I’m Falling to Pieces

SecondHandHippie · Jun 15, 2020

*I am a single mom of four
*Three of my children have severe life-threatening disabilities
*One of my children is on hospice
*My daughter who is on hospice just shared that her ex step dad has been molesting she and her brother for years
*We are now working with three state agencies to try to arrest him
*We came out of 10 years of domestic abuse
*I have been battling depression and suicidal thoughts, but can’t check myself in because I am my children’s in-home nurse and mom
*My Doctor said she can’t get me in to be seen for suicidal thoughts until July 13th
*I am good at pretending I’m fine, even to my children, but there is not a moment that goes by that the thought of suicide as a way of escaping astronomical pain doesn’t cross my mind
*I have a few people that offer wonderful well-meaning words, but none that offer tangible help
*I love God, and I am embarrassed and full of shame that my life is so overwhelming that I want to end my life
*I have plans, and I’ve even told my doctor that I can’t stop thinking about those plans, but she thinks waiting a month is fine
*I have no one who is medically trained to work with my kids if I checked myself in (requires and RN)
*Thinking of the pain it would cause my children if I died stops me
*God feels so far away
*I want to stop being haunted by this tormentor of suicide

Please pray for me. 😭😭😭

tourist · Jun 15, 2020

I am deeply sadden by reading your post and I am saying a prayer for God to deliver you from this horrible state of affairs. Reading the despair in your words was almost too much for me to bear and I'm just a bystander far away. I can't even begin to imagine the torment that has been your life for years. God bless you and please hang in there just a little longer. Help is on the way. Tangible help.

Runningman · Jun 15, 2020

SecondHandHippie said:

*I am a single mom of four
*Three of my children have severe life-threatening disabilities
*One of my children is on hospice
*My daughter who is on hospice just shared that her ex step dad has been molesting she and her brother for years
*We are now working with three state agencies to try to arrest him
*We came out of 10 years of domestic abuse
*I have been battling depression and suicidal thoughts, but can’t check myself in because I am my children’s in-home nurse and mom
*My Doctor said she can’t get me in to be seen for suicidal thoughts until July 13th
*I am good at pretending I’m fine, even to my children, but there is not a moment that goes by that the thought of suicide as a way of escaping astronomical pain doesn’t cross my mind
*I have a few people that offer wonderful well-meaning words, but none that offer tangible help
*I love God, and I am embarrassed and full of shame that my life is so overwhelming that I want to end my life
*I have plans, and I’ve even told my doctor that I can’t stop thinking about those plans, but she thinks waiting a month is fine
*I have no one who is medically trained to work with my kids if I checked myself in (requires and RN)
*Thinking of the pain it would cause my children if I died stops me
*God feels so far away
*I want to stop being haunted by this tormentor of suicide

Please pray for me. 😭😭😭

I will pray for all of you. Things can get better. Let's keep our eyes and hearts on Jesus.

GaryA · Jun 16, 2020

tourist said:

And, speaking of such . . .

@SecondHandHippie

Praying for you and your children.

Ask God to take away your [negative] "plans" and replace them with something more positive and encouraging.

And then let Him do it.

What kind of "tangible help" are you needing and looking for?

May you find some encouragement in the song from the video above.

SecondHandHippie · Jun 16, 2020

GaryA said:

The help I’m looking for is peace in my soul, and other sisters in Christ who will come along side me and just be a friend in these difficult times.

EliBeth · Jun 16, 2020

SecondHandHippie said:

"Loving Father, I ask that you send immediate relief to this weary and heartbroken one who has so transparently shared her grief here with us. Lord, she is in dire need of a touch of Your mercy. Hear, O God! See, O God! And act for the welfare of this Your child in accordance with Your compassion. Show Yourself strong and mighty to her. Deliver her from the enemy. Silence these harmful thoughts. And give her a depth of lasting, perfect peace that can only come from You. I ask that You do this in the mighty and precious name of Jesus. And may You get all the glory for it. Amen"

mar09 · Jun 16, 2020

SecondHandHippie said:

Lord, grant Shh the sisters and friends who can help her recover. Revive her w/ Your word, and grant peace that surpasses all understanding.. in Yeshua's mighty name.

