How Do You Take It When God Says No To Something You Want More Than Anything?

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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9,837
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Hello Singles!

Have any of you out there experienced God saying no to something you've dreamed of your entire life, or was especially important to you?

To tell you the honest truth, I'm getting to a point where I am afraid to pray for anything for my own life because the answer always seems to be no.

1. I prayed my husband would change his mind about leaving. The answer was no. (I realize that this was due to his own decision and God would not force him to stay, but nothing happens in our lives without God's permission.)
2. I begged God for just a few more years when my Grandma got sick, even though she had been in relatively good health before she had the stroke, but He said no... and it was time for her to come home.
3. I told God if there was any way my ex-husband would change his mind, I would gladly remarry him, even ten years after he left, even though he hadn't talked to me since then. Two years ago, I found out he is remarried with a family. The answer was, very clearly, no.

And because I am adopted with no biological relatives, I have always hoped a bit in the back of my heart that I would have biological children--the only way I could ever have biological ties and answer questions such as, "Do I look like anyone in this world? Do I resemble anyone? Do I have similar traits as any other human being on the planet that might have something to do with DNA and not just preferences? Would I be a good parent, even though my own parents decided to give me up?" But, the answer increasingly seems to be NO due to recent medical issues and the fact that at 37, I don't even have a potential date, let alone a husband (even if I married tomorrow, I'd always hoped to have at least 5 years alone with my husband before having a family.)

The part that is especially painful is that my brother, who is also adopted but of no biological relation to me, has a beautiful wife and two children who look so much like them that people have joked that their kids must be clones. I know biological ties DON'T always mean anything--but when you've spent your whole life without them and people have treated you differently because of that, I can tell you that it comes to mean something to your heart.

I've watched others for many years, often praying for them, whether in church groups or in personal contact, and not only has God blessed them with spouses, but multiple children as well... I have asked God many times if that's what He made me for... to pray for everyone else... and to sit quietly and never complain that my own requests are always turned down.

It stings. A lot. But I know... I have to put up the good Christian front, right? To smile, tell everyone, "Well, praise the Lord, I know He has a plan for me...", "God wants only the best for us," "He'll only give you as much as you can bear," and all the good Christian jargon we say when we're dying inside and not sure why God is remembering everyone else and passing us by. The only answer is to tell others how wonderful it is to be a Christian, to sit and listen to yet ANOTHER miraculous testimony... that happened for someone else.

I know I have to accept God's choices, no matter what they may be (and I do realize that some things may be due to my own choices as well... but then we get into, "Why do some people get another chance at marriage and a family and it looks like I never will?") All those kinds of messy issues that surface when push comes to shove and we forced to face what we really believe...

I try my best to accept what God may be saying, even if it's no, and I've done a lot of kicking, screaming, and rebelling along the way. I've become much better, calmer, and more accepting over the years, but it's also partially due to resignation... I'm kind of at the point to where I suppose God to say NO to ALL of my requests... unless, of course, it will benefit someone else... which can be very hard to take. I still ask Him for things out of hope, but I try to tell myself... if He says no... don't be surprised, just choke it down and keep going. After all, that's the good Christian, fight, correct? (Yes, I'm sure you'll note the sarcasm... stemming from a feeling of utter defeat.)

As I get older, I have a hard time trying to say encouraging things to other singles I meet. Sure, I want to tell them, "Oh, God has someone wonderful for you and a beautiful family in your future!!" But the truth is, nothing is guaranteed, and I have told God many times, "Please don't put me through this just so that I can turn into the people who told me all these happy-go-lucky things for so many years... and none of it came to pass. I don't want people to think I've lied to them, as I sometimes feel people have lied to me."

I'm sorry for the long post, but I wasn't sure how else to explain it.

I am guessing I'm not the only one who's dealt with this... and I was just wondering how all of you react when it happens to you.
 
I'm going to PM you about this. Not right away but soon. I have some personal things that sort of relate to this that I want to tell you. Sorry, don't get this confused with my last PM about fruits lol.
 
