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I had a crush on this girl for like a year. I didn't act on it, because I read her signals, and to me they were all "not interested, I just want to be your friend"-like. So I got over her, and went on with just being her friend. 6 months ago, I find out that in the same period, she actually had a crush on me too, but didn't act on it because she didn't think I was interested. :/ When I found out about this, she had moved on, and just started dating this other guy. Bummer.
The weird thing is, I've sent her lots of "I'm interested in you" signals. she says she has done the same.
Just not meant to be, I guess..
The weird thing is, I've sent her lots of "I'm interested in you" signals. she says she has done the same.
Just not meant to be, I guess..
i am 18 had the biggest ''crush'' on a girl for 7and a half or 8 years now i live in florida she in va. so she is bout 6 hours away from us she has been single this whole time so have i. but she has been moved away bout 3 years now and i still have a crush on her. she now as of the last 2 weeks has her first and maybe last boy friend the problem is i thought i was showin her signs of affection and i dont think she hardly noticed them. so my question is how do girls want guys to give them signs cause i have been tryin with this lady for a long time and its probly to late now any advice cause i love her more than i could ever love anyone else i think
If you are a man, it is not your responsibility to show signs, if you like her, ask her out! That is our job, not the woman, she can send signs that she is open to it but alot of us are bad at picking them up.
If she is single, and you can't tell if she likes you or not there is a good way to find out.
Ask her.
If she is single, and you can't tell if she likes you or not there is a good way to find out.
Ask her.
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Dread_Zeppelin
Guest
If you are a man, it is not your responsibility to show signs, if you like her, ask her out! That is our job, not the woman, she can send signs that she is open to it but alot of us are bad at picking them up.
If she is single, and you can't tell if she likes you or not there is a good way to find out.
Amen to that brother! Why are you guys so scared anyway? If some girl rejects you then just praise God that you know she's not the right one. If she's mean about it then great- you dodged a bullet by not dating a jerk. Win win either way dudes.
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HumbleSaint
Guest
Sometimes it is hard to decern whether of not a girl likes you; but one thing is for certain, I was attending church last Sunday and afterward we had a fellowship dinner, and this girl kept on glancing at me. And there are .2 differnent types of looks; the one were as soon as she looks at you, she slowly looks away and almost rolles her eyes as she turns. This deffently tells me that this person is not interested. But this girl that was looking at me was just flat out studying me. There was something that attracted her, the look she gave spoke 1,000 words. But I don't know she didn't realy seem like my type. But it nice to know that, ya know, there's options out there.
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Matthew
Guest
If you are a man, it is not your responsibility to show signs, if you like her, ask her out! That is our job, not the woman, she can send signs that she is open to it but alot of us are bad at picking them up.
If she is single, and you can't tell if she likes you or not there is a good way to find out.
It sounds nice and simple, but real life isn't quite so clear.
Making clear you are attracted to someone/asking them out really does come down to confidence, if you have confidence you can ask a girl out and if it's a 'no thanks' you can then tell yourself 'hey!, just wasn't meant to be' and you can allow the rejection to roll off your shoulders and onto the next girl you go.
But some guys struggle with confidence, it isn't something you can just go out and get, if you don't have it naturally it is a struggle to focus on your strengths and try and keep a thick skin when it comes to pursuing dates, and when guys who lack confidence do ask a girl out and get rejected, sometimes cruelly for someone else's amusement the rejection goes deep and it isn't always a situation where you can just dust yourself down and figure she wasn't the one.
So we all know that realistically there's nothing hard about it and if she says no then ultimately it's good because we dodged a bullet, but every guy is going to react differently to rejection because every guy has different confience levels and and different levels of success, and it all contributes.
I'd wager confident guys will always struggle to understand why the nervous types can't just get over it and ask the question, and shy guys will never get why it's so easy for some guys to just walk over and then walk back with a smile and a shrug if they've just been rejected, yet still ready and willing to do it all again.
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lil-rush
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lil-rush
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So basically, people need to stop trying to figure out if someone likes them by the way the person acts. There is the possibility the person can hide the fact really well. Maybe the person is a natural flirt, has no romantic feelings for you, and is just flirting with you the same way the person does with everyone else. Maybe the person is just socially inept and gets nervous around everyone, including you. Maybe the person really does like you, but how can you distinguish their nervous action from that of a socially inept person?
The most fool-proof, yet most difficult, solution would be to simply ask. Granted, the person could still lie to you and say s/he doesn't like you. If that is the case, good thing you missed out on getting into a relationship with a liar.
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Dread_Zeppelin
Guest
Where I understand that different men have different confidence levels there is something that I learned long ago: never take rejection personally. You say this might be hard but its something you have to learn if you want dates. Many girls can say no because of a lot of different reasons but anyone who isn't a complete jerk will feel for you (even in your rejection) and perhaps even complimented!
I remember flirting with some guys and giving them the ol' wink, and they flat out said "Not interested" but you know what? I dont take that personally because for every 100000 guys i flirt with one of them will say yes, and that might turn out to be the one guy in my life that i need. Also I know how much of a loving person I am (I am confident in who I am in Christ) so how is someone who doesn't know me going to shake my confidence in myself? Does that make sense?