I shall be glad to pray for and w/ u thru the days. Take things one day at a time w/ the Lord.. for it really is heavy when we look at the days ahead. Tog. let's wait for our breakthroughs, sister.

EliBeth · Jun 16, 2020

SecondHandHippie said:

Hello, SecondHandHippie. I tried to leave a message on your profile last night, but there wasn't a place to. Feel free to message me on my profile and I'll delete your messages as I read them-- though I can't guarantee how long it will be on there before I log on and/or see it. I would private message you, but I just recently rejoined CC and don't have that capability without paying for a membership. (I honestly wouldn't mind paying, but I don't have a debit card!)

Do you mind if I ask how your day is going?

marsdream53 · Jun 17, 2020

First, you are incredible for taking the responsibility of caring for your kids. Don't be overwhelmed alone. If you are considering self harm, stop. Call 911. If you friends have offered any help, then take it. You need to contact a church that you are active in or ministry to see if you could get yourself help while you are caring for your kiddos. Some doctors do telehealth. You would not have to leave your home, but you can have someone call you and do an internet chat. I will pray for you. Father in Jesus name, thank you that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. God, your word says that "You are an ever present help in time of trouble". So we ask that you would come along side this dear sister and comfort her. Let her feel your Holy Spirit working in her life. Bring her your peace, give her wisdom in how to structure her day. In Jesus name. Amen

Bingo · Jun 17, 2020

"Thank you for sharing.
Let us pray, through God's grace, that a reprieve comes upon you and your family,
and to know all is well."
"Amen'
'Praise God'

levi85 · Jun 18, 2020

Lord bless, SecondHandHippie, and this prayer request, in Jesus loving name, Amen!

Magenta · Jun 19, 2020

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. I have always thought you were a very beautiful soul.

I pray the Father of glory may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation and strength in the knowledge of Him, in patience and long suffering with joy, that you may know the hope of your calling, and the exceeding greatness of His power in your life.

Ruby123 · Jun 19, 2020

Lord this is alot for SHH to handle. Let your peace guard both her heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Let your strength by your spirit rise up within her. Remove the thoughts of the enemy and protect her mind from him. Send her the help she needs in abundance. Let people know that she needs help and then work through them so they actually provide the tangible help and for a long time, for as long as needed. Lead her to the proper authorities and departments that can help lighten her load. Provide her with good health and sleep to get through this difficult time.
Provide healing for her kids and let this whole situation turn completely around after all nothing is impossible to you. Send people across her path that she can talk to and that will pray for her and lead her to a good church with people that will also provide help and relief in the name of Jesus. Amen.

PennEd · Jun 19, 2020

SecondHandHippie said:

I am so terribly sorry for all your troubles sister.
You know that your Father in Heaven, and your brothers and sisters in Christ, love you.
YOU are so very valuable to so many people. Hang in there.

Dear Father, please strengthen your daughter. Give her an unmistakable awareness of Your constant Presence. Let her experience joy every day in the knowledge of being eternally with you.
In Jesus Name I pray.

TJWest · Jun 22, 2020

I will include you in my prayers. Know that God is aware of all your troubles and will give you the strength to persevere.

Jimbone · Jun 22, 2020

Man what a situation. I can't really offer you what you're looking for, but I know a lot of sisters around me that you could speak with. One thing I want to share with you is that where you are now, the uncontrollable suicidal thoughts, I've been there. I'm almost willing to bet that the only reason you are even still here now is because of your love for your children. I say that knowing that the ONLY thing that kept me on this earth was #1 Gods will of course, but before I knew that, it was knowing that if I killed myself that no one that stepped up in my place could ever love my sons like I could, like their father could. That was a lesson God taught me that I could only see looking back, but after a motorcycle wreak left me with a flail arm, an arm with the nerve pulled out of the spine so 100% useless, (well 99.9% useless, I can swing it to hit those handicap button that open the doors when my other hand is full. that 1 use

) but anyway I can't feel anything. I could have cut my wrist without even feeling the bite of the blade.

The thing is God has another purpose for us, He has a purpose for YOU specifically, and He is building you up strong to glorify His strength! I know you can't see it now, but you are amazing and going to reflect His glory like few are blessed with the opportunity to do. These trial and tribulations only put us out on the other side stronger and more wise.

