Hi KerrBear,
Your question is not so simple in that it's not cut and dried. I think the answer is different for everyone. I was married for two years, with him a total of almost five, and 11 years later, I still grieve at times. It used to be more over him as a person, now it's over the fact that I have a failed marriage in my past, which I know God forgives but many Christians are unwilling to overlook.
Everyone's situation is different and God will bring you through different things as you are able to handle, which I'm sure you have experienced or are experiencing. Several years ago, I was serving on a prayer team and for some reason, thought, "We need someone with red hair on our prayer team." Little did I know!!! Before the conference was over, I knew what God was prompting me to do: my husband left me for a woman with red hair, and God was telling me to go to this particular woman on the prayer team, explain my story, and ask her forgiveness for my hatred and bitterness.
My ex left without another word and without turning back. After our court date, he never spoke to me again. He said marriage was hell and he would never do it again. At one time, I very badly wanted a baby but he refused to even consider it. At the time, I did not know another woman was involved so for well over a year, I didn't even know the reason why he left.
You can imagine my shock when someone looked me up last year who knew my ex's family and said, "Hey..." I found out he is living in his dream location, has his dream job, is remarried, very happy, and has at least one baby, and that my beloved father-in-law had passed away (my ex's parents stopped all contact with me as well because that's what my ex wanted--to him, I just didn't exist anymore, and I told a friend... there is something very unnerving about a world in which someone goes from being your spouse one day to being a complete stranger lost in the crowd the next.)
I felt as if I were dying all over again and it tore open a lot of things I thought had passed. But sometimes when a bone is broken and not set right, it has to be rebroken and reset.
I had a few relationships a long time after my divorce that were even worse than my marriage, which is partially why I've been alone for so long (7 years.) I always wonder if love is even possible.
And I know the helpful, well-meaning Christian friends will tell you, "You're not alone, you have God."
Well, married people and those with families have their spouse, children, AND God. I have God all the time, yes, but sometimes that just doesn't help when you come home to an empty house day after day and throw your keys on the table with the loud echo of silence reverberating through the house. I am not trying to downplay other people's challenges and problems at all, but loneliness is in itself an enormous psychological and emotional burden.
Take your time in getting through this--God won't rush you--He may push you to overcome certain hurdles, but He won't shove you through. Tell Him everything and tell Him as often as you feel the need.
He tells us to come to Him and pour out absolutely everything we think and feel, and He never gets tired of listening.