God wants to hear this from you AS you read the entire Gospel asking only for this: FATHER, make me ONE WITH YOU please, I can't wait until I die, I want you NOW Father, make me one with the Father Jesus and yourself, please Jesus, I want HEAVEN within me now, the RIVERS OF LIVING WATER to flow from within me, to be made ONE with YOU AND the FATHER AS YOU SAID, [FONT=&quot]• John 17:21 - Jesus said: "That all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us." -------- ASK this ONLY for the time you read the ENTIRE GOSPEL ... FAST as well in secret for this, MAKE THIS YOUR DESIRE, want and need, HOPE and ambition.... DO not love your life, HE gave you your life, LOVE HIM and WANT HIM MORE than life, family, etc... I MEAN WANT HIM TO HAVE HIM Now.. GOD REVEALED TO YOU NOW.. heaven within you NOW.. the Living Water... TRUST me.. you do this.. ALL you want is yours BEFORE you ask. SEEK THE KINGDOM FIRST JESUS SAID... and HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS... not your life and your righteousness, HIS LIFE AND HIS KINGDOM AND HIS SPIRIT... FIRST.. then ALL else will be added to you... its the deal.... a good one too! Watch my testimony, take heart and your life will be changed forever if you do. Your brother, in Christ, from the Father through the Holy Spirit, Alex

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6FTS8G6ZAE MY TESTIMONY[/FONT]
 
Its not about me, you, life, earth, its about Christ and WHAT HE promised, that heaven is within you, now if you can't believe its possible, HOPE for it! You can do that.. you can fast, you can ask, you can read... and IF you do... and keep that hope alive, reading to receive, not to learn, but to gain LIVING WATER ... seeking ETERNAL LIFE NOW.. not the tree of knowledge, then you will receive ALL that you can ever want without asking. Peace hon..

Alex
 
HeavenwithinYOU said:
Its not about me, you, life, earth, its about Christ and WHAT HE promised, that heaven is within you, now if you can't believe its possible, HOPE for it! You can do that.. you can fast, you can ask, you can read... and IF you do... and keep that hope alive, reading to receive, not to learn, but to gain LIVING WATER ... seeking ETERNAL LIFE NOW.. not the tree of knowledge, then you will receive ALL that you can ever want without asking. Peace hon..

Alex
Click to expand...

I very much believe in eternal life with God.

This is why, very earnestly, since the time I was 9 years old, I have prayed to God that I would die as soon as possible, because Paul said it's better to be with the Lord than to remain here. I believe that with all of my heart.

When I was growing up, I never thought I'd live past age 19. When I hit 19, I never thought I'd make it past 25. By the time I hit 25, I threw in the towel and pretty much said, "Ok, God, I'm here for as long as you want, right?"

I've also stumbled on the edge many times, struggling with repeated suicidal thoughts and attempts, one of which landed me in the hospital for a week (alongside a woman who told me she had never sinned in her life, and that I was obviously a sinner and not a "real" Christian for having these kinds of struggles in my life.) I was diagnosed with clinical depression as a child, and have been through years of medical, spiritual, and psychological "help", which left me thinking, "If this is all the 'help' that's out there... no wonder so many people are having such a hard time."

But of course, I know suicide is not the answer, and, as my church has always taught it, is a direct route to hell (I just got to a point of fooling myself into thinking I didn't care.)

Of course I know this life is not what it's about. But, as a Christian, after numerous heartbreaks, I do wish that there was a way to get to the other side much faster than what it appears to be happening. And I know I'm not the only only one who feels this way.

This is why I share so much about myself in my posts--because I spent a lot of my life afraid I was the only one (or was obviously heavily criticized when I did try to speak out), and now that I know I'm not, I want to let others out there know that they're not the only ones having these struggles as well.

I know God understands... I just wish that I did, too.
 
zeroturbulence said:
I'm going to PM you about this. Not right away but soon. I have some personal things that sort of relate to this that I want to tell you. Sorry, don't get this confused with my last PM about fruits lol.
Click to expand...

What about the fruits, Zero?
 
