hurting people's feelings.

[Jullianna]

Attacking you isn't the intent, simplymeganne. People are sharing with you from their hearts - from past hurts, from past mistakes, from observations hard won. Those of us who are older hope with all that we are that the good that comes from the failings we've see/made/suffered can be of benefit to those who are just starting out. They are just giving you some things to think about from different perspectives.

You've put a wall up because you've been hurt and don't ever want to be again. That wall won't stay up, but for now it's not such a bad thing. Don't carry your heart on your sleeve, but don't lock it up either.

And, no, becoming a play thing for guys is not fine. And neither is using them knowing full well you don't want a relationship with them.

You need time. You're 17. BE 17. Enjoy it. You won't get another chance at it. I'm NOT trying to be condescending. Truly!

God bless!

 

[Jullianna]

Don't throw your youth away striving for too much adult life too soon. <3

 

[CC_Bride]

I guess everything's not right here, haha.
I didn't used to think they were pointless, it's only after having three failed ones that I do.
I don't believe in romantic love, and I don't ever want to get married, this is true, still.
I wouldn't mind a relationship now, but I wouldn't want anything "serious".
Those walls are recent, after my third relationship ended. I guess I WAS a good girlfriend, once upon a time.
I feel like I'm being attacked here, and that's not what I wanted.

A relationship that is casual is not a relationship.

And we're not attacking you. We're asking you to speak more plain language with us to explain your situation. If your post was written by a male, everyone here would be much more horrified by the behaviour you've described and I expect the Christian godly men would speak much more strongly to you as men to men. But you are a daughter of God and we speak to daughters differently to sons, and I can tell that everyone here is doing their darn best to be gentle with you and trying to understand you and exactly what you are seeking for answers. Are you wanting us to justify and confirm your behavior is godly? Because it isn't. Are you wanting us to state sympathetically that you're the victim here? You were sinned heavily against at one point I bet, but you can't use previous sin against you as a way to sin back at others. You are knowingly taking part in destroying the trust and investment of intimacy that men are trying to make with you, which leaves them embittered and angry and that has an effect on their future behaviour to other women esp christian sisters who DO want genuine long term relationship-marriage prospects. If you truly don't want marriage you should have nothing to do with men (esp Christian men), period. But the fact that you desire the 'quickie' solution speaks volumes

As Christians we do NOT desire short term shallow relationships. That is a tool and a lie used well by the Enemy. God has given us a healthy and holy desire for marriage for life, and he also gave us only two rules - Love God and love each other as we would ourselves. I know I would never accept a man to treat me the way you are treating them.

 

[GreenNnice]

Meganne, how is your relationship.with your mom?
Your dads are good and great, you say, and, that is important, but, are they christian?
This is nothing to say against either of your dads, just value systems are different with christian influence for raising kids and allowing freedoms of life.

Ccbride and julianna both have wise advice, experience to back their advice too, ccbride went through a unfair childhood for a kid and julianna has knowledge of kids your age actions because she has a kid your age.

God brings people to help us, and, sorry, if my advice hurts you, I pray it is read from.someone who has worked with many kids in camps and has experienced awful pain from parents horrible treatment of one another in my whole teen years. I didn't even realize how horrible it was, I actually liked it, dad wasn't around age 16 , 17 , and, the freedom was nice but it really was a deafening, slow-killing freedom like a frog put in a cold pan who is fine in there and doesn't even try to go out in that comfortable setting, even not jumping out because frog is STILL comfortable with your slow turning up the heat until the pot is suddenly so hot the frog's paralyzed, and, it's too late to get out without scarring and burning for life....

And, megananne?

I've even heard that that frog just will then STILL stay in that shallow pan then as you turn the dial to high heat and that pot begins to..........boil .

The good news is this, milady......God WILL heal your pain the instant you bring 'it' to Him.

 

[Jullianna]

Yes, CC Bride and GreenNNice, we post in love and genuine concern. God doesn’t tell us what we want to hear, He tells us the truth. If He only told us what we wanted to hear, we’d all be headed straight for hell doing whatever we wanted. We should do the same for those we claim to (and are CALLED to) love. When I post to the young men and women of these forums, I speak to them the same way I would to my own child or younger sibling….plainly and in love.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I guess everything's not right here, haha.
I didn't used to think they were pointless, it's only after having three failed ones that I do.
I don't believe in romantic love, and I don't ever want to get married, this is true, still.
I wouldn't mind a relationship now, but I wouldn't want anything "serious".
Those walls are recent, after my third relationship ended. I guess I WAS a good girlfriend, once upon a time.
I feel like I'm being attacked here, and that's not what I wanted.

There is your answer right there as to why you do this.

 

[GreenNnice]

Yes, CC Bride and GreenNNice, we post in love and genuine concern. God doesn’t tell us what we want to hear, He tells us the truth. If He only told us what we wanted to hear, we’d all be headed straight for hell doing whatever we wanted. We should do the same for those we claim to (and are CALLED to) love. When I post to the young men and women of these forums, I speak to them the same way I would to my own child or younger sibling….plainly and in love.

_____
Meg, you say you 'love' Jesus and God, that is wonderful.

Disagreements?

Sure, you are normal, especially 17 age, pray for ways from God and Jesus , and, please, if not have, wholeheartedly receive Holy Spirit, for then, that done, you will abide in Him and He in you. < This straight from scripture for its importance, John 3: 5-8 . Be baptized, too, but LET THE LORD lead you to this transformational awakening, you MUST first repent of doing things like wanting to lead guys on and then 'drop them off a cliff.' Then wholeheartedly ask forgiveness of those hurt, or, if that not necessary (God will tell you, Matt. 5:22), then maybe you having been hurt just first need to FORGIVE those who hurt you.. Quite freeing this ALL will be , and, don't worry, God will help you through, just cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you <This scripture in 1 Peter 5-7 . The Enemy will attack MIGHTILY as you seek to CHANGE, but the Lord is mightier and mightiest, He of ALL, almighty.

