If You Were to Close Your CC Account and Come Back as Another Name, What Would Be the Reasons Why?

[PennEd]

As for the PM, I will have to decline, but thank you. Whatever name you appear under here, if you should rejoin in the future, please keep any contact with me on the threads.

VERY wise.
Read a fair bit of your interesting thread. If I could make a general comment to you and the ladies.

Unless there is some potential for a dating/marriage relationship down the road, it is NOT a good idea to receive repeated PMs from men.
Especially unsolicited, and most especially to talk about sexual issues. Even if the guy claims to want to "help' in a Biblical fashion.

If a woman wants advice on that front, she should consult her lady friends, or at the least solicit advice from men in an open forum thread for all to see.

It's a little shocker to some women, but men think differently than you, even if initially they didn't want to. Best not to test the flesh.

Yrs ago a buddy of mine wanted me to be his accountability partner, and report his progress, or lack thereof, to his wife. I said absolutely not. If he wanted MY wife to give reports fine, but forming that type of relationship with his wife would be potentially dangerous, even though I would go in with the best of intentions.

I think most women have a good nose to sniff out creepy behavior, but some don't unfortunately.

As for name change? Nah. We are what our history, and current walk say we are. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

 

[Lynx]

I appreciate that many of you have seen more iterations of his persona than you can shake a stick at.

I'll be more guarded in future.

Not me! I saw plenty of iterations, but I shook a stick at every one I noticed.

 

[Mem]

Getting back to the topic at hand...

If I ever leave and then decide to come back... And if my name is not ocelot or serval... It will probably be Sir Choc-a-lot.

I'd like to see an updated Lynx 2.0, or HyperLynx.

 

[HeIsHere]

I appreciate that many of you have seen more iterations of his persona than you can shake a stick at.

I'll be more guarded in future.

I am really glad to read this because this "profile" is increasing exponentially (men and women) in our societies and they are very good at what they do for a time anyway until they are discovered.

 

[HeIsHere]

You must first know your wrong to fix something. True Crazy people never know they are crazy it always other people that are wrong.

Yes exactly!

 

[CommodoreTeach]

Narcissists do not really have good points, it is a charade to gain a person's confidence, they are very calculating.

This point deserves more emphasis. Sociopaths and those with similar psychological conditions often make a point of appearing to be nice. It's not that they are nice - the positive appearance they put on is simply part of the strategy they use to bait their prey before they strike. Similar to how a tiger hiding in the long grass nearby the deer doesn't appear to be violent, until it pounces.

 

[HeIsHere]

This point deserves more emphasis. Sociopaths and those of often make a point of appearing to be nice. It's not that they are nice - the positive appearance they put on is simply part of the strategy they use to bait their prey before they strike. Similar to how a tiger hiding in the long grass nearby the deer doesn't appear to be violent, until it pounces.

That is exactly how they operate.
Now I would say that some inflict just enough damage, it is not always really obvious .... just enough to given them that hit of power and control. They are extremely manipulative.

It is all very weird, they create the situation so they will be rejected but also then use it to be accusatory.

The guise of "ministering" to people would be a very powerful cover.

 

[HeIsHere]

This point deserves more emphasis. Sociopaths and those with similar psychological conditions often make a point of appearing to be nice. It's not that they are nice - the positive appearance they put on is simply part of the strategy they use to bait their prey before they strike. Similar to how a tiger hiding in the long grass nearby the deer doesn't appear to be violent, until it pounces.

I dance around the words, but you and @Magenta just come right with out with it, lol

 

[CommodoreTeach]

That is exactly how they operate.
Now I would say that some inflict just enough damage, it is not always really obvious .... just enough to given them that hit of power and control. They are extremely manipulative.

It is all very weird, they make the situation so they will be rejected but also then use it to be accusatory.

The guise of "ministering" to people would be a very powerful cover.

And all that ammunition gathered from "in-confidence" conversations. Power over the one being "ministered" to, and who know who else dependent on the juicy details discussed... They hate public exposure of who they are, though. Lots of potential victims suddenly forewarned and forearmed.

 

[HeIsHere]

And all that ammunition gathered from "in-confidence" conversations. Power over the one being "ministered" to, and who know who else dependent on the juicy details discussed... They hate public exposure of who they are, though. Lots of potential victims suddenly forewarned and forearmed.

I was thinking last night about CC being a place for potential victims, just the nature of this place as opposed to other forums, explains the constant return to the hunting ground.

