hhaha. times have changed. women dont wanna be martha stewart for their men.
it's all about shared responsibilities these days
it's all about shared responsibilities these days
i fall in love way too easily
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J
Jordache
Guest
I fall hard and fast with particular types of people. It is a fault and I find myself always having to back up. I read recently that ENFJ's are known for falling hard and fast. My decisions are too feelings based sometimes, but I do not fall for everyone. I do not fall in love with celebrities, bad boys, unbelievers, etc. I fall for those who at least have a semblance of respectability.
I too wonder what you mean by fall in love. You cannot fall in love with someone you don't know. If you do know them, falling in love too fast could put you at risk for falling in love with hate we false image they project. In that case you don't truly know them. Having feelings for someone, especially someone you don't know, isn't falling in love. It's loving what you dream them to be. It's not reality.
I fell to soon for a guy who became my stalker, and when I ignored him he started calling all my friends to badmouth me. It's been almost 9 months, he's moved, and he's still making my llife complicated. Take those feelings with your eyes open, and don't act to quickly.
I too wonder what you mean by fall in love. You cannot fall in love with someone you don't know. If you do know them, falling in love too fast could put you at risk for falling in love with hate we false image they project. In that case you don't truly know them. Having feelings for someone, especially someone you don't know, isn't falling in love. It's loving what you dream them to be. It's not reality.
I fell to soon for a guy who became my stalker, and when I ignored him he started calling all my friends to badmouth me. It's been almost 9 months, he's moved, and he's still making my llife complicated. Take those feelings with your eyes open, and don't act to quickly.
i'm an ESFJ and i too fall too fast. and if you read some of the other posts on this page you'll see what i mean by it. i do fall in love with celebrities also.
i can fall in love with people i don't really know. i'm sorry you're dealing with the mess of all that
...with me its more of a desire to connect; love may come later - depending on what occurs and the depth of the connection- not often I fall in love just by sight, but on some rare occasions its come pretty close...., however intense desire is another matter ---- and it can take you places...
i'm pretty blessed i've been as sheltered and socially maladjusted as i have been.
i have never gotten in any trouble from this penchant of mine. but yes. it can indeed take you places.
i really like what taylor swift has to say on the matter of 'falling in love with strangers'
i have never gotten in any trouble from this penchant of mine. but yes. it can indeed take you places.
i really like what taylor swift has to say on the matter of 'falling in love with strangers'
S
Shouryu
Guest
Awwww nuts. A thread I was actually really invested in flat-out blew up in a single day.
*sigh*
You know what this means, right? Shour has a lot to say, and he's gonna say it...
THESE ARE THE PEOPLE TO WHOM I AM RESPONDING. If your name is not on this list, feel free to skip. Many of you are used to this behavior from me.
IJustWantTheTruth
Ritter
AzureAfire
Presidente
OnlineBuddy
RachelsEdge
Rose_of_Tranquility
NodMyHeadLikeYeah
ZeroTurbulence
Massive Multi Reply incoming in
3
2
1
I respectfully disagree. As the thread...unwinds (punny!)...you'll see why I think this really boils down to some sharp semantic disagreements. What YOU call 'falling in love' is what I call infatuation.
THAT. That right there. Hormone-induced? Hormones are PHYSICAL. Physically-induced (be it sight or touch) response is LUST. And while not all crushes start with physical attraction, many do.
There's a typo in this statement that makes the question difficult to discern. How else would *we* survive? I'm assuming that's what you meant, Ritter. If you're wondering how we, as a human race, would survive, let alone flourish, without easily falling in love?
The human race doesn't require falling in love to survive, let alone flourish. LOTS of people manage to grind their genitals together without love being involved at all. THAT'S reality. It's not ideal, it's not pretty, but it's reality. That's the world we live in now. One step away from Idiocracy, really.
Celebrity crushes happen with a lot of us. But I'd definitely put forth that they vary in intensity from person to person. There is no celeb crush in my catalogue of celeb crushes that invokes a response from me that is on the level of a crush I'd have on an actual acquaintance.
Nope, nope, nope. While some of these are acceptable Batmans, none of these is the definitive Batman. That would be...
DING DING DING DING DING! We have a winnah!!!!
Azure winz an official internetz for this. Also, this one post might have been Azure's shortest response to anything on CC, ever. (Not a criticism, Azure, just friendly teasing. And slightly ironic, considering how long this one post of mine is going to be.)
