Grief

[Mooky]

Hi pray -ers,

If you have a moment , please pray for my grief and loneliness.Grief because of some terrible things I have done in my past and my loss of innocence.Lonliness because once again as circumstance would have it , I am in a new area at a new church having to prove myself with new people with whom I feel little rappore.Sometimes , as a single person, only child and introvert ...I feel sort of disconnected from others.At present I am doubting God's existence.Even though I have experienced miracles.
Please pray that I grow through this sadness and grief and the unrealistic expectations I have for myself.
Thanks in advance.

 

[levi85]

Lord bless Mooky with your knowledge and wisdom to overcome the grief, loneliness and present situation. we agree with this prayer and ask Lord please bless Mooky, increase her faith and let you be glorified. Lord please bless Mooky. in Jesus loving name, Amen!

 

[Magenta]

Dearest Mooky, you are a beloved of God, forgiven of your past, which God no longer counts against you. I pray child for you to see your salvation as having come from the mistakes you made, the losses you suffered, the failures that brought you to your knees before Him Who waited patiently for you to turn to Him. Cast now all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you with an everlasting undying love, and suffers with you in your suffering, knowing how brokenhearted you are to see the extent of your rebellion against Him, and your defiance, and disobedience. Embrace these as your teachers, as your human condition, the natural man, that which was bent away from God in the flesh, seeking its own ways and its own pleasures and its own path to freedom unmindful of the fact that God's ways are best. They taught you how powerless you truly are, and how much you need God.

From Henri Nouwen's Inner Voice of Love:

The years that lie behind you, with all their struggles and pain, will in time be remembered only as the way that led to your new life. But as long as the new life is not fully yours, your memories will continue to cause you pain. When you keep reliving painful events of the past, you can feel victimized by them. But there is a way of telling your story that does not create pain; your story will become less pressing; you will see that you are no longer there, the past is gone, you no longer have to go back and relive it, you no longer depend on your past to identify yourself, it no longer dominates you, for you will see it as the path to your present freedom.

You are called to live out of a new place beyond your emotions, passions, and feelings. As long as you live amid your emotions, passion, and feelings, you will continue to experience loneliness, jealousy, anger, resentment, and even rage, because those are the most obvious responses to rejection and abandonment.

You have to trust there is another place, to which God wants to lead you and where you can be safe. Maybe it is wrong to think about this new place as beyond emotions, passion, and feelings. Beyond would suggest that these human sentiments are absent there.

Instead, try thinking about this place is the core of your being- your heart, where all human sentiments are held together in truth. From this place you can feel think and act truthfully.

It is quite understandable that you are afraid of this place. You have so little knowledge of it. You've caught glimpses of it, and you have even been there at times, but for most of your life you have dwelled among your emotions, passion, and feelings, and searched in them for inner peace and joy.

Also you have not fully acknowledged this new place as the place where God dwells and holds you. You fear that this truthful place is in fact a bottomless pit where you will lose all you have and are. Do not be afraid. Trust that God wants to embrace you and give you true safety, free from guilt, self condemnation, and shame.

Keep deepening your conviction that God's love for you is enough. What is important is to keep clinging to the real, lasting, and unambiguous love of Jesus. Whenever you doubt that love, return to your inner spiritual home and listen there to love's voice. Only when you know in your deepest being that you are intimately loved can you face the dark voices of the enemy without being overpowered by them.

I hope you don't mind me reading to you from this book. Magenta

 

[Mooky]

Thank you ,dear Magenta.This blessed me profoundly.

 

[Mooky]

I also stumbled across this sermon - for anyone else out there working through sadness.
Happy Are the Sad, Part 1 | SermonAudio.com

 

[Miri]

Hi pray -ers,

If you have a moment , please pray for my grief and loneliness.Grief because of some terrible things I have done in my past and my loss of innocence.Lonliness because once again as circumstance would have it , I am in a new area at a new church having to prove myself with new people with whom I feel little rappore.Sometimes , as a single person, only child and introvert ...I feel sort of disconnected from others.At present I am doubting God's existence.Even though I have experienced miracles.
Please pray that I grow through this sadness and grief and the unrealistic expectations I have for myself.
Thanks in advance.

