I need help… Helplessly in love…

[JanelleM]

I didn’t want to go to the internet for anything……. BUUUUT!
There is a co-worker that I guess I started to like but didn’t realize it. I knew he was a man of God but I also had just given up on seeking love and honestly convinced myself that I’m meant to be single. I started doing things like talking to him more and paying closer attention to his appearance. I even dressed up one week experimenting with different natural hairstyles. He wasn’t there for most of that week, and I fell down about it, but I didn’t even acknowledge that I was doing it because I want him to see me. it’s as if the feelings were there, but I didn’t notice them. He’s funny and super sweet. He dresses nicely and he’s charismatic. Well he invited me to his church for a Christmas program and seeing him in action and hearing him sing was like the icing on the cake! I loved it and even met his mom. She complemented my daughter, and when I told her her son invited me after he told me that’s who he was singing with, she automatically knew it was him that invited me although I only said your son invited me. She has three sons that attend that church. But me being me I didn’t want to read too much into things. At the same time I was finding myself in a predicament. We work at a high school by the way. I talked with him on the last day of work, and laughed and enjoyed it. I convinced myself I was doing it because I was bored and trying to get as many hours as I could since my pay was not the same as the teachers pay. But over the break, I realize that I was talking to him because I liked him. His classroom is right across from mine. And over the break, I suddenly found myself thinking about him almost every single day until I admitted to myself that I really liked him. It was like a shocker. It’s crazy how we try to hide things even from ourselves. Break was going to be a long time, so it’s almost as I was ready to go back to work, just so I can tell him because I didn’t want to go to work with jittery feelings and awkward actions. So in spite of what some people said, I went ahead and told him that first day back. I thought I wouldn’t because the night before once again I convinced myself that maybe I shouldn’t. But when I try to go talk to a different teacher, there, he was in her classroom, giving us a moment alone. A moment that I questioned if I could even find. I’ve given him probably the best compliment he could ever get. His response was that he is processing his feelings. Somehow we ended one workday staying late talking and I ended up talking with his mother over the phone. Everything has truly been great. I already prayed before I started working at that school that if I get in a relationship, I would love for it to be a type of relationship where I could be friends with him(whoever I meet), knowing that we both like each other and let our feelings develop over Time. And then I figured if we love each other that much without ever “ dating” then we can go straight into engagement and plan for marriage. The reason why I wanted that method is because I struggle with sexual desires, while being single. I hated it because it always reminded me that I was alone. It is natural to have urges, after not receiving that type of pleasure for so long. But I didn’t wanna ever put myself in a position where I may mess up. I truly do not want to disappoint God, but I’ve seen even the best fall, so I don’t count myself out as being someone who could possibly fall. We are taking things day by day, as I learned more more and more about him, he seem even more awesome than what I witnessed before. I honestly love him so much that I didn’t care if he wanted to be with me. I just wanted him to be happy and get whatever it was….. whatever type of woman he may have been praying for. That also caused me to feel as if I shouldn’t have that chance. I know I’m an awesome woman and I would make an awesome wife! I don’t sell myself short not one bit! But when it came to him…. I truly questioned if I would be the best choice. SO! Stuck in my feelings, being overwhelmed by every tiny encounter, I didn’t want to see him at all that day. I literally prayed to the Lord that he would not come talk to me. I’m like a pot of water, burning and boiling with passion, but instead of it evaporating, it just continues to overflow. I have truly never felt like this before with anyone. Not even my ex-husband. Not even fictional character that I was certain I had the best love for. A mother from my church talked with me and reminded me of the very things I’ve preached . It helped because honestly when I first confessed my feelings, I suddenly could not eat. I would try and feel like throwing up. I would think about eating and feel like throwing up. I was truly only for a short time, but after tears of thankfulness to God for showing me what loving a true man of God actually feels like…., also denying myself the blessing…… then getting encouragement to accept the prayers I have asked for… I am full of pure joy and love. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. Every night I sleep it’s hard to sleep, but I don’t feel tired. Every day regardless, if he’s around or not. My chest is tight and my heart beats in a weird way. Even when I wake up from sleep, my heart is still beating weirdly. I don’t want the feelings to end. But I didn’t know it would be this bad. I’m sorry. This good.. I’m trying to get used to it and it’s a bit hard. I truly cry every day and thank God. Without me even saying anything, my apostles, who have moved away knew that I had a great Joy in my spirit when they visited the church. I just don’t know what to do.

