I'm done

[Noel139]

I really am done with all this faith crap. I don't feel as if I was ever following GOD. If people who live without GOD are in a constant fight for survival then why are my family and I, as Christians who thought they were listening to GOD, living the same way? The most horrible problem in life is wondering whether you were ever truly listening to GOD and if you can't tell that now then how will you ever know? Does GOD really speak to just anybody or just to a select few? Amazing miracles seem to only happen to important people. I don't want to lose my hope, but I fear I already have. Every Christian I have ever met has disappointed me and Yahshua has not ever shown Himself to me. I need to see Him and hear Him (audibly) or I will believe that there is no "Him". I am dead serious. If He does not show Himself to me today I am going to do whatever I want with my pitiful life and whatever happens to me happens. That may sound stupid, but I am so tired of my personality and not knowing what to do, I can just go back to being an atheist with no hope and not care. I am trying to see what other people are going through, but it only makes it worse and my flesh doesn't want to change. I hate myself and the way I live my life. When I have gotten rid of my addictions stress invades my life again and I am too weak to resist the temptation of those addictions. I am weak and selfish and I hate myself. If GOD has not shown me anything before I wake up tomorrow, then HE does not exist and Christianity is a lie.

 

[maxwel]

2Timothy 3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.

1Peter 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

Romans 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

Matthew 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.


These verses describe the REAL Christian life.
This is what we actually signed up for.

If someone told you everything would be peachy, they lied to you.

If you're having tough times, then you're experiencing exactly what is described in scripture.
Anyone who told you differently lied to you.

None of us like to go through trials and distresses... but we do.
None of us like it... but not only does it happen, it is actually foretold in scripture as being part of our new life in Christ.

We can all pray for you...
but this is Christianity.

 

[Noel139]

2Timothy 3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.

1Peter 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

Romans 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;


These verses describe the REAL Christian life.
This is what we actually signed up for.

If someone told you everything would be peachy, they lied to you.

If you're having tough times, then you're experiencing exactly what is described in scripture.
Anyone who told you differently lied to you.

None of us like to go through trials and distresses... but we do.
None of us like it... but not only does it happen, it is actually foretold in scripture as being part of our new life in Christ.

We can all pray for you...
but this is Christianity.

I know that. I keep telling myself that, but I have no joy. I am just going with the wind right now; aimless. I can handle the persecution and the let-downs, but what I cannot handle is GOD's Silence. I don't know what to do! I cannot go through Christianity without ever seeing or hearing GOD. That is not how our faith gets built up. We have to accept that we are humans and that we have limits. I NEED to see HIM and hear HIM! No more silence! I can't do this by my self. I can't just live seeing GOD work through people forever, I need to see HIM do what it is impossible for a human to do without even bringing my species into it! If I don't see that than it is not about what GOD can do, is it? Just about what people can do.

 

[maxwel]

I don't think we get to tell God what to do.

I think He does as he sees fit.

 

[AprilAngel]

I really am done with all this faith crap. I don't feel as if I was ever following GOD. If people who live without GOD are in a constant fight for survival then why are my family and I, as Christians who thought they were listening to GOD, living the same way? The most horrible problem in life is wondering whether you were ever truly listening to GOD and if you can't tell that now then how will you ever know? Does GOD really speak to just anybody or just to a select few? Amazing miracles seem to only happen to important people. I don't want to lose my hope, but I fear I already have. Every Christian I have ever met has disappointed me and Yahshua has not ever shown Himself to me. I need to see Him and hear Him (audibly) or I will believe that there is no "Him". I am dead serious. If He does not show Himself to me today I am going to do whatever I want with my pitiful life and whatever happens to me happens. That may sound stupid, but I am so tired of my personality and not knowing what to do, I can just go back to being an atheist with no hope and not care. I am trying to see what other people are going through, but it only makes it worse and my flesh doesn't want to change. I hate myself and the way I live my life. When I have gotten rid of my addictions stress invades my life again and I am too weak to resist the temptation of those addictions. I am weak and selfish and I hate myself. If GOD has not shown me anything before I wake up tomorrow, then HE does not exist and Christianity is a lie.

