How long does the grief of losing a spouse last.
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I lost a spouse a few years ago too so I have some understanding on what you're going through. I believe that the saying is true in that time heals all wounds but of course it is God that does the healing. Hopefully, this site may alleviate the loneliness that you feel. Glad to have you as part of the family. Welcome to CC.
everyones time for mourning is different my friend. after 36 years of being with someone I cant not imagine it is easy. also if she passed suddenly and it was not really know that she was going to pass that makes it more difficult because you never had time to process that it was going to happen. Just take the time you need. No one has a right to say oh my gosh your moving on to quickly or oh my gosh you should be moving on by now etc.... Your mourning is your mourning no one can tell you otherwise. I know it is not the same but My first true love broke up with me I thought my world was going to end. But i sat home and cried and listened to love songs until my ears about jumped off my head. Then one day my aunt took me to go watch dirt racing and slowly but surely a few weeks of getting out and going to the dirt races and distracting my mind I got over the sad. I guess because I was not sitting and thinking only about the hurt i felt it made it much easier to deal with.. I am sure you will know deep down inside when your feeling up to jumping back into life all the way.. BUt just know this your wife would want you to move on and be happy she would not want you to sit on the side lines and watch life go by... Bless you and I am sorry for your loss. I will pray for your relief of pain to come soon.
Hi VCO,
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I have a friend who is now 96 and her husband passed away 20 some years ago. She said it was so painful that she couldn't bear it.
The Lord led her to embrace the pain instead of putting it away from herself and she said that was the best counsel for her so she began to journal her pain and her emotions. I guess it helped her to write about them. The severe grief lasted about two years and then she didn't need to journal anymore. But for each person it will be a different length of time because we are all unique.
Lord we pray for VCO and the pain that comes from loosing someone you love so dearly. Please Lord comfort him as he grieves.....as He misses his wife that he still loves so very much.
I pray that as VCO seeks You in his pain, that he senses Your love and peace that surpasses understanding and experiences a renewed trust in You as he casts all his cares and burdens on You.
Y
Yahweh_is_gracious
Guest
I say this NOT to be flippant, but the grief will last as long as it lasts. 36 years is a long time, and you are not under any obligation to anyone to "get over it" on anyone's schedule but your own. Eventually one day, you'll have worked through your grief and you will move forward. When that is, I have no idea. Each of us processes grief in different ways and at different rates. My mother passed in 2012 and I have yet to allow myself to grieve over it. We're all different.
So sorry for your loss. I can not imagine losing a spouse especially a spouse who is very loving and shows you all the love you need and treats you like a princess.. I don't know how your spouse was but i feel like you were very close. I will pray for both of you to have a healthy recovery from your loss and pain. Maybe you all can mourn together and help each other through your difficult time. It does not look to me like it is an accident that you met here with the same topic just saying.. God is at work here. You guys can help each other...
Re: How long does the grief of losing a spouse last?
I'm not sure anyone has the answer to that question. But it doesn't have to be forever. My first wife died of lung cancer at a rather young age. She was a non-smoker, so her illness came as a shock to us. We knew from the beginning that she would eventually die of this. (Her condition was inoperable.) So during the two years I took care of her at the end of her life, I had time to begin adjusting to life without her.
How long did it take me to get over her death? Well, really I don't think that is something that you ever completely get over. And even though during her illness I knew what was coming, I still was depressed for many months following her death. But I eventually got over it and remarried, and now I've moved on with my life. And that's exactly what my first wife wanted me to do. She told me--and wrote to me in a letter to be opened after her death--that she wanted me to remarry and move on with my life rather than spending the rest of my life mourning her death.
That said, I don't think it's necessary to remarry in order to move on. Had I been 20 years older, I probably would not have gotten married again. To be honest, I wasn't really looking for marriage or even for dating when I met the woman who would eventually become my second wife. We met through happenstance at an open house, and just seemed to hit it off real well.
VCO, even if you never completely get over losing your wife, I believe the pain will diminish over time. You are in my prayers.
