'd dial back on the church.

 

[JesusLives]

STOP!

Take time for you and God - real quality time....not rush to church time but quiet contemplative talk to God and unload your burdens to Him time.

Love your husband take time for him to do something special for him. When was the last time you romanced your husband?

You have kids to take care of. Do you take time to be a mom and actually enjoy them and play with them?

Or do you feel pressured to go to church every time the doors are open? Why? Is it strengthening your walk with God or do you feel like you are running until you are ragged? Is that really what you think your walk with God should look like? A frustrated wife and mother working and on a wheel running like a rat?

Look at Jesus life....He took time to pray and spend quality time with God His and our Father... God doesn't want you to kill yourself trying to do... He wants you to live your life in peace and tranquility with Him and you loving to be a mother and wife.

Set priorities and drop some of the Bible classes and learn to enjoy your life including your husband in it... How about family day where you all go to the park and enjoy playing with the kids and getting out in nature looking at the wonders God has created.... Learn to take time for you and relax a little.

Also let them know at church that you are experiencing burn out and some of your duties will have to be passed to someone else for a period of time. You don't have to do everything and God doesn't want you to burn out to the point you walk away from Him.

Your life sounds far too hectic and you aren't enjoying it at all. Take some quiet time and learn to stop and smell the roses and talk to God about it and talk to your husband too and let him know you are in need of some alone time and would he please watch the kids so you could have an hour or two for quiet time with you pouring your heart out to God....

Just a thought.

 

[Dan58]

I have taking up theology classes Mon and Wed. We have services on Sun, Tues, Thurs..... I have 3 children, Plus I work full time. My life consist of working, home, household duties, nurturing, church....Oh and I'm also a Sunday School teacher, I'm in charge of the kids at my church and I'm the secretary at church.

My husband doesn't take me on any dates

What should I do?

Sounds like your husband would need to make an appointment . Think about what you wrote; "My church always has a full schedule and again I can not get to it all but feel the pressure. At this point I'm feeling like I'm doing things just to please men. I feel like a robot. I feel so far away from God.". I don't think your husband is your problem. You've become a church (religious) fanatic, and that has made you feel far away from God, not to mention your husband. Stop being a robot, stop trying to please everyone, and I think you'll have room for God and your husband to move a little closer... jmo

 

[tourist]

You and your husband don't seem to have the opportunity to spend any quality time together. I believe that it would benefit your marriage and sense of contentment if you reduce the amount of time you spend in your church life and your husband needs to cut the amount of time spent in the gym. This would create time that you can spend alone with your husband and for the two of you to spend time with your children. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.

 

[Adstar]

God bless you all. I need advice/encouragement and unfortunately I can not get it from my husband because he has strayed away from following Christ. I am really active on my church. I have taking up theology classes Mon and Wed. We have services on Sun, Tues, Thurs but obviously I can't make it to all of them because of my theology classes. Last but not the least I have 3 children, 8 year old twins and a 6 year old. Plus I work full time. My life consist of working, home, household duties , nurturing, church, wife etc. And my goodness I feel so frustrated. And I do not have a "suitable helper" like in Genesis 2:18. I pretty much do it all. My husband just gets home sit on the couch and that's pretty much all for him and he also goes to the gym the times where I'm actually home. He doesn't take me on any dates, romance me. He can see me on my feet all day and won't do anything to help me. My church always has a full schedule and again I can not get to it all but feel the pressure. At this point I'm feeling like I'm doing things just to please men. I feel like a robot. I feel so far away from God. I feel as though no one understands my struggles. Not even my husband. I say in my head many times "what's the difference in being married and single, cause I do it all". I get pressure from everywhere and feel like I'm about to explode. I have NO release whatsoever and the only thing that keeps me together is my faith and children. As much as I try to keep it in I know they see my frustration. And they don't deserve that. They deserve a happy mommy because they truly are amazing kids. My greatest blessing. And I always make sure to take them with me to Sunday school, church services etc so they can have that strong faith that I grew up with. Oh and I'm also a Sunday School teacher, I'm in charge of the kids at my church and I'm the secretary at church. I just want to hide under a rock somewhere.

What should I do?

Resign from some of the commitments you have signed on for..

You will be good for no one if you have a nervous breakdown..