I truely am heartbroken for you. A few things I can say (not sure if it will help or not just giving my understanding) is that life is not fair. There will be difficult times, like now, for you. The enemy tries to latch on to your still wavering confidence in faith, and it sounds like its working... let me ask you, when did you accept Jesus? Was it because you were ready to or pressured? I do believe you, as I'm inclined, that you do want to live for Jesus. That is amazing! But, please know that things will not just miraculously get better for you. People who believe that live in a fantasy faith. They only praise God when times are good.

I was raised by atheists in a very abusive house, we moved all over due to this abuse. I didn't even know Jesus' name til I was about 10 or 12 I don't remember. I was sexually abused by the one man any little girl is supposed to trust. Was this because I was not listening/hearing God? No, I know that now, it was because of others sins and it gave me an invaluable lesson. Life is hard, but ya know, Jesus' was tougher! Think about it, living a life just to know the exact details of what is to become of you, AND CONTENT WITH IT!

The point is, everyone has there own way of hearing from God, I know for me its never been "audibly" so please don't think that that is a requirement for faith, or that you are any less Christian for not hearing God in that way.

I would suggest staying in your bible, talking to God, he hears you even if you feel you can't 'hear' Him. Spend some time just reading the bible.

Praying for you!!!

 

[Noel139]

I don't think we get to tell God what to do.

I think He does as he sees fit.

Yes, but we can tell HIM how we feel. I am not telling HIM what to do, I am asking HIM do show HIMSELF to me or I won't believe in HIM anymore. And that is not a threat. It is mainly me just stating where my limits are. GOD does not mind us voicing our inner thoughts, no matter how hateful they are. If HE is GOD then HE understands me perfectly.

 

[AprilAngel]

I don't think we get to tell God what to do.

I think He does as he sees fit.

AMEN. all in HIS timing, not ours. We are foolish to think otherwise.

 

[maxwel]

Yes, but we can tell HIM how we feel. I am not telling HIM what to do, I am asking HIM do show HIMSELF to me or I won't believe in HIM anymore. And that is not a threat. It is mainly me just stating where my limits are. GOD does not mind us voicing our inner thoughts, no matter how hateful they are. If HE is GOD then HE understands me perfectly.

Yes we can tell him how we feel.
He wants us to do that, even when our thoughts and feelings are in error.
When we're hurting he wants to have a dialogue with us;
he wants to "reason" with us, even when we are at fault.

Isa_1:18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

But that dialogue is only the starting place of the discussion.

There is no place for the discussion to end except with us bowing to God,
and accepting his will.

 

[mystdancer50]

Romans 1 tells us that God's existence and character are shown to us daily in His creation. Faith is the evidence of things unseen and hoped for. Honestly, God does not respond to ultimatums. Truth be told, He probably has shown you consistently and spoken to you consistently, but because they weren't what you were expecting or desiring to see or hear, you have chosen to believe that He is silent and are therefore giving Him ultimatums. Just my opinion.

 

[xAlphaOmega]

Noel, perhaps you are getting caught up in your emotions.... I really hope so. God will not show himself plain as day for you. He wont. What is the point of faith then? We are all sinners partly because we have free will, and we have free will because His salvation must be a choice. (yea the days of miracles they had it easy ) This is the difference between weak and strong, they have to push beyond earthly temptations, satans lies, hurt, addiction and keep seeking Him- even if He doesnt show himself. That is faith. Look all around us, nature is Screaming to you there is a creator. We are all here for a purpose, unless you believe that we just pop up and die in this constantly changing, never ending universe that exists out of nothingness.

You speak of addiction. I too had addictions, talk to me if you will. Just please dont submit to your addiction. Listen.... pray to God tonight, let Him give your heart peace. When you are in a better frame of mind tomorrow, then reconsider. Easier said than done right? Well how strong are you?