I'm not sure anyone has the answer to that question. But it doesn't have to be forever. My first wife died of lung cancer at a rather young age. She was a non-smoker, so her illness came as a shock to us. We knew from the beginning that she would eventually die of this. (Her condition was inoperable.) So during the two years I took care of her at the end of her life, I had time to begin adjusting to life without her.
How long did it take me to get over her death? Well, really I don't think that is something that you ever completely get over. And even though during her illness I knew what was coming, I still was depressed for many months following her death. But I eventually got over it and remarried, and now I've moved on with my life. And that's exactly what my first wife wanted me to do. She told me--and wrote to me in a letter to be opened after her death--that she wanted me to remarry and move on with my life rather than spending the rest of my life mourning her death.
That said, I don't think it's necessary to remarry in order to move on. Had I been 20 years older, I probably would not have gotten married again. To be honest, I wasn't really looking for marriage or even for dating when I met the woman who would eventually become my second wife. We met through happenstance at an open house, and just seemed to hit it off real well.
VCO, even if you never completely get over losing your wife, I believe the pain will diminish over time. You are in my prayers.
It's been 26 months since my wife died. Some times I miss her terribly, other times not so much. I sometimes think how nice it would be if she just popped up one day like nothing happened.
I saw a science fiction TV show a few weeks ago; a guy's GF dies and he traveled back in time a few weeks to before she died and hugged her intensely for more then a few moments. I had a dream about doing the same thing not more then a few nights before I saw that TV program.
I had to shut it off.
Still, I am in a much better frame of mind now then the first 6 months or so afterwards.
Thank God for Him helping me out.
I saw a science fiction TV show a few weeks ago; a guy's GF dies and he traveled back in time a few weeks to before she died and hugged her intensely for more then a few moments. I had a dream about doing the same thing not more then a few nights before I saw that TV program.
I had to shut it off.
Still, I am in a much better frame of mind now then the first 6 months or so afterwards.
Thank God for Him helping me out.
God said man and woman would become one flesh. Husband and wife are one.
If you loose a part of your body - an arm, a leg, etc. - you will never forget. And to some degree, the loss will be a daily experience.
The loss of a spouse is the same. The loss will be felt, seen as if a part of our very body was taken away.
Marriage is a blessing from God.
Death steals the companionship away.
God is the healer.
If you loose a part of your body - an arm, a leg, etc. - you will never forget. And to some degree, the loss will be a daily experience.
The loss of a spouse is the same. The loss will be felt, seen as if a part of our very body was taken away.
Marriage is a blessing from God.
Death steals the companionship away.
God is the healer.
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Re: How long does the grief of losing a spouse last?
Thank you for your compassion and sharing. I have already discovered that the grief is diminishing, as it has been 17 months, if I count right. PLEASE Pray for Blue059, she has just lost her husband a month ago, after 22 years of marriage. I know she is still in the peak of grief, and I remember how that grief just about overwhelmed me.
I have kept myself very busy fixing things up around this little house I bought when I moved to be close to my family, and the basement needed to be be overhauled, which I knew had some major repairs to take care of when I bought it. I am getting close to done, but the cracks in one wall of the game room, wall were so bad, I finally waved a white flag and hired a contractor to rebuild that wall. I expect him to show up any day, as the cracks were so bad I could stick a yardstick 9.5 inches into the wall in several places, before I hit something solid. But every time I think I am close to done, new fix it up projects, keep coming into my head. I had some serious drainage projects to fix in the back yard, and I am on the last of that project. Then comes the biggy, the garage has no interior walls and I will have to put up insulation and walls, and shelving and then paint it all. That keeping myself busy, really helped a lot.
Thank you for your compassion and sharing. I have already discovered that the grief is diminishing, as it has been 17 months, if I count right. PLEASE Pray for Blue059, she has just lost her husband a month ago, after 22 years of marriage. I know she is still in the peak of grief, and I remember how that grief just about overwhelmed me.