(keep reading)
I often sense a similar emptiness in my life (for a woman, naturally). Funny thing, though. There are LOTS of times when I am completely unaware of said void: when I'm in front of my students, when I am involved with praise and worship, when I'm playing mad-food-scientist at the stove, when I have an insane amount of iron on my back and my eyes are bulging out of my skull, when I am going pew-pew-pew! in a video game, when I'm engrossed in prayer or in the Word of God, when I get out and do things with my friends, when I pop the clutch and smoke the rear tires, when I sit and blab about ANYTHING with ANYONE from my church.
When do I sense the void that is always there? When I'm sitting on my couch, watching TV. When I go to bed before I'm ready to fall asleep, and lie there alone. When I'm on a long highway drive that doesn't keep my senses on edge. Basically, I only focus on the void when I let myself focus on the void. Meaning that the problem and the solution lie with ME. In the car especially, it's an easy fix. Flip to the praise and worship and start singing! (Isreal Houghton is especially effective.)
(I hope you understand that this massive reply is not meant to be argumentative or combative. It is all my honest opinion, given in brotherly love.)
If I can first answer your question with another question: can we still use your given name, if we know it? Is that an issue?
Rose, the...choosing...that Jim, Jules, and Catlynn refer to, I would best describe like this. There may come a point before you actually fall in love (truly in love, well past the initial infatuation) that you realize that the person you are connecting with is someone you could potentially fall in love with. In other words, you see that, although you aren't YET in love, this is someone you know you really truly COULD love. (It doesn't necessarily mean, however, that you WILL fall in love.)
From there, you make your choice. If you reason that it should happen, then you proceed and let nature take it's course. (Sometimes it doesn't! You're aware that this is someone you could be in love with, but then you never actually get there!) If you feel it's not in someone's best interests (yours or theirs), then you throw up a defense mechanism...rationalising, distancing, etc.
Which is precisely what I just described. If you understand how your own emotional mechanisms operate, then you have more ability to be predictive of who you might fall for, and as a result, you have MORE control. Perhaps not total control, but enough to take preventative action.
The operative word here is COMMITMENT. To me, truly being in love with someone commitment. It's not desiring someone, it's when that person's priorities supercede your own. Infatuation says I WANT YOU, BECAUSE IF I HAVE YOU, I WILL BE HAPPY. Love says I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, HOW CAN I MAKE YOU HAPPY? If you've fallen in love, you want to serve the needs of the one you love, because THEIR happiness is what creates YOUR happiness! That's why, for me, falling in love requires a pretty deep connection to start with. The two women I've fallen in love with were very good friends of mine for over two years before I fell in love with either of them. You can't get to that level, the level of YOUR NEEDS SUPERCEDE MINE, with someone you don't know well.
Ummm...I don't know for sure, but in my experience, I don't think I could make myself fall in love with someone that I wasn't capable of loving romantically. That's just me. Falling out of love with someone? Yes, definitely possible. Actually, I think it's more complicated than that.
Right now, Holly is giving me a stern gaze. *points at Holly* You hold your horses.
THIS. THIS. This is being in love, this is beyond infatuation. (Not me and Holly, what Holly is describing.) Love goes beyond how someone MAKES YOU FEEL. Love is about what you are willing to do to make that person happy, even at the expense of your own happiness!
NOW...Holly, you and I have unfinished business, I know. Just as you took your time responding to me...tonight is the first night I've had to sit down and write a long response to anything...and I'm using it on this post, so...just be patient, okay? I'mma write you back, and then you are finally gonna get me, and while you might still disagree with me, you're at least going to get where I'm coming from. I promise.
Many, many moons ago, when I was in college, my buds and I were on spring break, and flipping through the channels at 1am in the hotel, we discovered late night MSNBC, which we did not care about. But anchoring for that evening was Natalie Morales. We watched two hours of Natalie Morales reporting stuff we didn't care about, because we had not known she existed until that point. Ahhh...celebrity crushes.
OKAY! So, what have we learned after...two hours of me rattling off replies?
THE ARGUMENT IS ABOUT SEMANTICS!!!!
What some of you (primarily Truth, also Ritter, perhaps Liamson) describe as "falling in love," to some of us (Tore, Jules, Rach, Nod, and myself) we describe as a crush or an infatuation. Those of us in the second camp use the term "falling in love" to describe something deeper and more...long-lasting. I won't speculate WHY the others are that way, but I can tell you, Truth, why I am particularly antsy about this sort of semantic entanglement.
