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I have nowhere else to turn about this. I am too ashamed to give details to a church family member...basically I have been with a Christian man for almost three months. Unfortunately I did not heed my gut and proceeded to get very emotionally and physically entangled with him. It was a huge emotional roller coaster for me as I was recovering from a two year breakup. I know I should have waited on Christ to heal me before moving forth with the new man, but I believed since he was such a strong believer it would be safe. I have trust problems and of course they surfaced and caused me to back away from him twice (once I literally blocked his phone number) The emotional withdrawal that subsequently followed on HiS end was a shock to me. He had always reassured me he would stand by me through my emotional mind flips and withdrawing. Suddenly last week he quit returning texts or calls. I did get a text from him last week to come by and talk to him if I wanted to an of course I did. (he said he just didnt feel like communicating on the phone). When I arrived he has taken off the ring we had bought together and removed my photo from his cabinet door. I literally left feeling okay though because he told me not to give up hope but that until I got my issues resolved a relationship would not work. We hugged, he tried to have sex with me again...I backed away and left feeling confused. Why would he claim to be hearing from God, break up with me, and want to have sex all in the same day? I texted him later that day and I have not heard from him in 3 days now. I did quit texting him two days ago and I have not tried to call him. But what is this hurt?? Did God save me from harm, did I knowingly play with fire expecting not to get burned? This i unfortunately not the first relationship that I have had that ended this way. Men I date tell me i am insecure and lack trust. Given my history I know they are correct. I just cannot understand how someone that "loved" me and my daughters could just walk away and ignore me???
I know the Lord is showing me big lessons here, especially not to find unconditional love in anyone but Him.......and there is more. Just asking for prayer to heal this wound and for peace about the ability of this man to just walk away.
 
Sex automatically develops a strong connection to the two people involved, that's why it sucks to get separated from him. I had a youth pastor once who told us a story that happened very shortly after he got saved. He found himself with his ex-girlfriend, alone in a house, with no supervision, and she started making a pass at him, the first thing that came to his head was the verse "flee from all youthful lusts". She made a move and he literally ran out of the house.

That's what you need to do when a guy wants to get involved with you like that. Otherwise you'll continually give a piece of your heart to a no good pervert, and God doesn't want you to deal with that pain, and you deserve a better relationship.
 
There's a big difference between "standing by someone", marriage, and sex without marriage fro a person who is a strong believer. Sounds like he is just as confused about his feelings toward you as you are about your feelings toward him. Can you two put the sex far enough aside to pray together?
 
My suggestion. Stop worrying about this guy. Stop worrying about dating at all right now. Its obvious you are not ready yet. You admit you have issues that make relationships difficult, you've had multiple men tell you the same thing, and soon as your last relationship ended you just jumped straight into another. You are making bad choices. I'd spend less time worry about this last guy, and more time figuring out why you were with him at all.
I'm your age, and single, so i can understand the desire to be in a relationship. I've made my fair of bad choices in terms of relationships. For a long time i was mad about it, but now in retrospect i'm glad. I would likely be divorced now if i had been married sooner. But i've spent the past few years focusing the problems that would effect me in marriage and how to fix them. I've worked on my relationship with God. And i've spent time learning about marriage is really about, not what i believed it to be. What my role is in a marriage. I might suggest the same for you. Less focus on finding someone and more on growth, healing, and understanding. Hope this helps.
 
