Here is my message in more detail:
I willfully thought insults against the Holy Spirit in my head. It’s not that the enemy is putting blasphemous thoughts in my head and me thinking that I committed this sin. I know those thoughts aren’t mine.
It all started when I was under demon possession. I don’t know where they came from or what they wanted but I know it wanted to kill me. I once was having blasphemous thoughts the day I went to school and and I had given in to these thoughts. I cried and felt doomed. I was on my way to school that day and the driver said he was Christian so I told him what I did. He said “you know what you are going to do? You are going to ask the Lord for forgiveness.” I thought that was absurd to do since I just committed the unforgivable sin. I then had the l idea that I could just ask the Lord for forgiveness the next time I do this. There shouldn’t have been a next time! Anyway. I went to church I believe that night or the next night (Because they had service on Friday). And I got prayed over. I literally hugged the man praying for me and I begged the Lord for forgiveness for what I did. God then spoke through the man and said “I will have mercy.” I was happy. God forgave me for what I did. Then the demons hopped back into my body through my back. I don’t know why they came back. I don’t even know what opened the door for them to come in in the first place. Then days later, I had given in to the thoughts again, thinking it was okay to do so because of the idea I had. Weeks later, I was taken to a hospital and I was brought to the courts of heaven to get prayed over so I could get a deliverance, AGAIN. I got prayed for and i was being accused of the unpardonable sin. I knew what I had done. and the man that brought me to the courts of heaven took me for a deliverance but also to see if I was guilty of the unforgivable sin. Then the man said that he heard in his spirit the words “ not guilty”. I don’t know why I was not guilty when I knew what I had done. Demonic influence, maybe?
I think I may be under demonic influence now though. Like, demons may have influenced me to commit this sin in my mind. I hear this sin is not easy to do. How true is that?
Can one be forgiven for speaking against the Holy Spirit if they’re under demonic influence?
Also, I added and subtracted from scripture in my mind. I violated Revelation 22:18-19. Can adding and subtracting from scripture be forgiven?
I also think I’m reprobate. I haven’t lived a lifestyle of repentance since I came to Christ and I think God rejected me and handed me over since I refused to repent. I may not even be born again. Not sure..