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I am glad you told him how his comments are impacting you. It doesn't matter that he can't relate - as long as he agrees to listen to you.
My wife needed to lose some weight for about ten years - she needed to lose weight for her health, not me. I never mentioned it, because it was none of my business. If I felt my attraction to her waning it was my responsibility to fix it. I encouraged her the entire time and you know what? She eventually lost all the weight and I am proud of her because her health has really improved.
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navyairwarrior
Guest
M
Mal316
Guest
This might be a true statement but is hardly helpful. You can't go back in time and change the choices you would have made had you but known differently. How we wish we could though, eh? The question is about dealing with the situation as it is, not what she should have done before.
O
oopsies
Guest
Hmmm so I guess we can only wait and see... at least he's not making it an issue, I think?
Just curious, what if you directly addressed the issue? Would it have made a change in his response?
I
iraasuup
Guest
What exactly do you mean by DIRECTLY addressing the issue? That could be done in any number of ways.
O
oopsies
Guest
I don't know. By your "indirectly," it sounded that you talked to him "directly." Or maybe beat him over the head with a Bible. If my wife did that to me, I might slink back to the bedroom and hide under the sheets.
What i don't understand is why is he asking you to dress like this if you say that he's "christian" Because he should be putting you before himself,trying to make you feel comfortable should be his top priority. Not trying to dress you up into something that you're not
D
Dread_Zeppelin
Guest
I know this is a long reply, but Id appreciate it if you read this, it can be said for all things not just weight:
I looked in the mirror after trying on a shirt I had bought about a year ago. Urgh, it didn’t fit. Worse off, it showed all my rolls.
Now don’t get me wrong ladies, I’m by no means “fat”, but I do have cellulite and something inside me repeats the line “you’re 23 and you’re getting the body of a 50 year old…”
Then I looked online and saw an article that would feed my misery “What size a man considers a woman to be fat”. I really don’t know why I looked this up exactly but I may have just done so I could scold myself. The article did its job well. This man who had expert advice on fatty’s stated that a size 4-6 was a healthy woman, but anything over a size 8 was a “chubby girl”.
I’m sorry, what????
My pants size likes to be a 9/11. I always figured that landing in the single digit line was a victory among victories considering years ago I used to be a 13. I may not be the first in line to be hit on but I’m definitely a cutie, and you’re going to tell me that I’m chubby because my rounded butt can’t fit into a size 6 jean? Who do you think you are?
There are tons of facts out there that explain why a girl is overweight and if it were just laziness and the love of eating we’d be more in control. But it’s not. Medicines, our genes, body type, exercise/time, how rich we are so we can buy healthy food (believe me it gets VERY expensive), depression, etc. Some women are “fat” but fitter than most “skinny” women. Bottom line (excuse the pun) I’m glad I’m a chubby girl because I’d never want to date a man as clueless as this guy.
Guess what? I’m beautiful, rolls and all. That’s so girl power it’s almost eye-roll worthy but I don’t care because of who I am in Christ. So far he’s the only “man” I want to impress.
When Christ defined what makes a great woman pants size wasn’t mentioned. What makes you beautiful (and truly beautiful, the beautiful that really matters in this world)
10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 10-31
You may be like how I was, and say “Yeah okay. That may be true but the world doesn’t believe that and I still feel fat and ugly.” If you are a Christian, you have to realize something. We need to accept the Bible as completely true, none of it is false. If a man is following Christ he doesn’t think in the ways of the world. He will want to be “Christ-like”.
5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. -Romans 8:5
If a man is centered on Christ he will desire a woman in this passage, fat or not. That is what true love is, a holy love from a man who loves what Christ loves…in a woman. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting! So to all you women out there who are chubby by today’s standards: find a man of God. If he is walking with the Lord and you work hard to become the woman in this scripture, you will catch yourself a spiritual hottie.
I looked in the mirror after trying on a shirt I had bought about a year ago. Urgh, it didn’t fit. Worse off, it showed all my rolls.
Now don’t get me wrong ladies, I’m by no means “fat”, but I do have cellulite and something inside me repeats the line “you’re 23 and you’re getting the body of a 50 year old…”
Then I looked online and saw an article that would feed my misery “What size a man considers a woman to be fat”. I really don’t know why I looked this up exactly but I may have just done so I could scold myself. The article did its job well. This man who had expert advice on fatty’s stated that a size 4-6 was a healthy woman, but anything over a size 8 was a “chubby girl”.
I’m sorry, what????
My pants size likes to be a 9/11. I always figured that landing in the single digit line was a victory among victories considering years ago I used to be a 13. I may not be the first in line to be hit on but I’m definitely a cutie, and you’re going to tell me that I’m chubby because my rounded butt can’t fit into a size 6 jean? Who do you think you are?
There are tons of facts out there that explain why a girl is overweight and if it were just laziness and the love of eating we’d be more in control. But it’s not. Medicines, our genes, body type, exercise/time, how rich we are so we can buy healthy food (believe me it gets VERY expensive), depression, etc. Some women are “fat” but fitter than most “skinny” women. Bottom line (excuse the pun) I’m glad I’m a chubby girl because I’d never want to date a man as clueless as this guy.
Guess what? I’m beautiful, rolls and all. That’s so girl power it’s almost eye-roll worthy but I don’t care because of who I am in Christ. So far he’s the only “man” I want to impress.
When Christ defined what makes a great woman pants size wasn’t mentioned. What makes you beautiful (and truly beautiful, the beautiful that really matters in this world)
10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 10-31
You may be like how I was, and say “Yeah okay. That may be true but the world doesn’t believe that and I still feel fat and ugly.” If you are a Christian, you have to realize something. We need to accept the Bible as completely true, none of it is false. If a man is following Christ he doesn’t think in the ways of the world. He will want to be “Christ-like”.
