I struggle with suicidal thoughts and I don't want them. I don't want to take my life I want to live for Jesus. I have battled with this before a few times and I've been prayed for about this before many times as well. For a time they leave sometimes for several months they are gone and then suddenly one day boom they are back again. I don't want to keep struggling with this. I do my best to avoid things that will trigger these thoughts because I don't want to invite them in but every time the subject of death comes up it starts the ball rolling again. There's only so much I can do to avoid the subject of death it's a part of life until Jesus comes back. Even Disney movies have death in them so I can't just live under a rock and avoid all humanity. I want this battle to be over and I keep struggling with a negative thought that says "it'll be gone for a time but it'll come back" and that sounds like a threat to me. I'm worried these horrible thoughts will just keep coming back over and over nagging me until they drive me past my breaking point and I don't want that to happen. So please pray that the suicidal thoughts will leave me forever and that I'll live for Jesus which is what I want.
Now that you're smiling too....
The Father did not give you life so that you could play God and give it back.
You are never alone when you are indwelt with the guiding wisdom and eternal never ending love of holy spirit.
I know how it feels to want to end it. I over came. So too can you.
Try this.
Look in the mirror every day you wake up and first thing after you roll out of bed. Look in your own eyes and say this. "I love you."
Keep that going for a few days.
Then when it feels like time to move to the next mirror conversation say this first thing after you roll out of bed and gaze into that mirror.
"I am living in God's image and according to his grace filled loving plan. I am glorious!" Mean it when you say these things. Look deep inside you where the holy spirit is always awake and feel that power give you assurance.
Every morning when you first wake up and roll out of bed, go to that mirror and tell you something positive and great about you and your life. Faith is living to believe it. You'll only see a better life when you believe in it. God wants only the best for you. You have to agree.
He will bring you home in his own good time. Don't be in a hurry. He has plans for you. Great and wonderfully fulfilling plans. There will never be another you in this life. You are meant to reach the people God sets in your path. If you take yourself out of this life you'll selfishly not be there for those people who don't even know you to be a blessing to their own life yet.
Do something every single day that your future self will thank you for.
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Please read my depression and suicide testimonies.. Just click the links below.. 