Let someone else be secretary .. Let someone else be the Sunday school teacher.. Your not super human.. Lighten the load bit by bit until you find the right level of exertion that you can handle.. Driving yourself into the dirt in the end will hurt your kids..

 

[Miri]

Learn to say no.

It sounds like you do not have time to go out and spend time with your husband, even
if he asked.

Maybe thats why he doesn't ask.

 

[lovingladyo4]

I am sorry you are feeling this kind of pressure in your personal life and in your marriage. Can you think back to the time when the distance between you and your husband enetered into your relationship? Sometimes it's so subtle we can hardly put our finger on a specific time. We can find ourselves so distant from our spouse and look back and wonder how we got there! I am sure you have these answers.

One possibility is to focus more on your home life and your family and remove yourself from the other demands. That might give you the much desired time to spend with family relationships.

It is very possible your husband is able to detect your priorities and has concluded that your church time is more important than your family time.

If your husband likes you being gone from home, it's possible that your schedule can conveniently prevent him from having to be accountable to your marriage and he is more comfortable remaining at a distance. He can detect where your priorities are, but if he has given you his "blessing" to stay so busy, that could be a cover up so that he doesn't have to become engaged in any type of resolution to minimize the distance in your relationship.

This scenario you describe might be an indication to zero in on your marriage and do what you are capable of doing to restore your relationship. I know that men are the head of the household, and can often times dodge their responsibilities, but when you make every last attempt to please God inside your commitment, then you can have a peace of mind that you did all you could possibly do. Perhaps it might be wise to remove some of your commitments that are taking you away from your homelife. You are only responsible for yourself before God. "Whatever you do do, do as unto the Lord and not for man." I bet you will feel a whole lot better when you remove those things from your life that are causing any distance from your marriage.

Maybe you can enter into a season where your outside activities and commitments can be put on hold for a while to give you time to restore your marriage. I know it's deflating when you as the wife have to take the initiative to do this, but when your husband sees that you are serious about placing your marriage above your other involvements, he may take note that he means enough to you to desire a deeper relationship. Only God knows what your efforts will result in, but you can have the peace of mind that you placed your priorities in the proper order, trusting that God can honor the intentions of your heart.

 

[notmyown]

God bless you all. I need advice/encouragement and unfortunately I can not get it from my husband because he has strayed away from following Christ. I am really active on my church. I have taking up theology classes Mon and Wed. We have services on Sun, Tues, Thurs but obviously I can't make it to all of them because of my theology classes. Last but not the least I have 3 children, 8 year old twins and a 6 year old. Plus I work full time. My life consist of working, home, household duties , nurturing, church, wife etc. And my goodness I feel so frustrated. And I do not have a "suitable helper" like in Genesis 2:18. I pretty much do it all. My husband just gets home sit on the couch and that's pretty much all for him and he also goes to the gym the times where I'm actually home. He doesn't take me on any dates, romance me. He can see me on my feet all day and won't do anything to help me. My church always has a full schedule and again I can not get to it all but feel the pressure. At this point I'm feeling like I'm doing things just to please men. I feel like a robot. I feel so far away from God. I feel as though no one understands my struggles. Not even my husband. I say in my head many times "what's the difference in being married and single, cause I do it all". I get pressure from everywhere and feel like I'm about to explode. I have NO release whatsoever and the only thing that keeps me together is my faith and children. As much as I try to keep it in I know they see my frustration. And they don't deserve that. They deserve a happy mommy because they truly are amazing kids. My greatest blessing. And I always make sure to take them with me to Sunday school, church services etc so they can have that strong faith that I grew up with. Oh and I'm also a Sunday School teacher, I'm in charge of the kids at my church and I'm the secretary at church. I just want to hide under a rock somewhere.

What should I do?

hi, Nelly, welcome to the site.

a thought occurs to me... what if your husband is thinking you've made the church your life? your #1 priority?
and he resents it (as you do his time at the gym, you see?) and thus resents God?

this may not be the case at all, but as a woman who's been over-involved with church activities when my kids were young, i want to let you know those are dangerous waters.
another possibility that comes to mind is you're filling your life with church activities to fill a void you feel.
but my youngest daughter would say, you need Jesus. (we ALL need Jesus!)

for the sake of your marriage, your husband and your kiddos, please know there's a time and a season for everything.
right now, you're in the season of raising up little ones, and they need you. your marriage (your husband) needs attention.

there will be time later in your life to be the church secretary, if God so wills it.
time to take classes and teach Sunday school.

perhaps you can pray about the amount of involvement God wants you to have at church?
remember Martha and Mary... and Jesus told Martha she was anxious and troubled about many things, but One Thing is necessary, and Mary had chosen the good portion....

we all need that One Thing-- real time at the Lord's feet. Christ Himself.
may He bless you.