 

[Noel139]

I truely am heartbroken for you. A few things I can say (not sure if it will help or not just giving my understanding) is that life is not fair. There will be difficult times, like now, for you. The enemy tries to latch on to your still wavering confidence in faith, and it sounds like its working... let me ask you, when did you accept Jesus? Was it because you were ready to or pressured? I do believe you, as I'm inclined, that you do want to live for Jesus. That is amazing! But, please know that things will not just miraculously get better for you. People who believe that live in a fantasy faith. They only praise God when times are good.

I was raised by atheists in a very abusive house, we moved all over due to this abuse. I didn't even know Jesus' name til I was about 10 or 12 I don't remember. I was sexually abused by the one man any little girl is supposed to trust. Was this because I was not listening/hearing God? No, I know that now, it was because of others sins and it gave me an invaluable lesson. Life is hard, but ya know, Jesus' was tougher! Think about it, living a life just to know the exact details of what is to become of you, AND CONTENT WITH IT!

The point is, everyone has there own way of hearing from God, I know for me its never been "audibly" so please don't think that that is a requirement for faith, or that you are any less Christian for not hearing God in that way.

I would suggest staying in your bible, talking to God, he hears you even if you feel you can't 'hear' Him. Spend some time just reading the bible.

Praying for you!!!

I hear you. I really do. But I need HIS audible voice. Hearing what happened to you just makes it that much worse because I don't have that good of a reason to be this upset, but I am. I want the depression and anxiety to stop, but I can't make it go away. I can't even read my Bible without feeling depressed and anxious! I am so attached to what happens to everybody else; to what happened to you that I can't even bring myself to be remotely happy anymore. My personality sucks and I want to be changed, inside and out.

 

[danschance]

I really am done with all this faith crap. I don't feel as if I was ever following GOD. If people who live without GOD are in a constant fight for survival then why are my family and I, as Christians who thought they were listening to GOD, living the same way? The most horrible problem in life is wondering whether you were ever truly listening to GOD and if you can't tell that now then how will you ever know? Does GOD really speak to just anybody or just to a select few? Amazing miracles seem to only happen to important people. I don't want to lose my hope, but I fear I already have. Every Christian I have ever met has disappointed me and Yahshua has not ever shown Himself to me. I need to see Him and hear Him (audibly) or I will believe that there is no "Him". I am dead serious. If He does not show Himself to me today I am going to do whatever I want with my pitiful life and whatever happens to me happens. That may sound stupid, but I am so tired of my personality and not knowing what to do, I can just go back to being an atheist with no hope and not care. I am trying to see what other people are going through, but it only makes it worse and my flesh doesn't want to change. I hate myself and the way I live my life. When I have gotten rid of my addictions stress invades my life again and I am too weak to resist the temptation of those addictions. I am weak and selfish and I hate myself. If GOD has not shown me anything before I wake up tomorrow, then HE does not exist and Christianity is a lie.

I understand how you feel. I was there once. I lost my faith and it was a scary decision for me. I wondered thru life for more than a decade as an atheist. Then God allowed my to see things that lead me back to him. I now know God is real. My faith can't help you. You need to find your path. Nothing anyone can say to you now, will be of much good. The best thing I can do is keep you in prayer.

Good luck.

 

[maxwel]

If you choose to leave God because He doesn't do things to your liking...
that's up to you.
You can leave.

Christ has had many followers that fell away.
You wouldn't be the first.

One time this happened, and Peter said something very strange.

John 6:66 From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.
6:67 Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?
6:68 Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.

Many of the disciples turned away when things got hard, and they didn't understand God.

Jesus asked the 12 if they would also leave, and Peter said, essentially,
THERE IS NOWHERE ELSE TO GO.