 

[tourist]

You reach a point in your life where you either know what you want, or you don't.

While you may indeed know what you want, from your post it appears that the man you are interested in doesn't as he is 'processing' his feelings.

Unrequited love is a very painful condition. If this man doesn't love you then it may be best to cut your losses, pray for God to mend your broken heart, and then move forward in a positive direction.

Don't waste precious months and years waiting for something that will probably never happen.

I have been in your situation. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

Prayer of deliverance is being said for God to address your dire situation.

 

[JanelleM]

Thank you. I since that there may have been pain in his past. I’m certain that just like myself, he doesn’t want to make a mistake again, but maybe you’re right. But I wouldn’t mind keeping this feeling as long as I can because beyond him, I am truly getting closer to God and already expecting a bad outcome. But it doesn’t scare me anymore.

You reach a point in your life where you either know what you want, or you don't.

While you may indeed know what you want, from your post it appears that the man you are interested in doesn't as he is 'processing' his feelings.

Unrequited love is a very painful condition. If this man doesn't love you then it may be best to cut your losses, pray for God to mend your broken heart, and then move forward in a positive direction.

Don't waste precious months and years waiting for something that will probably never happen.

I have been in your situation. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

Prayer of deliverance is being said for God to address your dire situation.

 

[Magenta]

... when I first confessed my feelings, I suddenly could not eat. I would try and feel like throwing up.
I would think about eating and feel like throwing up. I was truly only for a short time, but after tears
of thankfulness to God for showing me what loving a true man of God actually feels like...

Perhaps some insecurity and anxiety are normal, but feeling like throwing up? .

Relationship addiction has defining characteristics that include but are not limited to:

• Making up and breaking up often.
• Using sex to fix the relationship.
• Having no life outside of the relationship.
• Using the relationship for well-being or identity.
• Justifying abuse.
• Being unable to leave the relationship.
• Committing too quickly.
• Being too dependent.
• Being unable to see the partner’s flaws.
• Allowing the partner back after misconduct.

• Feeling exhausted by frequent highs and lows.
• Experiencing relationship obsessiveness.
• Feeling unloved, resentful, or undesired.
• Not spending time with loved ones and friends.
• Changing oneself to be in the relationship.
• Changing one’s habits or behaviors.
• Feelings of anxiety or depression.
• Feeling tired, confused, irritable, or insecure.
• Using substances to cope.
• Binge eating, gambling, or acting compulsively. source

 

[JanelleM]

Perhaps some insecurity and anxiety are normal, but feeling like throwing up? .

Relationship addiction has defining characteristics that include but are not limited to:

• Making up and breaking up often.
• Using sex to fix the relationship.
• Having no life outside of the relationship.
• Using the relationship for well-being or identity.
• Justifying abuse.
• Being unable to leave the relationship.
• Committing too quickly.
• Being too dependent.
• Being unable to see the partner’s flaws.
• Allowing the partner back after misconduct.

• Feeling exhausted by frequent highs and lows.
• Experiencing relationship obsessiveness.
• Feeling unloved, resentful, or undesired.
• Not spending time with loved ones and friends.
• Changing oneself to be in the relationship.
• Changing one’s habits or behaviors.
• Feelings of anxiety or depression.
• Feeling tired, confused, irritable, or insecure.
• Using substances to cope.
• Binge eating, gambling, or acting compulsively. source

It was certainly anxiety. I’m glad it’s over. Thank you for the information!

 

[fizzyjoe]

