Is "tough love" a biblical concept for raising children?

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MOC

Member
Mar 20, 2020
84
69
18
#1
"Tough love" is an expression of a disciplinary action, with the intent on helping someone in the long run. Raising children in the biblical sense of "tough love", the chastening hand is always controlled by a loving heart. The book of Proverbs and Hebrews speaks a lot on discipline and love. We must recognize that this kind of disciplinary action is sometimes necessary when we consider the magnitude of the spiritual battles we fight everyday. Satan makes every attempt to knock us off our spiritual path with Jesus. A strong dose of "tough love" may be the most appropriate course of action when children or anyone strays from the path of righteousness.

Proverbs 13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him promptly." Spanking your child is part of parenting, and when we discipline, we do it "promptly" or carefully.

Hebrews 12:11 This verse tells us that discipline is not pleasant at the time it is received, its "grievous", but later on it produces righteousness and obedience to the one that has been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:5-6 God disciplines those He loves.

God loves us and yet punishes us when we are not being obedient. He punishes everyone He accepts as His children so therefore how can parents not discipline their children in the same way God does us? Firm discipline is as unpleasant to the parent as it is for the child, so "tough love" along with other forms of discipline must be practiced by the parent to keep kids from straying away from God's word.
 

mar09

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2014
4,927
1,259
113
#2
Hi Moc,

I believe it is.. that's just what 1 Cor. 13. 7 says:
7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
 

chanchuinchoy

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2015
336
65
28
Sungei Buloh, Selangor, Malaysia
#4
Thats how my earthly parent raised me. Thy love me very much but at he same time, they dont want to spoil with with their love, so they allow me t experience life challenge myself without any help. At times, it can be very difficult or hard but i have to endure it for my own good. Likewise, my heavenly father too. At times, I will grumble but eventually get over with it.
 
Apr 15, 2017
2,867
653
113
#5
"Tough love" is an expression of a disciplinary action, with the intent on helping someone in the long run. Raising children in the biblical sense of "tough love", the chastening hand is always controlled by a loving heart. The book of Proverbs and Hebrews speaks a lot on discipline and love. We must recognize that this kind of disciplinary action is sometimes necessary when we consider the magnitude of the spiritual battles we fight everyday. Satan makes every attempt to knock us off our spiritual path with Jesus. A strong dose of "tough love" may be the most appropriate course of action when children or anyone strays from the path of righteousness.

Proverbs 13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him promptly." Spanking your child is part of parenting, and when we discipline, we do it "promptly" or carefully.

Hebrews 12:11 This verse tells us that discipline is not pleasant at the time it is received, its "grievous", but later on it produces righteousness and obedience to the one that has been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:5-6 God disciplines those He loves.

God loves us and yet punishes us when we are not being obedient. He punishes everyone He accepts as His children so therefore how can parents not discipline their children in the same way God does us? Firm discipline is as unpleasant to the parent as it is for the child, so "tough love" along with other forms of discipline must be practiced by the parent to keep kids from straying away from God's word.
A lot of children are unruly because of a lack of discipline, and that is because the parents are relaxed in morals, so they let their children get away with more, and many frown upon using physical discipline.

The counter culture movement caused a relaxed attitude in morals, and then the morals slip more as time goes on so they deal with children being less strict as time goes on for the attitude started.

Pro 30:11 There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.
12 There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.
13 There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up.
14 There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men.

The last generation before Jesus comes back the children will not obey their parents like previous generations.

The Bible says parents do not provoke your children to wrath, so the children do not want to obey because of the lack of morals of the parents, so the children think you do not do right but you try to tell me to do right as many parents are short with their children, drinking alcohol, and driving, and drugs, and cigarettes, and stealing, and breaking the law, and cutting down the neighbors, and swearing, and the parents do not discipline because of their lack of morals.

Eph 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise).

Pro 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.
14 Punish them with the rod and save them from death.

Children obeying the parents is the first commandment with promise for if they humble themselves towards their parents then they are more likely to humble themselves before authority, and God.

But the counter culture movement was about rebelling against authority, and the age decreased as time went on.