renewed said:
I have nowhere else to turn about this. I am too ashamed to give details to a church family member...basically I have been with a Christian man for almost three months. Unfortunately I did not heed my gut and proceeded to get very emotionally and physically entangled with him. It was a huge emotional roller coaster for me as I was recovering from a two year breakup. I know I should have waited on Christ to heal me before moving forth with the new man, but I believed since he was such a strong believer it would be safe. I have trust problems and of course they surfaced and caused me to back away from him twice (once I literally blocked his phone number) The emotional withdrawal that subsequently followed on HiS end was a shock to me. He had always reassured me he would stand by me through my emotional mind flips and withdrawing. Suddenly last week he quit returning texts or calls. I did get a text from him last week to come by and talk to him if I wanted to an of course I did. (he said he just didnt feel like communicating on the phone). When I arrived he has taken off the ring we had bought together and removed my photo from his cabinet door. I literally left feeling okay though because he told me not to give up hope but that until I got my issues resolved a relationship would not work. We hugged, he tried to have sex with me again...I backed away and left feeling confused. Why would he claim to be hearing from God, break up with me, and want to have sex all in the same day? I texted him later that day and I have not heard from him in 3 days now. I did quit texting him two days ago and I have not tried to call him. But what is this hurt?? Did God save me from harm, did I knowingly play with fire expecting not to get burned? This i unfortunately not the first relationship that I have had that ended this way. Men I date tell me i am insecure and lack trust. Given my history I know they are correct. I just cannot understand how someone that "loved" me and my daughters could just walk away and ignore me???
I know the Lord is showing me big lessons here, especially not to find unconditional love in anyone but Him.......and there is more. Just asking for prayer to heal this wound and for peace about the ability of this man to just walk away.
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You both are in great sin, and you need to repent, how disturbing you mention a physical relationship!

Do you not fear God! I dont mean to sound harsh, but you are in great danger of loosing your soul, and so is he, stop playing games with God, repent and seek HIs mercy, His kindness has nothing to with Him blessing you, He is patiently waiting for you and this man to yield to the convicting power of the holy spirit, by repenting of your immorality, and seek His mercy in repentance!

Walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.​
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Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.​

There is a huge difference between walking after the spirit, and waking after the flesh. Most think they are in the spirit when they have never come to Christ and salvation on His terms!
Most also think that the NO condemnation part is a done deal, when they confess the sinners prayer, admit they are a poor sinner, and accept Jesus into their heart, when in reality nothing happened, they are still defiled and double minded, but their pastor tells them now you are free from any condemnation what so ever!
Even though they are still in their unconverted carnal state, sold under sin! This is what is being produced today by the multitudes thinking they are safe and saved, under NO condemnation, because Romans 8-1 says so, but they fail to see the to do part of this very critical verse from Romans!
Yes, there is NO condemnation for those who are IN Christ, who have crucified their flesh with Him, Galatians 2-20, through real repentance and faith, and are now walking in the newness of life, free from the bondages of sin, temptation and the devil, not by some magical substitution, but by the power, and blood of Christ, who came as a sin offering, to ransom sinful mankind from the corrupting influences of sin! Hebrews, 9-14. Plus forgive mankind for all their past sins. Romans 3-25.
If a real conversion happens as described in James 1-21-22, through real repentance and faith, both proven by a changed heart, made pure, sincere and full of love, walking in the spirit while keeping the deeds of the flesh dead, then there is now no condemnation, for those who are IN Christ, crucified to the flesh and its harmful desires, being sensitive to the spirit and its leading.
If you walk IN the spirit then you cannot be also walking in the flesh, its either one or the other, thus the condemnation comes to those who return to their vomit, re crucifying Christ again and again, for willful, presumptuous sins that should have been put to death at conversion.
Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows, that he also will reap.
Gal 6:8 For he sowing to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh. But he sowing to the Spirit will reap life everlasting from the Spirit.
IF you are walking the crucified life in all humility and power of the spirit within, then condemnation will be lifted off your soul, as you remain IN the spirit, producing the fruits of the spirit, and guarding your heart from the temptations that so easily ensnare those who have never done their first works in repentance, stepping in and out of the light, and remaining carnal and double minded!!
Rom 8:6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace
Rom 8:7 because the carnal mind is enmity(an enemy) against God, for it is not subject to the Law of God, neither indeed can it be.
Those who have gone through a true conversion, and have come to God broken in repentance, cleansed and purged of all known vile sins against Him, are now not under the condemnation of God, because they have crucified their flesh as commanded, Galatians 2-20, walking IN the light of Christ, so all they do, will be with a sound mind and heart, the motives will be pure, with good intent, and all done in love and sincerity, not for selfish gain, fulfilling the lust of the eyes and the pride in self, but with a heart geared to obedience to the truth, a living active obedience which will be imputed to us by faith, which is also the same as obedience to the commands of God which are not burdensome!
So the purity of the heart is crucial in all aspects of a real conversion, because without this heart purity, made possible through our free will and ability to obey from the heart, forsake all know sin, as the whole city of Nineveh did, then coming broken before God in an acceptable state, it will be impossible to walk in the spirit, and receive NO condemnation from God, as Romans 8-1 states, but a life filled with sin repent, sin repent, sin repent, and I mean fornicate, repent, get drunk repent, lie, cheat steal repent, etc..
God made it clear, the pure in heart will see Him, and please Him, and I don’t mean a perfect heart as perfect as God’s, BUT a heart that has been purified completely, by laying aside all wickedness and filthiness, and now ready to receive His implanted word with all meekness and humility, and not all the many neglected scriptures you never hear in church, or they tell you they never apply to you, are now totally understood, and adhered to, because they keep you in His grace, as you obey them, by denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, then living soberly, righteously and godly in this present age, where grace isn’t abused or taken in vain, and the great condemnation of God is lifted, as you walk in the spirit, and the new life In following Christ on the narrow road!
Tommy