I didn’t want to go to the internet for anything……. BUUUUT!
There is a co-worker that I guess I started to like but didn’t realize it. I knew he was a man of God but I also had just given up on seeking love and honestly convinced myself that I’m meant to be single. I started doing things like talking to him more and paying closer attention to his appearance. I even dressed up one week experimenting with different natural hairstyles. He wasn’t there for most of that week, and I fell down about it, but I didn’t even acknowledge that I was doing it because I want him to see me. it’s as if the feelings were there, but I didn’t notice them. He’s funny and super sweet. He dresses nicely and he’s charismatic. Well he invited me to his church for a Christmas program and seeing him in action and hearing him sing was like the icing on the cake! I loved it and even met his mom. She complemented my daughter, and when I told her her son invited me after he told me that’s who he was singing with, she automatically knew it was him that invited me although I only said your son invited me. She has three sons that attend that church. But me being me I didn’t want to read too much into things. At the same time I was finding myself in a predicament. We work at a high school by the way. I talked with him on the last day of work, and laughed and enjoyed it. I convinced myself I was doing it because I was bored and trying to get as many hours as I could since my pay was not the same as the teachers pay. But over the break, I realize that I was talking to him because I liked him. His classroom is right across from mine. And over the break, I suddenly found myself thinking about him almost every single day until I admitted to myself that I really liked him. It was like a shocker. It’s crazy how we try to hide things even from ourselves. Break was going to be a long time, so it’s almost as I was ready to go back to work, just so I can tell him because I didn’t want to go to work with jittery feelings and awkward actions. So in spite of what some people said, I went ahead and told him that first day back. I thought I wouldn’t because the night before once again I convinced myself that maybe I shouldn’t. But when I try to go talk to a different teacher, there, he was in her classroom, giving us a moment alone. A moment that I questioned if I could even find. I’ve given him probably the best compliment he could ever get. His response was that he is processing his feelings. Somehow we ended one workday staying late talking and I ended up talking with his mother over the phone. Everything has truly been great. I already prayed before I started working at that school that if I get in a relationship, I would love for it to be a type of relationship where I could be friends with him(whoever I meet), knowing that we both like each other and let our feelings develop over Time. And then I figured if we love each other that much without ever “ dating” then we can go straight into engagement and plan for marriage. The reason why I wanted that method is because I struggle with sexual desires, while being single. I hated it because it always reminded me that I was alone. It is natural to have urges, after not receiving that type of pleasure for so long. But I didn’t wanna ever put myself in a position where I may mess up. I truly do not want to disappoint God, but I’ve seen even the best fall, so I don’t count myself out as being someone who could possibly fall. We are taking things day by day, as I learned more more and more about him, he seem even more awesome than what I witnessed before. I honestly love him so much that I didn’t care if he wanted to be with me. I just wanted him to be happy and get whatever it was….. whatever type of woman he may have been praying for. That also caused me to feel as if I shouldn’t have that chance. I know I’m an awesome woman and I would make an awesome wife! I don’t sell myself short not one bit! But when it came to him…. I truly questioned if I would be the best choice. SO! Stuck in my feelings, being overwhelmed by every tiny encounter, I didn’t want to see him at all that day. I literally prayed to the Lord that he would not come talk to me. I’m like a pot of water, burning and boiling with passion, but instead of it evaporating, it just continues to overflow. I have truly never felt like this before with anyone. Not even my ex-husband. Not even fictional character that I was certain I had the best love for. A mother from my church talked with me and reminded me of the very things I’ve preached . It helped because honestly when I first confessed my feelings, I suddenly could not eat. I would try and feel like throwing up. I would think about eating and feel like throwing up. I was truly only for a short time, but after tears of thankfulness to God for showing me what loving a true man of God actually feels like…., also denying myself the blessing…… then getting encouragement to accept the prayers I have asked for… I am full of pure joy and love. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. Every night I sleep it’s hard to sleep, but I don’t feel tired. Every day regardless, if he’s around or not. My chest is tight and my heart beats in a weird way. Even when I wake up from sleep, my heart is still beating weirdly. I don’t want the feelings to end. But I didn’t know it would be this bad. I’m sorry. This good.. I’m trying to get used to it and it’s a bit hard. I truly cry every day and thank God. Without me even saying anything, my apostles, who have moved away knew that I had a great Joy in my spirit when they visited the church. I just don’t know what to do.

Hello I'm Joe and it's no secret around here that I'm one of the dumbfounded love bird types around here and with that experience I can tell you that first you wanna consider as I see my buddy tourist telling you...
consider what you want, these found feelings may be overwhelming you but, they do not define, I can't fathom how many times I have felt similar then ended up either being mistaken or bombing the possible relationship because I went too fast...
it seems to me all the makings of a good relationship are there for you both in fact it's increasingly good that you not only work with this guy but, you also can be friendly and go to church together so in a way as much as you may see things as a the clock is ticking sort of circumstances you may want to consider taking your time, seeing how much you do Genuinely like each other and remember too just like I'm sure at work they tell you to be wary of...
Conflict of Interest, before you more seriously pursue your relationship remind yourself of the pros and the cons, some of the biggies would be of course,do you share the same faith,values, and goals?
obviously you have time to spend with each other but, consider too would your relationship interfere or interrupt either of your plans for the future, I mean sure any relationship can be difficult and compromise is important but, don't forget yourself and do not forget God/Jesus love is as much a great blessing as it can be a big distraction don't lose sight of your values and keep your eyes and mind open so to speak love can be quite bewildering and delightful but, it's no instant thing and it will shake up your life, so to sum up...
prepare yourself for it, keep a clear mind,and put God/Jesus first before you strive for getting serious, amen and good luck😀🙏👍