I can't tell you what to do of course, but when I got to the place you are right now, and know that at this time if I had ever believed in God, I didn't believe in Him when I hit my knees. All I said and thought was "I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore, World you win, I lose, I QUIT!!!!"

I didn't realize at the time but this was when God granted me repentance. This was when I saw "my way" for the path to death it was. I truly feel lead to tell you now is the time to hit your knees and see where "your way" leads your life even with the best intentions. Hit your knees in surrender to our King, not anyone else. No special prayer to repeat, no priest other than our one and ONLY High Priest forever, Jesus and you. You go to Him and talk. Get alone and give it up to Him, all the rage all the frustration, all the doubt and anger, even the anger towards Him. Just let go and get it out, pray He transform you for His glory, He calls YOU today. Man I pray He give you peace and the strength to overcome and take care of the 3 children He has blessed you to look after. I love you sister and like I said I have a few ladies that can get with you to just come along side of you in this time of need. I'm not sure how to handle this the correct way, but I am sure there are sisters here to do the same thing, it's just my heart is going out to you so hard and I want to help maybe more than I am capable of, I will be praying for His Spirit to fill you with peace and guide you into a life with answers and purpose.

Oma19 · Jun 22, 2020

Dear Lady, you are incredibly loved!!!
It breaks my heart to hear all that you and your children are going through and have gone through.

Please know and tell yourself the truth---that God is BIGGER than anything including your situation and your exhaustion, and He is there FOR YOU right now, even when you can't see Him.

I am also a single Mom and raised six of my children without my husband's help. I have not had your experience with these multiple problems, but what I did go through showed me that God will NEVER abandon us to our troubles.

I have experienced those times when I felt like I couldn't hear God. The situation (in my case, it was grief) felt like it was screaming despair at me. But when I took my thoughts away from it and put them on Jesus, when I worshiped Him and told Him that I trust Him completely even in this situation, then I felt His peace and His deep, deep love for me. I know that He loves you just as much as He loves me. As you lean into His comfort, I believe you will find Him directing every step that you take. The key is that you can only take one step at a time, not all of them at once.

You say that you have sympathetic friends but no one offers to help. What I have found is that most people want to help, but they don't know how. What would happen if you reached out to your most trusted friends, to a Bible Study group, or to a church you trust, and ask them for specific help. Ask for rides, for help to pay for counseling for your children, for legal help, or whatever it is you need. Ask for a meal train if it will lessen your burdens. Let yourself ask for help.

Do you need help finding good counselors in your area? There is a number you can call that can help you find them.
855-382-5433

I am praying for you, dear one. You are in a spiritual battle. Put on the whole armor of Christ and stand strong. God is right there at your side, bringing miracles and help to you!

tourist · Jun 22, 2020

TJWest said:

You provided wise counsel and encouragement. Glad to have you as part of our community. Welcome to CC.

TabinRivCA · Jun 24, 2020

Don't ever give up, that's not an option! Yes it sounds overwhelming but God tells us to 'Cast our cares on Him for He cares for you'. A Pastor illustrated this by writing all his cares on a piece of paper, telling God he is doing what God told him to do by casting his cares, took the paper and said 'ok Lord I cast these on to You, crumpled up the list, then tossed them in the trash.
Then you have put all your trust in Him and He will honor His Word. When I go through challenges after I pray, I totally turn it over to God and sometimes at the last minute He saved my home, more than once.
Contact me anytime any way you want if you want another prayer partner, the more people praying with you the better, not to diminish a personal prayer of course.
I pray The Comforter will bless you with words of encouragement, faith and good friends. God loves you and so do we!

GaryA · Jun 24, 2020

SecondHandHippie said:

Only God can truly help you with the first thing - look to Him for inner peace.

As for the other...

Have you found any [local] sisters in your area?

Have any CC sisters reached out to you?

Please let us know how you are doing.

I’m Falling to Pieces

Member

Senior Member

Banned

Truth, Honesty, Love, Courage

Member

Member

Senior Member

Member

New member

Well-known member

Senior Member

Senior Member

Ruby123

Guest

Senior Member

New member

Senior Member

Member

Senior Member

Well-known member

Truth, Honesty, Love, Courage