If God Called You to a Difficult/"Impossible" Marriage Situation, Would You Run or Obey?
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I'm going to try to answer these two posts together, as they both bring up the issue of making good choices.
@Hazelelponi -- I understand that Israel is seen as God's bride, and that the examples mentioned were of the Old Testament prophets who were called to be living examples of God's relationship with His people.
When I was growing up in Lutheran schools and we were reading these stories in the Bible, several kids were concerned as to whether or not God still calls people to go through things like this. I was in grade school at the time, and several of my classmates were worried that God would call them to difficulties of that degree.
The pastors and teachers back then tried to assure us that these things happened in the Old Testament and that God didn't have prophets today that He called in this way. However, as I've grown up within the church culture, I have to wonder about this, and it's one of the many questions I have to ask God in heaven someday, unless He somehow answers in this life.
This past week, my Bible reading has been about Peter -- one of the most well-known people in the New Testament rather than the old -- and I was pondering in awe, and downright fear, over how he went from denying Jesus at the cross to eventually being martyred for his faith.
I was especially thinking of the passage in which Jesus even warns him of this in John 21:18 -- "When you were young, you dressed yourself and walked where you wanted; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go."
I don't know if it's been historically proven? But as kids, we were told Peter was crucified, and because he told the soldiers that he wasn't good enough to die in the same manner as his Lord, they turned Peter's cross upside down.
We can't deny that people today are still suffering and being martyred for their faith. Most of us are certainly blessed in that we aren't living among those extremes, but it is definitely happening. I could be wrong, but I still believe God calls people to extreme situations they would feel are impossible if they knew what they were being led into.
I also absolutely agree, however, that Godly choices must be made to the best of our abilities.
However, in every situation I see or hear of in which a marriage did not survive, people always say that better choices should have been made (implying it is the person's own fault.) But hindsight is always 20/20, and everyone has some choices in their lives that lead to less than stellar results.
The 3 original examples I gave were of women who felt called by God to marry certain men. I am most certainly not trying to say that it couldn't happen the other way around, as I have known many men who have gone through bad relationships or marriages as well. But I just haven't had any of them in my own life say they felt called by God to marry that specific woman, so I couldn't include any examples I knew of personally that worked in reverse.
Would it surprise you to learn that in 2 of those examples, one husband was a well-known, respected worship leader in their church, and the one fit to violent alcoholic bursts was a pastor?
And I know the first thing people will say is, "Didn't they notice any red flags?" and then the people in these situations are often seen as the cause of their own problems, because they made the wrong choices.
Of course, I definitely believe this can be happen. Bad choices will undoubtedly lead to bad consequences. But the thing is, as stated before, everyone makes bad choices at some point. So then the question becomes, "How perfect does someone have to be in order to get married, or to qualify as a someone else's spouse?"
In two of the examples I wrote about, these men had an entire congregation rallying and praying for them. The women who married them sincerely believed that with God, prayer, and a support group, things would get better, or at least work out in favor of holding their marriages together.
Again, I agree that Godly, prayerful decisions are a must. But at the same time, I understand where these women were coming from. They were standing on the very pinnacle of everything Christianity and the Bible teaches us -- faith. These women did exactly wht we are told to do: believe, and pray. These ladies believed God was calling them, believed God was working on these men, and believed that, by putting God at the center of their marriages as we are always told to do, things would work out.
What I'm trying to say is that I believe that sometimes, just as even the best choices result in consequences that go astray, I do think that sometimes God calls us to make choices that others will find questionable. Maybe it wasn't God calling these women to marry these men, but I believe there are many people who can relate to their story of doing something they believed God wanting them to do, and it all going to pot, whether in marriage or any other life situation.
Finally, we also have to consider that not all people are allowed to chose whom they marry. I once had two church mentors who were from a culture in which their family, not the person, chose their spouse.
Now I most certainly believe that God can lead families to make a good choice of someone for their child or family member, and that holy marriages can occur this way, but as we know, family members might not be considering some of the things we would consider for ourselves.
I wanted to mention this last point because most of us are accustomed to the luxury of choosing whom we date or marry, but for some Christians around the world, it is not a choice that is given to them. (And I'm not mentioning this as any kind of excuse, but just something important to consider.)