 

[Lanolin]

hmm ok
maybe lots of other women feel the exact same thing about this guy?
I dont know about this fictional character you mentioned that you love...who would that be.
Thinking of someone everyday is not unusual but depends what your thoughts are.

Liking someone is normal, I talk to people I like, but I guess if you hear voices and theres noone there, you smell blossoms and the trees are bare, all day long you seem to walk on air and you wonder why...you keep tossing in your sleep at night, and whats more you've lost your appetite...
there is nothing you can take, to relieve that pleasant ache..
you're not sick you're just in love.

Usually those feelings dont last long though especially if they not returned. Do you work in a high school and is this the teacher. Is he the only male teacher around? Do you want to be a husband and wife teacher team? I have met married couples who work at the same school. I dont think they met at school though
what happened to your first husband though and was he a teacher too?

Male teachers can be charismatic and funny of course. Theres always one teacher at high school everyone falls in love with. To sir with Love anyone?

 

[Sculpt]

I didn’t want to go to the internet for anything……. BUUUUT!
There is a co-worker that I guess I started to like but didn’t realize it. I knew he was a man of God but I also had just given up on seeking love and honestly convinced myself that I’m meant to be single. I started doing things like talking to him more and paying closer attention to his appearance. I even dressed up one week experimenting with different natural hairstyles. He wasn’t there for most of that week, and I fell down about it, but I didn’t even acknowledge that I was doing it because I want him to see me. it’s as if the feelings were there, but I didn’t notice them. He’s funny and super sweet. He dresses nicely and he’s charismatic. Well he invited me to his church for a Christmas program and seeing him in action and hearing him sing was like the icing on the cake! I loved it and even met his mom. She complemented my daughter, and when I told her her son invited me after he told me that’s who he was singing with, she automatically knew it was him that invited me although I only said your son invited me. She has three sons that attend that church. But me being me I didn’t want to read too much into things. At the same time I was finding myself in a predicament. We work at a high school by the way. I talked with him on the last day of work, and laughed and enjoyed it. I convinced myself I was doing it because I was bored and trying to get as many hours as I could since my pay was not the same as the teachers pay. But over the break, I realize that I was talking to him because I liked him. His classroom is right across from mine. And over the break, I suddenly found myself thinking about him almost every single day until I admitted to myself that I really liked him. It was like a shocker. It’s crazy how we try to hide things even from ourselves. Break was going to be a long time, so it’s almost as I was ready to go back to work, just so I can tell him because I didn’t want to go to work with jittery feelings and awkward actions. So in spite of what some people said, I went ahead and told him that first day back. I thought I wouldn’t because the night before once again I convinced myself that maybe I shouldn’t. But when I try to go talk to a different teacher, there, he was in her classroom, giving us a moment alone. A moment that I questioned if I could even find. I’ve given him probably the best compliment he could ever get. His response was that he is processing his feelings. Somehow we ended one workday staying late talking and I ended up talking with his mother over the phone. Everything has truly been great. I already prayed before I started working at that school that if I get in a relationship, I would love for it to be a type of relationship where I could be friends with him(whoever I meet), knowing that we both like each other and let our feelings develop over Time. And then I figured if we love each other that much without ever “ dating” then we can go straight into engagement and plan for marriage. The reason why I wanted that method is because I struggle with sexual desires, while being single. I hated it because it always reminded me that I was alone. It is natural to have urges, after not receiving that type of pleasure for so long. But I didn’t wanna ever put myself in a position where I may mess up. I truly do not want to disappoint God, but I’ve seen even the best fall, so I don’t count myself out as being someone who could possibly fall. We are taking things day by day, as I learned more more and more about him, he seem even more awesome than what I witnessed before. I honestly love him so much that I didn’t care if he wanted to be with me. I just wanted him to be happy and get whatever it was….. whatever type of woman he may have been praying for. That also caused me to feel as if I shouldn’t have that chance. I know I’m an awesome woman and I would make an awesome wife! I don’t sell myself short not one bit! But when it came to him…. I truly questioned if I would be the best choice. SO! Stuck in my feelings, being overwhelmed by every tiny encounter, I didn’t want to see him at all that day. I literally prayed to the Lord that he would not come talk to me. I’m like a pot of water, burning and boiling with passion, but instead of it evaporating, it just continues to overflow. I have truly never felt like this before with anyone. Not even my ex-husband. Not even fictional character that I was certain I had the best love for. A mother from my church talked with me and reminded me of the very things I’ve preached . It helped because honestly when I first confessed my feelings, I suddenly could not eat. I would try and feel like throwing up. I would think about eating and feel like throwing up. I was truly only for a short time, but after tears of thankfulness to God for showing me what loving a true man of God actually feels like…., also denying myself the blessing…… then getting encouragement to accept the prayers I have asked for… I am full of pure joy and love. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. Every night I sleep it’s hard to sleep, but I don’t feel tired. Every day regardless, if he’s around or not. My chest is tight and my heart beats in a weird way. Even when I wake up from sleep, my heart is still beating weirdly. I don’t want the feelings to end. But I didn’t know it would be this bad. I’m sorry. This good.. I’m trying to get used to it and it’s a bit hard. I truly cry every day and thank God. Without me even saying anything, my apostles, who have moved away knew that I had a great Joy in my spirit when they visited the church. I just don’t know what to do.