I cannot relate, but I can and will pray for you. Keep fighting the good fight, and never quit. When all else fails, trust Him, even when it makes no sense.
 
seoulsearch said:
It stings. A lot. But I know... I have to put up the good Christian front, right? To smile, tell everyone, "Well, praise the Lord, I know He has a plan for me...", "God wants only the best for us," "He'll only give you as much as you can bear," and all the good Christian jargon we say when we're dying inside and not sure why God is remembering everyone else and passing us by. The only answer is to tell others how wonderful it is to be a Christian, to sit and listen to yet ANOTHER miraculous testimony... that happened for someone else.
I'm kind of at the point to where I suppose God to say NO to ALL of my requests... unless, of course, it will benefit someone else... which can be very hard to take. I still ask Him for things out of hope, but I try to tell myself... if He says no... don't be surprised, just choke it down and keep going. After all, that's the good Christian, fight, correct? (Yes, I'm sure you'll note the sarcasm... stemming from a feeling of utter defeat.)
Click to expand...

seoulsearch said:
This is why I share so much about myself in my posts--because I spent a lot of my life afraid I was the only one (or was obviously heavily criticized when I did try to speak out), and now that I know I'm not, I want to let others out there know that they're not the only ones having these struggles as well.
Click to expand...


It's always bothered me when people 'put up the good Christian front'. To me, it's like going to a doctor with a pain in your back, then when he asks what's wrong, you say 'nothing, I'm fine'. Hospitals are for the physically sick, churches should be for the spiritually sick (at the least)...yet, when you do mention that pain in church, often you are treated differently. My aunt has a physical pain in her back, she goes up for healing altar calls, and it does help, but people wonder why she hasn't been permanently healed. If she mentions it, she gets a lot of "Well, you need to pray more and have more faith, etc..." From the majority of well-meaning Christians, she gets lip service.
However, she refuses to put on a front. She doesn't complain, and doesn't whine, but if she even mentions her back or medications, she gets lip-service. Often, after someone prays over her, they will come back later and ask specifically how her back is, she gets hit with her 'lack of faith...'

Here in this short time on earth, I have to keep in mind that God never promised me riches, power, perfect health, that I'd marry Cameron Diaz (though there's still time...), own a Porsche 911, own a house, run for Congress, be an astronaut, have a nacho delivery service open up next door (maybe Cameron could deliver my nachos)...
...
...
...
Sorry, got sidetracked there for a minute.
Bottom line, you aren't the only one, Kim. We all have unfulfilled dreams. We all will die with some of them. Most of them die before we do...I haven't seen many of the kids who want to be astronauts and rock stars still holding on to those dreams when they're my age.

You have your own miraculous testimony...yes, it might not be the one you would want (No Cinderella-at-the-ball fairy tale, but rather a weary-adopted-soldier-in-the-war-of-depression saga...) but it's your story that no one else gets to have. If people don't want to listen to it, then shake the dust off of your feet and move on.

I've got a friend in the Army. He talked about 'FIDO' one day (the Army's love for acronyms...) Well, turns out that FIDO is short for Forget It, Drive On (at least the nice version uses 'Forget'). If there's an issue you can't solve, FIDO.

If people...Christians...can't accept that you're hurting, FIDO. If they can't do more than offer criticisms on what they perceive your faith level to be, FIDO. If you want a husband and kids and God is in a holding pattern, FIDO. You know that God's not standing next to a cosmic ATM, ready to kick out whatever you ask for...if you keep asking for things that are rejected, then perhaps you're asking for the wrong things...or the timing is off...

You're an original, as we all know. Your testimony can help others...might want to share it more often.
 
I just wanted to say thank you very much to everyone for their thoughts, prayers, stories, and encouragement--I read every post in the threads I write and take what everyone says to heart (and prayer...) I am also very touched by everyone's well-wishes...

BUT, I also wanted to say that I don't want this to be the "All About Seoulsearch Thread" either!! :D

I'm hoping others out there have stories they would share here too, though I realize it can be a very personal thing that one may not want to write on a public forum. But, if anyone else is wanting to share their struggles, disappointments, and ways of FIDO'ing (thanks, Nuke Pooch! :)), please feel free to do so--it's the reason I wrote the thread. My purpose in sharing things about myself is to hopefully make other people feel comfortable enough to share about themselves as well. ;)
 
Life just flat out stinks sometimes. Living can be so miserable especially when it feels like God isnt listning to us. Or he keeps turning down every thing we ask him for.
I wont pretend i understand why this is happening to you, but i can tell you i understand your struggle, and i know how you feel.

There have been soooo many times i have prayed for something over and over and over again, only for God to just flat out say NO. Its so hard not to get bitter and just totally give up.