 

[imfinallyfree]

At least he's not turning against you like literally the Bible says that non believers friends and family will turn against true believers in the end times some will even kill the believers I think that that is now,I have friends and family turning against me now they'll probably kill me sometime( my family is a bunch of crazy drunks).

 

[blue_ladybug]

Tell him to get off his lazy butt when he's sitting on the couch doing nothing, and help out with the kids, chores, etc..

 

[Stephen63]

I have to agree with some of the others..... you're too busy in church business.

Churches have a bad habit of "dumping " work on the faithful who won't say anything in response.

Just from what you've said, what it sounds like is you're going thru burn-out.

Your husband may be seeing this, & blaming the church for loading you down.

My suggestion, & a hard one, is quit all of your "positions" immediately, & making more time for your husband, whether He or you like it or not.

Through the years I've seen people who were more married to their church than to their spouse.

The real order is 1) God, 2) spouse, 3) children, & then the ministry/church.

 

[PrynceNY]

Have a sit down discussion with your husband and express to him how you have alot on your plate and desire for things to change. I'd advise not to approach him in a confrontational manner because it would only make things worst. I'm sure you still do love him so tell him in a loving way you would like to have a serious discussion. Hopefully things get better for you & yor family

 

[88]

God bless you all. I need advice/encouragement and unfortunately I can not get it from my husband because he has strayed away from following Christ. I am really active on my church. I have taking up theology classes Mon and Wed. We have services on Sun, Tues, Thurs but obviously I can't make it to all of them because of my theology classes. Last but not the least I have 3 children, 8 year old twins and a 6 year old. Plus I work full time. My life consist of working, home, household duties , nurturing, church, wife etc. And my goodness I feel so frustrated. And I do not have a "suitable helper" like in Genesis 2:18. I pretty much do it all. My husband just gets home sit on the couch and that's pretty much all for him and he also goes to the gym the times where I'm actually home. He doesn't take me on any dates, romance me. He can see me on my feet all day and won't do anything to help me. My church always has a full schedule and again I can not get to it all but feel the pressure. At this point I'm feeling like I'm doing things just to please men. I feel like a robot. I feel so far away from God. I feel as though no one understands my struggles. Not even my husband. I say in my head many times "what's the difference in being married and single, cause I do it all". I get pressure from everywhere and feel like I'm about to explode. I have NO release whatsoever and the only thing that keeps me together is my faith and children. As much as I try to keep it in I know they see my frustration. And they don't deserve that. They deserve a happy mommy because they truly are amazing kids. My greatest blessing. And I always make sure to take them with me to Sunday school, church services etc so they can have that strong faith that I grew up with. Oh and I'm also a Sunday School teacher, I'm in charge of the kids at my church and I'm the secretary at church. I just want to hide under a rock somewhere.

What should I do?

*** (praying) it sounds like your overloaded----if your doing so much you will burn out---- also concentrate on praying for your husband to turn back to God--- you have a lot of responsibility, but don't overdo it---tend

to your husbands needs--- when he turns his heart towards you and God you will be relieved...

 

[kim12345]

What should you do?

Cut some stuff out of your life!

I suggest dropping the theology classes.
Drop teaching Sunday school.

First, your children are Young and this time is so precious. You need to focus on your kids! They need you. There will be plenty of time to take classes when they are grown up. Since you work full time that already takes a lot of time away from them and your husband. Plus, you need time to take care of yourself and quiet time with God.

Second, start romancing your husband. Ask him out to dinner, get a sitter and get dressed up. Then sweetly tell him how you want his help and attention.

I can understand why you are stressed. Something is going to give and I dont think you want it to be Your Family!
Please prioritize your time and drop some activities for now.