Hi, Janelle, thanks for reaching out. I said a prayer for you.

You wrote you need help, but maybe you could clarify what type of help you're looking for? What are you asking more specifically?

You're kind of already into this situation. So, my instinct is to tell you to learn from this and make different choices if this situation happens in the future.

If you work with someone, that's an entirely different situation than how you deal with a 'love interest' you don't work with. Many people make a rule they will not date someone they work with, for the reason if it doesn't work out it would be too difficult to keep working with them.

Before you decide to date or express your feelings for someone you work with, you should get to know that person as a friend for a long time to develop trust and make sure there is common interest and commitment to whatever type of relationship you both want, and that you can remain friends and coworkers if it doesn't work out.

Other advice would be more dependent on what you said to him specifically. You wrote, "I went ahead and told him that first day back." Told him what? Sounds like you didn't just tell him you had a nice time visiting his church. Sounds like you told him more than that, but I don't know what. Did you just tell him, 'hey, I like you and hope we can out again', or did you tell him all the things you were feeling and you're falling in love with him? Those three different approaches are going to cause very different reactions.

It's wiser to do things not just based on how you feel, but also based on what the other person has done and said. If he only invited you to his church, then I think most people would advise you to take things slow. You would just want to tell him, "thanks for inviting me to your church. I had a nice time. You have a really good voice. Are there any upcoming events at your church?" And just leave it at that. If he's interested in you, he will take your positive display and smile and perhaps ask you out.

You wrote his response to you was, "His response was that he is processing his feelings." I can't tell you what that means without seeing his body language and hearing his tone. One thing I would venture to say is, it doesn't sound like he told you he was feeling the same way. Many people are not welcoming of declarations of love, or hearing about overwhelming feelings of love, from a person they know doesn't know them that well. It might indicate to that person that your feelings are not based on knowing who they are, but rather things like infatuation, lust, fantasy or obsession. This may make the person rather uncomfortable and even fearful.

You also said you called his mother. In relation to what you told him, he might see that as crossing boundaries, a violation of privacy, and feel that action displays you may lack a sense of social conventions. You didn't mention why you called her, or what you talked about; but again, I would suggest you don't do that in the future. You can get to know more about him by talking to him, and if he asks you out.

In closing, all that is water under the bridge. If you're asking how should you deal with the feelings you have, I would say keep yourself busy and exercise is a great way to eat up stress hormones in your body. If you're asking how to deal with the situation with this man, I would suggest you let him 'process his feelings' alone. Don't seek him out, don't avoid him, just be normal friend. If he chooses to pursue you, he'll let you know.