Peter understood there really aren't choices.
Jesus is all there is.
There is really nothing else, and really no other choices to make.
The rest of the world HAS NOTHING, it IS NOTHING.
Outside of Christ there is nothing.
There are really no choices to make...
there is nowhere else to go.

There is nowhere else to go.

 

[xAlphaOmega]

I hear you. I really do. But I need HIS audible voice. Hearing what happened to you just makes it that much worse because I don't have that good of a reason to be this upset, but I am. I want the depression and anxiety to stop, but I can't make it go away. I can't even read my Bible without feeling depressed and anxious! I am so attached to what happens to everybody else; to what happened to you that I can't even bring myself to be remotely happy anymore. My personality sucks and I want to be changed, inside and out.

Trust me, I know how you feel. I cried tonight a few times. I tried to read the Bible but I couldnt focus, I tried watching tv, but I was too unmotivated. I tried praying for half an hour but my mind was soo cluttered I couldnt think. I forced myself to eat a granola bar tonight cause I have no appetite. However, I turned on the radio and low and behold Building 429 - We wont be shaken was playing.... I feel better now, give it time, dont let your emotions get the best of you....

Whatever will come our way
Through fire or pouring rain
We won't be shaken
No we won't be shaken
Whatever tomorrow brings
Together we'll rise and sing
That we won't be shaken
No we won't be shaken

 

[Noel139]

Noel, perhaps you are getting caught up in your emotions.... I really hope so. God will not show himself plain as day for you. He wont. What is the point of faith then? We are all sinners partly because we have free will, and we have free will because His salvation must be a choice. (yea the days of miracles they had it easy ) This is the difference between weak and strong, they have to push beyond earthly temptations, satans lies, hurt, addiction and keep seeking Him- even if He doesnt show himself. That is faith. Look all around us, nature is Screaming to you there is a creator. We are all here for a purpose, unless you believe that we just pop up and die in this constantly changing, never ending universe that exists out of nothingness.

You speak of addiction. I too had addictions, talk to me if you will. Just please dont submit to your addiction. Listen.... pray to God tonight, let Him give your heart peace. When you are in a better frame of mind tomorrow, then reconsider. Easier said than done right? Well how strong are you?

I have been in this frame of mind since the end of August and it just keeps getting worse. How strong am I? I'm not strong at all. I have always known how weak I was, but now it's really showing. My faith needs to be built up or else I am never going to reach my full potential, if that even exists. I don't know how to fight or how to show love towards GOD or anybody. Why did GOD make me? I have nothing to show for my being saved. No fruit. People don't just let me down, I let them down, too. It's a family trait.

 

[AprilAngel]

I hear you. I really do. But I need HIS audible voice. Hearing what happened to you just makes it that much worse because I don't have that good of a reason to be this upset, but I am. I want the depression and anxiety to stop, but I can't make it go away. I can't even read my Bible without feeling depressed and anxious! I am so attached to what happens to everybody else; to what happened to you that I can't even bring myself to be remotely happy anymore. My personality sucks and I want to be changed, inside and out.

I understand, I used to feel this way, always wishing I had a better reason to be upset with God. I was always looking for a reason not to trust, I was scared. I was angry at God for many things, the abuse, the hurtful words, everything from the time I was born til like 12, I needed answers. I NEEDED GOD. Honestly Noel, I know people in thier 60s who have never "heard" God. God does not reveal himself like that, who are we to get that kind of HONOR anyway? pffft not ME that's for sure! I can tell you that even when you think He isn't listening he is. You don't have to be in your bible to talk with God. Just call out to Him. Get that hurt and anger out, he is the "counselor" he hears and he will wipe away all your tears.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

OP, I don't know you or anything about you, but I want to encourage you to surround yourself with strong Christians. Join a small group, a Bible study or accountability group where you can share your heart with others and receive strength. We were never meant to be alone in our faith, but to be part of a body that builds one another up and shares lives together. Not just church service, but deep spiritual relationships that feed one another. If you aren't already involved in something like that, I pray that you will consider it. It's critical to survival as a Christian. We simply cannot do it on our own. God intends for us to receive help from one another.

