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Wornwarrior

Wornwarrior

Senior Member
May 11, 2015
172
3
18
I have been separated almost 2 years. Even though it was tough, I had come to terms with it and was ready to move on. It was an emotionally abusive marriage so I was feeling liberated to be out of it, for a time. Back in May, God in His great mercy restored my relationship with Himself. I had been away from Him for years. Since then God had healed my heart in so many ways. But it still hurts for my 3 year old girl who doesn’t understand where Daddy is.

The past few weeks, I feel God had been putting my marriage heavily on my heart. I don’t understand why since I have no control in the matter. None of this was ever up to me. My husband made it clear that he no longer wants me as his wife, or to raise our daughter. He was unfaithful many times and he is now living with his newest “love”. I was even ok with that.

Recently, my heart is filled with so much pain for him again. I feel so sad for him. I don’t want him to die without Jesus. I don’t want him to be miserable in this life either and it seems that every time I see him, he is more and more miserable. He is very rude to me, hit me in the face and pretended it was an accident, and is not very loving at all to our daughter anymore. He has become very unkempt, aggressive, and told me that he has been doing pit fights for extra money (he’s into martial arts). I should be glad that he is gone out of our lives!! Shouldn’t I? But I’m not anymore. And I don’t even understand why! My girl and I are planning to go back to Canada very soon (where my family is). So we will not have much contact with him, other than the phone. Is this the right thing to do? In my heart I feel like I am leaving him behind. But the reality is, he has already left us. If I ever needed Gods wisdom and clarity, it is now.

[video=youtube;9ylnx0NA9X4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ylnx0NA9X4&list=FL8XfO5L3qGUc4mcMd197CtA& index=19[/video]
 
Abandonment by a spouse is grounds for divorce biblically.

As far as the rest, if he's not interested in returning to you and giving up his cheating ways, there really isn't much you can do. I know it hurts, especially because there is a child involved, but what kind of relationship would you have with a person who doesn't love you? If he did love you, he would be there, being the husband and father he should be, and took a vow to be.

You can't make him grow up and be responsible.

Pray for him, and give it over to God. He is great at softening hard hearts.

Praying for you.
 
Thank you for your prayers Budman. I know that God will get my head on straight one of these days. GBU
 
Thanks for sharing this. I actually went through a very similar situation in my marriage. In April of 2012 my husband decided he was no longer happy and wanted out of the marriage. He left me. I felt abandoned and hopeless.

When I would tell close friends and family how long we had been separated, I think the number one thing I hated to hear the most was "why are you still with him?" to which I would reply "...because I care about our marriage and I want to do what is pleasing to God, oh and you know those vows we said about for better or worse? Yeah... I actually meant them." :) That usually shut them up pretty quick.haha. Most people just want to help, so I don't blame them for saying things like "you deserve better" and "you should just leave". But I would encourage you to never make such a huge decision based on your temporary sadness.

It was never an easy road to take and it was very lonely at times. I really delved into God though. God used those 3 years of separation when my ex did not want to talk to me or work on us to really strengthen my relationship with Him and make me more dependent on God rather than man. I wasn't a Christian before he left me. My happiness completely revolved around my ex and how our relationship was at the current time. When he decided to leave I was devastated. I was in shock at first bc he was all I knew... we had been together since we were 16 years old, for 11 years, married for 7 of those years. I was a zombie for a good couple of days, getting the kids ready and trying not to think of what happened until one day I fell down on the floor in my kids' room and just started bawling. I cried and cried and wondered if I even wanted to live anymore. Thankfully I cried out to God for help and He heard me. A sense of peace came over me and to this day its hard to describe. I went to talk to my mom and step dad who are Christians. I gave my life to Christ that day. I decided that everything I had been doing up until that point was not working and gave it over to God- realized I had been doing things wrong and that I was a sinner in need of His grace. I surrounded myself with music and movies that glorified Him and I stayed in His Word. You will not believe how much that brightened my mood every day. See, when you focus on God, everything else seems manageable.

My prayers are with you and your little one. I've been there. It was honestly the toughest thing I've been through but I feel God has used it to help others already. After much prayer, divorce was what I went with. He had not only left the marriage but he had committed adultery as well. I feel stronger having gone through those 3 years... it wasn't always easy but I was never alone. Trust God with your marriage and vow to please Him over self. Ask Him to guide you and give you wisdom during this storm.
 
I appreciate your encouraging words Erica. So sorry to hear that you had to go through all of that but at the same time, I'm so glad that it lead to your relationship with Christ. Right now, music is how I spend my sleepless nights. Its amazing how praising Him can turn our moods around. We take the focus of ourselves and put it on God. Its easy to let the storm overwhelm us though when it hurts. I do pray God will make it clear, do I hang on, do I let go, do I move on or do I wait. For now, Ill just trust Him. Thank you for your prayers, Ill pray for you as well. GBU xxxx
 
Hate to see Godly women, and their children, go through this.

All I can say to comfort you is that God knows this situation and WILL heal you, and I pray in Jesus name your "husband" will not rest til he rests in Jesus and repents of his sin.
 
You are doing the right thing. Not only would I leave your husband behind, I would leave him far behind. He sounds like a horrible man. Yes, pray for him but definitely leave him.
 
PennEd said:
Hate to see Godly women, and their children, go through this.

All I can say to comfort you is that God knows this situation and WILL heal you, and I pray in Jesus name your "husband" will not rest til he rests in Jesus and repents of his sin.
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I appreciate that brother. It's really sad but God has been molding me so much through this so I could never complain. Thank you for your prayers.
 
tourist said:
You are doing the right thing. Not only would I leave your husband behind, I would leave him far behind. He sounds like a horrible man. Yes, pray for him but definitely leave him.
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I really hope I am doing the right thing. I wouldn't say he is a horrible man, but yes, his actions have been horrible toward me and our girl. I pray God will have mercy on him the same way He has shown so much mercy on me. GBU
 
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