Husbands and Housework?

[Ugly]

Nagging can be annoying but there shouldn't be nagging. In an adult relationship people should be responsible. Like my mother will tell my father ten times to take out the trash that he passes 50 times. He gets annoyed with her and says "don't treat me like a child!!" To which she says "don't act like one" lol They've been married 44yrs so I guess it works for them. My point is if you dont want a wife to act like a mommy dont act like one of the children. Be an adult and do your part.

This is true. But it's also true in some cases women nag for other reasons. Or resort to nagging right away. But regardless, even if a man isn't doing things right or 'acting like a child' nagging is still not an effective or appropriate response. You can't justify one wrong with by pointing at another wrong. It just makes two people wrong, instead of one.

 

[kaylagrl]

This is true. But it's also true in some cases women nag for other reasons. Or resort to nagging right away. But regardless, even if a man isn't doing things right or 'acting like a child' nagging is still not an effective or appropriate response. You can't justify one wrong with by pointing at another wrong. It just makes two people wrong, instead of one.

Well I have met women that their personality is one of nagging. I dont know where that comes from. But one should not be getting married if they aren't mature enough to be in a relationship. If a husband cannot or will not pick up after himself then he has to expect a wife will mention it. The more he leaves it on the floor the more she mentions it. Then she is called a nag. So I'm saying if we both act like adults this wouldn't be an issue. If someone has to pick after someone else, man or women,they start feeling like a parent. A mom tells you to do something 20 times,as an adult a husband or wife should see the problem and remedy it. Its unfair to call a person a nag when they ask for help and are ignored 20 times.

 

[Depleted]

Well I have met women that their personality is one of nagging. I dont know where that comes from. But one should not be getting married if they aren't mature enough to be in a relationship. If a husband cannot or will not pick up after himself then he has to expect a wife will mention it. The more he leaves it on the floor the more she mentions it. Then she is called a nag. So I'm saying if we both act like adults this wouldn't be an issue. If someone has to pick after someone else, man or women,they start feeling like a parent. A mom tells you to do something 20 times,as an adult a husband or wife should see the problem and remedy it. Its unfair to call a person a nag when they ask for help and are ignored 20 times.

I didn't even expect "pick up after yourself." We negotiated everything based on what we like/don't mind doing vs. what we hate doing. He doesn't like (forgets? Doesn't really think about it enough to do it?) throwing his dirty clothes into the hamper. The only reason that bothered me is a tripping-hazard. So, we have designated spots (based on where he changes clothes) for his dirty laundry, so I know not to step there and trip. I'm so used to it I had to do laundry the day he came home and got a bit bewildered there was no laundry in the designated spots, until I remembered why.

Now that he's home he can neither get to the hamper nor to his usual spots he changes in, so he developed a new spot. Smart guy. He picked a spot based on where I wouldn't trip automatically, and where I have to go to do the laundry -- the top step to the basement. I see it there and either grab it on the way down or toss it until I go downstairs. (Which is my designated spot already. lol)

Designated spots -- whether for laundry or our junk -- resolved the obvious problem of who picks up the other's mess. Nobody. But we know where we left our stuff the last time we used it. Same place we always dump it.

 

[kaylagrl]

I didn't even expect "pick up after yourself." We negotiated everything based on what we like/don't mind doing vs. what we hate doing. He doesn't like (forgets? Doesn't really think about it enough to do it?) throwing his dirty clothes into the hamper. The only reason that bothered me is a tripping-hazard. So, we have designated spots (based on where he changes clothes) for his dirty laundry, so I know not to step there and trip. I'm so used to it I had to do laundry the day he came home and got a bit bewildered there was no laundry in the designated spots, until I remembered why.

Now that he's home he can neither get to the hamper nor to his usual spots he changes in, so he developed a new spot. Smart guy. He picked a spot based on where I wouldn't trip automatically, and where I have to go to do the laundry -- the top step to the basement. I see it there and either grab it on the way down or toss it until I go downstairs. (Which is my designated spot already. lol)

Designated spots -- whether for laundry or our junk -- resolved the obvious problem of who picks up the other's mess. Nobody. But we know where we left our stuff the last time we used it. Same place we always dump it.