The Bible gives a few descriptions on what qualifies for marriage between a man and a woman. Other than those, I think He leaves it to choice and preference. Once the marriage agreement has been consumated, it only allows divorce for fornication. That's at the very beginning.
Anyhow, there are two men that were told who to marry. One was Abraham's servant who asked God for direction concerning the marriage for his son Isaac. Rebecca was his young bride. Of course it was her decision as well and she and her family agreed.
The one instance where I recall God telling a prophet who to marry was the prophet Hosea.
" The beginning of the word of the LORD by Hosea. And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD. So he went and took Gomer the daughter of Diblaim; which conceived, and bare him a son. And the LORD said unto him, Call his name Jezreel; for yet a little while, and I will avenge the blood of Jezreel upon the house of Jehu, and will cause to cease the kingdom of the house of Israel. And it shall come to pass at that day, that I will break the bow of Israel in the valley of Jezreel. And she conceived again, and bare a daughter. And God said unto him, Call her name Loruhamah: for I will no more have mercy upon the house of Israel; but I will utterly take them away."
The strange command to Hosea is not typically the kind of person He wants any of His people to marry. This was to show what God's chosen had done to Him in spiritual adultery and idolatry.
This reminds me of Jeremiah chapter 3...
https://thekingjamesversionbible.com/jeremiah-3
I do understand that one may believe themselves to be making a good decision and it later go very south if and when the spouse makes negative changes in their life. Life has a tendency to change us, and our reactions to various life traumas can at times be negative.
For instance, I went so often in my life without food that now I have 6 months worth of food on hand - just in case. This is a negative reaction/negative emotional outcome with lasting affects. (And yes I know that about myself)
Some people as a result of certain events in their life end up drinking alcohol to excess or cheat on their spouse or or or...
So it's not all about just making good decisions...
And I do believe God allows us to go through very difficult situations but only and I stress only when the result of that situation leads to a very positive result - spiritually speaking in our or others walk with God.
For instance I am disabled. I have a rare disease that is the most painful chronic pain disease there is. Less than 200,000 people (if memory serves me correctly) have this disease - officially diagnosed - and in a world of 7 billion or so people I pretty much won the horrible incurable disease lottery and it won't even bother to kill me.
However dealing with this disease has truly changed me in many positive ways - and I'm grateful, to God, for the sharpening and strength it has provided, that He has allowed. (That doesn't mean I won't occasionally whine about the pain... Hahaha) I am simply a better person for everything, and I'm honestly not sure I'd even be Saved today if not for it.
so, does God allow challenges and trials - absolutely He does.
i just believe the reason will always provide a positive and God willed impact that glorifies Him.
I am a reformed Christian who is not a cessationist, (think John Piper, Paul Washer etc) and I believe the Holy Spirit actively leads His people if they but listen... However, much of life is still based on our choices which we make, and what so many think are "signs from God" simply aren't, and many who claim to be a child of God simply aren't.
So when we speak, I temper my advice and even much of my thought processes away from thinking I'm speaking to truly saved people of God. Looking at the crowds online most don't even know who God is, let alone know the Holy Spirit, though I do make certain my posts online are Godly and sound.
SO, is it possible for God to direct a person into a challenging relationship - yes. It's possible. However, the impact and result of that will always Glorify God in truth, in some way. I will add that I don't believe such a situation to be likely at all... I would think such a thing would be an exceptional circumstance and not some kind of regular occurrence.
I think I should clarify what types of modern-day difficult marriages God might be calling us to.
Most of us live in countries and cultures that allow us the luxury of choosing whom we want to date or marry. Shoot, we have an entire thread called, "I Wouldn't Marry..." in which people are stating their various deal-breakers.
Please know that I understand that the examples given of Old Testament prophets are of unusual situations that weren't considered the norm. But I have explained my reason for using these examples in Post #22, which also cites the New Testament example of Peter.
The basic question is, "Will God Call Us to Difficult Circumstances that Seem Foolish to Others to Take On, Even Today, as An Example to Others or to Test Our Faith?" And could marriage be one of those circumstances? If you were called to do this, even if it was against your will and everyone told you that you were making the wrong choice, would you still go through with it?
For instance, think about all the things you don't think you would accept in a marriage partner.