 

[seoulsearch]

That is exactly how they operate. Now I would say that some inflict just enough damage, it is not always really obvious .... just enough to given them that hit of power and control. They are extremely manipulative.
It is all very weird, they create the situation so they will be rejected but also then use it to be accusatory. The guise of "ministering" to people would be a very powerful cover.

I was raised in church, and I always heard about "the evils of the world." And of course, I agree -- the world is very evil.

But what troubled me even more, starting when I was a kid, is that no one seemed to talk about the evils WITHIN the church. I couldn't define it at the time, but my whole life, I felt like I was fighting uphill within the church itself against things that just didn't seem right. I do believe this is a large part of my calling. Not to cause trouble or be in rebellion, but to bring awareness to others to stay guarded and not be taken advantage of.

A few sharp-eyed ladies went back and found the old exchange I had with this particular person from this thread. Borrowing a page from The Book of Lynx, it was Deja View -- all the same points being argued over and over again. I only read a few of those old posts but the topic of spiritual manipulation came up, and I think it's very important to discuss.

And the fact that this person said in his own posts that he's been pursuing "reconciliation" with me for over 3 YEARS does indeed make it feel more like a stalking to me rather than anything spiritual.

I know many of my threads come across as silly fluff (I'll probably put a few more of them up soon just to decompress.) But I would hope that the regulars here catch on that my whole theme, throughout my threads, is Living Out Our Faith In Everyday Life. And fending off this type of behavior can, unfortunately, be a regular part of life.

I feel it's very important to discuss topics like spiritual manipulation, especially to singles, because we are told to SERVE, and there are a lot of people, as @HeIsHere is saying, that use the cover of "ministering" for their own purposes rather than God's. For instance, I'm grateful to have had several women come forward and share their experiences of being "ministered to" in the same way that I was. The women who have talked to me about this range in age from say early 20's to 60's. I do believe women were the primary interests in PM's, and he was the one to initiate it -- though if I'm wrong about this, I'm happy to be corrected if others know better.

Now to give credit where its due, in my own personal experience, only my own -- NOTHING inappropriate was ever brought up. In fact, there were often notes of encouragement and what seemed like genuine concern -- but it all dissolves into what you've seen in this thread. A spoonful of sugar distracts from the fact that in the end, you're being given poison, all while being told you "can't accept Biblical truth." And it does seem that the "ministry" goal here was to "minister" primarily to women via private messaging. If there are men here who went through the same thing, please correct me so I can get the full picture.

When weighing what I should say about this situation, I was thinking about other circumstances as well.

Maybe you have a parent, sibling, relative, co-worker, church members, or friend who uses similar tactics. I have a friend who was told, "You don't have a servant's heart," whenever she wasn't 100% on board with what a certain ministry leader wanted. People like this are focused on their ministry -- it's their baby, their pride and joy, their reason for being, and their focus is to build up what THEY'RE doing -- rather than what God might actually want.

Their interest isn't helping you become more like Christ. Their interest is in shaping you to be more like them (or what they think is ideal,) and using you as a stepping stone to advancing THEIR ego, aka, their ministry.

I've heard thousands of sermons in my lifetime, but not a single one on the topic of spiritual manipulation, and I think many Christians are suffering from it -- often without knowing, because they're told that THEY are the ones with the problem.

These days, I've become very selective of the people I choose to serve under or listen to when I have a choice.

We Christians fill our lives with service and ministry in service to the Lord -- but please, DO NOT get trapped in situations where you are being spiritually manipulated, abused, or taken advantage of. Be ready to walk away, and get additional help if needed.

God calls us to forgive, yes.

But we are not required to keep those who are going to keep acting out the same toxic behaviors in our lives, repeatedly causing us harm.

God bless you and stay safe out there!

 

[HeIsHere]

Now to give credit where its due, in my own personal experience, only my own -- NOTHING inappropriate was ever brought up.

Clever isn't it.

They love to claim the moral high ground.

I appreciate this very thoughtful post and your transparent style.

I am just drawing this out to highlight, because again within the entire constellation of this "profile" we need to see it for what it is.

 

[seoulsearch]

I was thinking last night about CC being a place for potential victims, just the nature of this place as opposed to other forums, explains the constant return to the hunting ground.

I've mentioned this often, but back when I wrote inmates, one of the most important things they taught me was that Christians are seen as the victims of choice in the outside world.

After all, being receptive, trying to help, and believing in someone at all cost (knowing God can change them and believing we'll see that in our lifetime,) is baked right into the Christine culture.

