Hillbilly health remedies

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Enoch987

Senior Member
Jul 13, 2017
317
15
18
#1
for constipation, the bane of modern living, chew on 2 unsoaked, that means hard, pinto beans or 4 unsoaked black beans.
It takes longer for the pintos to dissolve in your mouth so you can chew them (like half an hour) just like they take longer to boil until soft than black beans which dissolve and can be chewed in 15 minutes.
You will probably want to start out with one bean of either variety in the first day or two. You will probably need to increase the number of beans to 2 dry pintos or 4 black beans after the unmentionables come out.
While you are waiting for the beans to dissolve, meditate on why your life turned out the way it did.
If you are young, think of plans for your future but if you are young, you shouldn't be constipated any how.
I didn't get constipated until I was 25. It was either because my back grew crooked or the marriage was stressful, I'm not sure which. It was one or the other.

These are the only beans I've tried.
garbanzos pop when they are soaked. I'm afraid to try them. They don't contain much gas. The gas of the raw bean is what is needed.
black eyed peas boil and cook up faster like black beans but may contain more gas or maybe the same. Being a bean connosewer, you should know that.
northern beans have a lot of gas even when cooked. The cooked gas rolls around in my innards but the raw gas is what we need to remedy the constipation.
They take a long time to boil as do kidney beans. But I don't need to tell you that.

For underarm odor, the lowly potato has a lot of absorbing power.
peel a potato. cut slices one half of a inch think.
put one under each underarm.
throw the potato slices away.
they will smell like your underarms while your underarms won't.
if you want, slice the rest of the unused potato into thin slices then fry them in a fry pan for homemade potato chips.
repeat the potato application at lunch time or plan to take more showers.

Both of these remedies work but the second is in jest.
The professional remedy for constipation is magnesium oxide crystals which have the brand name Oxypowder by Dr. Group.
It requires 6 or 8 or 10 capsules which can get pricey.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
43,057
17,471
113
70
Tennessee
#3
I'm going to pass on your remedies. Who's gonna chew on a bean for 30 minutes? I wouldn't even chew gum that long. You can buy deodorant at the dollar store. Cheaper than potatoes. Seriously.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,957
9,709
113
#4
Beans are what give you gas in the first place.. lol
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
64,112
32,558
113
#6
I'm going to pass on your remedies. Who's gonna chew on a bean for 30 minutes? I wouldn't even chew gum that long. You can buy deodorant at the dollar store. Cheaper than potatoes. Seriously.
I remember when a fifty or seventy-five pound bag of potatoes cost less than five dollars :eek:

We sold fruit in eleven quart baskets; peaches were $3.50 for that amount.

An apple was five cents, and a quart of home made apple cider, $0.35 :eek:

My dad made it himself :D We would also sell it by the barrel at the fall fairs :)

People liked it when it got fizzy, cuz it had a kick LOL