Husbands and Housework?

[SkittlePumpkin]

Is it weird that I really enjoy doing all the housework? Like...the idea of just being a house-wife and doing all the chores and cooking and laundry and whatnot is extremely appealing to me....most days

 

[presidente]

That quote is probably beneficial for some women, like women who stay home and do the housework while their husbands work 60 hours a week digging coal out of the coal mine. It may also be good advice for a woman who is really getting bent out of shape about housework and it would be better for her just to do it than to have a rather damaging conflict over it.

As Christians, we are to admonish one another. I do not believe it is wrong for a wife to respectfully point out if her husband is sinning or falling short in some area. Of course, correction can be done with care, and being overly critical can be damaging to a relationship. If a man sits around watching sports all day and dumps a bunch of work on his wife, that doesn't sound liek a man who is taking good care of his own household and being responsible.

So it depends on the situation.

The Bible does talk about women being keepers at home. It doesn't say they can't do other work, but they should be keepers at home.

 

[Depleted]

My husband had a strange introduction to my housekeeping skills. We were in college together and he would come over sometimes to talk about rides to school and so forth. I was taking 5 science courses, complete with labs. My apartment consistened of piles and piles of notes for classes, binders and text books. I did not clean that place once the entire school year. I might have washed dishes once a week.

When school ended, I borrowed a neighbour's vacuum cleaner and cleaned that place to within an inch of its life. He was stunned when he came over and saw that I could actually clean a house. So when we got married, he never placed any expectations on me for housework, because first I was in university full time, more babies, more university, working teaching on-call at first, then part time, with larger percentages working and still finishing my undergrad degree forever.

All the cooking fell to me, which was fine, because I like cooking, baking, etc. He had to do the upkeep on our cars, which he liked. There was no outdoor work, because we initially lived in an apartment. Then we rented a house for a few years, and he was in charge of lawns.I was full time on laundry, vacuuming, dusting, shopping, anything that had to do with the inside of the house was mine.

More babies - now 4. I was getting worn out. But when I asked him to help around the house, he always told me he changed the oil on the cars, that was his job - naive person that I was.

One day we were driving along, and I asked him how often he changed the oil on the two cars. He said every six months. Then I asked him how long it took and he said not more than an hour, sometimes less. I sat for a while and then I said - so I cook every day - 3 meals a day, shop, cook, do laundry and all the cleaning that you couldn't help with because of changing the oil on the cars for 2 hours every six months?? No nagging -just outrage.

He kind of smirked and kind of ducked. Then he started pitching in. By then, I had the three boys doing all the dishes. It was hard to put on a meal for 6 every night, after working all day and then cleaning up after.

Two best parts of house work:
1. My oldest son figured out all the jobs around the house, put it on a dot matrix spread sheet. Everyone had to do three jobs a week, and we chose Saturday morning. My poor three year old daughter got toilets. She told me when she was grown she didn't mind, because they were low, and she liked to see a clean toilet. It usually took a couple of hours till the house was clean. Alas, the boys eventually moved out, leaving my daughter and I doing most of the housework, until....

2. We hired a housekeeper. My RA was largely untreated, and I simply could not do the house work because of the pain. A cousin with RA recommended her housekeeper and she was fast and really good. I had her for 5 years, until she retired. It broke my heart to lose her, but by that time I was on better meds, and it did not matter. I did the housework myself.

Now, I am sick again, and may never be better. Hubby is in charge of all housework, but I do the cooking, unless I cannot get out of bed except in a wheelchair. The house is a mess, dusty, - he has never cleaned the kitchen floor. On my better days, I try to do it. But he is retired, so he has no rationalization to not help. Besides, I take my car to the dealer now to get it serviced! LOL

What is my Biblical opinion on housework? That the Bible was a different time, different restrictions on life, and life was much the same for both the Jews, and the surrounding cultures. Unless people had slaves, the men worked in their own business or for someone else, while the woman did all the housework. The Canaanites, the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans all lived by this standard. It was not Biblical but cultural.

