[h=2]
Re: Crushed and Defeated![/h]
I am 56 my oldest brother died in a car accident when I was in 7th grade we were very close I looked up to him then my dad got cancer and had 6 to 11 months before he past my middle brother and his girlfriend died in a double hit in run a car hit him into the road she went to help him then another car ran them both over and killed them, a year to the day we put my middle brother in the ground my dad died, my mom passed a fur years ago
When my oldest brother died I started smoking pot just to get away from the pain then went to drinking my marriage broke up I drank even more when my mom and dad got ill I should have been there more I should have moved in to my dads even if I had a 3 hour each way for work, my mom wanted me to move down where she lived but I couldn’t saying I just started my business and my children are up here. To this day I hate myself for not being there for them I mean they had the pain of losing 2 of their children then I found the internet and it took over had no desire but it just took the place of the booze my business is slow
I have to be out of where I live by March 31 have no money no where to go may lose my children meaning they may not talk to me I did not know I was in depression it sneaks up and you just don’t know it I have held all the pain in my life in and it’s going to cost me everything there has been many day that I figured the world would be better off with me not in it for years I have been coming home to a empty house I figured I am not worth anything all I ever wanted to do was to be a good father and a good person I tried but again I guess I failed at that
I pray and pray I am broken and I don’t want to feel like this
Dose anyone what the feeling is like feeling that you are going to lose everything I lost one family I am not strong enough to go through that again
I ask god I pray to god to come into my life and fix me and help me I can’t do it on my own I don’t think I am a bad person
When my oldest brother died I started smoking pot just to get away from the pain then went to drinking my marriage broke up I drank even more when my mom and dad got ill I should have been there more I should have moved in to my dads even if I had a 3 hour each way for work, my mom wanted me to move down where she lived but I couldn’t saying I just started my business and my children are up here. To this day I hate myself for not being there for them I mean they had the pain of losing 2 of their children then I found the internet and it took over had no desire but it just took the place of the booze my business is slow
I have to be out of where I live by March 31 have no money no where to go may lose my children meaning they may not talk to me I did not know I was in depression it sneaks up and you just don’t know it I have held all the pain in my life in and it’s going to cost me everything there has been many day that I figured the world would be better off with me not in it for years I have been coming home to a empty house I figured I am not worth anything all I ever wanted to do was to be a good father and a good person I tried but again I guess I failed at that
I pray and pray I am broken and I don’t want to feel like this
Dose anyone what the feeling is like feeling that you are going to lose everything I lost one family I am not strong enough to go through that again
I ask god I pray to god to come into my life and fix me and help me I can’t do it on my own I don’t think I am a bad person