 
Tommy4Christ said:
You both are in great sin, and you need to repent, how disturbing you mention a physical relationship!

Do you not fear God! I dont mean to sound harsh, but you are in great danger of loosing your soul, and so is he, stop playing games with God, repent and seek HIs mercy, His kindness has nothing to with Him blessing you, He is patiently waiting for you and this man to yield to the convicting power of the holy spirit, by repenting of your immorality, and seek His mercy in repentance!

Walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.



Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.​

There is a huge difference between walking after the spirit, and waking after the flesh. Most think they are in the spirit when they have never come to Christ and salvation on His terms!
Most also think that the NO condemnation part is a done deal, when they confess the sinners prayer, admit they are a poor sinner, and accept Jesus into their heart, when in reality nothing happened, they are still defiled and double minded, but their pastor tells them now you are free from any condemnation what so ever!
Even though they are still in their unconverted carnal state, sold under sin! This is what is being produced today by the multitudes thinking they are safe and saved, under NO condemnation, because Romans 8-1 says so, but they fail to see the to do part of this very critical verse from Romans!
Yes, there is NO condemnation for those who are IN Christ, who have crucified their flesh with Him, Galatians 2-20, through real repentance and faith, and are now walking in the newness of life, free from the bondages of sin, temptation and the devil, not by some magical substitution, but by the power, and blood of Christ, who came as a sin offering, to ransom sinful mankind from the corrupting influences of sin! Hebrews, 9-14. Plus forgive mankind for all their past sins. Romans 3-25.
If a real conversion happens as described in James 1-21-22, through real repentance and faith, both proven by a changed heart, made pure, sincere and full of love, walking in the spirit while keeping the deeds of the flesh dead, then there is now no condemnation, for those who are IN Christ, crucified to the flesh and its harmful desires, being sensitive to the spirit and its leading.
If you walk IN the spirit then you cannot be also walking in the flesh, its either one or the other, thus the condemnation comes to those who return to their vomit, re crucifying Christ again and again, for willful, presumptuous sins that should have been put to death at conversion.
Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows, that he also will reap.
Gal 6:8 For he sowing to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh. But he sowing to the Spirit will reap life everlasting from the Spirit.
IF you are walking the crucified life in all humility and power of the spirit within, then condemnation will be lifted off your soul, as you remain IN the spirit, producing the fruits of the spirit, and guarding your heart from the temptations that so easily ensnare those who have never done their first works in repentance, stepping in and out of the light, and remaining carnal and double minded!!
Rom 8:6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace
Rom 8:7 because the carnal mind is enmity(an enemy) against God, for it is not subject to the Law of God, neither indeed can it be.
Those who have gone through a true conversion, and have come to God broken in repentance, cleansed and purged of all known vile sins against Him, are now not under the condemnation of God, because they have crucified their flesh as commanded, Galatians 2-20, walking IN the light of Christ, so all they do, will be with a sound mind and heart, the motives will be pure, with good intent, and all done in love and sincerity, not for selfish gain, fulfilling the lust of the eyes and the pride in self, but with a heart geared to obedience to the truth, a living active obedience which will be imputed to us by faith, which is also the same as obedience to the commands of God which are not burdensome!
So the purity of the heart is crucial in all aspects of a real conversion, because without this heart purity, made possible through our free will and ability to obey from the heart, forsake all know sin, as the whole city of Nineveh did, then coming broken before God in an acceptable state, it will be impossible to walk in the spirit, and receive NO condemnation from God, as Romans 8-1 states, but a life filled with sin repent, sin repent, sin repent, and I mean fornicate, repent, get drunk repent, lie, cheat steal repent, etc..
God made it clear, the pure in heart will see Him, and please Him, and I don’t mean a perfect heart as perfect as God’s, BUT a heart that has been purified completely, by laying aside all wickedness and filthiness, and now ready to receive His implanted word with all meekness and humility, and not all the many neglected scriptures you never hear in church, or they tell you they never apply to you, are now totally understood, and adhered to, because they keep you in His grace, as you obey them, by denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, then living soberly, righteously and godly in this present age, where grace isn’t abused or taken in vain, and the great condemnation of God is lifted, as you walk in the spirit, and the new life In following Christ on the narrow road!
Tommy