I have always been an egalitarian, so it is a no brainer that men should help around the house, even if the wife is not working. That certainly doesn't mean half the load, but that the effort to help should be for everyone. And if the wife is working then the duties need to be divided up. I agree this should be figured out before engagement or marriage. Too many people come into marriage with expectations that cannot be filled.

I come from a family of fishermen. I've always loved to fish when I could, so I introduced hubby into our family tradition -- go to Canada for vacation on this lake in Ontario and fish as much as possible during the week. I think we averaged 6 hours a day. He loved it.

We caught fish, so they had to be cleaned. It's not the goop and blood that bothers me. It's the amount of mosquitos that dig into me while cleaning at the station. So I told hubby I didn't know how to clean fish.

And then I taught him how to clean fish. It worked... until he broke his foot. You can't take a cast around the fish cleaning station because you can't wash it.

I did ask him how he imagined that I could teach him how to clean a fish without being able to do it myself. He said because he trusted me. I thought it was funny, but I did feel bad that he learned he couldn't always trust me.

 

[peacenik]

A guy who is a good cook is definitely a husband material because I love to eat.

Outstanding post!

Men should always​ take up cooking as it is the world's GREATEST hobby.

 

[Cindy12]

Funny, but I am the same way. I totally enjoy doing all the housework - taking care of cooking and washing clothes and doing things that make life easier on everyone else. I thought I was the only one that just really did enjoy that. I will say that my husband has always been one to manicure the yard and take care of the pool, the vehicles, and all the fix-its and remodeling, etc ... thats just his cup of tea like mine is the household things.

Is it weird that I really enjoy doing all the housework? Like...the idea of just being a house-wife and doing all the chores and cooking and laundry and whatnot is extremely appealing to me....most days

 

[Depleted]

Is it weird that I really enjoy doing all the housework? Like...the idea of just being a house-wife and doing all the chores and cooking and laundry and whatnot is extremely appealing to me....most days

I think I'm the minority in it not attracting me. I also think if we were all the same the world would be a boring, dysfunctional place.

 

[Miri]

That quote is probably beneficial for some women, like women who stay home and do the housework while their husbands work 60 hours a week digging coal out of the coal mine. It may also be good advice for a woman who is really getting bent out of shape about housework and it would be better for her just to do it than to have a rather damaging conflict over it.

As Christians, we are to admonish one another. I do not believe it is wrong for a wife to respectfully point out if her husband is sinning or falling short in some area. Of course, correction can be done with care, and being overly critical can be damaging to a relationship. If a man sits around watching sports all day and dumps a bunch of work on his wife, that doesn't sound liek a man who is taking good care of his own household and being responsible.

So it depends on the situation.

The Bible does talk about women being keepers at home. It doesn't say they can't do other work, but they should be keepers at home.

No men I know are coal miners. Many end up sat at a desk all day.

 

[WeightedWords]

So expectations kill marriages, eh?
What about expecting a husband to love, respect, honor, cherish, lead, be faithful, give affection, and parent?
As Paul Tripp points out in "What Did You Expect", some expectations stemming from our selfish need for self promotion are wrong. HOWEVER, the very concept of marriage is based on at least one expectation: that God created two people into one flesh to be holy before him together for his glory.
My husband is an awesome example. He is a stay-at-home dad. Before I get a few instant objections just think of the possibilities. I work outside of the home and my business savvy is an asset to my husband. HE works from home for a fortune 100 company and happens to do the teaching, most of the household duties, and still manages to watch a little TV and study. We are a team and manage to still get everything done. We EXPECT the other person to contribute however they can, and at the end of the day we are an untraditional couple that can proudly say we KNOW we love each other and our family and know that our spouse loves us more than anything in this world. He would expect me to have certain expectation. The absence of some expectations such as love, respect, faithfulness and affection would have any spouse questioning if they were going to experience joy and value in the eyes of their beloved. He loves that I miss his arms and expect him to take the time to snuggle. He expects me to get a little jealous and have the expectation that I get all of his attention. Without some expectations there isn'tmuch point in having a spouse instead of a housekeeper, is there?
How many of your husband's can righteously stand before God and not feel it a privilege to provide for the wife that values him so much? In fact, a responsible husband would feel insulted if you held back your honest desires so as not to "put a burden on his shoulders". A husband that has a godly mindset would feel hurt you thought so little of his integrity.

