Is Marriage a Status Symbol?

[Liamson]

Are you a successful person if you are unmarried at 25? 30? 35? what about 40?

Is this somehow different for women than for men?

I'm curious to know because I feel like I'm not in any HUGE rush to get married but I feel like everyone around me is in a sprint, as if life is a grocery store and there is only 5 gallons of milk left on the shelf and everyone was planning on having cereal for breakfast.

 

[allforfun]

If you are 35 and divorced? You are past your expiration date in many peoples eyes.

 

[seoulsearch]

This may just be me, but I really think most people nowadays, even Christians, put more emphasis on the engagement and the wedding ceremony/reception than the actual marriage. So much time, effort, and money seems to be placed on the "the big celebration" that no one is really talking about how to prepare for the 50 years after the wedding...

I knew someone (Christian) who, along with their future spouse, spent about $20,000 on the wedding and honeymoon. The marriage lasted less than two years... as they tried to have kids but found out one of the two would probably not be able to have kids. The one who could promptly left for someone else and now has a whole herd of children.

It's a tough situation all around, I know, but I think it's happening all around us. So many people think marriage is this magical panacea: "I won't be lonely!" "I'll get to have sex!" "I'll have someone to always be with me!!"

But those of us who have been married or in long-term relationships surely know that isn't exactly the whole picture. I think marriage is seen as more of an accomplishment to be checked off a list rather than a serious lifetime commitment. (Seeing as I'm divorced, I certainly am not judging anyone--I used to think marriage would solve my loneliness issues too. WRONG!!)

Oddly enough, the non-Christian world which sees marriage as an option (living together is considered preferable, most seem to think?) is, in some ways, changing the long-held societal pressures to marry as soon as possible. Which has it's good and bad points... But it seems to me that Christians will pressure you much more about getting married than non-Christians will, even if you have your own Godly reasons for waiting.

 

[farrahanne91]

I believe it's all about how fulfilled you are in your own life. If you have no other desires (such as traveling or some other major bucket list compilement), then it seems you wish you be married to fill that void. Others are content in what they're doing day-to-day, so they're just waiting for the right person to come alone and having fun in the process. I've known both men and women who were so set on being married that they were miserable if they didn't have their eye on someone who was marriage material. My grandma married the love of her life in 2005 at age 72, and she loved him with everything she had until he passed away this May. So, success can be determined only by your personal goals, and I don't think you have an "expiration date".

 

[Jullianna]

For a lot of people, yes, it's a status symbol, and their spouse is just another piece of property to buy, sell or trade. When they become bored with the relationship, they move on. I see it everyday. Divorce is a very lucrative business in the legal community. When people view marriage as nothing more than a commodity, how could anything but divorce result?

We all hear people talking about getting married, buying a house, building their careers, buying cars..... Notice anything about that list of accomplishments? Holy matrimony is about as valued by some as a new sofa. How is it possible for a child of God to view it as such?

If you're going to do a thing, especially something that's holy and intended by God to last a lifetime, I'm thinking it's important to take your time and get it right. The world doesn't look at it like that though because divorce is too easy.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm NOT sitting in judgment of people who find themselves in a position of being divorced or discovering down the road they've made a serious mistake. It happens. I'm merely trying to contrast the world's view of what marriage is to what it should mean to a child of God. I think that those who have found themselves divorced would agree that there are no winners in a divorce situation, no matter who files. Everyone divorce touches gets hurt in some measure.

What's the rush? Lonely? Guess what? There are a lot of lonely married people out there.

 

[DiscipleWilliam]

For a lot of people, yes, it's a status symbol, and their spouse is just another piece of property to buy, sell or trade. When they become bored with the relationship, they move on. I see it everyday. Divorce is a very lucrative business in the legal community. When people view marriage as nothing more than a commodity, how could anything but divorce result?

We all hear people talking about getting married, buying a house, building their careers, buying cars..... Notice anything about that list of accomplishments? Holy matrimony is about as valued by some as a new sofa. How is it possible for a child of God to view it as such?

If you're going to do a thing, especially something that's holy and intended by God to last a lifetime, I'm thinking it's important to take your time and get it right. The world doesn't look at it like that though because divorce is too easy.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm NOT sitting in judgment of people who find themselves in a position of being divorced or discovering down the road they've made a serious mistake. It happens. I'm merely trying to contrast the world's view of what marriage is to what it should mean to a child of God. I think that those who have found themselves divorced would agree that there are no winners in a divorce situation, no matter who files. Everyone divorce touches gets hurt in some measure.

What's the rush? Lonely? Guess what? There are a lot of lonely married people out there.

