Is it bad to feel like you need them?

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1still_waters

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I'm going to first address what I'm NOT saying. I know some may read the following question, and hear things I'm not saying.

I'm not saying someone can fill a void only God can fill.

I'm not saying someone can complete areas in your life that you need to work on.

I'm not talking about simple friendship between two people.

I am talking about a man and women being together in marriage.

So here is the question.

Is it ok to like/want/be with someone because somewhere deep in your heart, you feel you need them?

It's not that you feel they make you want to be a better person. It's that their presence in your life does make you a better person. And that is something you sense almost every time you see them.

This is something much deeper than you finding them attractive. It's something deeper than you liking them because you share many interests and can carry great conversations together. And it's soo soo much deeper than you both sharing similar interests and being able to do various activities together. It's even deeper than you appreciating them because they are the man/woman of God you want someone to be.

Simply put, deep down, you feel you need them. You feel they make you a better person.

Is it ok to want someone for these reasons?
Is it bad?
Is it a bad form of some kind of unhealthy dependency?
 
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Stilly, the Bible teaches us that when a man and woman becomes husband and wife, they become one flesh. I don't know about you, but when a part of me is cut badly, it hurts. I know that if I were to lose my left hand, I know longer would be able to play the violin, viola, or cello. So in a sense I need my left hand. If I ever lost it, I could still survive, but I would feel the loss.

I think with marriage, it's a similar concept. The other person becomes a part of our life. Two people who are bonded together in Christ should help lift each other up and meet each other's needs. The one's strength should augment the other's weakness and vice versa. When something happens and that person is no longer in your life, you feel that loss as well. Yes, you will live, but their is still a sense of loss. My mom told me, that when my dad died, she felt like a part of her was missing.
 
When we are restored to Christ, we become one with Him, His body. Genesis tells us that God designed the husband/wife relationship to be like that. If you find someone that makes you feel like the other half of all God created you to be, seems like it would be a blessing, as long as that person doesn’t come before your relationship with Him (and I know you well enough, Stilly, to know you’d never let that happen :) ).

My grandma used to call that person your "split-apart" :)
 
I actually think that is what marriage should be. Most marriages are shallow and is one reason they don't last. I have felt the way you describe, though not in marriage, i would have married her. But for certain reasons it did not work romantically. But we both felt that connection you describe and though we are no longer romantically involved we found we still needed to stay friends. We are still close, probably closer than some married couples.
 
1still_waters said:
I'm going to first address what I'm NOT saying. I know some may read the following question, and hear things I'm not saying.

I'm not saying someone can fill a void only God can fill.

I'm not saying someone can complete areas in your life that you need to work on.

I'm not talking about simple friendship between two people.

I am talking about a man and women being together in marriage.

So here is the question.

Is it ok to like/want/be with someone because somewhere deep in your heart, you feel you need them?

It's not that you feel they make you want to be a better person. It's that their presence in your life does make you a better person. And that is something you sense almost every time you see them.

This is something much deeper than you finding them attractive. It's something deeper than you liking them because you share many interests and can carry great conversations together. And it's soo soo much deeper than you both sharing similar interests and being able to do various activities together. It's even deeper than you appreciating them because they are the man/woman of God you want someone to be.

Simply put, deep down, you feel you need them. You feel they make you a better person.

Is it ok to want someone for these reasons?
Is it bad?
Is it a bad form of some kind of unhealthy dependency?
Click to expand...

Is it ok to want someone for these reasons?
If you are making an idol out of your spouse, it is probably not ok. Is it ok to want someone in order to glorify God? Yes Absolutely.
Is it bad?
It depends. See above answer.
Is it a bad form of some kind of unhealthy dependency?
Again, see above answer.

Disclaimer: Us Calvinists and our glorification of God and grace, eh?
 
Jullianna and ViolaKat pretty much already stated my opinion, so I'll just say that I agree with them. :)
 
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