I have kept myself very busy fixing things up around this little house I bought when I moved to be close to my family, and the basement needed to be be overhauled, which I knew had some major repairs to take care of when I bought it. I am getting close to done, but the cracks in one wall of the game room, wall were so bad, I finally waved a white flag and hired a contractor to rebuild that wall. I expect him to show up any day, as the cracks were so bad I could stick a yardstick 9.5 inches into the wall in several places, before I hit something solid. But every time I think I am close to done, new fix it up projects, keep coming into my head. I had some serious drainage projects to fix in the back yard, and I am on the last of that project. Then comes the biggy, the garage has no interior walls and I will have to put up insulation and walls, and shelving and then paint it all. That keeping myself busy, really helped a lot.
Thank you for sharing. It is good to know we can count on each other, and the Lord to help us over those hard hurdles in our path. Perhaps grief helps us appreciate what JESUS is preparing for us, when He takes us home.
Revelation 21:4-5 (RSV)
[SUP]4 [/SUP] he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away."
[SUP]5 [/SUP] And he who sat upon the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." Also he said, "Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true."
Dear Lord, my heart is heavy for VCO, who is learning to find his footing in his earth walk after having lost his wife. I too know what it is like to lose someone so close to me, my best friend and lover, and my grief reaches across the space that separates VCO and me to let him know that he is not alone in the feelings of pain and grief and loss that he experiences moving forward in life without his better half. I pray that God's loving kindness would comfort you, and that you would find peace in the living days of your life. I pray that God's love would fill your heart, and reveal to you the purpose of your spouse’s life and death, that you would hold fast to what is good, preserving her memory with the same sense of care and respect you shared in days gone by. I pray that you regain strength and confidence, and that you find joy in your cherished memories. I pray God would soften your heart and mind, drawing near to you in personal ways that help you know His presence.
The pearl of great wisdom hidden in grief is the crystallization of knowing
and embracing beyond a doubt that which we value above all else. May the
light of this love continue to light your path. In Jesus' sweet name we pray, amen.
I know you are a prayer warrior, so Please pray for Blue059, she lost her husband only a month ago, see Post #17.
My loss was Nov 2, 2015. Like I said in one of my posts, I can look at photo Albums now, and smile, instead of just cry.
Dearest Blue, time heals all wounds, I am a firm believer in that, and have experienced it more than once. I lost my dad when I was 10, my mother much later on, my husband after 38 years, and now I just got the news that my oldest daughters husband of less than 2 years, has stage 4 liver cancer. Nobody ever said that life was fair. I am so thankful that I have the Lord in my life, he has been my mainstay, since 1985, when He first came into my life.
Lord Jesus, please comfort Blue with your love, shower her with your mercy, allow her to heal and we thank you for everything you are willing to do for her. Amen.
C
ClaraBear
Guest
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 years ago. We had been married 8 years. I know I will miss him for the rest of my life it just gets a little easier as time goes on. Every once in a while I'll hear a song or see a photo and it will hit me hard and I just let myself feel it till it passes.
Did time Heal the serious wound, it did mine. I have come so far, there are mostly precious memories, and only an occasional tear or two. Let me know if you received this.
Hello VCO.
I am sorry for your loss. 36 years is a long time. And even though its been 3+ years I expect the grief is still there to some degree. I am glad you are doing better.
My neighbor who is in his 90's lost his wife in 2014. They were married over 60 years. He was having a hard time at first adjusting to her not being there. He told me he would start telling her something and then turn to her to realize that she wasn't there. I get that now.
My wife passed away in 2016. I think I had done a lot of my grieving before she died but today I am really missing her. We were married 14 years. This Memorial day would have been our 17th anniversary. Most days are good but once in a while I have these times. I was thinking that she missed our two youngest boys first day of school. That makes me sad. There are so many things I wish we could have done together or things I'd like to tell her, not important things. Trivial little things that would make her laugh or something I wanted her thoughts on.
Anyway, saw this thread the other day and it has been on my mind. Thank you for sharing.
How are you doing? What was she like?