My hubby is as much a neat freak as I am so we have no issues here. If he sees something I missed,he does it. But my parents have this back and forth all the time. Mom asks him 20 times to do something,he ignores her then gets mad and says she's nagging and treating him like a child. I dont understand why he doesn't just do it. Annoys me so much. Usually myself or my husband end up doing things for her around the house because we know he'll never get it done. Its just immature to me.If something needs done,do it. Don't make someone need to ask a dozen times then accuse them of nagging, you're causing them to nag! Just do it already.

 

[Lynx]

I didn't even expect "pick up after yourself." We negotiated everything based on what we like/don't mind doing vs. what we hate doing. He doesn't like (forgets? Doesn't really think about it enough to do it?) throwing his dirty clothes into the hamper. The only reason that bothered me is a tripping-hazard. So, we have designated spots (based on where he changes clothes) for his dirty laundry, so I know not to step there and trip. I'm so used to it I had to do laundry the day he came home and got a bit bewildered there was no laundry in the designated spots, until I remembered why.

Now that he's home he can neither get to the hamper nor to his usual spots he changes in, so he developed a new spot. Smart guy. He picked a spot based on where I wouldn't trip automatically, and where I have to go to do the laundry -- the top step to the basement. I see it there and either grab it on the way down or toss it until I go downstairs. (Which is my designated spot already. lol)

Designated spots -- whether for laundry or our junk -- resolved the obvious problem of who picks up the other's mess. Nobody. But we know where we left our stuff the last time we used it. Same place we always dump it.

Sounds like me. I have a spot where I put all the stuff in my pockets. It's on a couch I never sit on. The couch wasn't made for holding keys, wallet, pen, etc. but it works very well for it. I never lose my keys - they're always either in my pocket or on the couch.

 

[Tintin]

Nagging can be annoying but there shouldn't be nagging. In an adult relationship people should be responsible. Like my mother will tell my father ten times to take out the trash that he passes 50 times. He gets annoyed with her and says "don't treat me like a child!!" To which she says "don't act like one" lol They've been married 44yrs so I guess it works for them. My point is if you dont want a wife to act like a mommy dont act like one of the children. Be an adult and do your part.

True enough, Kayla. But some women nag and that's their thing.

 

[Rosesrock]

Hmmm I haven't really thought about it. When the kids were growing up I think we fell into .....I was having kids....I stayed home (encouraged and loved it) so I knew I had more time to do what needed to be done. Now when I started work he just automatically jumped in to help cause I'm good but I'm not that good. Lol
He loves to do yard work and feels accomplished when he does it. Plus he loves when I joke about sleeping with the hot yard guy (TMI)
But I don't think I ever expected him to really "share" worl because I could sleep in till 10 if I wanted. Lol.
But now that kids are grown and I also work ... We have found our groove.

 

[LaurenTM]

I will never understand how come we ladies fell unto this ''kitchen laundry and kids mashine'' thing.. It nowhere says in the bible that we have to do all the house work. Nor does it say the husband does. We are the helper/helpmate not a kitchen bound slave thats supposed to function

that kinda thing can happen when women are considered as chattel and not allowed education

go back 2000 years or so and look at the culture

education is a dangerous thing

 

[LaurenTM]

Well the lady who wrote the note I shared in the OP doesn't believe women should go out to work. She only believes in stay at home mothers or wives.

didn't know that

I guess I speed read and thought it was about expectations

 

[jsr1221]

I will never understand how come we ladies fell unto this ''kitchen laundry and kids mashine'' thing.. It nowhere says in the bible that we have to do all the house work. Nor does it say the husband does. We are the helper/helpmate not a kitchen bound slave thats supposed to function

I agree with this but also want to add nowhere does the Bible say men are to do all the outdoor or "maintenance" work.

 

[laura_charlotte]

It is a remnant of a bygone time. Our economy and technology has progressed to a point where woman now now be reasonably financially self sufficient.

Not just the economy and technology but society has grown beyond this last century ethic, it is totally archaic and I don't identify with it at all, we still have a long way to go though in many parts of the world with this false ideology.