In our society today, I really, truly, honestly feel that the word LOVE, in regards to people-to-people love, has lost its weight, its power, its relevance. And it's really due to overuse, I believe. People say they love people so easily...but they DON'T. They may be affectionate. They may be lustful (in a good or bad way). They may genuinely be joyous and happy. They may care. And they use the word LOVE to describe this. But as you see, some of use place a heavier stock on the word. You may argue that we're not disagreeing over the word LOVE, but the term "falling in love." And that's the problem: the very phrase contains the word that some of us cherish and respect and value too much to throw around casually. For me, if someone looks into my eyes, and says with seriousness, "Shour, I love you," it's a BIG DEAL to me. Whether it's the countless times my mother has said it, when one of my closest friends said it to me when I hugged him on his wedding night, and when The Ex said it to me romantically, I didn't take it lightly. So, for me, FALLING IN LOVE...in LOVE...that's crossing a line that doesn't get crossed or uncrossed easily (*points at Holly* Not here! In the PM conversation, I promise!).
I realize that 'crushing on someone' sounds trivial compared to 'falling in love,' and you might feel cheated that someone would belittle the huge, dramatic rush of emotions you are feeling. (And I won't deny you that - the throes of infatuation can be immensely intense and passionate. You'll get no argument from me there.) But for some of us, the word 'love' is just too powerful and too rare to waste on something that comes all too easily and all too often burns out quickly.
That's just my two cents on the matter.
There are probably like, 10 more new replies on this thread now. Guess I better go read those.
*sigh*
You know what this means, right? Shour has a lot to say, and he's gonna say it...
THESE ARE THE PEOPLE TO WHOM I AM RESPONDING. If your name is not on this list, feel free to skip. Many of you are used to this behavior from me.
IJustWantTheTruth
Ritter
AzureAfire
Presidente
OnlineBuddy
RachelsEdge
Rose_of_Tranquility
NodMyHeadLikeYeah
ZeroTurbulence
Massive Multi Reply incoming in
3
2
1
I respectfully disagree. As the thread...unwinds (punny!)...you'll see why I think this really boils down to some sharp semantic disagreements. What YOU call 'falling in love' is what I call infatuation.
THAT. That right there. Hormone-induced? Hormones are PHYSICAL. Physically-induced (be it sight or touch) response is LUST. And while not all crushes start with physical attraction, many do.
There's a typo in this statement that makes the question difficult to discern. How else would *we* survive? I'm assuming that's what you meant, Ritter. If you're wondering how we, as a human race, would survive, let alone flourish, without easily falling in love?
The human race doesn't require falling in love to survive, let alone flourish. LOTS of people manage to grind their genitals together without love being involved at all. THAT'S reality. It's not ideal, it's not pretty, but it's reality. That's the world we live in now. One step away from Idiocracy, really.
Celebrity crushes happen with a lot of us. But I'd definitely put forth that they vary in intensity from person to person. There is no celeb crush in my catalogue of celeb crushes that invokes a response from me that is on the level of a crush I'd have on an actual acquaintance.
Nope, nope, nope. While some of these are acceptable Batmans, none of these is the definitive Batman. That would be...
DING DING DING DING DING! We have a winnah!!!!
Azure winz an official internetz for this. Also, this one post might have been Azure's shortest response to anything on CC, ever. (Not a criticism, Azure, just friendly teasing. And slightly ironic, considering how long this one post of mine is going to be.)
(keep reading)
I often sense a similar emptiness in my life (for a woman, naturally). Funny thing, though. There are LOTS of times when I am completely unaware of said void: when I'm in front of my students, when I am involved with praise and worship, when I'm playing mad-food-scientist at the stove, when I have an insane amount of iron on my back and my eyes are bulging out of my skull, when I am going pew-pew-pew! in a video game, when I'm engrossed in prayer or in the Word of God, when I get out and do things with my friends, when I pop the clutch and smoke the rear tires, when I sit and blab about ANYTHING with ANYONE from my church.
When do I sense the void that is always there? When I'm sitting on my couch, watching TV. When I go to bed before I'm ready to fall asleep, and lie there alone. When I'm on a long highway drive that doesn't keep my senses on edge. Basically, I only focus on the void when I let myself focus on the void. Meaning that the problem and the solution lie with ME. In the car especially, it's an easy fix. Flip to the praise and worship and start singing! (Isreal Houghton is especially effective.)
(I hope you understand that this massive reply is not meant to be argumentative or combative. It is all my honest opinion, given in brotherly love.)
If I can first answer your question with another question: can we still use your given name, if we know it? Is that an issue?
Rose, the...choosing...that Jim, Jules, and Catlynn refer to, I would best describe like this. There may come a point before you actually fall in love (truly in love, well past the initial infatuation) that you realize that the person you are connecting with is someone you could potentially fall in love with. In other words, you see that, although you aren't YET in love, this is someone you know you really truly COULD love. (It doesn't necessarily mean, however, that you WILL fall in love.)