There is no need to feel grief about your past, we all make mistakes, all have bad
things in life, many come from terrible situations.

In Christ you are a brand new creation, no longer in condemnation. In Christ it's all
behind you. You are no longer that ugly creeping catapillar but a beautiful butterfly.

Maybe you have some issues still which need working through, ask Jesus to heal you
and maybe seek counselling, but it's all in the past. There is a saying
that when Satan reminds me of my past, I remind him of his future!

Its always going to feel strange being the new person anywhere, but you can do it.
Get involved in the church, join a small group. You have a lot to offer.

Lord I pray for Mooky that she will know your grace and love over her. I pray that you
will bring healing about her past, that she will see herself as you see her. I pray
Mooky will quickly settle in to this new area and church and that the church will
welcome her with open arms.

Amen.

 

[Mooky]

Thank you so much, Miri.I am seeing a counsellor who I can only describe as a blessing from above.I need to do very little explaining because she GETS me.I don't take this lightly.
I have also been blessed with a Bible study group and a very kind lady gives me a lift there and back.
I really have very little to complain about - but sometimes I lament the years that the locust has eaten and my current besetting sins.

 

[Miri]

You know both king David and King Saul sinned.
Why didn't God disown and reject them both.

The difference was sincerity and a hearts desire for God regardless.

Saul wasn't that bothered, he just wanted to look good, he wasn't really into God.

Whereas David had a conscience, he wanted to do better, he wanted to know God,
he was repentant.

We all have issues to overcome, it will take a life time of refining in us all.


Years ago I had a dream in which I saw a pair of hands and in them was this large blue
plastic geometries shape. The hands closed around it and began to squeeze it and shape it.
Then they opened back up and there was this massive flawless sparkling diamond.

That's what God does with us. He shapes and forms us, gets rid of all the dross, it takes time,
if can me very painful. But God does not let us go, He knows those who are sincere from
those who are just along for the ride. He knows His sheep and even His naughty sheep
know Him. He carries those that are hurting, he gives space to the more adventurous
then goes and finds them when they get lost. He gives rest to those who need it,
he protects those who need protecting. Sometimes I'm sure He gives us a bit of
a shove to get us moving! I don't know which sheep you represent at the moment,
but you are part of His flock.

Maybe you are the one sheltering under the tree afraid to run around the field, but that's ok as
the tree is Jesus.

Sorry that sounds strange but I just got a sort of picture of a sheep in a field under a tree
peering over its shoulder looking at the rest.

God bless.

 

[Mooky]

^^ Beautiful.And yep.That's me.Somewhat furtive and not sure what the next move is.Thank you for sharing of yourself so generously.God bless you richly and abundantly!

 

[tourist]

For you to move forward in your life you have to let what happen in the past go. I pray for God to alleviate your loneliness and to give you a sense of purpose for your life. You don't have to prove anything to those people in your church but rather just be yourself. God Bless You.

 

[Mooky]

Thank you ,Tourist.Much appreciated.

 

[notmyown]

dearest Mooky,

there are things i've done i've never forgotten. i know God has forgiven me and chooses not to remember them, yet i feel blessed, in a way, that i do remember them. it not only helps keep me on the straight and narrow, it reminds me of the love and mercy of God in Christ Jesus.

i also think you're where you are now not because of circumstance, but Providence.
it is certainly difficult, but God's hand has brought you here, and He will not leave you alone in this. He is faithful to us in sadness and grief.

i read once that all thinking people will have doubts. His mercy is manifested even there. He doesn't always take away our troubles, but His grace meets our weakness, and His power is made perfect. i'm so grateful for that because my power? nonexistent.

thank you for your candor. i have prayed for you.
may you see the goodness of God. ♥

 

[Mooky]

Thank you so much, notmyown.I have been greatly ministred to this evening ,feel bolstered and like things are not so bleak right now.I value your prayers and input greatly.Many blessings to you.