That last sentence of 'cliff' , to me, that either means you've been really, really, really been hurt by a guy or you are clamoring for attention. So, either way, dad green is going to speak to you, super Meg

And, if you feel you are being attacked, as you say you feel you are being then....

pick someone to PM, who is speaking here, a lady, and talk over with her your pain. Pray for who

 

[frankleespeaking]

hey there, CCers. lately i've been doing this thing where i kind of lead people on.
i don't date, i think relationships at my age are utterly pointless, and i don't really believe in "romantic" love (please don't talk about this; it's a very personal belief- i'm just kind of stating it, so you know where i'm coming from) and i don't ever want to get married. but, anyway, i'll meet someone, and tell them right off the bat i don't want a relationship, but i feel like this just makes them more interested in me. and before i know we're hanging out all the time, and they're telling me how much they care for me, and i have to say i LOVE the attention that they give me. but, eventually, i lose interest in the person and just stop talking to them. i don't reply to the texts, i don't hang out with them, i push them away, and sometimes i get a little mean. i'm not sure why i do this, and i often have anywhere between 2 and 6 people that i'm "leading on". i'm looking for a little insight as to why i do this.

you may also notice that it says "undecided" on my profile as to weather or not i'm a christian. that's becos i love jesus, and god, but i have a lot of disagreements with things that being a christian entails. so, yes, i have prayed about this.
but, i'm looking for your personal opinion about why i might be doing this. thanks.
xoxox- Meganne.

because you haven't received a new spirit, your still walking through life with the one you were born with, it doesn't care how you treat people, It really cares mostly about pleasing you and your ego.

when you finally come to realize that Jesus wants to not only be your Savior but also your Lord, you may finally repent of your sins and disagreements, and deny yourself and your feelings, and allow Jesus to come into your life as a living God, replacing your old spirit, and giving you one that has the power to not only change your life, but the lives around you

 

[Ugly]

I guess everything's not right here, haha.
I didn't used to think they were pointless, it's only after having three failed ones that I do.
I don't believe in romantic love, and I don't ever want to get married, this is true, still.
I wouldn't mind a relationship now, but I wouldn't want anything "serious".
Those walls are recent, after my third relationship ended. I guess I WAS a good girlfriend, once upon a time.
I feel like I'm being attacked here, and that's not what I wanted.

Being attacked? You made several statements in complete contradiction of each other and i questioned you on them? Its an attack to ask you why you say two opposing statements?

You're only 17, of course your relationships failed. I know you don't want the age thing put on you, but too bad, its a fact. Very few relationships starting that early ever work. Truth is people your age are still, on the average, immature. They are still changing in how they think, see the world, feel about things, learning and growing in a lot of areas. Don't believe me? Look around at how many people your age are bitter already because of so many failed relationships. You're not even old enough to be married yet but you are already emotionally damaged from dating. The facts that you think your age isn't a factor in this, and that you expected to enter into relationships that you wouldn't get hurt from at this early of an age shows you aren't even prepared for a real relationship.

So what kind of relationship is a 'non-serious, non-romantic relationship that has no intent in marriage'? I mean 98% of Christians looking to date are looking for a spouse. There are a few who just want to date without marriage, but again, thats kind of pointless. As you see, dating can lead to hurt. To spend your life dating without the intention of marriage is like saying you want to spend your life being hurt over and over.

Coming out and asking for help, sometimes you'll hear what you want. You'll get people making suggestions that you can do, or give good advice and it makes you feel all better. But sometimes when we open up we learn that there's more to our situation than we knew and that maybe the truth is harder than we care to know and we have a lot more of the blame, and need to do a lot more changing than we want to admit. Being honest about what i see is not an attack. Putting you in a position that makes you feel challenged about your choices, behavior and mindsets is not an attack. Growth often requires humility and a level of suffering. If you want help/advice you have to set aside the idea of what you do and don't want to hear from people, and just learn to hear and consider. Once you close your mind to things because they're too challenging you will never learn or grow. I'm not attacking you with all this. I'm being honest with an intent to help you.

 

[rainacorn]

In the future, you will understand the overwhelming desire to grab teenagers and shake them when you see them walking into traps. For now, this will probably just sound rude and you'll probably ignore it anyway.

I have to say it.

What you're doing now leads to being a ____ later. Not sure what word I can use there without getting into trouble.

It starts with just having fun and enjoying attention and not caring about relationships (being too cool and independent and blah blah lies). It ends with straight up using people and pushing your own boundaries as you get older and the stakes get higher. It's a rush. It gets you high. It is very very very destructive.

This arrogance and pride doesn't come from a place of self-confidence and maturity. I think you already know that since you've spoken about walls being built up to avoid being hurt.

Tear those walls down. Human beings have feelings. Good and bad. Feel them all as intensely as you can and become a complete person. Connecting with people on an emotional level is a bigger rush and a better high than manipulation. Connecting with GOD?! That's seriously as good as it gets. That's real intensity.

I hope you don't have to bottom out to realize all of this. It's a hard thing to overcome. This mentality you have now will develop and grow and should you ever wake up to the truth of what you're doing, expect to have MAJOR trust issues. You will always doubt how people feel about you because you know how you've manipulated them. That takes a super long time to get over.

You can change your future. You can get right with God now and avoid the whole thing.