So I met this girl, January 5th.
We both went to an art school. I did music, she did art.
We stayed up every day until 4 am, talking. (We sleep in the art school.)
We got together late January. and even the mother of the school, as we call her, the principal, said that we were good for each other.
Before that people said "either youre gonna end up as brother/sister relationship, or boyfriend/girlfriend"
I got mad, cause I come from a really broken home, where my mom left me, and chose alcohol, and just a lot of things happend, and me and my brother was send to foster family. So i always was to afraid to open my heart, to anyone. It didnt come natural to me.
She had problems with alcohol and drugs, and went to this school in denmark to escape it all.
I had a problem with alcohol, but in a different way. I would sit and drink alone, almost everyday.
She would go out and get really drunk, take coke, hook up with someone maybe.
She was molested when she was around 7 years old, once..
When we got together, it did bother me a lot she wasnt virgin, like I was. It must be a natural feeling, but I felt REALLY horrible after I made her feel horrible about her past desicions. Im not perfect either.
I was also obsessed with that, Cause I had read books about why you should wait until you find true love, and you have to be certain. It made sense to me.
But I realized that the things she had went through, made her to the person she is today. And living a girl, in a crazy city like London would be hard.
She slept around a lot when she was 17 and 18, and twice in 2014.
She dated a lot of people. and did stuff.. I got really jelous half-way into our relationship, cause i was asking her "why" she did it. But she said she didnt know there ever existed love like mine to her, or hers to mine.
We talked about a lot, including religion. She said one day, "There has to be a God, that's the only explanation for this love"
I may mention im from Denmark, and shes from big London.
Everything was good besides me sometimes not being able to control my dumb non-accepting her past..
I met her parents, I told her dad, (being drunk on a bar) that I really really loved his daughter. Her mom told me that she was really happy I was in the family now. They really like me.
We laughed so much, and we were both devastated when she had to go back to London. We decided, of course, that we stayed together, and write letters to each other, because shes coming back in august, and i wanna see her maybe before august. (I dont have any money, loads of debt though.)..
I got home, and I couldnt sleep at all, i felt so sick.
I got drunk, 8 days, some days being okay, but some evenings calling her phone in London, being HORRIBLE to her. Depending all my happiness on her. Depending on her. Automatically thinking it wasnt as hard for her as well.
2 days ago, she went out (which isnt weird, cause she goes out with her friends lots. Especially now that she hasnt seem them in a long time)
She went out, and i didnt hear her until yesterday at around 6pm. She had apparently taken coke, she was crying to me on skype, she had come to a party, really drunk, then to another one, where they had coke.
She said to me when she told me crying "I want to get out of london"
I was devastated. I thought I missed her being, when i was down, but this put it in perspective, I miss her more now, and more determined to see her, knowing she went through this.
I was so angry at her for taking coke, cause she dont remember anything at all really.
Not even how she got home..
I felt really horrible, like i had pushed her the last days.
Today, she feels really bad, talking about how she saw a movie called the Blind side, and thought of me, and how I just really deserve a good christian girl.
I love her, so much. She is my first love.
I told her, that she needs to know the difference between going out, dancing, having fun, drinking with friends, and being really drunk..
I need to work as well, on not getting drunk so much, and not having negative thoughts, that can harm other people.
I wanna get back into reading and writing again.
I used to read A LOT. and I know about escapes, in my heart, but I dont ever drink that much, so Im out of control, do I.
I just feel really sick, mentally. This situation, not being able to sleep without her. When I do sleep, I have nightmares and keep waking up. I need to be better at my thoughts, more stable right? or what is wrong with me, can all of this be caused by love.
PS. I dont really think much about my future.. I want to travel, to meet people, to know, to learn, about life.
But I dont have any money, in fact, I owe.. So i feel stuck.
I can get a job, but that means I cant go to gymnasium. I can go to gymnasium, but that means I cant go anywhere the next 3 years.
People may ask if i'm in a rush, and yes I am.
BTW, took gymnasium last year, but quit, because of deppression, this history teacher was anti-religion. So depression. Close-minded.
I used to write loads of poetry, english and danish. But i dont know if I can use it.
Maybe I "want" to be like Rich Mullins hah, but I cant at 19 years old.
What do I do? With my life. With my situation. With everything.
I know my life is my own responsibility, but please people, I really need your help. More than you'd ever known.
