I will try to answer everyone's questions:
He told us most of the things we know about her before he ever started dating her. Most of it was told when he was only texting and talking to her via phone and after she told him she did not trust him. Other things were told to us between that time and when she moved back here. He has shown frustration in what she has done when he talked with us about these things.
Many people have said that they are probably sexually involved and that greatly explains why he said he would not become involved with her and then did so. he has told us twice that he was finished with her but then he proceeded to become involved with her. And we have received impressions from conversations with our son that she has had multiple sexual partners. Yes, she could change but I have also been advised that she will probably need professional counseling to overcome some of her problems and to our knowledge she has had none. Her emotional security problems go back 12-14 years. To our knowledge her involvement with other guys goes back 7-8 years. We have also been advised by our Biblical counselor that our son cannot say he is in God's will to help her and save her if he is also having sex with her. he has said that being intimately involved with her is against God's Word and therefore he could not say he sees God's will to save her. They are contradictory to each other.
My son has never liked DRAMA, especially from girls. This girl is entirely drama and sometimes I feel she creates drama when there is none.
Not dating anyone for 9 years. He was deeply hurt by the actions of his two previous girlfriends. By the time he broke up with the second he was working on his bachelor's degree and then he began his master's degree. he said he needed to concentrate on school and he also worked so he did not have much time to spend on a girl. His father and I have also decided that he does not "search" for girls, most of the time they have pursued him (which also explains why he became involved with this girl. I think she jumped into his lap). He was also in a field of study that had very few females in it so there was not much of a chance to meet anyone. I do know of girls who were interested in him but nothing ever went forward.
My son was raised in church. With that being said I can say he is a Christian but not a disciple of Christ. I now see that he does not walk the talk. I can now say that his father and I have not been as strong as we should have been. He served for a while as a leader of middle and high school groups for kids in our community through our church. He "went" to church with us up until 6 months ago; however, how much he truly received from it is uncertain. But the background is there. He needs to be reading and studying the Bible and praying but I cannot say that he does that. The girl is a Christian; that is all he has told us. However, I feel she is probably in the same boat as he is, not a true disciple. Not living as they should.
My son does have the desire to be a fixer. However, his past attempts at fixing have all fizzled out as he has gotten tired of the individuals not helping themselves. So, he somewhat gives up after a certain period of time if they show no desire to improve themselves.
Unless both of them change -- my son and this girl -- I do not see that they can be successful in a long-term relationship. Their motives are potentially wrong, their desires are wrong, etc. I pray for him every day and some for her. They would be taking on alot of responsibility in addition to just starting their lives and careers together.