But what if God called you to marry:
1. Someone in the beginning stages of dementia or Alzheimer's.
2. Someone who was in a wheelchair, or differently-abled.
3. Someone with a disability (permanent brain damage, PTSD, etc.) with symptoms like rage and/or substance abuse?
4. Someone in a difficult family situation (kids with special needs, demanding parents, etc.)
And the list goes on and on.
We talk about making good choices
But in the end, what if God overrode our choices and decided for us?
It also brings out the flip side of the coin, which is, how perfect/beyond their circumstances and difficulties do people need to be in order to be eligible for marriage at all?
Questions like these are the real heart of the matter that I'm getting at and am curious as to what people think.
Most of us live in countries and cultures that allow us the luxury of choosing whom we want to date or marry. Shoot, we have an entire thread called, "I Wouldn't Marry..." in which people are stating their various deal-breakers.
Please know that I understand that the examples given of Old Testament prophets are of unusual situations that weren't considered the norm. But I have explained my reason for using these examples in Post #22, which also cites the New Testament example of Peter.
The basic question is, "Will God Call Us to Difficult Circumstances that Seem Foolish to Others to Take On, Even Today, as An Example to Others or to Test Our Faith?" And could marriage be one of those circumstances? If you were called to do this, even if it was against your will and everyone told you that you were making the wrong choice, would you still go through with it?
For instance, think about all the things you don't think you would accept in a marriage partner.
But what if God called you to marry:
1. Someone in the beginning stages of dementia or Alzheimer's.
2. Someone who was in a wheelchair, or differently-abled.
3. Someone with a disability (permanent brain damage, PTSD, etc.) with symptoms like rage and/or substance abuse?
4. Someone in a difficult family situation (kids with special needs, demanding parents, etc.)
And the list goes on and on.
We talk about making good choices
But in the end, what if God overrode our choices and decided for us?
It also brings out the flip side of the coin, which is, how perfect/beyond their circumstances and difficulties do people need to be in order to be eligible for marriage at all?
Questions like these are the real heart of the matter that I'm getting at and am curious as to what people think.
I think Patrick is simply answering the thread's title -- if he had the choice to run or obey, he is saying that he would obey. <3
Speaking of, I'm disabled and my husband married me knowing that, as well as knowing that as I age my health will only worsen... I made sure he understood what that meant for him.
So he walked in eyes wide open - but the disability doesn't stop us from having the perfect marriage. Life has challenges whether we walk in eyes wide open or not.
Challenges your speaking of are simply life trials... No one knows whether their significant other will have an accident or deal with various challenges.
But God's people are always and I mean always better for them, and they approach the challenges in a Godly manner - if they truly be Gods people.
I don't believe God calls us to face challenges that we cannot handle as we walk with God. Whether we walk through them with a spouse or not.
If God calls someone to do something - such as marry someone with a disability - then He will equip them to the task. (Exodus 4:10-11) and calling someone to a marriage is little different than calling a prophet. If it's truly called then it's equipped.
Thank you for sharing this!
When I first came here to the Singles Forum 13 years ago, I was like many singles -- thinking my life would be nothing without marriage and a family. I personally think we need to hear testimonies from married Christians who can give us the reality of what marriage really looks like.
One regular Single's Forum poster who got married came back to remind us that, "Marriage is a ministry. If you're not interesting in serving someone, I wouldn't suggest marriage."
Over time, I have learned to be much more content in my situation. Though the Christian life is all about service, at least I get a break from serving now and then (though that will change as family members get older.)
One of the things that holds me back from getting married is questioning myself honestly as to whether I can serve someone else 24/7 with no reprieve.
Remember, when you choose a spouse who is complimentary to you, they will have strengths where you have weaknesses and vice versa. It's not just self sacrifice..
When God gave Eve to Adam, God called her a "helpmeet". This is a complimentary relationship - not one sided.
Where my husband and I are concerned we are complimentary to one another. Our strengths and weaknesses aren't identical. While I might be disabled I contribute to the walk through life with my husband in ways he can't, and he contributes in ways I cannot.
It has ended up being great because of that. To give a simple example when my husband needed a resume I designed and wrote it for him and boom, immediate job offers. He couldn't do that, he would have had to have it professionally done.