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remove the log before helping with the splinter buddy. We ALL sin we ALL fall short of the glory of God. You are no more righteous than her, or me, or anyone else on this site, so don't act like it. It's our job to love each other and pray for one another, not condemn.
 
I can understand why the original poster feels ashamed and like she can't turn to Christians around her for support, if that's the kind of response she gets, Tommy4Christ.
 
*Totally agrees with Zao*

When Jesus confronted the woman at the well, did he tell her, "You vile and evil sinner, do you not fear the Lord??!!" And yet, this woman had had 5 husbands and was currently in a relationship with someone she wasn't even married to.

Rather, Jesus invited her into a relationship with him, and he didn't condemn her in the process. I find it interesting that Jesus and John the Baptist's harshest words ("You vipers!!") were for THE RELIGIOUS LEADERS and most righteous-sounding people of the day... The people who could quote the most Scripture at the drop of the hat like an automatic weapon, aimed at "cleansing" those "horrible sinners."

Jesus, on the other hand, openly invited prostitutes to come near him, even allowing one to wash his feet with her hair (a MAJOR taboo), but to those who spent all their time "correcting" the people, he said, "You give the people burdens that you are not even willing to lift a finger to help them with," and, "The tax collectors and prostitutes are entering heaven before you!"

Correct people if you feel the need. But those who "correct", if this is anything to go by, will be corrected much more stringently. And by God... not men.

I have written several posts out of frustrations with "militant Christians" and this would be exactly what I'm talking about. I have also found... and I'm not saying it's an absolute, but it's a curiosity, that many of the Christians condemning others... are sitting at home dealing with their own "closet" sins... most often, online pornography. As I said, it's not an absolute, but seems to be quite common. Maybe they feel they are less guilty of their own sins by lashing out at others, I don't know.

Renewed, most of us have been where you are. I wish you the best and hope you can get away from this person and into a healthier place in your Christian walk, with friends and family who love you, support you, and will keep you company until it's time for a healthy relationship with someone who respects you and helps you in your walk to obey God.
 
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Hellooo said:
I can understand why the original poster feels ashamed and like she can't turn to Christians around her for support, if that's the kind of response she gets, Tommy4Christ.
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ABSOLUTELY.

This is exactly why many of us have wanted to walk away from other "Christians" and out of the church... forever.