 

[Ugly]

I think you missed the spirit of the OP. And in some cases seem to have created things out of thin air. The OP said nothing about not expecting love, respect, etc... it said if you marry someone with expectations on them to perform certain tasks, things that you never discussed ahead of time, but rather simply assume they'll fall in line and do, then that is the unhealthy expectation. I have zero clue where you got this concept that it said not to expect love and respect, as those ideas were never even touched on, and clearly not the intent of the post.
And there is truth, generally speaking, that the more expectations you put on others, the more likely and frequently you will be let down.

And this somewhat of an accusation that people will give 'instant objections' to the man staying home, just a few days ago a man shared his situation and wondered if it would be wrong for him to stay home and his wife to work. Every response i read said the same thing. If that's what works best, then do it.

Nothing in the OP said being a team was wrong. Or that a man Shouldn't help. It said putting expectations on him to do things. The same could apply for a man about his wife. Would it right for a man to just expect his new wife go get a job, even if it wasn't agreed on? And if this woman didn't do the things he expected and it causes a rift in the marriage would it be his fault for the expectations he has, or hers for not doing what he wants?
But some people focus on speaking to one gender, as opposed to have to make every message be even.

It seems, in this post, you didn't weigh your words very well as you are quick to assume so much, and, as i said, create some things out of thin air.

So expectations kill marriages, eh?
What about expecting a husband to love, respect, honor, cherish, lead, be faithful, give affection, and parent?
As Paul Tripp points out in "What Did You Expect", some expectations stemming from our selfish need for self promotion are wrong. HOWEVER, the very concept of marriage is based on at least one expectation: that God created two people into one flesh to be holy before him together for his glory.
My husband is an awesome example. He is a stay-at-home dad. Before I get a few instant objections just think of the possibilities. I work outside of the home and my business savvy is an asset to my husband. HE works from home for a fortune 100 company and happens to do the teaching, most of the household duties, and still manages to watch a little TV and study. We are a team and manage to still get everything done. We EXPECT the other person to contribute however they can, and at the end of the day we are an untraditional couple that can proudly say we KNOW we love each other and our family and know that our spouse loves us more than anything in this world. He would expect me to have certain expectation. The absence of some expectations such as love, respect, faithfulness and affection would have any spouse questioning if they were going to experience joy and value in the eyes of their beloved. He loves that I miss his arms and expect him to take the time to snuggle. He expects me to get a little jealous and have the expectation that I get all of his attention. Without some expectations there isn'tmuch point in having a spouse instead of a housekeeper, is there?
How many of your husband's can righteously stand before God and not feel it a privilege to provide for the wife that values him so much? In fact, a responsible husband would feel insulted if you held back your honest desires so as not to "put a burden on his shoulders". A husband that has a godly mindset would feel hurt you thought so little of his integrity.

 

[WeightedWords]

I did not assume everyone was posing objections. I was making allowance for objections that many would pose and have posed at my not being home parenting.
I never said that the OP was objecting to biblical expectations. I was pointing out the absolute rejection of expectations that was painted as a requirement for a successful marriage.
I should add that my response came from reading so many views on the role of a hausfrau as being both old fashioned and slavery etc. The OP asked for opinion and opinion was given.

 

[WeightedWords]

Btw... On the subject of expectations for a wife to get a job when she would rather stay home... I can honestly say that it would be a greater burden to loose my house by not contributing to the family income than it would be to just follow my husband's instruction to leave my home every day to work. Sometimes holding inconvenient expectations is more about the general welfare than it is about personal gain.