Great posting!!... ohh and Hi Jullz!!!

 

[AnandaHya]

well after menopause women can't have babies anymore, that might effect some people's views if they really want to have kids. guys don't have to concern themselves about that aspect of it as much....though most don't want to have kids after they turn 40 either....

 

[Jullianna]

Great posting!!... ohh and Hi Jullz!!!

* waves @ William*

 

[zeroturbulence]

Another pleasant valley sunday
Here in status symbol land
Mothers complain about how hard life is
And the kids just dont understand

ta ta ta, ta ta ta, ta ta ta, ta tat ta taaaaaaaaa...

 

[kayem77]

well after menopause women can't have babies anymore, that might effect some people's views if they really want to have kids. guys don't have to concern themselves about that aspect of it as much....though most don't want to have kids after they turn 40 either....

I think that's the rush for most women, the menopause.
And for some people if a woman doesn't have babies and get married her life is pointless. My mom is one of those people...I'm glad I'm 19.

I've noticed that for women, a man is the realization of her life, the answer to ALL her problems and the critics from other women. And for a man it's the final prize, they say okay now I have my bachelor degree, my job, my car, my house and finally, a woman, now I have everything and I can have a happy life the rest of my life. And as every other object, after some time they get tired of it because it's not so fun or fulfilling anymore.
Im really hoping a christian marriage is different. It has to be treated as something sacred and beautiful even though I know ( I've heard) it requires some work. I know its easier said than done but I prefer to wait for a long time to marry a great godly man that I can love with all my heart rather than going for something easier and faster but that never makes me feel loved. I want the whole combo with fries and soda

 

[zeroturbulence]

Ok, marriage is not a status symbol. BUT, being single when most people your age are already married raises concern among others that maybe you are a loner or that you are too picky for your own good or something like that.

 

[FireWire]

Getting married used to invoke respect from society and it meant that you had "made it" and had it all together. I think these days with high divorce rates and the lowest marriage rate (here in New Zealand in the last year since 1980) it's just whatever and good luck. It doesn't seem to have the prestige it once had.

 

[Elizabeth619]

I am 30, and have never married. Part of the reason is my track record with men. I am GLAD I never married any of them. At the same time I look around and friends and family who married young. Too young. They didn't take time to really get to know each other or even grow up before they married and now there are extra marrital issues. Some are in counseling and some are already divorced. I even know one that would give anythign for their spouse to drop dead.

For me, not being married at 30 is a good thing. I want to be more stable, and READY not just goo-goo eyed bc I have even been in long term relationships where the goo-goo eyes end. I do hope to be married one day, but I am guessing it wont be soon. I am ok with that. It gets lonely, but Id rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable bc I married them too soon.

On a side note... I got dumped last night. It stinks, but life goes on. I am proud of myself for handling it in a Christian way. I REALLY was nice about it, and I feel better for not threatening his life.

 

[rainacorn]

Agreed with Elizabeth (and Farrahanne).

I was married at 29, after I had an established career and a strong sense of self. I had experienced a lot of things you can only experience as a single person and I found the joy in being alone.

The advantages there are numerous.

We aren't struggling with money. We can plan out a future and think about kids and houses and things without getting really stressed out.

We don't have to be together every second of every day. If he wants to go out, he does. If I want to go out, I do. Sometimes together, sometimes not. We are not the same person and we don't share all of the same interests so we have different circles of friends. If he's busy doing something, I don't whine about not getting enough attention... chances are good I'm doing something too or have something I wanted to work on. If anyone whines about attention, it's him lol He likes to be doted on.

We don't feel like marriage is a ball and chain, preventing us from doing things we've dreamed of doing. I wanted to travel...and I did. On my own. He wanted to finish school... and he did. On his own. There are things we want to do now that are only made better with a partner. There aren't many solo items left on the bucket list.

We have pasts and we have experiences. It's not ALL good, but it's mostly good. It's nice to have stories to share with each other that are substantial rather than silly little frivolities and gossip. We don't struggle to find things to talk about because we're drawing from deeper wells.

We didn't feel rushed to get married so we took the time to get to know each other. We weren't looking for someone to save us from our single lives, we were looking for a partner, sent by God. We enjoyed our individual spaces and very much cherished our time together and moved in together when the wedding happened. We agreed that if this was going to be something good, it has to be done the right way. Keep the hormones in check.

If I had been married at 20, I probably would've been divorced at 24. I had too many ambitions to 'settle down' so young and was anxious to experience the world. Sure the desire to experience things led me down some less-than-helpful paths and I regret and repented of many of the things I did. However, the consequences were mine alone. I didn't ruin a marriage with curiosity.