I wish i could end this with some guarantee for you, but like you said who really knows, if you will get married if i will get married or if anyone else on here will, but i do know that im striving to be content in whatever cirumstance im in.
 
God should be the one thing you want more than anything. That's why He says no to other things that we try to put above Him, even people. We are to rest solely upon him, and who he calls us to be. his words are truth alone.
 
A few things to say here.

1. Sometimes those things we deem as so important, yet haven't been granted to us by God, sometimes the shadows of sorrow they cast over our lives, become so dark, that they eliminate the things God has said yes to in our lives. As a result of seeing those dark shadows of sorrow, we forget all that God has said yes too and we lose heart.

2. I believe God validates the painful emotions we feel. He embraces us in the pain. He also directs us to maintain a stiff upper lip in face of that pain. I'll try and break it down as succinctly as I can.


*God validates te painful emotions we feel.

We see here that even believers groan inwardly in pain. This validates the sense of pain and loss all feel right now. It says, "Hey it's real. I recognize it. You're not odd for feeling it."

Romans 8: 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together with labor pains (AL) until now. 23 And not only that, (AM) but we ourselves who have the Spirit as the firstfruits (AN) —we also groan within ourselves, (AO) eagerly waiting for adoption, (AP) the redemption of our bodies. (AQ)

*He embraces us in the pain.

Even though we groan inwardly, the love of Christ surrounds and embraces us,

38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, (BW)

nor angels nor rulers, (BX)

nor things present, nor things to come, (BY) nor powers,

39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing

will have the power to separate us

from the love of God (BZ) that is in Christ Jesus our Lord! (CA)

*He directs us to maintain a stiff upper lip in the pain.


We need to consider Jesus who endured crucifixion. This is God's way of saying, hey what you're going through is tough, but Jesus went through worse. If he can make it through a crucifixion, you can make it through what you're going through.

Hebrews 12

3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, so that you won't grow weary and lose heart. (D) 4 In struggling against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5
 
My dreams are much like yours, my only desire is to be married with children. I have thought about adoption because I believe its a beautiful demonstration of unconditional love. I don't know what God is doing in your life but don't develop a "rejected" mindset; God is PERFECT. You are in my prayers, love:)
 
I have wanted many things in life that i didnt get. One of them was a job in specific place, i tried 2 years but i didnt have it, i used to pray to God a lot because it was kind of a dream for me but i had to let it go and that helped me to accept more "easily" the will of God but was painful.
I started to pray for a husband many years ago, almost 10, but God says no. I have been through moments when i feel disaponted, sad, angry, i have asked God why or when but it doesnt work and i have felt many times that i am the only one that feels like this. Besides that, i have never been married, ive been single all my life, so sometimes i have wondered if there is someone for me, if someone will want me, besides that ppl got scared because i dont have sex and many times use to laugh about me because of that so sometimes i feel awful.
But when i feel all that i try to remember that God accepted me like i am because that is useful for him, I dont really have an idea how but i am sure that he will never forget me and that love me and what i do is to count my blessings and enjoy every minute of the day with the things i have, sometimes i have to put attention to the problems of the married ppl or how they get tired with their childrens ;) and other times i have to "force" my mind to focus in other thing and stop to think about pain.
I think that a lot of single ppl goes through good moments and bad moments and struggle with many similar things.
 
Being a child adopted into a ready made family and being the image of a father I've never known, I understand in a sense what you are saying about wanting that connection with someone else so you won't feel alone in the world at times. While I never had the chance to know my dad, I was able to find his siblings and it really helped me fill in a lot of gaps. I pray that God will fill those gaps with something amazing for you. You're a very special person and it would bless my heart to see that happen for you.

Sometimes God says no. But sometimes He says not yet. We are not without hope, even though it's difficult to understand why we can't have some things or we have them for a time only to have them taken away, at least in this life. But I do understand the blessings He's given. I didn't have MY father, but was blessed with a stepfather who was so precious to me. I didn't have sibs of my own, but I have four stepsibs who are as loving and protective as I've seen in "real" families...maybe even moreso. I don't have a husband, but I do have a son who is my heart. Sometimes I THINK I'm alone, but I'm not...ever.

I do know this:
I Corinthians 2:9 - "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him."

And...you have US :) :) :)
 
soulsearch i can totally relate to what your saying its good to know im not alone
 
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