 

[tourist]

Hello I'm Joe and it's no secret around here that I'm one of the dumbfounded love bird types around here and with that experience I can tell you that first you wanna consider as I see my buddy tourist telling you...
consider what you want, these found feelings may be overwhelming you but, they do not define, I can't fathom how many times I have felt similar then ended up either being mistaken or bombing the possible relationship because I went too fast...
it seems to me all the makings of a good relationship are there for you both in fact it's increasingly good that you not only work with this guy but, you also can be friendly and go to church together so in a way as much as you may see things as a the clock is ticking sort of circumstances you may want to consider taking your time, seeing how much you do Genuinely like each other and remember too just like I'm sure at work they tell you to be wary of...
Conflict of Interest, before you more seriously pursue your relationship remind yourself of the pros and the cons, some of the biggies would be of course,do you share the same faith,values, and goals?
obviously you have time to spend with each other but, consider too would your relationship interfere or interrupt either of your plans for the future, I mean sure any relationship can be difficult and compromise is important but, don't forget yourself and do not forget God/Jesus love is as much a great blessing as it can be a big distraction don't lose sight of your values and keep your eyes and mind open so to speak love can be quite bewildering and delightful but, it's no instant thing and it will shake up your life, so to sum up...
prepare yourself for it, keep a clear mind,and put God/Jesus first before you strive for getting serious, amen and good luck😀🙏👍

You put forth wise counsel for sure based on your own personal observations and experience. Good stuff to seriously consider.

 

[Kireina]

Hi! Sis ☺️


In my opinion the guy is a gentleman... he respectfully acknowledged your feelings but didn't take that as an opportunity to play with your feelings...

And since you already confessed, distance yourself a lil...and let him decide for himself if he will going to pursue you or not. Give him time.

You already give him the go signal what is stopping him to pursue you this time? Unless he is not free to reciprocate your feelings(He has a girlfriend) or He is eyeing on someone(not you) ☺️ whatever the reason continue praying,wait ♥️

Based on my experience... if a guy(most guys if not all) is interested not only will he reach out to you but he will want and find a way to know you better.

God bless 🙏♥️

 

[JanelleM]

Hello I'm Joe and it's no secret around here that I'm one of the dumbfounded love bird types around here and with that experience I can tell you that first you wanna consider as I see my buddy tourist telling you...
consider what you want, these found feelings may be overwhelming you but, they do not define, I can't fathom how many times I have felt similar then ended up either being mistaken or bombing the possible relationship because I went too fast...
it seems to me all the makings of a good relationship are there for you both in fact it's increasingly good that you not only work with this guy but, you also can be friendly and go to church together so in a way as much as you may see things as a the clock is ticking sort of circumstances you may want to consider taking your time, seeing how much you do Genuinely like each other and remember too just like I'm sure at work they tell you to be wary of...
Conflict of Interest, before you more seriously pursue your relationship remind yourself of the pros and the cons, some of the biggies would be of course,do you share the same faith,values, and goals?
obviously you have time to spend with each other but, consider too would your relationship interfere or interrupt either of your plans for the future, I mean sure any relationship can be difficult and compromise is important but, don't forget yourself and do not forget God/Jesus love is as much a great blessing as it can be a big distraction don't lose sight of your values and keep your eyes and mind open so to speak love can be quite bewildering and delightful but, it's no instant thing and it will shake up your life, so to sum up...
prepare yourself for it, keep a clear mind,and put God/Jesus first before you strive for getting serious, amen and good luck😀🙏👍

First I’d like to thank you for your reply! The rush I wanted was to be rejected because the uncertainty scared me. But thank the Lord things have calmed down for me and I have a better picture of what I should be doing. I kept it in my mind that regardless of it we end up in a relationship, God certainly used him to answer my prayers of a closer relationship with him. I have stopped watching many things and given more of that time to God thanking him for the very breath in my body because I’ve attempted suicide TOO many times and as promised he allowed me to be at the point and time I am now. My crush is truly doing what I first asked God for concerning me getting into a relationship again and that’s first being a friend. That way we will learn about each other, then know if we are not good for each other. Again. Thank you!

 

[JanelleM]

Hi, Janelle, thanks for reaching out. I said a prayer for you.

You wrote you need help, but maybe you could clarify what type of help you're looking for? What are you asking more specifically?

You're kind of already into this situation. So, my instinct is to tell you to learn from this and make different choices if this situation happens in the future.

If you work with someone, that's an entirely different situation than how you deal with a 'love interest' you don't work with. Many people make a rule they will not date someone they work with, for the reason if it doesn't work out it would be too difficult to keep working with them.

Before you decide to date or express your feelings for someone you work with, you should get to know that person as a friend for a long time to develop trust and make sure there is common interest and commitment to whatever type of relationship you both want, and that you can remain friends and coworkers if it doesn't work out.