The secret to getting dates is to learn to deal with rejection and yes, that is a learned behavior and it could take time. YOU have to put in the effort for it to happen. Its all about how much you're willing to do it.
I remember flirting with some guys and giving them the ol' wink, and they flat out said "Not interested" but you know what? I dont take that personally because for every 100000 guys i flirt with one of them will say yes, and that might turn out to be the one guy in my life that i need. Also I know how much of a loving person I am (I am confident in who I am in Christ) so how is someone who doesn't know me going to shake my confidence in myself? Does that make sense?
The secret to getting dates is to learn to deal with rejection and yes, that is a learned behavior and it could take time. YOU have to put in the effort for it to happen. Its all about how much you're willing to do it.
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Matthew
Guest
Does it make sense? no, not at all, but how much that goes wrong between people does make sense?
not much in my experience.I understand what you mean, hey I agree with all of it, I have just learned that there is a gulf of difference between saying people need to learn to deal with rejection and actually accomplishing that, doing it can seem like a gargantuan task for some people, often people say it like it's easy and why do people make their own lives more difficult etc., if we could walk a mile in eachothers shoes we might understand a bit better.
Ok matt, a couple things to keep in mind. Being clever, witty, smooth, confident, will not get you anywhere with a woman who is not interested in you anyway, you would most likely just end up as a friend of a woman who you have romantic feelings for which isn't healthy. Basically all you can do is ruin your chances, it is pretty rare to actually work your way up in those instances.
Also....If you can't work up the nerve to actually ask her out to her face you can always write her a letter, just be honest, tell her you like her but when your around her you seem to get light headed and your tongue starts swelling, something like that. This way she thinks that she has some special effect on you and not that you are just scared in general. Do not go overboard in telling her how much you like her, show interest but don't profess your undying love yet, save that for the second date....JK, give it a few weeks
Now you can hand deliever it, which would probably be akward, or you can leave it somewhere where she will find it within a day or so, that way you don't spend time agonizing over it. Also, don't break in her house/car to accomplish this. DO NOT pass it threw friends. This works in fourth grade, not sure if it has been tried on grown women, but if you get shoot down, atleast you don't have to be there for it. It is also pretty corny, but some women like that, they are all like awwwwe that's so cute, he's shy, then they show their friends and giggle like school girls. So don't put anything in there to personal because her friends will likely see it either way and if they are evil you don't wanna give them too much ammo.
Also, you might wanna get your pastor to pray over the letter, or an elder.....That MIGHT be going too far.
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eric135
Guest
Well, it has it's good points and bad points, lol. We might have to work up the confidence to ask a girl out, but honestly, we could just keep asking a bunch of girls out until we find one. With girls, you usually just sit and wait for a guy to ask you out which could take a lot longer.
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Matthew
Guest
Ok matt, a couple things to keep in mind. Being clever, witty, smooth, confident, will not get you anywhere with a woman who is not interested in you anyway, you would most likely just end up as a friend of a woman who you have romantic feelings for which isn't healthy. Basically all you can do is ruin your chances, it is pretty rare to actually work your way up in those instances.
Also....If you can't work up the nerve to actually ask her out to her face you can always write her a letter, just be honest, tell her you like her but when your around her you seem to get light headed and your tongue starts swelling, something like that. This way she thinks that she has some special effect on you and not that you are just scared in general. Do not go overboard in telling her how much you like her, show interest but don't profess your undying love yet, save that for the second date....JK, give it a few weeks
This works in fourth grade, not sure if it has been tried on grown women, but if you get shoot down, atleast you don't have to be there for it. It is also pretty corny, but some women like that, they are all like awwwwe that's so cute, he's shy, then they show their friends and giggle like school girls. So don't put anything in there to personal because her friends will likely see it either way and if they are evil you don't wanna give them too much ammo.
Also, you might wanna get your pastor to pray over the letter, or an elder.....That MIGHT be going too far.
I get that no amount of confidence will make a difference if the woman just isn't interested but I was thinking about it from a mans perspective, how confidence is often the difference between speaking up and not speaking up even though there isn't really much to fear beyond an honest response.
As for the rest of what you said, I am not seeking advice myself just to be clear, I was just trying to see the issue from both sides.
I can never just come right out and say it. Its too embarassing.
What I do is type her ame into google, find out where she lives, find out as much information about her as possible, from school records, previous places of employment, etc. then research those things in depth.
Then I subtly bring things up in conversations with her that only someone who knows her really well or someone who has done alot of background research would know.
When she realises the lengths I've gone to in order to obtain this information it becomes obvious that I like her.
What I do is type her ame into google, find out where she lives, find out as much information about her as possible, from school records, previous places of employment, etc. then research those things in depth.
Then I subtly bring things up in conversations with her that only someone who knows her really well or someone who has done alot of background research would know.
When she realises the lengths I've gone to in order to obtain this information it becomes obvious that I like her.
hahah, sharp that actually sounds like a good method.
that's right - it can backfire
some girls are uncomfortable with being investigated
personally, i would be flattered if it happened to me.
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