Is it a bad witness for a Christian pastor to marry someone 30 years younger?

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As the pastor of the church, I do not think it is wise that he marry a much younger woman. A lot of the congregation would wonder about him, having different thoughts (such as what Hungry said above). Some people may lose respect for him, some may gain, some may be indifferent. When you start approaching the age of your kids or parents, the gap is too much in my opinion. Some women do have crushes on much older men, but soon that wears off but they get to know the person and realize that they are in different phases in life, differences in outlook or maturity, etc. But, I would have to know more about the couple.
 
There is a couple at my church with a big age difference (retired guy in his 60s and lady in her early 30s whom he met in Brazil). Their conversation is very limited as she doesn't speak English. At first glance, I thought he was creepy. But he helps out quite a bit at church so the creep factor has diminished. They seem in love, hold hands etc. so I try to be open minded.
 
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Like most relationships, it depends on the two people and the opinions of others shouldn't matter. I'm seeing someone who is 34 years older than I am. For us, it works. It wouldn't work in every case.
 
Bethohio1 said:
Like most relationships, it depends on the two people and the opinions of others shouldn't matter. I'm seeing someone who is 34 years older than I am. For us, it works. It wouldn't work in every case.
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He or she is more than likely to be older than your parent's. Have they met?
 
I would also look at the person's relationship history. If the person has dated a string of people with hugh age gaps that to me is creepy. However if he has dated a variety of age groups but happened to fall in love with a much younger woman that is different.
 
I think its because men mature much later than women...in some cases, much much later.

Not really sure why that is though.

personally I think its a bit manipulative (whether older or younger party, both seem to be deceiving each other about reality) because you cannot share the same reality if one of you didnt even exist for 30 of your partners years.
 
Scribe said:
What is the general consensus on age difference between people if the man is a pastor? Does his leadership role make a difference if he is thinking about marrying a woman who is 30 years younger than him? Would it be ok for someone else in the church who was not in leadership? Why is it frowned upon?
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IDK 30 years is a lot.

He is like 90 and worth a billion she is 60 and its a match made in $heaven$
Or
He is like 47 and shes pushing 17....

Yeah IDK.
I guess the verse about avoiding the appearance of evil comes to mind.
 
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@Scribe
My concerns would be for the values by which he makes decisions and his attitude of the heart. What is the attraction beyond physical? What do they have in common? How can her emotional growth and understanding be at a place where she would be a wise companion? I couldn't imagine what I'd have to say to a 20 year old. Also, they are in very different stages of life. What are her dreams? Does she want children? She might say it doesn't matter in order to live out a romantic fantasy, but at that point she might not know her heart. Does she realize she will only be 35 when her husband qualifies for a pension and a cheap dinner at Denny's?
As a member of the congregation I would be disappointed that my pastor was so short sighted in terms of what is needed to make a marriage work. I would dislike the idea that other men in the congregation think it is OK to go after younger women, like the 48 yr old making advances to an 18 yr old girl. I would want a pastor with better values and who would find someone who could be a complete companion. The young lady needs the chance to have a family with someone who will be around, have the energy and fit in with her friendship group. Since you asked for an assessment, I would think he had poor judgement and was selfish when it came to her long term needs. Could you imagine mentioning that you were researching the Diet of Worms (1521AD) and have her asked if that was a bird food mixture? Just saying.:)
 
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laughingheart said:
@Scribe
My concerns would be for the values by which he makes decisions and his attitude of the heart. What is the attraction beyond physical? What do they have in common? How can her emotional growth and understanding be at a place where she would be a wise companion? I couldn't imagine what I'd have to say to a 20 year old. Also, they are in very different stages of life. What are her dreams? Does she want children? She might say it doesn't matter in order to live out a romantic fantasy, but at that point she might not know her heart. Does she realize she will only be 35 when her husband qualifies for a pension and a cheap dinner at Denny's?
As a member of the congregation I would be disappointed that my pastor was so short sighted in terms of what is needed to make a marriage work. I would dislike the idea that other men in the congregation think it is OK to go after younger women, like the 48 yr old making advances to an 18 yr old girl. I would want a pastor with better values and who would find someone who could be a complete companion. The young lady needs the chance to have a family with someone who will be around, have the energy and fit in with her friendship group. Since you asked for an assessment, I would think he had poor judgement and was selfish when it came to her long term needs. Could you imagine mentioning that you were researching the Diet of Worms (1521AD) and have her asked if that was a bird food mixture? Just saying.:)
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Well... is it? the Diet of Worms? :giggle:
 
laughingheart said:
The only appropriate response is, "Here I stand; I can do no other."
Also worms don't usually get mixed up in bird feed. The birds have to find those on their own. :D
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Sounds like a Luther Quote. I really don't know. I have not completed my Church History classes. :) And I haven't googled to find out.
 
Scribe said:
What is the general consensus on age difference between people if the man is a pastor? Does his leadership role make a difference if he is thinking about marrying a woman who is 30 years younger than him? Would it be ok for someone else in the church who was not in leadership? Why is it frowned upon?
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I think so long as the pastor is older than 48, it might be okay. Otherwise, there are laws against that.
 
Scribe said:
What is the general consensus on age difference between people if the man is a pastor? Does his leadership role make a difference if he is thinking about marrying a woman who is 30 years younger than him? Would it be ok for someone else in the church who was not in leadership? Why is it frowned upon?
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Of course its bad, its bad for society for the pastor to do this, and its not helping. It will cause many problems in the future.
 
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