Other advice would be more dependent on what you said to him specifically. You wrote, "I went ahead and told him that first day back." Told him what? Sounds like you didn't just tell him you had a nice time visiting his church. Sounds like you told him more than that, but I don't know what. Did you just tell him, 'hey, I like you and hope we can out again', or did you tell him all the things you were feeling and you're falling in love with him? Those three different approaches are going to cause very different reactions.

It's wiser to do things not just based on how you feel, but also based on what the other person has done and said. If he only invited you to his church, then I think most people would advise you to take things slow. You would just want to tell him, "thanks for inviting me to your church. I had a nice time. You have a really good voice. Are there any upcoming events at your church?" And just leave it at that. If he's interested in you, he will take your positive display and smile and perhaps ask you out.

You wrote his response to you was, "His response was that he is processing his feelings." I can't tell you what that means without seeing his body language and hearing his tone. One thing I would venture to say is, it doesn't sound like he told you he was feeling the same way. Many people are not welcoming of declarations of love, or hearing about overwhelming feelings of love, from a person they know doesn't know them that well. It might indicate to that person that your feelings are not based on knowing who they are, but rather things like infatuation, lust, fantasy or obsession. This may make the person rather uncomfortable and even fearful.

You also said you called his mother. In relation to what you told him, he might see that as crossing boundaries, a violation of privacy, and feel that action displays you may lack a sense of social conventions. You didn't mention why you called her, or what you talked about; but again, I would suggest you don't do that in the future. You can get to know more about him by talking to him, and if he asks you out.

In closing, all that is water under the bridge. If you're asking how should you deal with the feelings you have, I would say keep yourself busy and exercise is a great way to eat up stress hormones in your body. If you're asking how to deal with the situation with this man, I would suggest you let him 'process his feelings' alone. Don't seek him out, don't avoid him, just be normal friend. If he chooses to pursue you, he'll let you know.

Thank you for all the advice. When I confessed to him I did it without saying it directly. I was truly overwhelmed at the things that progressed from it because I did it with the mindset that nothing would happen and I simply wanted to tell him how I felt. The truth shall make you free! And I am always straight forward lol, but he was the one who talked to his mother and put her on speaker to talk with me. I have watched him for some time and our classrooms are across from each other’s. I did not know him too well, but I knew enough to know who he represented. As on now my feelings have calmed down. I needed to get used to what I’ve never experienced before. Here is taking it slow just like I like it and I am basking in the moment!

 

[JanelleM]

hmm ok
maybe lots of other women feel the exact same thing about this guy?
I dont know about this fictional character you mentioned that you love...who would that be.
Thinking of someone everyday is not unusual but depends what your thoughts are.

Liking someone is normal, I talk to people I like, but I guess if you hear voices and theres noone there, you smell blossoms and the trees are bare, all day long you seem to walk on air and you wonder why...you keep tossing in your sleep at night, and whats more you've lost your appetite...
there is nothing you can take, to relieve that pleasant ache..
you're not sick you're just in love.

Usually those feelings dont last long though especially if they not returned. Do you work in a high school and is this the teacher. Is he the only male teacher around? Do you want to be a husband and wife teacher team? I have met married couples who work at the same school. I dont think they met at school though
what happened to your first husband though and was he a teacher too?

Male teachers can be charismatic and funny of course. Theres always one teacher at high school everyone falls in love with. To sir with Love anyone?

lol he’s not the only male teacher. There are plenty, but I try not to think that far into things. So far I’m loving how things are though and the feelings have died down, but they aren’t gone!

 

[JanelleM]

Hi! Sis ☺️


In my opinion the guy is a gentleman... he respectfully acknowledged your feelings but didn't take that as an opportunity to play with your feelings...

And since you already confessed, distance yourself a lil...and let him decide for himself if he will going to pursue you or not. Give him time.

You already give him the go signal what is stopping him to pursue you this time? Unless he is not free to reciprocate your feelings(He has a girlfriend) or He is eyeing on someone(not you) ☺️ whatever the reason continue praying,wait ♥️

Based on my experience... if a guy(most guys if not all) is interested not only will he reach out to you but he will want and find a way to know you better.

God bless 🙏♥️

Thank you! So far we are on a slow start which is okay by me! He is the outgoing type that is shy when it comes to romance lol. I have patience and I’d already given up on getting married again before I happened to fall for him so even if it doesn’t work out, truly I’ll be fine!

