How Can One Pick Up on Red Flag Levels of Addiction/Mental Illness, Especially Online?

[seoulsearch]

Gingers have no soul....they are an imp of the Devil himself....

Which is exactly why I identify as one.

 

[JohnDB]

Which is exactly why I identify as one.

Which is why my neices are all cute but completely evil.

 

[seoulsearch]

Which is why my neices are all cute but completely evil.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

My redhead-identifying side considers that a compliment.

 

[jennymae]

I love your honesty, Jenny. I wish we lived closer to each other -- I'd convince you to go out to coffee or lunch and we'd make jokes and have a grand old time!

I find your posts to be inspirational and are a good reminder for me to take a long, hard look at myself, too. Not many people are willing to say, "It's NOT everyone else, it's ME," and really mean it.

Sometimes when I want to be quick to whine to God about why I don't have such and such, or why I seem to be lacking X, Y, and Z...

Maybe the answer is literally staring me right in the face -- as I look in the mirror wondering, "WHY?"

That’s definitely my point of view as well. The mirror is a dead honest piece of furniture, or leastways that’s what I’m thinking whenever staring at the sad girl who is looking back at me.

At times like that I know full well that “Ma’am, Miss or whatever, you ain’t gonna get nobody else into this here mess you’re in. Now be acting like your age and don’t throw pity parties all over the house!”

I reckon the mirror keeps me in line, sorta.

 

[JohnDB]

That’s definitely my point of view as well. The mirror is a dead honest piece of furniture, or leastways that’s what I’m thinking whenever staring at the sad girl who is looking back at me.

At times like that I know full well that “Ma’am, Miss or whatever, you ain’t gonna get nobody else into this here mess you’re in. Now be acting like your age and don’t throw pity parties all over the house!”

I reckon the mirror keeps me in line, sorta.

Well now,
Recognizing and Owning your own mistakes is three times as important as pointing out other's.

Which touches a thing that has brought me no end of contemplation....hours and hours of it.

We (everyone who has ever done a bit of serious self reflection) has walked right into these mistakes with blinders or a type of blindness about them. We never really understood that these things were mistakes. We minimized or justified our flaws at the time...if we did recognize them at all.

How did we become blind?
Are we still blind to some things?
Can we become cured of our blindness?

Pain is a great motivator and warning that something is wrong. And when there is no pain, until it's way too late, coupled with our blindness....it can be a real disaster. One that you will pay for your entire life.

I'm very happily married. But I put it down to God's providence rather than astute searching.
But that doesn't stop the searching for blind spots. And seeing others blindness (you can't fix) I often wonder if I can find and fix my own.

 

[Faceless_Nameless]

I really appreciate all the input on this thread.

Something else that inspired this thread was a YouTube video about a show in which a man sees a sad, lonely woman at a pub (I think it's set in the UK,) and offers her a cup of tea as a gesture of kindness.

The woman then becomes psychotically attached to the man, to the point where she is continuously stalking him and then trying to ruin his life because he doesn't return her interest. It's said to be based on a particular true story.

Many of us probably know (or have gone through) this type of thing in some form in real life.

That poor man -- how was he to know his compassion would have such dire consequences?

And yet, I've known a few people who found themselves facing similar circumstances just because they tried to be nice, and it's always had me wondering if it somehow could have been prevented.

I've seen that show. It's called "Baby Reindeer". And the poor guy has mental illness and they're both codependent. I'm also from a time before the internet. I've had all kind of experiences in my life. I don't look for the experiences, they simply find me. It's been a struggle. My life story is too long to tell in one sit. Not one single week goes by that something has not happened that has shaped the course of my life. I'm in my early 40s. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Snackersmom]

That’s definitely my point of view as well. The mirror is a dead honest piece of furniture, or leastways that’s what I’m thinking whenever staring at the sad girl who is looking back at me.

At times like that I know full well that “Ma’am, Miss or whatever, you ain’t gonna get nobody else into this here mess you’re in. Now be acting like your age and don’t throw pity parties all over the house!”

I reckon the mirror keeps me in line, sorta.

Miss Jenny, I dont know you well and I do not know the extent of your issues and/or trauma, so maybe I'm out of line here.... but you don't strike me as someone who should stay away from men in order to protect them. Just the fact that you are open, honest, and aware of your issues says a lot. I'm very thankful for the various male friends (both romantic and platonic) who were patient enough to help me sort through mental and emotional crap.

I realize that romantic relationships tend to bring issues to the surface like nothing else, but still.... there may well be a man who considers you worth the cost. And if he does then you are actually robbing him of a blessing. Plus it sounds like you are letting the issues decide for you. And we both know that issues make TERRIBLE decisions.

Anyway, my apologies if I have overstepped, but I identify with where you are coming from.

 

[Lynx]

I really appreciate all the input on this thread.

Something else that inspired this thread was a YouTube video about a show in which a man sees a sad, lonely woman at a pub (I think it's set in the UK,) and offers her a cup of tea as a gesture of kindness.