 

[Depleted]

My hubby is as much a neat freak as I am so we have no issues here. If he sees something I missed,he does it. But my parents have this back and forth all the time. Mom asks him 20 times to do something,he ignores her then gets mad and says she's nagging and treating him like a child. I dont understand why he doesn't just do it. Annoys me so much. Usually myself or my husband end up doing things for her around the house because we know he'll never get it done. Its just immature to me.If something needs done,do it. Don't make someone need to ask a dozen times then accuse them of nagging, you're causing them to nag! Just do it already.

John's friend, a neat freak, loved a woman deary, but couldn't stand how sloppy she was. John told him our secret -- if it bothers you, deal with it. Nothing is the other person's responsibility.

His friend accepted the advice and was thrilled how much better the relationship became after that. They've been married for about 30 years now, have four kids -- one still in high school, two in college, and the oldest graduated. Plus, much to the surprise of most doctors, his BIL is living with them and still alive. (His BIL has down syndrome and is in his late 50's. Most people with DS don't live that long.) It worked better than expected. For a while, he became the stay-at-home Dad while his wife worked. But the funny thing is he isn't quite as much a neat freak, and because he did that she got neater.

Hs friend recently told hubby it was the best advice he ever got for marriage.

 

[Dan58]

When I was hitched, I did all the house work, inside and out.. It wasn't because I was a good mate, but because she was a complete slob.

 

[laura_charlotte]

The great irony is that there's so many 'expectations' and assumptions in that very narrow minded limited piece, that I'm positive would be lost on the audience it's targeted at.

 

[Miri]

I have several husbands

a washing machine
a dryer
a microwave
a delivery man who brings my on-line shopping



Ps some men don't want a wife, they want a mother.
some women don't want a husband they want a son.

 

[mailmandan]

These days are over. lol

 

[JesusLives]

Before we got married I told Tourist I was not the best house keeper that when something started bugging me then I'd do something about it.

What I am is good at other things. Like taking the popcorn down off the ceiling scraping it off, patching it up making it look smooth and painting it. Taking a hammer and knocking out a wall and then calling someone to come and put things back together. Building a child's bed using the crib mattress that was in the crib because of having a small space to fit a bed that a regular bed won't fit in. Taking tile off the bathroom wall, removing carpet so tile could be installed.

I loved to mow the lawn or build things or was and am great at demo work.... I hate housework and learned to ignore it early on. Of course being single for 35 years if I did take the time to vacuum or wash dishes, clean the bathroom it usually stayed clean for a while because I was the only one using it.... Well things aren't always clean and it is starting to bug me now so I bought a book about keeping house....lol I'd rather read it than clean it.... Trying to improve though it is in the reading phase right now and when finished with the book I might even try what it recommends.....lol

 

[kaylagrl]

didn't know that

I guess I speed read and thought it was about expectations

Ya, if you read more of her posts she definitely is against women going to work.

 

[kaylagrl]

Before we got married I told Tourist I was not the best house keeper that when something started bugging me then I'd do something about it.

What I am is good at other things. Like taking the popcorn down off the ceiling scraping it off, patching it up making it look smooth and painting it. Taking a hammer and knocking out a wall and then calling someone to come and put things back together. Building a child's bed using the crib mattress that was in the crib because of having a small space to fit a bed that a regular bed won't fit in. Taking tile off the bathroom wall, removing carpet so tile could be installed.

I loved to mow the lawn or build things or was and am great at demo work.... I hate housework and learned to ignore it early on. Of course being single for 35 years if I did take the time to vacuum or wash dishes, clean the bathroom it usually stayed clean for a while because I was the only one using it.... Well things aren't always clean and it is starting to bug me now so I bought a book about keeping house....lol I'd rather read it than clean it.... Trying to improve though it is in the reading phase right now and when finished with the book I might even try what it recommends.....lol

Ok, so my only question to you is "how much do you charge", oh and how long will Mr.Tourist lend you to me?

 

[LaurenTM]

Ya, if you read more of her posts she definitely is against women going to work.

yeah

I was getting all philosophical with regards to expectations and how they can mess up a relationship

well, another thread maybe LOL!