 

[joycomesinthemorning]

I am praying for you sister! Know that God didn't make a mistake when He made you! He loves you madly and has awesome plans for your life! I pray that everything gets better.

Remember that "you are fearfully and wonderfully created"

He did not fault!

Hugs and always message me if you need someone to chat with

-Love in Christ
-Emma

 

[Mooky]

Thank you, Emma.Much appreciated.And yes , I am about to embark on reading books and listening to sermons about His love so I can get my head around it!

 

[resurrection33]

Hi pray -ers,

If you have a moment , please pray for my grief and loneliness.Grief because of some terrible things I have done in my past and my loss of innocence.Lonliness because once again as circumstance would have it , I am in a new area at a new church having to prove myself with new people with whom I feel little rappore.Sometimes , as a single person, only child and introvert ...I feel sort of disconnected from others.At present I am doubting God's existence.Even though I have experienced miracles.
Please pray that I grow through this sadness and grief and the unrealistic expectations I have for myself.
Thanks in advance.

I saw a lot of me in your post, till you got to that part about doubting God's existence. Don't worry about other people - you have nothing to prove to them. And don't worry about mistakes you've made in the past. What I would suggest you do is take Paul's advice: Pray constantly (1 Thess 5:17).

 

[Mooky]

Thank you, Resurrection.I sometimes feel like a cry baby - coming onto the prayer forum so often - but I geuss it's the way I express my dependance on God - and of course people are not obligated to respond to my prayer requests - but they do for which I am most grateful.

 

[grif101]

Mooky,

I've said a prayer for you. I'm sorry you're in such a difficult time in your life. Please know, if you have given your life to Jesus, He is there with you. I'm posting a poem probably everyone knows, but it means so much to me. I tear up everytime I read it, no matter how many times I read it. God Bless You!

 

[Mooky]

Yes that is a beautiful poem.Thanks so much.

 

[Depleted]

Thank you so much, Miri.I am seeing a counsellor who I can only describe as a blessing from above.I need to do very little explaining because she GETS me.I don't take this lightly.
I have also been blessed with a Bible study group and a very kind lady gives me a lift there and back.
I really have very little to complain about - but sometimes I lament the years that the locust has eaten and my current besetting sins.

As for locust, if it helps any, I'm a gardener. Locust? Not a problem. Aphids? Sometimes.

Aphids descended on my chives a few years ago. I know chives. Anyone can grow chives, so no big deal. BUT, I became a gardener despite having a black thumb. At first, if I grew it, it pretty much guaranteed it was going to die. I was so bad, my husband would speak for plants as we passed them in the store. According to him, (and he wasn't wrong), the plants were all saying, "No, no! Don't let her buy me or I'll die."

Everything I planted died.

The first plant that didn't die was my chives. Surprised me to no end. So they are my first. A special place for those chives, but aphids don't care. What was a nice container of chives ended up a nice container of black aphids over 2-3 stems of yellow chives. Like you, I tried to fight off the critters, but they won. They took everything but three yellowing stems. (Chives only yellow before they die.)

It really surprised me the next spring when a few chives came up. Not a lot. Had I decided to use them, it would have been just one meal.

Here are those chives as of last month.


A container of those chives' children are elsewhere in the garden.

Sure, the locust/chives caused great devastation, but the Lord slowly restores, and then makes us better than we were.

He is doing something miraculous. You found a counselor who gets you! What the locust took is being restored... better yet. Being replaced with something better, stronger, and more beautiful.

Isaiah 42:3 [FONT=&quot]a bruised reed he will not break,[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] he will faithfully bring forth justice.[/FONT]