From there, you make your choice. If you reason that it should happen, then you proceed and let nature take it's course. (Sometimes it doesn't! You're aware that this is someone you could be in love with, but then you never actually get there!) If you feel it's not in someone's best interests (yours or theirs), then you throw up a defense mechanism...rationalising, distancing, etc.
Which is precisely what I just described. If you understand how your own emotional mechanisms operate, then you have more ability to be predictive of who you might fall for, and as a result, you have MORE control. Perhaps not total control, but enough to take preventative action.
The operative word here is COMMITMENT. To me, truly being in love with someone commitment. It's not desiring someone, it's when that person's priorities supercede your own. Infatuation says I WANT YOU, BECAUSE IF I HAVE YOU, I WILL BE HAPPY. Love says I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, HOW CAN I MAKE YOU HAPPY? If you've fallen in love, you want to serve the needs of the one you love, because THEIR happiness is what creates YOUR happiness! That's why, for me, falling in love requires a pretty deep connection to start with. The two women I've fallen in love with were very good friends of mine for over two years before I fell in love with either of them. You can't get to that level, the level of YOUR NEEDS SUPERCEDE MINE, with someone you don't know well.
Ummm...I don't know for sure, but in my experience, I don't think I could make myself fall in love with someone that I wasn't capable of loving romantically. That's just me. Falling out of love with someone? Yes, definitely possible. Actually, I think it's more complicated than that.
Right now, Holly is giving me a stern gaze. *points at Holly* You hold your horses.
THIS. THIS. This is being in love, this is beyond infatuation. (Not me and Holly, what Holly is describing.) Love goes beyond how someone MAKES YOU FEEL. Love is about what you are willing to do to make that person happy, even at the expense of your own happiness!
NOW...Holly, you and I have unfinished business, I know. Just as you took your time responding to me...tonight is the first night I've had to sit down and write a long response to anything...and I'm using it on this post, so...just be patient, okay? I'mma write you back, and then you are finally gonna get me, and while you might still disagree with me, you're at least going to get where I'm coming from. I promise.
Many, many moons ago, when I was in college, my buds and I were on spring break, and flipping through the channels at 1am in the hotel, we discovered late night MSNBC, which we did not care about. But anchoring for that evening was Natalie Morales. We watched two hours of Natalie Morales reporting stuff we didn't care about, because we had not known she existed until that point. Ahhh...celebrity crushes.
OKAY! So, what have we learned after...two hours of me rattling off replies?
THE ARGUMENT IS ABOUT SEMANTICS!!!!
What some of you (primarily Truth, also Ritter, perhaps Liamson) describe as "falling in love," to some of us (Tore, Jules, Rach, Nod, and myself) we describe as a crush or an infatuation. Those of us in the second camp use the term "falling in love" to describe something deeper and more...long-lasting. I won't speculate WHY the others are that way, but I can tell you, Truth, why I am particularly antsy about this sort of semantic entanglement.
In our society today, I really, truly, honestly feel that the word LOVE, in regards to people-to-people love, has lost its weight, its power, its relevance. And it's really due to overuse, I believe. People say they love people so easily...but they DON'T. They may be affectionate. They may be lustful (in a good or bad way). They may genuinely be joyous and happy. They may care. And they use the word LOVE to describe this. But as you see, some of use place a heavier stock on the word. You may argue that we're not disagreeing over the word LOVE, but the term "falling in love." And that's the problem: the very phrase contains the word that some of us cherish and respect and value too much to throw around casually. For me, if someone looks into my eyes, and says with seriousness, "Shour, I love you," it's a BIG DEAL to me. Whether it's the countless times my mother has said it, when one of my closest friends said it to me when I hugged him on his wedding night, and when The Ex said it to me romantically, I didn't take it lightly. So, for me, FALLING IN LOVE...in LOVE...that's crossing a line that doesn't get crossed or uncrossed easily (*points at Holly* Not here! In the PM conversation, I promise!).
I realize that 'crushing on someone' sounds trivial compared to 'falling in love,' and you might feel cheated that someone would belittle the huge, dramatic rush of emotions you are feeling. (And I won't deny you that - the throes of infatuation can be immensely intense and passionate. You'll get no argument from me there.) But for some of us, the word 'love' is just too powerful and too rare to waste on something that comes all too easily and all too often burns out quickly.
That's just my two cents on the matter.