The woman then becomes psychotically attached to the man, to the point where she is continuously stalking him and then trying to ruin his life because he doesn't return her interest. It's said to be based on a particular true story.

Many of us probably know (or have gone through) this type of thing in some form in real life.

That poor man -- how was he to know his compassion would have such dire consequences?

And yet, I've known a few people who found themselves facing similar circumstances just because they tried to be nice, and it's always had me wondering if it somehow could have been prevented.

I've been there. Fortunately each time it was online, so the damage was minimized.

 

[Faceless_Nameless]

That’s definitely my point of view as well. The mirror is a dead honest piece of furniture, or leastways that’s what I’m thinking whenever staring at the sad girl who is looking back at me.

At times like that I know full well that “Ma’am, Miss or whatever, you ain’t gonna get nobody else into this here mess you’re in. Now be acting like your age and don’t throw pity parties all over the house!”

I reckon the mirror keeps me in line, sorta.

"Honesty is a hard attribute to find, when we all want to seem like we've got it all figured out." Honesty above everything.

 

[Lynx]

I've been there. Fortunately each time it was online, so the damage was minimized.

Actually that's strange. Why has it always been online?

Maybe there really are red flags about me. Red flags that only show up in person, not things that people see online. Red flags that make even a desperate woman think, actually I'll see if I can do better than this.

 

[Adstar]

I really appreciate all the input on this thread.

Something else that inspired this thread was a YouTube video about a show in which a man sees a sad, lonely woman at a pub (I think it's set in the UK,) and offers her a cup of tea as a gesture of kindness.

The woman then becomes psychotically attached to the man, to the point where she is continuously stalking him and then trying to ruin his life because he doesn't return her interest. It's said to be based on a particular true story.

Many of us probably know (or have gone through) this type of thing in some form in real life.

That poor man -- how was he to know his compassion would have such dire consequences?

And yet, I've known a few people who found themselves facing similar circumstances just because they tried to be nice, and it's always had me wondering if it somehow could have been prevented.

I don't think this kind of thing can be prevented.. People may have better ideas to get out of this kind of situation, But a technique for preventing this kind of situation happening in the first place?? Nope.. If you run into an obsessive type personality at the wrong time your going to become their obsession. sometimes to an insane level..

 

[jennymae]

Actually that's strange. Why has it always been online?

Maybe there really are red flags about me. Red flags that only show up in person, not things that people see online. Red flags that make even a desperate woman think, actually I'll see if I can do better than this.

There ain’t nothing but red flags about you! You’re from friggin’ above the state line. You’re from Tennessee!

 

[JohnDB]

There ain’t nothing but red flags about you! You’re from friggin’ above the state line. You’re from Tennessee!

That's right!
Anyone from above the Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia state line is extremely suspect. Even Gadsden is pushing things these days. Chattanooga? It's done gone over to craziness.

Huntsville is a 50/50 too.

 

[Lynx]

There ain’t nothing but red flags about you! You’re from friggin’ above the state line. You’re from Tennessee!

That is extremely subjective. Yankees are anybody above the Kentucky Tennessee line.

 

[jennymae]

That is extremely subjective. Yankees are anybody above the Kentucky Tennessee line.

We ain’t talking about no Yankees here. We’re talking about folks from up north TENNESSEE!

I’m just messing with you.

 

[Magenta]

That is extremely subjective. Yankees are anybody above the Kentucky Tennessee line.

I thoughts Yanks was anyone below the 49th parallel .

Perhaps Yanks and Yankees are different creatures? Hmmmm .

 

[jennymae]

I thoughts Yanks was anyone below the 49th parallel .

Perhaps Yanks and Yankees are different creatures? Hmmmm .

Oh, we sure are different.

 

[JohnDB]

I thoughts Yanks was anyone below the 49th parallel .

Perhaps Yanks and Yankees are different creatures? Hmmmm .

Well they been immagratin....cuz we got jobs and them Yankees dun tore up their yankeeland so much there ain't no jobs up there no more.

"Yanks" as I understand it is what them limey Brits and their Ozzie cousins call us mericans. I understand the confusion can happen when you spend too much time online.

 

[JohnDB]

Oh, we sure are different.

Right....
We don't drink "pop"....we serve him Supper. Though I use a different term myself.

And we use two to three "R's" when speakin....I might drop a g here and there but it's like them Yankees never used the letter.

And a "pie" is dessert....not pizza.

 

[jennymae]

Well they been immagratin....cuz we got jobs and them Yankees dun tore up their yankeeland so much there ain't no jobs up there no more.

"Yanks" as I understand it is what them limey Brits and their Ozzie cousins call us mericans. I understand the confusion can happen when you spend too much time online.

Ain’t that a fact. Dem folks over yonder in Europe and other places they be sayin’ “yanks” and “Yankees” without a sweet piece of knowin’ what thems talkin’ about. I fer sure ain’t gon be seen dead being labeled a Yankee!