When it comes to many things in life my skills are necessary and in other things in life his skills are necessary (bad pain day? He takes me to the bathroom when I can't get there on my own etc)
When choosing a spouse who will make for a good lifelong relationship, choose someone complimentary - who can be that helpmeet in God's design, and yes, even people with certain challenges have the potential to be that.
Of course. You posted right after me and I thought it was a response to mine at first.
Will hopefully get more sleep than last night.
I wouldn't worry. I can only think of one example that God told someone to marry a woman like Gomer.
But if you ever run into a Gomer, run like Forrest Gump!
I've never seen a hallmark channel movie, any good?Too many Hallmark Channel movies.
lol
I dont know about God, but parents used to arrange marriages didnt they, othewise they abused you till you decide to run away from them!
These days few parents arrange marriages as was tradtionally done.
Sometimes they got it wrong though
In the Bible, Joseph was engaged to Mary, found out she was preggers, but the angel said it was ok dont divorce her. So he was GOING to run away but the angel kind of blocked his path, like some slow poke donkey out of the Old Testament.
Do you think Joseph really had a choice after that? Was it a happy marriage? We dont really know. I mean he MADE Mary trek a long journey back to Bethlehem when she was about to give birth instead of having bed rest right? What kind of dad does that to a pregnant mother, plus he didnt exactly arrange a great hospital stay either.
These days few parents arrange marriages as was tradtionally done.
Sometimes they got it wrong though
In the Bible, Joseph was engaged to Mary, found out she was preggers, but the angel said it was ok dont divorce her. So he was GOING to run away but the angel kind of blocked his path, like some slow poke donkey out of the Old Testament.
Do you think Joseph really had a choice after that? Was it a happy marriage? We dont really know. I mean he MADE Mary trek a long journey back to Bethlehem when she was about to give birth instead of having bed rest right? What kind of dad does that to a pregnant mother, plus he didnt exactly arrange a great hospital stay either.
However, he must have arranged refugee status in Egypt when King Herod tried to kill Jesus, so, maybe he learned to love the babe after all.
Some step dads wouldnt have cared so much for a son who wasnt really theirs. Or maybe he didnt care and was only doing it for because of Mary. But Mary and Josephs romance want exactly a romance was it. No hallmark channel 'fall in love' thing happened to them!
Some step dads wouldnt have cared so much for a son who wasnt really theirs. Or maybe he didnt care and was only doing it for because of Mary. But Mary and Josephs romance want exactly a romance was it. No hallmark channel 'fall in love' thing happened to them!
It always seems to me God is on the side of the child.
Who cares if the parents are happy or not. It is not about them! The marriage is really about the children.
If the couple dont have children , maybe they adopt or raise other children or work in some way to improve lives of futures generations. Theres always a reason why God does things and not just for our own self-interest.
When God somehow had Jacob marry TWO wives that wasnt so easy for his wives or Jacob,...but he had that many (including hand maids) so he could have 12 boys and 1 daughter...to raise up the nation of Israel.
Ruth and Boaz only got together cos of Naomi scheming to have grandchildren. That was the whole point.
Who cares if the parents are happy or not. It is not about them! The marriage is really about the children.
If the couple dont have children , maybe they adopt or raise other children or work in some way to improve lives of futures generations. Theres always a reason why God does things and not just for our own self-interest.
When God somehow had Jacob marry TWO wives that wasnt so easy for his wives or Jacob,...but he had that many (including hand maids) so he could have 12 boys and 1 daughter...to raise up the nation of Israel.
Ruth and Boaz only got together cos of Naomi scheming to have grandchildren. That was the whole point.
I think nothing is impossible for God
Remember, when Abraham went to sacrifice his son? He was obeying what God told him to do, and the angel stopped the knife.
So God didnt really need that sacrifice, he was just seeing if Abraham would obey.
so, if I was married, and it was hard, but God told me to stay, I would obey, but then He would make a way for me if it was difficult, to get out.
Im not saying He would smite my husband but, isnt that what happened to Abigail?
Remember, when Abraham went to sacrifice his son? He was obeying what God told him to do, and the angel stopped the knife.
So God didnt really need that sacrifice, he was just seeing if Abraham would obey.
so, if I was married, and it was hard, but God told me to stay, I would obey, but then He would make a way for me if it was difficult, to get out.
Im not saying He would smite my husband but, isnt that what happened to Abigail?