As for miraculous signs, they may be all around you and you aren't seeing them. I find that when I am in darkness, I often cannot see God. But when time goes by and I look back at that time, I realize that he was present and active all along. I pray that God would give you eyes to see him. I can promise you that he is active and working whether you recognize it or not.

 

[AprilAngel]

I have been in this frame of mind since the end of August and it just keeps getting worse. How strong am I? I'm not strong at all. I have always known how weak I was, but now it's really showing. My faith needs to be built up or else I am never going to reach my full potential, if that even exists. I don't know how to fight or how to show love towards GOD or anybody. Why did GOD make me? I have nothing to show for my being saved. No fruit. People don't just let me down, I let them down, too. It's a family trait.

I think you might benefit from this, I know it really helped when I felt like you do now...
[video=youtube;6TcxA_7_fi8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TcxA_7_fi8[/video]

 

[Noel139]

OP, I don't know you or anything about you, but I want to encourage you to surround yourself with strong Christians. Join a small group, a Bible study or accountability group where you can share your heart with others and receive strength. We were never meant to be alone in our faith, but to be part of a body that builds one another up and shares lives together. Not just church service, but deep spiritual relationships that feed one another. If you aren't already involved in something like that, I pray that you will consider it. It's critical to survival as a Christian. We simply cannot do it on our own. God intends for us to receive help from one another.

As for miraculous signs, they may be all around you and you aren't seeing them. I find that when I am in darkness, I often cannot see God. But when time goes by and I look back at that time, I realize that he was present and active all along. I pray that God would give you eyes to see him. I can promise you that he is active and working whether you recognize it or not.

My family and I came to Florida to find the Christians that you speak of. All the ones I meet go insane. They are one person one minute and they turn into a demonically possessed person the next. Seriously. One guy invited us into his home when we were going to be homeless and he was so kind. He said that us be messianic was amazing even though he was Pentecostal and then one night he lost his marbles. We had just gotten jobs and he kicked us out when we still had nothing. That's the theme of the Christians I meet so I don't trust anybody. Yahshua does show Himself.

 

[PennEd]

I really am done with all this faith crap. I don't feel as if I was ever following GOD. If people who live without GOD are in a constant fight for survival then why are my family and I, as Christians who thought they were listening to GOD, living the same way? The most horrible problem in life is wondering whether you were ever truly listening to GOD and if you can't tell that now then how will you ever know? Does GOD really speak to just anybody or just to a select few? Amazing miracles seem to only happen to important people. I don't want to lose my hope, but I fear I already have. Every Christian I have ever met has disappointed me and Yahshua has not ever shown Himself to me. I need to see Him and hear Him (audibly) or I will believe that there is no "Him". I am dead serious. If He does not show Himself to me today I am going to do whatever I want with my pitiful life and whatever happens to me happens. That may sound stupid, but I am so tired of my personality and not knowing what to do, I can just go back to being an atheist with no hope and not care. I am trying to see what other people are going through, but it only makes it worse and my flesh doesn't want to change. I hate myself and the way I live my life. When I have gotten rid of my addictions stress invades my life again and I am too weak to resist the temptation of those addictions. I am weak and selfish and I hate myself. If GOD has not shown me anything before I wake up tomorrow, then HE does not exist and Christianity is a lie.

Noel, I love you. I say that as someone who truly feels your pain. I am a total stranger yet I know I love you. I am not God, but there is no way I could say that truthfully unless it comes from the Holy Spirit. As a sister in Christ, and another person hurting and in need I say without a shred of doubt that God loves you. If he had given you over to your sin and abandoned you I guarantee you wouldn't care about posting here. You would just get absorbed into the sin of this world and not cared a bit about what anyone here had to say to you. I pray in Jesus name, that you feel His presence and experience His grace and have peace.