While some people say the children do not act like they used to act I say it is more the parents fault.

I have a 5 year old great nephew who swears a lot, and even prides himself in swearing, and he was swearing at 3 years old, and he swears a lot, and if his mom calls him he will say what does that B want, and whines and cries a lot to have his way, really selfish, and mean calling people names, and swearing at everybody including his parents, and fights with people, for that is all he has learned, and knows, and that is reality to them, and it is because of how his parents act, and their lack of discipline, and does not listen because his parents fight with each other, and are aggressive, and swear.

But my great nephew might not be functioning properly mentally because his parents did drugs, and his mom did drugs when she was pregnant, but he seems to be functioning properly enough to learn discipline if he got enough of it.

God said physically discipline a child, for they will not die, and you will drive hell from them.

But it is a rod for a fool's back not spanking your child for everything they do wrong, for they will do wrong as all people do wrong.

A fool is someone who will not listen no matter how much you talk to them for they are in defiance of the parents, so the only way to correct them is with physical discipline.

I think it is ridiculous for parents not to act right, and then want to discipline their children to act right, for they take drugs, and drink alcohol, and are short with the children, and swear, and break the law, and dog people out, and this is almost the norm among many young parents, and then want to discipline their children.

Parents provoke your children not to wrath, but many parents want to say children do not act like they used to act, and it is because many parents do not act like they used to act.

This is not Little House on the Prairie anymore among the majority of the people for God told us of the last generation and their attitude, as well as many hypocritical Christians, and they are telling their children to obey them.
 

p_rehbein

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
30,704
6,892
113
#6
The Scriptures are surely worthy of a parents consideration when raising their children "in the way they should go."

However, it IS NOT a Biblical excuse for child abuse.

Fine line between proper correction and abuse............... just saying

Matthew 18:6 - But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and [that] he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

Luke 17:2 - It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

Psalms 127:3-5 - Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward. (Read More...)

Mark 9:42 - And whosoever shall offend one of [these] little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.

Ephesians 6:4 - And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

1 Corinthians 13:4-6 - Charity suffereth long, [and] is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, (Read More...)

Proverbs 19:18 - Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
 

chanchuinchoy

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2015
336
65
28
Sungei Buloh, Selangor, Malaysia
#7
A lot of children are unruly because of a lack of discipline, and that is because the parents are relaxed in morals, so they let their children get away with more, and many frown upon using physical discipline.

The counter culture movement caused a relaxed attitude in morals, and then the morals slip more as time goes on so they deal with children being less strict as time goes on for the attitude started.

Pro 30:11 There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.
12 There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.
13 There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up.
14 There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men.

The last generation before Jesus comes back the children will not obey their parents like previous generations.

The Bible says parents do not provoke your children to wrath, so the children do not want to obey because of the lack of morals of the parents, so the children think you do not do right but you try to tell me to do right as many parents are short with their children, drinking alcohol, and driving, and drugs, and cigarettes, and stealing, and breaking the law, and cutting down the neighbors, and swearing, and the parents do not discipline because of their lack of morals.

Eph 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise).

Pro 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.
14 Punish them with the rod and save them from death.

Children obeying the parents is the first commandment with promise for if they humble themselves towards their parents then they are more likely to humble themselves before authority, and God.

But the counter culture movement was about rebelling against authority, and the age decreased as time went on.

While some people say the children do not act like they used to act I say it is more the parents fault.

I have a 5 year old great nephew who swears a lot, and even prides himself in swearing, and he was swearing at 3 years old, and he swears a lot, and if his mom calls him he will say what does that B want, and whines and cries a lot to have his way, really selfish, and mean calling people names, and swearing at everybody including his parents, and fights with people, for that is all he has learned, and knows, and that is reality to them, and it is because of how his parents act, and their lack of discipline, and does not listen because his parents fight with each other, and are aggressive, and swear.

But my great nephew might not be functioning properly mentally because his parents did drugs, and his mom did drugs when she was pregnant, but he seems to be functioning properly enough to learn discipline if he got enough of it.

God said physically discipline a child, for they will not die, and you will drive hell from them.