 

[Sculpt]

Thank you for all the advice. When I confessed to him I did it without saying it directly. I was truly overwhelmed at the things that progressed from it because I did it with the mindset that nothing would happen and I simply wanted to tell him how I felt. The truth shall make you free! And I am always straight forward lol, but he was the one who talked to his mother and put her on speaker to talk with me. I have watched him for some time and our classrooms are across from each other’s. I did not know him too well, but I knew enough to know who he represented. As on now my feelings have calmed down. I needed to get used to what I’ve never experienced before. Here is taking it slow just like I like it and I am basking in the moment!

You are so right. The truth will set us free. Every situation is unique. And the Lord will lead us into truth. Telling an unmarried man how you feel about him can be the right thing to do and wonderful as well. I hope this works out for you both.

 

[JanelleM]

You are so right. The truth will set us free. Every situation is unique. And the Lord will lead us into truth. Telling an unmarried man how you feel about him can be the right thing to do and wonderful as well. I hope this works out for you both.

Thank you, but it will work out whether it is by friendship or relationship. It is fun.

 

[fizzyjoe]

You put forth wise counsel for sure based on your own personal observations and experience. Good stuff to seriously consider.

boy howdy I'm glad I can help people with my experiences,my life has been beyond crazy and I myself haven't exactly been the picture of good moral values lol though after accepting Jesus my eyes are open to what more good I can do for others and most surprised lately how incredibly patient I can be with others especially family, definitely glad for that😀

 

[fizzyjoe]

First I’d like to thank you for your reply! The rush I wanted was to be rejected because the uncertainty scared me. But thank the Lord things have calmed down for me and I have a better picture of what I should be doing. I kept it in my mind that regardless of it we end up in a relationship, God certainly used him to answer my prayers of a closer relationship with him. I have stopped watching many things and given more of that time to God thanking him for the very breath in my body because I’ve attempted suicide TOO many times and as promised he allowed me to be at the point and time I am now. My crush is truly doing what I first asked God for concerning me getting into a relationship again and that’s first being a friend. That way we will learn about each other, then know if we are not good for each other. Again. Thank you!

you're quite welcome I'm just happy to be back on the forums helping people again it's truly been too long,helping people especially the more depressed, socially awkward or all around mentally troubled are the individuals my heart and soul go out to because I myself have been through more than most could scarcely imagine and now use those bad times for good, including what you mentioned of suicide,felt back when I was younger that noone would even realize I was gone if I took my own life, but, now I realize especially after accepting Jesus that it would be wrong to do so because it would mean giving up the life God gave me and the life Jesus restored for all of us

 

[JanelleM]

you're quite welcome I'm just happy to be back on the forums helping people again it's truly been too long,helping people especially the more depressed, socially awkward or all around mentally troubled are the individuals my heart and soul go out to because I myself have been through more than most could scarcely imagine and now use those bad times for good, including what you mentioned of suicide,felt back when I was younger that noone would even realize I was gone if I took my own life, but, now I realize especially after accepting Jesus that it would be wrong to do so because it would mean giving up the life God gave me and the life Jesus restored for all of us

Amen brother! It’s very easy to go to the negative side of things. I was molested by my father when I was younger, I never wanted to live. And I too felt like no one would be too hurt if I were gone. But overtime, especially after my last attempt when I was pregnant with my daughter, I knew there were many who care for me, and didn’t want me to end things so quickly. If only I could share my testimony without it, basically paying a book long! I’m so glad that God is also using your bad for his good!

 

[fizzyjoe]

Amen brother! It’s very easy to go to the negative side of things. I was molested by my father when I was younger, I never wanted to live. And I too felt like no one would be too hurt if I were gone. But overtime, especially after my last attempt when I was pregnant with my daughter, I knew there were many who care for me, and didn’t want me to end things so quickly. If only I could share my testimony without it, basically paying a book long! I’m so glad that God is also using your bad for his good!

amen just like the scripture what is meant for your harm will be worked for your good, often evil acts if it triumphs when it hurts us in some way but, victory is in Jesus, true we may experience problems or suffering in this world but, that is simply how the world is now, serving God/Jesus Biblically is no easy thing because evil will always attack us and try to give us doubt and fear but, if it's for the Lord when we speak Truth then we ought to be happy😀