God bless you all. I need advice/encouragement and unfortunately I can not get it from my husband because he has strayed away from following Christ. I am really active on my church. I have taking up theology classes Mon and Wed. We have services on Sun, Tues, Thurs but obviously I can't make it to all of them because of my theology classes. Last but not the least I have 3 children, 8 year old twins and a 6 year old. Plus I work full time. My life consist of working, home, household duties , nurturing, church, wife etc. And my goodness I feel so frustrated. And I do not have a "suitable helper" like in Genesis 2:18. I pretty much do it all. My husband just gets home sit on the couch and that's pretty much all for him and he also goes to the gym the times where I'm actually home. He doesn't take me on any dates, romance me. He can see me on my feet all day and won't do anything to help me. My church always has a full schedule and again I can not get to it all but feel the pressure. At this point I'm feeling like I'm doing things just to please men. I feel like a robot. I feel so far away from God. I feel as though no one understands my struggles. Not even my husband. I say in my head many times "what's the difference in being married and single, cause I do it all". I get pressure from everywhere and feel like I'm about to explode. I have NO release whatsoever and the only thing that keeps me together is my faith and children. As much as I try to keep it in I know they see my frustration. And they don't deserve that. They deserve a happy mommy because they truly are amazing kids. My greatest blessing. And I always make sure to take them with me to Sunday school, church services etc so they can have that strong faith that I grew up with. Oh and I'm also a Sunday School teacher, I'm in charge of the kids at my church and I'm the secretary at church. I just want to hide under a rock somewhere.

What should I do?

 

[Rose58]

God bless you all. I need advice/encouragement and unfortunately I can not get it from my husband because he has strayed away from following Christ. I am really active on my church. I have taking up theology classes Mon and Wed. We have services on Sun, Tues, Thurs but obviously I can't make it to all of them because of my theology classes. Last but not the least I have 3 children, 8 year old twins and a 6 year old. Plus I work full time. My life consist of working, home, household duties , nurturing, church, wife etc. And my goodness I feel so frustrated. And I do not have a "suitable helper" like in Genesis 2:18. I pretty much do it all. My husband just gets home sit on the couch and that's pretty much all for him and he also goes to the gym the times where I'm actually home. He doesn't take me on any dates, romance me. He can see me on my feet all day and won't do anything to help me. My church always has a full schedule and again I can not get to it all but feel the pressure. At this point I'm feeling like I'm doing things just to please men. I feel like a robot. I feel so far away from God. I feel as though no one understands my struggles. Not even my husband. I say in my head many times "what's the difference in being married and single, cause I do it all". I get pressure from everywhere and feel like I'm about to explode. I have NO release whatsoever and the only thing that keeps me together is my faith and children. As much as I try to keep it in I know they see my frustration. And they don't deserve that. They deserve a happy mommy because they truly are amazing kids. My greatest blessing. And I always make sure to take them with me to Sunday school, church services etc so they can have that strong faith that I grew up with. Oh and I'm also a Sunday School teacher, I'm in charge of the kids at my church and I'm the secretary at church. I just want to hide under a rock somewhere.

What should I do?

I like the suggestion that was made about giving up your responsibilities at church. There are a number of things going on here I think. Not the least of those things is burn out. I have been where you are right now. I had been convinced that the things that really mattered were the ministries and classes that I thought (and was told) I was doing for God. But the truth is that putting your husband, your kids and your life with them first is the best ministry. Loving our families is our best witness of who God is. I struggled with that for many years. My family got the wrong picture of who God is. They saw me doing stuff for everyone but them. I believe without a doubt that some things would have been so much better had I focused on them first and foremost. Things are great now but when the kids were growing up I was always looking to get involved in everything at church. I remember longing for "my ministry" when God showed me that my family was exactly that; the ministry that I had been looking for. I have seen a number of marriages suffer because one person in the marriage wanted to throw themselves into church ministry and their spouse got an attitude about it and did not want to be involved. That spouse was branded "unspiritual". The next thing you know they were not together any more. I believe with all my heart that family comes first and that it is God's desire. Marriage is a reflection of his relationship with us. It's beyond beautiful. Showing our husband who God is by allowing God to love him through us is a true picture of who God is. If couples could see this then marriages in the would flourish and the world would come running to receive God's love with open arms. Allowing God's love to flow like that is the best thing we can ever do for our children. I pray Gods glory on you and your family. He is so much better than we can even imagine or have ever been told. He knows your heart and he is all about restoration, rest and reconciliation.