While I certainly don't believe in spreading paranoia (after all, the Bible tells us not to fear,) I do think that as Christians, we have to be aware that we are susceptible to others trying to take advantage of us -- even, and sometimes especially, by other Christians.

You can see how some people become emotionally hooked on "ministry." There's a certain high in feeling like you've helped someone, especially "in the name of the Lord" -- after all, God built us this way.

And you can see how people who have been through rejection and feel rejection easily -- whether at work, from their families, in church, etc. -- can get a huge emotional hit from coming to a place where they are anonymous and can believing they are "ministering" to others, when no one in real life will listen to them.

And it can be especially addicting to think you are "helping" people of the opposite gender.

After all, you're just doing what God made you to do (acting as a leader if you're man; being a help and encouragement if you're a woman,) right?

Right?

Sometimes I think the line between "helping" -- and developing toxic levels of co-dependency -- is about as wide as a string of dental floss.

 

[CarriePie]

I was thinking last night about CC being a place for potential victims, just the nature of this place as opposed to other forums, explains the constant return to the hunting ground.

And be careful of the smear campaigns that might later result. I was surprised to experience it here, but then I didn't learn my lesson and have had to experience it again! I kept silent about it to not give attention to the situation (as I believe that attention is possibly what was/is desired).

Clever isn't it.
They love to claim the moral high ground.

This is very true. The accusations of my behavior is actually the behavior they were exhibiting to me privately.



As seoulsearch said, "God bless you and stay safe out there!"

 

[seoulsearch]

Clever isn't it.

They love to claim the moral high ground.

I appreciate this very thoughtful post and your transparent style.

I am just drawing this out to highlight, because again within the entire constellation of this "profile" we need to see it for what it is.

It's that classic old adage, though it seems to be associated with the secular world, but it should be just as effective and useful among Christians as well.

NO means NO.

NO, I don't want to be friends with you, thank you.

NO, I don't want to have contact with you or private message with you.

NO, I don't want you constantly coming after me to "reconcile," because we never had anything to begin with that needs reconciling.

NO, I'm not doing something un-Biblical by asking you to stay away from me.

And, most important of all:

NO, I am not sinning by "refusing to forgive."

I am recognizing a situation for what it is and choosing to protect my spiritual and emotional well-being.

And now I want to do my best to assure other Christians in these situations that IT'S OK to SAY NO, and NO, you aren't doing anything wrong by doing so.

 

[Mem]

Perhaps a determination of what 'reconciliation' actually looks like, biblical reconciliation that is. Apparently, some see it as an agreement, while others might see it as requiring a compensation from one to the other. I hold that it should be something such that resolves at an arrival of 'peace.' This is what each party's concern in guarding.

Does the blood of the lamb reconcile my sin as much as it covers your sin, and vice versa? Yes, I'm sure it does, so, go, in peace.

Yah-ru (Yireh; God will provide)-shalem (shalom; peace)

 

[HeIsHere]

It's that classic old adage, though it seems to be associated with the secular world, but it should be just as effective and useful among Christians as well.

NO means NO.

NO, I don't want to be friends with you, thank you.

NO, I don't want to have contact with you or private message with you.

NO, I don't want you constantly coming after me to "reconcile," because we never had anything to begin with that needs reconciling.

NO, I'm not doing something un-Biblical by asking you to stay away from me.

And, most important of all:

NO, I am not sinning by "refusing to forgive."

I am recognizing a situation for what it is and choosing to protect my spiritual and emotional well-being.

And now I want to do my best to assure other Christians in these situations that IT'S OK to SAY NO, and NO, you aren't doing anything wrong by doing so.

Agree, so important to not get caught up with the words they use and their tactics, it can sound very noble, Christian etc.,

As I think it was @MsMediator stated on another thread a while ago, there is absolutely only ONE solution with people with the "N" problem, that is to say clear of them.

I have absolutely no doubt in my mind God agrees.

Period.

 

[HeIsHere]

And be careful of the smear campaigns that might later result. I was surprised to experience it here, but then I didn't learn my lesson and have had to experience it again! I kept silent about it to not give attention to the situation (as I believe that attention is possibly what was/is desired).




This is very true. The accusations of my behavior is actually the behavior they were exhibiting to me privately.



As seoulsearch said, "God bless you and stay safe out there!"

He interacted with you too?

 

[CarriePie]

He interacted with you too?

Pardon me, I was speaking of my own situation.

 

[HeIsHere]

Pardon me, I was speaking of my own situation.

Got it, I am sorry you have had this experience as well.

It just seems the list gets longer here on CC... makes me sad, well we can be thankful it all came to a head so to speak.