End speech.

 

[thimsrebma]

well after menopause women can't have babies anymore, that might effect some people's views if they really want to have kids. guys don't have to concern themselves about that aspect of it as much....though most don't want to have kids after they turn 40 either....

I think that's one of the biggest concerns with many women. Compared to men we have a small opportunity to reproduce. Now I don't want anyone telling me the story of Sarah cause I know it well. It is still highly unlikely for most women to begin reproducing after a certain age and that miracle aint gonna happen for most people.

I also think that many people do view marriage as a status symbol. Marraige to many symbolizes that a person is mature, values family, is caring. Many times when you are single past a certain age, people wonder why you are not in a relationship. As if you don't want one. As if there is no way possible that you just havnt met the right person yet. And if you don't want one they think something is wrong with you or that you are selfish, immature, and don't have your priorities straight.

I have had many people say to me things like "I don't understand why you havn't found anyone yet." or "There are lots of guys out there!"

Well guess what, I don't understand it either and there are alot of guys out there but that does not mena that I am compatable with most of them.

 

[Liz01]

I agree with you Thimsrebma, some years ago i used to be very upset when someone started to tell me things like that, and then when someone said "I don't understand why you havn't found anyone yet because there are lots of guys out there!" i used to answered "Why dont you have a car if its so easy to buy one" or "Why dont you have children if you are married" or "Why dont you have a house , there are a lot ways to have one".
Now i just passed that time in my life lol, and just explain as short and clear as possible and then i try to think about something else lol i guess i was waisting too much energy focusing on those questions.....i dont know......

 

[girlnextdoor]

Ok, marriage is not a status symbol. BUT, being single when most people your age are already married raises concern among others that maybe you are a loner or that you are too picky for your own good or something like that.

I get that all the time.......I'm too picky. Letting someone into your life is a big deal. I would rather be alone than with someone that is wrong for me. However, I do long for someone to grow old with. Knowing there is someone at home waiting for you at the end of a long day would be nice.

 

[GreenNnice]

I agree with you Thimsrebma, some years ago i used to be very upset when someone started to tell me things like that, and then when someone said "I don't understand why you havn't found anyone yet because there are lots of guys out there!" i used to answered "Why dont you have a car if its so easy to buy one" or "Why dont you have children if you are married" or "Why dont you have a house , there are a lot ways to have one".
Now i just passed that time in my life lol, and just explain as short and clear as possible and then i try to think about something else lol i guess i was waisting too much energy focusing on those questions.....i dont know......

----
Lizzytheone, I think it is sad when people say things like that, 'with so many guys out there

, why aren't you married.' .
FseoodwT
I wonder too if that is a time to let them know, lizzy, that God just has not presented the right guy yet.

Maybe those friends questioning your singleness are christians, or, not...either way this situation seems like a good opportunity to tell them you are following God's plan . Not only should your friend's respect you for that answer, they should admire you as well. And, who really matters is me and I admire---OH, WAIT, that's not it (but, FYI, I do admire a girl waiting on God for the right one ) WHAT I meant to say is that God will.be well pleased with yiur perseverance and, of course, patience to wait on Him to pick thee one for ye (you) .

 

[Bridget_in_China]

Unfortunately, to most, marriage does have the tendency to be viewed as a status symbol. Some churches I've attended in the past have also perpetuated this as well. If you were single, there must be something wrong with you. Why couldn't you attract a mate? Maybe you need to have more gatherings. Yes. Singles mixers are the key. Lets get you singles paired off so we can get you into some REAL ministry opportunities. Phhhtt.

I have never been married. (And I'm going to be 37 tomorrow!) I was engaged when I was faaar too young to be getting married in my opinion, (19) but God opened my eyes to let me truly see the man I was engaged to, and I ended things with him before the marriage took place. (We hadn't really even begun the planning stages yet) Sadly, I remember friends/family being more disheartened that I wasn't getting married than that I had been saved from a potential divorce. Weird!

I don't need a status symbol. I need a relationship with God that brings Him Glory. When God allows me to meet the man I've been praying for, the relationship will most definitely Glorify God in every way, because that's what God and I both desire! I believe I have remained single for this very reason. God is saving me for the man he has prepared for me and I for him. Thank you Lord! (Although I still ask God to hurry it up a bit, hehe!)

 

[rainacorn]

Regarding church and stuff, it is something like a 'status' symbol.

A good marriage is a biblical requirement to be a Deacon...which I guess would be like a church worker, really. Official servant of the church.