Please help me.
We both went to an art school. I did music, she did art.
We stayed up every day until 4 am, talking. (We sleep in the art school.)
We got together late January. and even the mother of the school, as we call her, the principal, said that we were good for each other.
Before that people said "either youre gonna end up as brother/sister relationship, or boyfriend/girlfriend"
I got mad, cause I come from a really broken home, where my mom left me, and chose alcohol, and just a lot of things happend, and me and my brother was send to foster family. So i always was to afraid to open my heart, to anyone. It didnt come natural to me.
She had problems with alcohol and drugs, and went to this school in denmark to escape it all.
I had a problem with alcohol, but in a different way. I would sit and drink alone, almost everyday.
She would go out and get really drunk, take coke, hook up with someone maybe.
She was molested when she was around 7 years old, once..
When we got together, it did bother me a lot she wasnt virgin, like I was. It must be a natural feeling, but I felt REALLY horrible after I made her feel horrible about her past desicions. Im not perfect either.
I was also obsessed with that, Cause I had read books about why you should wait until you find true love, and you have to be certain. It made sense to me.
But I realized that the things she had went through, made her to the person she is today. And living a girl, in a crazy city like London would be hard.
She slept around a lot when she was 17 and 18, and twice in 2014.
She dated a lot of people. and did stuff.. I got really jelous half-way into our relationship, cause i was asking her "why" she did it. But she said she didnt know there ever existed love like mine to her, or hers to mine.
We talked about a lot, including religion. She said one day, "There has to be a God, that's the only explanation for this love"
I may mention im from Denmark, and shes from big London.
Everything was good besides me sometimes not being able to control my dumb non-accepting her past..
I met her parents, I told her dad, (being drunk on a bar) that I really really loved his daughter. Her mom told me that she was really happy I was in the family now. They really like me.
We laughed so much, and we were both devastated when she had to go back to London. We decided, of course, that we stayed together, and write letters to each other, because shes coming back in august, and i wanna see her maybe before august. (I dont have any money, loads of debt though.)..
I got home, and I couldnt sleep at all, i felt so sick.
I got drunk, 8 days, some days being okay, but some evenings calling her phone in London, being HORRIBLE to her. Depending all my happiness on her. Depending on her. Automatically thinking it wasnt as hard for her as well.
2 days ago, she went out (which isnt weird, cause she goes out with her friends lots. Especially now that she hasnt seem them in a long time)
She went out, and i didnt hear her until yesterday at around 6pm. She had apparently taken coke, she was crying to me on skype, she had come to a party, really drunk, then to another one, where they had coke.
She said to me when she told me crying "I want to get out of london"
I was devastated. I thought I missed her being, when i was down, but this put it in perspective, I miss her more now, and more determined to see her, knowing she went through this.
I was so angry at her for taking coke, cause she dont remember anything at all really.
Not even how she got home..
I felt really horrible, like i had pushed her the last days.
Today, she feels really bad, talking about how she saw a movie called the Blind side, and thought of me, and how I just really deserve a good christian girl.
I love her, so much. She is my first love.
I told her, that she needs to know the difference between going out, dancing, having fun, drinking with friends, and being really drunk..
I need to work as well, on not getting drunk so much, and not having negative thoughts, that can harm other people.
I wanna get back into reading and writing again.
I used to read A LOT. and I know about escapes, in my heart, but I dont ever drink that much, so Im out of control, do I.
I just feel really sick, mentally. This situation, not being able to sleep without her. When I do sleep, I have nightmares and keep waking up. I need to be better at my thoughts, more stable right? or what is wrong with me, can all of this be caused by love.
PS. I dont really think much about my future.. I want to travel, to meet people, to know, to learn, about life.
But I dont have any money, in fact, I owe.. So i feel stuck.
I can get a job, but that means I cant go to gymnasium. I can go to gymnasium, but that means I cant go anywhere the next 3 years.
People may ask if i'm in a rush, and yes I am.
BTW, took gymnasium last year, but quit, because of deppression, this history teacher was anti-religion. So depression. Close-minded.
I used to write loads of poetry, english and danish. But i dont know if I can use it.
Maybe I "want" to be like Rich Mullins hah, but I cant at 19 years old.
What do I do? With my life. With my situation. With everything.
I know my life is my own responsibility, but please people, I really need your help. More than you'd ever known.
Please help me.