But it is a rod for a fool's back not spanking your child for everything they do wrong, for they will do wrong as all people do wrong.

A fool is someone who will not listen no matter how much you talk to them for they are in defiance of the parents, so the only way to correct them is with physical discipline.

I think it is ridiculous for parents not to act right, and then want to discipline their children to act right, for they take drugs, and drink alcohol, and are short with the children, and swear, and break the law, and dog people out, and this is almost the norm among many young parents, and then want to discipline their children.

Parents provoke your children not to wrath, but many parents want to say children do not act like they used to act, and it is because many parents do not act like they used to act.

This is not Little House on the Prairie anymore among the majority of the people for God told us of the last generation and their attitude, as well as many hypocritical Christians, and they are telling their children to obey them.
I loved little house on the prairie show. Touching. Any remake?
 
May 25, 2015
6,149
850
113
#8
So, I'm not a parent.
I do not have kids.

Because, if I did, I'd be a parent.....

Anyways, all I know is that God has shown ME tough love. I would have never grown as a person if He didn't.

However, tough love is NOT child abuse. That is NEVER, ever okay. The moment you hurt a child when you are angry, is never okay and is not tough love.

Coming from someone who was abused from ages 10 to 23 (it then turned into threats and posturing after I turned 23), it wasn't love. It was straight up abuse and not tough love at all.
 

Blik

Senior Member
Dec 6, 2016
7,312
2,428
113
#9
Fine line between proper correction and abuse............... just saying
.
I think the line is drawn when children are punished rather than trained.

However, the results of misbehavior in adults is much worse than reasonable spanking.
 

JaumeJ

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2011
21,431
6,707
113
#10
I understand what you have postedhowever I do believe there is a distinct difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment is payment for an infraction of any kind while discipline is correcting a person. This is why our Father diciplines those whom He loves, to correct them in any way necessary.
 
G

Godsgirl83

Guest
#11
there is a key word in that verse
TRAIN.

What happens when a child is potty training?
They are learning to use the potty correctly.
How to tell when their body has to empty, wipe, flush, wash hands..........
for most children this is a ongoing process, it doesn't just happen in one lesson.
It has to keep being taught over and over and one day before you know it, they are doing it all on their own.

Well, it is the same in RAISING them.
They have to be taught how to be polite and use manners.
They have to be taught right from wrong.
They have to be taught what the Word of God says, even though the world all around them says different.

I'm not a fan of spankings unless absolutely necessary, because lets face it, if they worked, then the wrong behaviors would stop.
Often times, the behavior/ action doesn't stop, the spankings start and it is a vicious cycle that never ends.

There have been times my kids have gone to far, and as a last resort have had their little hinneys spanked.
One night we were reading in Proverbs and read the one about "Spare the rod, spoil the child".
I will NEVER FORGET the GIANT hugs my boys came charging at me with when it was explained.
"If we didn't love you, we wouldn't be disciplining and correcting you. "
 
May 25, 2015
6,149
850
113
#13
However, tough love is NOT child abuse. That is NEVER, ever okay. The moment you hurt a child when you are angry, is never okay and is not tough love.
Also, to add onto what I originally had said:

The moment you choose to harm a child because YOU are feeling frustrated is not a child's fault but the fault lays on an adult who does not know how to control their emotions and never learned HOW to deal with their emotions. They harm because they are feeling frustrated.

Because of BEING abused, it turned from spanking to punches in my face and kicks in my stomach. Not to be so descriptive, but it is what it is. I am not against spanking as a parent, but because of my own personal experience, I won't spank my child because of what my Dad decided to do after he stopped spanking me. I am petrified of doing that to my own children and becoming like my Dad. My Mom was able to stop, but my Dad did not make a choice TO stop. He amped up to harm me more as time went on.

To punish a child is to inflict pain. It is NOT the same thing as disciplined.

God has disciplined me, He has given me tough love (spoke truths to me that were hard to swallow, challenged me to do something difficult that I did not want to, having natural consequences for my actions, etc..).

This is tough love. He is Love, through and through.