I read something interesting the other day, that when choosing his disciples, Jesus didn't choose a single person who was part of the religious "elites" of the day. Perhaps this is part of the reason why.
 
Zaoman and all, Wow!! Thank you for your responses I have read them twice yesterday, before bed and when I woke up. I really feel this experience is leading me down a path He wanted me to travel but never trust Him enough to do so. I plan on sticking around this site for encouragement...Thanks Zaoman for your comments I do understand now to flee. It was my gut instinct to...and then it becomes so easy to succumb to "what if he thinks I'm a prude?" or other flesh driven thoughts. I have been listening to a lot of Joyce Meyers and how she says our spirits are at WAR with the flesh...that at times it takes getting downright brave and rash and violent. I believe this is one area I have definitely laid my weapons down in....but oh I have learned:)

Kenisyes...I have not spoken to him nor received a text from him in three days now. I wonder whether to contact him or not...I do still have three items that belong to him and my phone is under his name but he has not contacted me...and I honestly don't feel led 100% to contact him. I have so many mixed emotions...one of which is definite assurance that he made the right decision by ending the relationship. When I stand back and look it over, our age difference in addition to the fact I have two young children (he will be in his 60s when my youngest is learning how to drive) and other career matters that did not agree with each other...our ideas on how to run personal finances and how to discipline were very different.

I was definitely...admittedly....leaning on him for things I can only find in Christ.

Ugly...(what a name:))...I re-read your post often as it contains some of the things he was telling me the day we last spoke. Depending on someone to meet the needs I have...there has been a pattern to my relationships that unless I begin submitting every single aspect of them to Him they will fail. I actually do have a list of topics I plan on diving into...insecurity, trust and esteem being the top ones...that I know need to be reshaped by Him before I can be the partner a relationship deserves.....

Tommy...some of your wording reminded me of a TV evangelist (ouch sorry) but I did read and re-read some of your comments. I think I feel the heart behind what your message read...plus the verses are powerful. I actually went to church one evening and the pastor had us get on our knees and specifically pray re: the greatest struggle we were facing at that time. I knew before he finished the sentence I was struggling with the fact that I had become physical with someone I wasn't married to. In fact, to raise eyebrows, I have done it in the past and am familiar with the outcome...only each time, each relationship, each man...offers new hope to me. I wonder if I can get the formula right this time, or act better this time, or control my moods better this time, or have whiter teeth and cuter hair this time....and suddenly with this pain I have stopped the figuring and jumping through hoops because I know if I don't stop trying to do this on my own...He isn't in it....and that has been the problem all along. I have been worried that if I follow His statutes to a tee and obey all His promptings (and yes I hear them when they come) then I will never be in a relationship because all the guys will figure I'm a religous fruitcake. I am learning if I am a religous fruitcake at least I will have my peace and ability to wake every morning embraced by Him instead of trying to juggle conviction and reach out to Him....Perhaps it was the delivery of the statements or the bold faced type...?? I know people will judge and that is human...

Seoulsearch thank you for your insight also...I have walked away from one church in particular as a result of being literally shunned and shut out by a small group of women I had been attending Bible study with. I continued to attend the church for some time, but eventually seeing them in the foyer and continuing to be shut out took its toll. I am a "divorced single mother with a bad past and no family" to them....but my identity doesn't come from them. I need to work on believing I am who He says I am in His word....All of this is really stirring in me a great desire to reach out to other single women and encourage them to fight and maintain their purity...so much pain and so much regret could be short circuited by following the Spirit when He prompts us....!!!!
Thank you all for your prayers and I can tell the burden is lifting...I do think about contacting him but have not and am not sure what my actions should be in that regard. I had a friend say when he wants his items he will come for them, that I need to just forget about it. But these items are large tools that take up room in my garage (seriously quit laughing...I'm in the process of home improvement).....LOL

 
Proverbs 11:14. The search is to find yourself in our Lord first. Then you will be able to "love others as yourself".
 
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