5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. -Romans 8:5
If a man is centered on Christ he will desire a woman in this passage, fat or not. That is what true love is, a holy love from a man who loves what Christ loves…in a woman. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting! So to all you women out there who are chubby by today’s standards: find a man of God. If he is walking with the Lord and you work hard to become the woman in this scripture, you will catch yourself a spiritual hottie.
I
iliveforHim
Guest
Oh my Goodness, Dread!!!!! I LOVE THIS!!!! **hugs and applause for Dread**
you're a true blessing to us women in the Chat Room, in case you didn't know!!!
Your sister in Christ,
Ingrid
you're a true blessing to us women in the Chat Room, in case you didn't know!!!
Your sister in Christ,
Ingrid
Greetings iraasuup!
Personally, I think the most alluring attire for a woman to wear is a jogging suit, sweat pants and sweat shirt! This I find to be modest dress, and I see the woman wearing it as quite beautiful, rather than dirty.
Anyway, I do pity the situation you are in. Your husband clearly has corrupted his mind with lust and has made you into a sex object. I apologize for being so blunt, but clearly it is true.
His behavior is unacceptable. I would also suspect - though I could be wrong, so please use caution - that he is also indulging in pornography use. Pornography is all about female body worship and men who worship bodies use the body for their own pleasure.
You should not in anyway give in to his wishes. In fact I would ask him if perhaps he can sit down with a godly pastor and discuss this, because it's just plain wrong and he needs to realize that he has a problem. Another idea is, that perhaps you could talk to a trusted friend of yours who could then ask her husband to confront your husband on the issue. Importantly, I would avoid three way conversations with the pastor or another man lest he be tempted to lust. A man to man is what is required.
I pray for the very best resolution in this situation iraasuup!
Quest
If you know of any good Christian men, I would gather a group of them together to take your husband somewhere and beat the pulp out of him; I mean - with the scriptures of course - not physically. Personally I am shocked and disgusted at his attitude toward you.
Christian wives deserve better treatment than that.
Quest
In my old church, a man with the attitude of your husband would have been brought into a room with a group of Christian men, and then they would proceed to verbally rip your husband's head clear off.
While that church did take things to extremes, Rebuke is unquestionably Biblical:
1 Timothy 5:20
Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.
Titus 1:13
This witness is true. Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith;
1 Corinthians 4:21
What will ye? shall I come unto you with a rod, or in love, and in the spirit of meekness?
Quest
While that church did take things to extremes, Rebuke is unquestionably Biblical:
1 Timothy 5:20
Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.
Titus 1:13
This witness is true. Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith;
1 Corinthians 4:21
What will ye? shall I come unto you with a rod, or in love, and in the spirit of meekness?
Quest
M
Mordred
Guest
You shouldn't ever care what anybody else thinks for one, you don't belong to them, and they don't know you. I can't really tell what you do go out wearing and why he is initially encouraging you to change into something more special for him, but I can take a wee guess at it.
Taking a swing; you don't wear any tight jeans and you don't show any cleavage. Most men are sex-craved geeks and thugs and want their babe dressed hot all the time. But hey, if they don't show respect for you out in public, they really aren't the person you thought they were, did you?
A wise man told me "It's not all about the sex".
Taking a swing; you don't wear any tight jeans and you don't show any cleavage. Most men are sex-craved geeks and thugs and want their babe dressed hot all the time. But hey, if they don't show respect for you out in public, they really aren't the person you thought they were, did you?
A wise man told me "It's not all about the sex".
K
Kaitlin
Guest
I wish I could give you advise, that would mean I didn't have this issue with my husband any more. I'm in the same situation, only I am to wear these clothes, the only boundary I have been able to set so far is that I will not wear the mini skirts in church any more. I have on a couple occations told him flat out that I feel like a barbie doll, and then HE is the one offended!! Reading this thread hurts. Also learning there are guys out there who can actually think with their head when it comes to women's clothing.
Don't ever give in. Next thing, like you say, he will want you to lose weight. Next he will want you to change your hair. Next your nails need attention.... if you get the point, it's just never good enough (that's my life). I'll pray for you, Katie.
Don't ever give in. Next thing, like you say, he will want you to lose weight. Next he will want you to change your hair. Next your nails need attention.... if you get the point, it's just never good enough (that's my life). I'll pray for you, Katie.
I'll pray for both Katie & ira's relationships. Dressing nicely is good, it makes you feel better about yourself and impacts your self esteem. I am with you in that I dont wear low cut shirts or short skirts. I do wear tank tops though. I think that his comments effect your self esteem & you are more likely to put on weight because you feel bummed out that he speaks to you this way. Do all things that you do for YOU & the Lord cause you are not going to please him in this area anyway. Someone commented to stop talking to him... I never recommend a breakdown in communication. Have you read love must be tough by dobson? Just an idea as there is effective insite in that book. Katie, you decide what you wear & he can decide what he wears. I'd cut off a pair of pants with the butt cheeks hanging out and tell him to wear that to church & if he does, you will wear what he wants... tell him you find it sexy for a guy to wear chaps with their buttocks exposed & you want happy faces on each cheek... LOL!!! sorry I shouldnt make light of this but really to me it is so ludicris, if the shoe was on the other foot you can bet they wouldnt be accomodating.
What married people do behind closed doors is no business of mine, but I think people should dress modestly in public.
K
Kaitlin
Guest
LOL funny, Imoss. And eh... I know it's confusing, but Ira is Katie 
I should have rephrased my last sentence. I agree, stop communication is only making things worse.
I should have rephrased my last sentence. I agree, stop communication is only making things worse.