There are probably like, 10 more new replies on this thread now. Guess I better go read those.
holy moly that's long
you're invested in MY little ol' thread? ok i'll answer you later! right now i'm dancin like i'm
[video=youtube;AgFeZr5ptV8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgFeZr5ptV8[/video]
that's long you're invested in MY little ol' thread?
ok i'll answer you later! right now i'm dancin like i'm [video=youtube;AgFeZr5ptV8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgFeZr5ptV8[/video]
falling in love isn't necessarily the longer lasting deep and valuable commitment.
it's the falling. yes it's infatuation. but they call it falling in love bc that's what this particularly is. falling.
it's the falling. yes it's infatuation. but they call it falling in love bc that's what this particularly is. falling.
S
Shouryu
Guest
I admit, it's easy to use the language the world uses. I'm guilty of it sometimes, too...just not with the L word. Whenever everyone on TV or in the movies or in popular music throw the term around with such ease casualness, it's not surprising that some disagreements might arise over the use of the word.
I think the breakdown of the L word is really discussed well (and perhaps more concisely) in this thread:
http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/66735-if-you-fall-love-should-you-get-married.html
Jules and Presidente really raise some valid points.
oh, if you fall in love you should definitely not get married. i mean. falling in love is VERY deceptive. one should have like 50 thousand other factors before choosing to love and commit to someone besides that they're in love with them.
falling in love is like a trick the body plays on us. it's not ok.
falling in love is like a trick the body plays on us. it's not ok.
hmmmm...I cant think of any other reason to get married; unless its out of love...What other reasons could there possibly be to marry?, and if you did marry and were not in love, how long would it last? What would be the foundation of such a marriage, keeping in mind that God is Love as well, so it would be 'love within Infinite Love' ideally..., but most marriages fail due to 'lack of love' IMO...
...personally I want to be saturated in an endless sea of love with someone, that like a Golden Dawn, just keeps rising and getting stronger forever...
...however, I am an idealist and a revolutionary...
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L
lysha2020
Guest
I find that I fall for somebody the moment I think they may like me just a little. I never act on it though.
...the times one touches the pristine essence of Love with someone, it opens up dimensions in your being that you cannot express in words..., that normally are closed and more in black and white, but all of a sudden you start to see colour, and start feeling like your true self, like part of you has awakened..., and the other half of you has been plugged into life again..., and you wonder where it was all this time...Its not only a mystery of union, but a mystery of wholeness --- when in the Love of God ...
...better to have lived and loved, than never to have loved at all...
...better to have lived and loved, than never to have loved at all...
S
Shouryu
Guest
...better to have lived and loved, than never to have loved at all...
Some may disagree.
God is Love....love is in the image of Gods Love....; however....for myself....I choose to live and love....for therein is the Greatness of God.....without love....there is nothing to live for.....its a form of death.....on all the levels that Love expresses itself.....it is the Greatest Truth that reflects God and who He is....He designed things that way..... That is , reflecting His Nature.....in all of its expressions and variations.....there is nothing Greater....
...in fact; Love is a Lion - that devours, and a Fire - that consumes. It is more than a feeling, more than an emotion; it is a state of oneness with the Source of Love, yet it is expressed through emotions and felt in feeling...Love stands for Truth and what is right and fights for it to the end. Love is Power, Honour and Light; Love is Royalty, that crowns the heart and mind, and is the depth of friendship and the joy of living - and love finds its expression in the union of man with woman...all this reflects God: who is Love...
oh im not saying one should marry someone they're not in love with. i'm just saying being in love with someone is NOT a reason to get married. AT ALL. other reasons. let's see. compatibility? personality-wise, spirit-wise, life vision-wise...
you can fall in love with anyone. it doesn't mean it's significant and it doesnt mean you should honor it. we are a complex compilations of chemicals and hormones and we were designed to reproduce.
attraction, attachment and the like are inevitable. but that doesn't mean they are a good foundation for a healthy relationship. take a step back. examine the crucial things. get to know a person completely separate from emotion before you let yourself dive into a potentially heart breaking relationship.
you can fall in love with anyone. it doesn't mean it's significant and it doesnt mean you should honor it. we are a complex compilations of chemicals and hormones and we were designed to reproduce.
attraction, attachment and the like are inevitable. but that doesn't mean they are a good foundation for a healthy relationship. take a step back. examine the crucial things. get to know a person completely separate from emotion before you let yourself dive into a potentially heart breaking relationship.
Do you think maybe there is really only one factor that truly matters: Is it God's will?
Upon answering this question you get answers to almost all others. And, your fickle heart and sinful body can't deceive you.
Yes, I agree, marrying someone because you're in love with them is troublesome.